I swear, I am a sucker for the 'ships' that never ever stood a chance of sailing. I promise I'll write some happier stuff. Sooner or later...Set at the end of the current chapter...68, I think.
Summary: Because above all he knows that he was foolish to think that Tamaki would not get to her, too.
He can feel his heart breaking with every step he watches her take. Every nervous smile towards you know who, every sly response.
Honestly, he tells himself, he should have known he'd never have stood a chance with her. The two really are a perfect match, so easily affecting someone for the better, and being wholly unaware of the fact. It's fate. It makes good, solid sense (even if she is a commoner).
But it still doesn't seem fair.
Her smile will always get him, he thinks. He still marvels how she effortlessly broke into their world, without a care. Because she finally got what so many others had missed. He reasons they both fell for her then, but Kaoru had told her first.
When he was near her, he ached to just hold her. To let his hands linger a few more seconds on her shoulders, his fingers a few half-seconds more on her face as the twins played their 'game' in front of the customers. He had to stop himself. It wasn't fair, to either of them.
Because above all he knows that he was foolish to think that Tamaki would not get to her, too. Tamaki had been in love with her all along, too dim to notice until probably the past few weeks.
Since he has realized, painfully, his feelings for her, Hikaru has also become aware of that muted tension within the Host Club. He can tell everyone else (everyone) feels something for her, but the rest of them know they do not stand a chance. So they say nothing, and act as if it isn't there.
A faint buzz in his pocket alerts him to a new call--Tamaki. A feeling of dread sits in the pit of his stomach, as it has each time the other boy has called. Hikaru always fears he'll hear something he does not want to.
"Hey, Hikaru, do you think you could find some time later?"
"I have something I want to talk about."
And instantly, Hikaru knows what has happened. He smiles, trying not to let it affect his words.
He closes his phone and takes a deep breath.
His chance has passed. It wouldn't be right to tell him to 'back off' Haruhi now. Not when both of them were stumbling around, head over heels (and unwilling to admit it).
It still doesn't make the rejection hurt less (even though, from Haruhi, she means nothing by it). He bites back tears, and makes for a library. For the time being, he doesn't quite want to see a human face, just the endless strings of words. Anything to keep him from thinking of her.
He's not a child. She is not a toy he can just 'possess'. He's not foolish. He wishes, half-heartedly, that he could change her mind, but then she wouldn't be 'Haruhi' anymore. He does what he can.
And tries to start to let go.