Story reader: First of all: I'm sorry for your loss. *hugs* Secondly: Finally! I missed your reviews...Happy you liked it and I hope you'll like this one too. It's, uh...the truth about this fanfic. Hope you won't get angry at me, what goes for each one of my readers. *hugs* But yes, so far Yozak has been coping with it rather good . Gwen/Shinou? Well, dark tall sexy, whom does this remind you off? *grin* Happy you forgive me the sappiness and hope you'll fogive me this too.
Sakura . Conrad: Soon enough? I'm happy you liked the fluff ^^ But then, I don't know if you'll like this...
Something wasn't right. His instincts practically screamed ‚danger' at him, but he couldn't figure out why. But he knew it wasn't paranoia or too much worry. Something bad would happen, he simply knew it. He was a spy, he knew his instincts well enough not to confuse them with something else and right now every nerve in his body was on alert. And the danger increased since he didn't know the source of it, where to look, what to do. All he could do was simply wait and when it came quickly react. If nothing else, this thing Yozak learned from his expieriences as a spy: Rely on your instincts, be prepared, keep a cool head. The 3 golden rules. And just on intuition each one of them kicked in. Something wasn't right.
„Are you alright?"
He stoped by hearing that voice to see Conrad standing in front of him, sincere worry mirroring in his eyes.
„You seem tense and on allert all day as if you expect soldiers of Big Shimaron jumping from behind the curtains any moment."
Figures that his captain would notice. Even though what happened to them, they still knew eachother since years. A whole century. That was some time to learn to read the others thoughts and feelings.
„I'm fine. Just a bad feeling."
Conrad looked even more worried right now and Yozak couldn't really blame him. He knew just like Yozak how his instincts worked. He sighed.
„I know...And I just can't shake it off. Something stinks and it isn't Dorcas' old socks."
He looked surprised as he heard his captain chuckle. The man smiled at him and said: „Don't worry. When something happens, I'm here. And when I'm not enough, there is still Gwendal. And then we have Günther, too." Yozaks eyes widened for a tiny fraction. Conrad said it with a smile and such an ease in the voice, but his eyes betrayed him. His words were meant to hold a double meaning and he rather felt than knew how much effort it costed to say those words. Conrad said in a few words that he accepted it. That even if he should go rather to Gwendal than to him, he would accept it. That if he decided to walk away from him, he would accept it. And just then, a memory flashed across his mind, a few words he has been told once, a long long time ago...
„Honey, it's true that you need to really, truly love somebody to stay forever with them. But sometimes it takes an even greater love to let them go."
He didn't understand that time. But it changed. He understood now. Conrad cared, so he let Yozak do as he thought it was the best for him. Even if it meant to let go. The brunette loved him... It made him relieved that people cared and wanted to help, so he nodded. „You're right..." But somehow it didn't calm him. Something told him that this won't be something swords can handle. Subconsciously he laid a hand on his stomach and rubbed it reasuringly. Reassuring from what? And right then he heard several „Bad omen!" being shout. He looked up at the sky to see the blue birds flying over the castle. That didn't help either. But Conrad still smiled. „I think I'll check on Anissina. Maybe she's plotting something again..."
Yozak nodded. „Maybe..."
Then he felt a hand being laid on his shoulder and two brown eyes smiled at him. „It will be alright." He felt soft lips on his cheeks and then his captain walked off, heading towards the ‚invention room', while he simply stood there, laying a hand on the cheek, the other still resting on his belly. Why was his Heart beating so fast? And why did his breath hitch? He turned around to look in the direction to where his captain disappeared, feelings still raging within him.
He sat in the garden, a maelstrom of feelings raging in him: Worry, confusion, happiness, sadness, fear, love, being lost,...He just sat there and tried to calm himself. „Breath..." he chanted. „Just breath...Deep breaths, Yozak..." He was still worried about his bad feeling, he was confused as to why he was worried and he was confused because of his feelings towards his captain... Captain...he started to call him that again. Now, was that good or bad? Another thing he was confused about. And this confusion was the very source of the other feelings raging inside of him. Moment after moment he found it harder to breath. Was he having a panic attack? He rubbed his belly, softly whispering: „Shh...calm down, calm down..." Though, he didn't know if he said it to the child or to himself. Questions over questions and still no answers. Just where was this heading at? He stood up in order to walk around a bit to clear his head. Maybe a glas of water would do him good. Yes, a glas of water sounded appealing. So he headed towards the kitchen. The maids would go gaga again. Oh joy...but he found he didn't care. His bad feeling increased. Just what was this about? Suddenly he felt a wave of dizziness wash over him and he had to clutch the rail in order not to go into his knees, or possibly fall. Suddenly he heard a highpitched voice. „Yozak?!" He looked up to see a bald man with a frightened look on his face. Dorcas. „You look so pale...Is everything alright?"
„Just dizzy, is all." He answered. „It happens from time to time." It was true, it did happen, but not like this, no, something was wrong, very wrong...Suddenly he felt as if 10 hard rocks had been thrown on his knees and they bend. He kneeled down, breathing heavily, his heart beeting fast and irregulary. It felt like a circulation colaps, only much much worse... He heard a frantic call: „Yozak!"
His mumbled answer came only as fas as to an „I'm fi-" as plain pain shot through his whole body. Seering, stabbing pain, concentrating at one certain part of his body. He screamed. He couldn't hold it back, not this time. Never did he expierience such an intense, physical pain, which went from the surface of his body through mark and bone, and back. He barely heard the frantic calls as pain after pain after pain shot through him. Suddenly he felt as if a million fine needles plunged into his stomach. He screamed again as he clutched it and suddenly images of a smiling Gwendal flashed through his mind. Gwendal being happy about having a small child, smiling even more at the possibility of it being a girl. Suddenly there was Conrad, smiling, standing beside him, supporting him, being with him, maternizing him, watching over him. He saw Shinou and Geika and the gentle affection between them...And he realized that it was his child, his little babygirl who made it possible. The very same babygirl he...he was...losing...No! No, absolutely no! Gwendal, Conrad, everybody who helped him and supported him...and then the raging maelstrom disappeared, only one feeling taking its place: Determination. He won't let his little girl die! Absolutely NO! He shut his eyes tightly as he felt another seering pain shooting through him 1000 needles and grithed through his teeth: „Gisella..." as soon as that word left his lips he heard the sound of hurrying footsteps running away from him...getting help...
„It'll be fine..." he still didn't know whom he was reassuring.
Dorcas didn't bother knocking as he burst into the office of his majesty, the second place he looked at, after not finding the nurse in the infirmary. But now he spotted her immediately. He ignored Lord von Christs shout and blurted out: „Gisella, Yozak!"
It took exactly one second for the young woman understand the words and then they both moved simultanously, bolting out of the office, Dorcas leading the way. Not a second after that the others followed too, lord Weller and Lord von Voltaire on the front, both of them having similar thoughts.
‚If something happens to the kid Yozak will never be alright again. And Gwendal...it'll break him.'
‚What's wrong?! I hope it's not my girl. Please not my little girl!'
They time it took them to get to the half-mazoku was like an eternity.
„The hell took you long..." he gritt through his teeth as he felt Gisella kneel beside him, her face serious, but calm. If somebody could help Yozak, it was she.
„Where does it hurt?"
She noticed the hand on his belly, clutching it desperately. She turned to the others. „Father, Conrad, Lord von Voltaire, Dorcas! Bring him to the infirmary immediately." They didn't hesitate a moment. The four of them took Yozak, lifting him up, stoping only for the 5 seconds in which Yozak fisted Gisellas uniform, looking at her determined and desperate at the same time. „Save the baby. SAVE IT!"
It took them an exact minute to get to the infirmary, a minute of despair and utter fear. Even Gwendals face showed worry, sincere worry, and fear bordering with panic. He felt his hand being clutched, and clinging to it as if it was life itself, he squeezed back. As they arrived, Gisella threw everybody out. She would need absolute peace to fully concentrate on her work.
It took hours. Hours of silence. Nobody spoke. Nobody moved. They couldn't even pace in front of the infirmary, the shock binding them to the spot. Conrad, the Great Sage, Heika, Wolfram, Günther, even Gwendal, nobody could move. Conrad was leaning on the wall, Günther sitting on the ground, slouched, one hand on the wall, the second in his lap. Wolfram, in deep shock didn't even find words to complain about taking it so damn long, leaning on Yuuri for support, Yuuri sitting on the ground, his back to the wall, one arm over Wolframs shoulder. Geika standing there, hugging himself, while Gwendal was standing in front of the door, as if rooted to the spot, trembling like a leaf. Dorcas had long ago fainted. Nobody knew how, since none of them moved from the spot, but the news spread through the castle like wildfire. Anissina, Cheri-sama, Greta, the maids, the guards, everybody was soon standing in front of the infirmary, waiting. Only Anissina moved as she approached her lifelong friend Gwendal and laid a hand on his shoulder, silently supporting him. Though she wasn't sure if he even knew she was there. The sun had already set as the doors of the infirmary finally opened.
So. I was trying to hint this several times now. Maybe some of you had a hunch, maybe not. I think it's time to explain myself. The only reason why I didn't add to the summary that it was m-preg, wasn't because I didn't plan it. I planned it from the very beginning. Only it wasn't supposed to be the main genre. The main plot was planned to be about Yozak, Gwendal and Conrad and how the relationship would process. The pregnancy was just to serve the purpose of Conrad finding out and the addition to the drama. I wanted Yozak to miscarry, I headed towards this. BUT. It kinda changed. So here I am, asking you, each one of my reviewers: Should I or shan't I make Yozak miscarry? Seeing as you liked this idea about the pregnancy, I figure that it's you who should decide. I have prepared for this possibility. However, I'm also telling you, that whatever your decision will be, it won't affect the outcome of the fanfic, which I also hinted a few times about. So either way, it won't have really a happy end. It's just the question it will be a ‚not really a happy end' with a child, or a ‚not really a happy end' without a child for Yozak. It's all in your hands. Also, another thing I'm telling you: I won't post untill each one of you, who replied at least twice (meaning: story reader, guest, KKM-fangirl, sakura . conrad;- what doesn't mean, that if anybody else expresses his opinion, I'll ignore it. The more reviews, the better) will reply to this and tell me what you want. If it is a truce, I'll throw a coin. That's so far everything from my side. I'm patiently waiting for your replies.