Title: Scared Sightless
Disclaimer: If I owned I would probably do something better than right stories.
Warnings/spoilers: To be safe I'll say the first three seasons but major spoilers for season 3 specifically 3x15, Time is on My Side.
A/N: Thanks a bunch to Gidgetgal9 and Sendintheclowns for beta-ing. You all can thank them for being making it to the end of this story.
Summary: Dean's timing is everything, one second later and things can go much differently. Time is on my Side (3x15) tag with added hurt/limp Sam.
When Sam wakes up his head is extremely foggy and he desperately tries to figure out why his body feels so strange. His limbs are heavy and it's almost as if he weren't in full control of them.
"Dean?" He blinks his sightless eyes open and turns his head to the side, instinctively knowing his brother would be there.
"Hey, man." He feels Dean's hand brush against his cheek gently before moving up to brush the hair out of his face. "You going to give that shoulder of yours a break this time?"
Sam nods and whispers an apology even if he has no idea what he's apologizing for, he doesn't even completely understand Dean's words.
Sleep starts to tug at his mind again and he fights against it, wanting to stay awake long enough to get answers. He lets his eyes fall closed and knows Dean believes he's asleep when he finally speaks.
"What's wrong with me?" Physically he feels quite well except for the dull ache at the back of his head and his shoulder.
"Nothing, Sammy." Dean's hands fall from Sam's hair and Sam wants to call his bluff but he can't really tell if Dean is in fact lying.
Even if his body was telling him something was definitely off, his mind just isn't catching up fast enough.
"You'll feel better in a few hours." Dean squeezes his hand as Sam starts to lose his battle with sleep. "I gave you some medicine, Sam, but I promise you'll feel better in a bit."
Sam doesn't even argue or question, he just nods, trusting Dean completely as he drifts off to sleep with a quiet, "Okay."
"How's he doing?" Bobby asks when Dean walks into the kitchen, looking rougher than he has in the past two weeks.
Dean shrugs and runs a hand over the stubble growing on his face.
"Did he say anything about what happened?"
"He's not with it enough to remember much." Dean keeps his eyes downcast as he takes a seat across from the older hunter. "He looked so lost, Bobby. I don't feel right doing this to him."
"Me either, kid, but I think that Doc saw this coming."
"I don't want him to hurt himself but," he drops his head into his hands. "I just don't know."
"It'll take some time for him to get used to the medication and then he'll feel better." Bobby stands up from his seat and moves to the one next to Dean, placing a gentle hand on the younger man's shoulder. "He'll be less confused in a few hours, Dean."
"I know, but God he's so vulnerable, Bobby."
Neither of them says anything more, they both just sit in the silence, minds racing with a million different scenarios. With Dean's deadline less than seventy two hours away, both of them were overwhelmed.
Dean had come to terms with having no way out of the deal, he'd known that for quite some time now and accepted the fact, but he definitely didn't want to leave. He made the deal because he couldn't bear living without Sam, but leaving him was just as hard.
Seeing firsthand how badly Sam's mental state has been affected by everything going on around them, he desperately wants to stay and make things better. He doesn't want for Sam to depend on drugs in order to make it through.
"I don't want him on them forever." Dean's words are more of an instruction rather than confession.
"He won't need them forever." Bobby stands and heads to the fridge, grabbing them each a beer, even if it's only two in the afternoon. "I think once he gets his sight back he'll be able to handle things better, Dean."
"I sure hope so."
"You definitely need to make sure he knows you're giving them to him." Bobby stares at him pointedly, waiting for Dean to argue. "I don't want to have to deal with that after…"
"I mean it, Dean." He watches as the younger hunter practically downs the beer he gave him. "He needs to know everything. Lying hasn't gotten you anywhere before and it won't get you anywhere now."
"Alright, I get it, I'll tell him." Dean easily swigs the rest of his beer before he stands up with a sad smile. "I'll see if he's up to talking after I make a beer run. Will that shut you up?"
"I can move your invitation up a day, boy."
Dean laughs as he walks out of the room, knowing Bobby's words hold no actual heat. He finds it odd how they can still joke about it but he's thankful for the small amount of normalcy.
When Dean walks into his and Sam's room about a half hour later, he's surprised to find his brother sitting up in bed, starring at his hands as if he could actually see them.
He cautiously makes his way to the bed and sits down beside Sam's legs, his hand coming to rest on top of his brother's right kneecap.
"Hey, buddy, how ya feeling?" He's slightly shocked that Sam doesn't jump at his touch but then he suspects the slow reaction is another side affect from the new medication.
"I'm good." Sam rubs his hands nervously on his pants before his eyes widen as if he suddenly remembers something, and Dean really wishes he hadn't. "You only have two days left, Dean! I've got to find a way to help you. I'm sorry!"
"Dude," Dean's tone seems to annoy Sam but the younger brother quiets his rambling. "You need to calm down and rest a bit more, but once you're rested, Bobby and you can search till your heart's content."
Sam doesn't even bother arguing with Dean any further but simply lays his head back against the wall and Dean finds the reaction odd. He shakes his head, realizing that he actually wishes Sam would argue with him.
"There's something else we need to talk about."
Dean watches Sam's reaction, waiting for the typical sigh or eye roll that follows that sentence but Sam doesn't even move.
Sighing himself, Dean scoots up the mattress so he's sitting beside Sam, purposely stretching his legs out so that they lay against Sam's. With that Sam finally turns his head toward Dean with a slight smile.
"That's never good." Sam's voice is barely a whisper and his smile is barely noticeable but Dean still smiles himself because he'll take all he can get at this point.
"Listen, I don't want you getting upset or pissed at me because I did what I thought was best, okay?"
Sam nods and Dean screams inside, wanting desperately for his brother to show some sign of his typical fire but there's barely a spark.
"Your doctor gave me a prescription before we left the hospital." Dean takes a deep breath and stares down at his hands. "After yesterday I decided it was best you start the medication."
"What's it for?"
There isn't a hint of anger or worry in Sam's voice and it breaks Dean's heart that Sam is still so trusting even though Dean's lied to him so much lately.
"They're antidepressants, Sammy."
Dean turns toward Sam, eyes wide in disbelief, "That's all you have to say? Oh?"
"What am I supposed to say, Dean?" Sam shakes his head, hand reaching up to rub at his temple. "That explains why my head is so foggy."
Dean huffs out a laugh, not trusting himself to say anything more but luckily Sam speaks up before their silence becomes awkward.
"I understand why you would think I needed them and I'm sorry for ever putting you in that situation," Sam eyes blink up in Dean's general direction before they drift back downward again. "Especially with everything you already have on your plate.
"No," Tearful eyes actually meet Dean's and he feels his heart break even more. "I don't want you to go Dean but I really don't want you to go thinking I can't take care of myself."
"I never doubted that."
"You did," Sam laughs slightly and Dean smiles. "But it's okay because I doubted it myself."
"Do you still?"
"Yes," The tears spill down his cheeks and he smiles sadly. "I don't think I'm nearly as strong as you think I am, but as much as I wish you hadn't made that deal, you did, and I won't let it be for nothing."
"It never will be for nothing, Sammy."
May 2nd 12pm
"Sammy!" Dean barges through the front door, letting it purposely hit the wall.
"Jesus, Dean, think you could get any louder?" Sam shakes his head. "Wait, don't answer that."
The older brother laughs, fully intending to show Sam just how loud he could be but Sam managed to put an end to that.
"So whatcha doing?" He moves up behind Sam and Bobby, peering down at the book Bobby has opened on the desk.
Bobby mumbles something and shakes his head, flipping the page as he tries to ignore Dean, but Dean doesn't miss the slight smile on the older man's face.
"Bobby's been reading to me." Sam's face flushes in embarrassment but he actually smiles, dimples and everything.
"That sounds exciting!"
"Dean!" Bobby slams the book shut and swivels his chair around to face him. "Must you be so loud and obnoxious?"
"Aw, now come on, Bobby," Sam laughs and claps his hand on Bobby's shoulder. "That's just Dean. Don't expect him to change."
"Real nice, Bitch!"
"Seriously though, why are you so cheery?"
Dean takes a minute, pretending to think before he drops an oddly shaped package onto Sam's lap with a wide smile, even if his brother can't see it.
"Happy Birthday, Sammy!" He places a hand on either side of Sam's neck, giving the tense muscles a slight squeeze, careful of Sam's still healing shoulder.
Sam blinks up at him and Dean laughs at the obvious confusion. Even if Sam is blind, his emotions are still clearly written across his face.
"What?" Sam's voice breaks and he clears his throat, hands anxiously feeling out the present sitting in his lap. "Why?"
"It's a birthday present, Sam, because it's your birthday, duh."
"What is it?"
Dean huffs out a laugh and slaps Sam gently on the back of the head. "Open it and find out, you goof."
Sam's fingers slowly and carefully feel around the package, finding the tapped area and gently pulling it open without ripping the paper. He rolls his eyes when Dean laughs at him and urges him to just rip it open but he doesn't.
He finally pulls the paper apart, feeling around the odd gifts all wrapped up in one.
His fingers curl around a familiar object and he feels his eyes start to fill for the millionth time in the past few hours. He turns sideways in his chair and turns his head up toward Dean.
"Why are you giving me this?" He holds the amulet out toward his brother. "It's yours, Dean."
"Safe keeping," Dean forces Sam's fingers closed around the necklace and pushes Sam's hand into his own chest so that it rested against Sam's heart. "It's my most valuable possession, Sammy, and I can't take it with me."
"Th-thanks, Dean." Sam tugs the amulet over his head and shivers when it slides down and rests against his chest.
His hand reaches down toward the package again, closing his fingers around a set of keys which causes Sam's tears to actually spill down his cheeks. He tries to wipe them away quickly before he turns to face Dean, but he's fairly certain Dean's already watching him.
"My other most valuable possession," Dean laughs and squeezes Sam's neck reassuringly. "You better take good care of her, Sam."
"I can't even see, Dean, how am I supposed to drive?"
"Even better!" He grunts when Sam elbows him in the thigh. "You won't be blind forever and I expect you to take her out frequently so she doesn't get lonely."
"We'll keep each other great company, Dean." Sam sighs sadly and holds the keys tightly in his one hand while the other pulls the last gift out of the package.
Feeling the glossy pages of the magazine beneath his fingers, Sam instantly knows what it is and he laughs out loud, slapping the magazine against Dean's leg.
"You'll be thanking me when you get your vision back, dude."
"What?" Dean feigns shocked but continues to laugh. "You've been blind for too long, Sammy. You'll want some good visuals once you can see again and I know you won't buy yourself a skin mag."
"I'll have Bobby." Sam tries to hide the deepening sadness with a smile, the tightness in his chest making it difficult to breathe.
"Hell no," Bobby shakes his head as he finally stands up and heads for the kitchen, mumbling as he goes. "I'm not enabling that sickness."
Both Dean and Sam continue to laugh until they both need to catch their breath, faces red from laughing so hard. Dean takes a deep breath, his smile staying bright for a bit longer till he realizes Sam's has already faded.
He sighs as he takes the seat beside Sam, hand resting gently on his brother's knee.
"Things will get better, Sammy."
"You're all I have left."
"And even if it sounds cheesy, you know I'll always be with you." Dean's hands curls around the amulet now hanging from Sam's neck. "Bobby's here for you and I trust him, Sam, I wouldn't leave you alone with any nut job."
Sam closes his eyes as his tears continue to roll silently down his heated cheeks.
"Who knows, Dude," Dean smiles as he lets go of the amulet and clutches Sam's chin gently, lifting the younger man's head. "You may be seeing me again someday. I know you and Bobby aren't going to give up and I'm holding on to that fact."
"I promise I won't give up on you." Sam's hand grasps Dean's wrist tightly and he tries his best to meet Dean's eyes.
"I don't doubt it, Sammy." He smiles, fighting back his own tears as he pulls him and Sam up onto their feet. "Now how about we go out back and have a few beers while Bobby grills up a few steaks."
"I should have known that'd be your last meal."
"I'm pretty sure it'd taste better in prison though, Bobby's not much of a cook."
Dean knows midnight is coming close but their all smiling and he desperately wants to freeze time and stay in this moment forever.
He doesn't look at his watch because he knows that will only make it worse but he does catch Bobby's attention and motions for the older hunter to follow him inside.
"I'm going to go grab us all another beer." He claps Sam's knee as he stands up from his lawn chair.
"In that case, guess I better hit the head." Bobby smirks and stands up, his knees cracking as he straightens his legs and follows Dean inside.
When he walks inside, Dean's already leaning against the counter, arms folded across his chest as a sad smile curls at his lips.
It's obvious where the conversation is going.
"I guess it's time to say good bye, huh?" Bobby doesn't look at Dean, unable to meet the younger hunter's eyes and make it true.
"I'm not much for goodbyes."
"I'm sorry, kid." Bobby swallows the lump in his throat as he grabs Dean and pulls him in for a tight hug. "I feel like I failed you and I'm so sorry for that."
"Are you kidding?" Dean pushes back, eyes shining. "You've done so much for me, and for Sam. You're like a father to us and I know you tried. I know you'll keep trying."
"I will, you can count on that."
The two of them fall silent for a short moment until Bobby clears his throat, rubbing a hand nervously at the back of his neck.
"It might take some time, but you know Sam will be okay, right?" He watches Dean nod, a tear slipping down the younger man's face. "I'll always be there for him; for both of you."
"I never meant to put him through all this."
"You saved his life."
"You said it once though, Bobby, he knows I'm going to hell for him." Dean shakes his head, fighting back more tears. "I don't want him blaming himself. I want him to be happy."
"That's a lot to ask, Dean."
"I know," He laughs sadly. "But I can hope. Something has got to go right for us once."
"Neither of us is going to be happy till you're out of hell, Dean." Bobby makes sure he meets Dean's eyes this time. "You don't belong there and someway, somehow, we'll get you out."
"Just make sure he doesn't do anything stupid." Dean smiles, knowing how hard that task is going to be for Bobby but he trusts the older man. "Make sure you don't do anything stupid."
"I will, kid."
"Thanks, Bobby," He claps a hand on Bobby's shoulder before the two embrace for one last, manly, hug. "For everything."
Bobby doesn't say anything else as he reluctantly lets go and watches Dean walk toward the door, exchanging one last silent good bye before he turns and closes the door between them.
When Bobby looks at his watch he cringes at the time but decides against following Dean back outside, giving the brothers these last few minutes alone. He'll watch on from afar and make sure he's there when Sam will need him most.
Dean purposely makes his way over to Sam as loud as he can before he places a gentle hand on his brother's shoulder, pleased when Sam doesn't jump at the contact.
"Hey," Sam smiles up at Dean, holding his hand out for the beer.
"Hey, man." Dean claps his hand into Sam's instead and crotches down in front him. "We have to talk, Sammy."
"It's not time yet."
"It's close," He smiles when Sam's hand tightens around his own and he doesn't even try to hold back the tears, knowing Sam can't even see them. "And I got a few things I need to say so listen up."
"I'm not ready, Dean!" Sam pulls his hand away roughly, shaking his head, and Dean wants to laugh at how childish he looks.
"We'll never be ready, Sam."
"Then don't go."
Dean chokes on his tears as Sam practically sobs in front of him, both hands flying out to grasp at Dean's shirt as if holding on would keep him here.
"I don't want to, little brother." He gently cups Sam's face, thumbs wiping away a few tears. "I'd stay here with you forever if I could but I have to go."
"I don't think I can say goodbye." Sam bows his head and doesn't complain when Dean pulls him forward so that his forehead is rested against his brother's shoulder.
"There's no need for goodbye." Dean gently rubs at Sam's back with a small smile. "Dad made it out of there so I'll get out someday. I'll see you again, Sammy. This isn't goodbye."
"I'll get you out, Dean, I promise."
"I know, but what I really want you to promise me is that you won't kill yourself in the process." Dean wraps his arms tightly around Sam, holding his brother as close as he possibly can. "I don't want you doing anything stupid. If I get out, you better be alive and healthy or so help me God…"
"You'll kill me?" Sam pulls back with a smile, wiping the tears away from his cheeks.
Sam's smile falls after a few short seconds and his hands are again gripping at Dean's shirt, eyes trying desperately to meet Dean's.
"Thank you." He whispers, clutching even harder to the shirt beneath his hands. "You did everything for me, man, and I just… I love you."
"Hey," Dean's lips curl into a small smile, even if it's lost on Sam, and reaches up to cup his brother's face again. "I love you too."
Sam roughly pulls Dean to him, hugging him as tight as he can and hides his tears against Dean's shoulder.
After a few seconds Dean pulls away, his hands starting to shake as he hears the first hell hound howling from behind him. He doesn't turn around because he doesn't want to see them yet, not when he still has one last thing to clear up before he leaves.
"None of this is your fault, Sammy." Dean's grip is strong as he holds onto Sam's shoulders, hiding his own fear. "I made this decision because I couldn't lose someone else I love and I'm sorry, but please try and stay tough. Go back to school and do what makes you happy. I know it's asking a lot but you can't deny me my dying wish, right?"
"Dean," Sam tries to pull his brother back toward him but Dean just grips his wrist for a second before he finally breaks their contact.
He leaves Sam sitting there reaching for him and his heart breaks at how lost Sam looks when his hands only meet with air, but Dean knows he has to go. He quickly moves to Sam's side and bands over close to Sam's ear, his cheeks slick with tears.
"See you later, little brother." Dean can only hope that when he did in fact see his brother again, which he would, it will be him who dug out of hell and not Sam who threw himself in.
So that's it everybody. Hope you all enjoyed and aren't too upset with me for ending it there.
I do promise to have a sequel and thanks to everyone who has encouraged me to write one, it means a lot that you guys liked it so much.
This is my first completed muti chapter work for Supernatural so it means I'm so honored by the nice response I received from all of you.
You guys have been truly wonderful and I really hope I didn't disappoint any of you with this chapter. I can't wait to hear what you all thought!
See you all with my next story! Thanks again!