I stared at Edward, my expression obvious. "Why Edward? What for?"

Edward glanced at the half melted choc-ice in his hands, the chocolate and ice cream running down his wrist. "I had to."

I continued to glare at him, my mouth dry and feeling weak. It was a hot sunny day dammit! Why couldn't I have an ice cream? "Please Edward, give me the choc ice."

He stepped back, just keeping the sticky mess out of my reach. "A minute on the lips is a lifetime on the hips."

Startled, I glanced down at my figure. It was true that I had gone from a size eight to a size ten recently. Perhaps I was turning into a complete hippo? Maybe if I got any bigger, then Edward wouldn't love me anymore…

I stared at the vanilla sludge, now up to his forearm. I had the overwhelming temptation to lick it off. My tongue poked out of my mouth, ready for that sweet sensation on a hard, muscular body… But the hips, the junk food, Edward

"You're right." My arm, ready to try and snatch the ice, fell back down to my side, limp as a fish out of water. He had saved me again. Saved me from the evils of sugar, the horror of obesity. If I had wrapped my lips around that lovely, delicious, delectable choc-ice, I may as well have died. Edward was my SAVIOUR!

Smirking, Edward put the mangled lump in the bin, and went over to the sink to wash his hands. I watched as the water mixed with the melted cream, and I suddenly wanted to cry. I really wanted it! I know that it was bad but… Edward turned and saw my lip trembling.

"Aw, you know it was for the best."

He put his arm around my shoulder briefly, then went back to washing his hands, the chocolate refusing to come off.

Suddenly, I had an idea. Acting on impulse, I went over to the freezer, and took out the entire box of chocs. Damn Edward! I wasn't a child! I could have one if I…

The box felt nice and heavy in my hands. Of course- there was still twelve in there. I looked up at Edward, still scrubbing at his white skin. An awful thought popped into my head. Should I? No, I couldn't!

I could. I was sick of him bossing me around. I loved him but… a man should never mention a girl's weight. I made a quick decision. I was going to do it.

"Edward?" He turned round and… BAM.

He hadn't even had time to react, amazing as I knew his reflexes were brilliant. I looked at the box. The blood on the cardboard was already beginning to freeze.

So, he could resist knives, guns, water, wild beasts… but he could get knocked out by a girl with some ice cream? Weird.

I one out, unwrapped it, and savoured it. I glanced down. Still breathing- he'd come round in a couple of minutes.

I bet you're wondering why I would do this to the person I love. All he was concerned about was my health. I don't know, what can I say? Perhaps I'm a real ice-queen.

A/N I know it's stupid, but I really had to try one of those scenarios out. Not the best thing I've written, but faintly amusing. I found it entertaining anyway.