Chapter 1 T.V These Days...

I rewrote this chapter, 'cause my first attempt didn't seem good enough...Anyways, I fixed up some grammar, added a few sentences, changed a few words around, and made Reno sound more...'Renoish', and got this as a result. Not much difference, but hopefully it makes the story a little more interesting.

Anyways, let's get this outta the way...I don't own Final Fantasy or anythin' to do with it. And I definitely don't own Lifestream.

Now that's over, enjoy! XD


It was impossible for Elena to concentrate on chopping onions (which, by the way, were making her cry a great deal) whilst Reno constantly declared each television show as 'boring', as loud as humanely possible.

"Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Ah...I could do this all day!" He was resting his head on his left arm now, and he looked liable to fall asleep at any moment. Something Elena wished she was doing right now.

She gave a deep sigh. Was he doing this to get on her nerves?

Duh. Her conscience answered.

"Shut up, conscience." Elena retorted.

"Eh?" Reno mumbled.

"I said, what do you want for dinner?" Elena attempted at a cover up, but failed, blushing like mad.

Why is it so hard for you to keep your mouth shut, 'Laney'? Her conscience sighed.

Temperamental much? Elena retorted, in thoughts this time.

"Sure that's what ya said." She could hear Reno's boyish sneer, which never failed to irritate her. "Just admit it, you can't stop starin'."

Just when Elena thought Reno couldn't get any worse, he fixed his gaze on the pizza box left over from two nights ago. Naturally, it was accompanied by his genuine 'Reno' grin.

Elena's stunned gaze went from Reno to the mangled leftovers, positive now that he had completely lost it. Those beers must have finally begun to take effect.

Ah, yes. Of course. How could I forget? He's an obsessive nut when it comes to junk food. Elena smirked, threw him the half empty pizza box- which happened to almost hit him on the head, and mouthed, "Enjoy."

Reno winked at her. "Will do, love."

As he had expected, the pepper shaker was headed for his face. Dodging it, he chuckled. "Oh, 'Laney. When will you learn?"

Elena gave him a death stare that would have melted ice. "The salt's next."

She went back to chopping onions, occasionally sliding a glance towards the kitchen window. Her cat, Chocoball, had been missing for 3 days now. She couldn't understand why she had left. She had always been so loyal, in the whole 3 months of owning her. Elena had found her on the side of the road being beaten by a dark stranger, whom she had hit him on the back of the head harder than needed to be knocked unconscious. She never really did fancy animal torturers.

The first thing the cat had done was cough up a ball (No not a fur ball) of yellow chocobo feathers. Elena didn't want to know how that had happened, but she thought the incident would make a cute name.

Whilst Elena prepared her dinner, Reno continued his channel surfing-and eating his cold, half mauled pepperoni pizza slices.

"Oh no, don't worry about reheating it, 'Laney, it's fine like this. In fact, cold pizza has always been my favourite." Reno said sarcastically.

"Oh okay, fine by me. But don't be afraid to get your butt off my sofa and walk two metres to the microwave." Elena retorted. "I won't kill you for it or anything."

"Shut up." Reno yelled, somehow already deeply engrossed in searching for a decent channel. "I'm busy right now. Get lost."

Elena's eyes widened in anger. "Excuse me? Perhaps you should be the one 'getting lost'. Last time I checked, this was my house."

Reno sighed, ignoring her. "Since when did T.V get so lame? I swear, the whole industry has gone nuts!"

Elena clicked her tongue, wiping away an onion tear. "I don't recall you watching T.V much in the past year or so..."

"Exactly!" Reno sighed, exasperated, "That's because two years ago, the only three decent channels on air made the dumbass decision that they'd rather entertain my granny more than they'd rather entertain me."

Elena stared at him blankly, although, facing the T.V, Reno didn't notice. "Well, you seem to have the answers to your own questions, Reno. So I guess you can stop bothering me now."

Ignoring her once again, Reno shook his head in disgrace, and along with it, his long red ponytail.

I love it when he does that... Elena thought, and instantly gave herself a mental slap. No you don't!!!

"Would you look at this, 'Lena?" Reno continued.

He switched to Channel S, where an old lady in her late 80's was sitting in a rocking chair next to a warm, cozy fireplace, knitting. Ever so slowly, she was explaining the 'Three Steps to a Perfect Stitch', as she rocked in her wooden chair...

"Nngh...This is enough to make me commit suicide. And to think this used to be 'Fit Throwers'! Man, that was the best educational show ever made!" Reno complained, shaking his head once again.

"Educational?" Elena sneered. "I'm surprised that's even in your vocabulary. You've been doing your homework, haven't you?"

The fact that Reno continuously ignored her was irritating Elena. Especially considering the fact that he was a guest in her own apartment.

Did that guy ever get taught manners? Elena wondered.

"It was s'posed to teach you how to deal with lil kids. Of course, I just watched it for the pleasure of seeing a whinging boy stomp around saying stuff like "I DON'T WANT TO!" or "I WANT THAT-NOW!" or the classic "I'M NOT MOVING UNTIL I GET THAT SEPHIROTH TOY!!!!!!!!".

'Course, I have my own way of 'dealing' with lil' kids." He chuckled and lightly pet his EMR.

"Hmph. That 'kid' you speak of sounds strangely like you, Reno." Elena added, feeling a burning desire to ignore his last comment.

"Probably one of my many sons." Elena choked at that.


Reno sniggered. "I'm only kiddin' 'Laney. I'm not sure how many sons I've got."

Elena moaned. That sounds like Reno. Live by the moment, no matter what the consequences...

Reno frowned, remembering his duty. "Oh yeah! And Channel B's epic 'Bombs 'R' Us' turned into the reality show 'Women on the Plus'. Which, by the way, doesn't even rhyme! Actually, it isn't so bad. I mean, sure there's all the girly whining and blubbering-get it-on about their miserable lives..." He paused to consider the facts. "Actually, I guess that stuff's pretty funny!" He gave a cheeky giggle, even as Elena whacked him on the side of the head with the tongs.

"How'd ya get here so fast?" Reno asked, rubbing his throbbing head.

"I've been standing here for the past minute." Elena replied blankly. "And Reno? Don't be such an ass."

Reno made a noise almost identical to a donkey.

"Well, I guess you can't help it..." Elena muttered and walked back into the kitchen.

Reno's face turned dead serious again. "But the most unacceptable change is this." He switched to Channel X (the private channel for Midgar University students only.)

There were four camera angles, each with a different, but intruiguingly familiar scene.

Elena looked up and squinted. "Is that-?"

"Rufus' office? Yep." Reno answered, clicking his tongue. "They went from the epic, 'Hojo's Lab', to 'Shinra Inc', all for the 'benefit' of MU's students. I swear, I'm going to hunt down this T.V industry and burn their building down to the depths of hell."

"Uh, how did you manage to unlock that channel?" Elena asked.

Reno turned to face her. "'Lena, I'm a Turk. I have my ways."

Ignoring his comment, Elena smiled happily. "Hmm...Looks like there's nothing to watch on television! Guess that means it's home time for you..." Elena said between mouthfuls of her dinner-spaghetti, or at least, that's what it looked like. "And by home time, I mean, home time."

Reno nearly choked on a slice of pepperoni when he noticed the time. 10:15pm.

"What the heck have I been wasting my time doing!?" He exclaimed. "I should be at Seventh Heaven, drinking my 14th beer, surrounded by cute girls...And Tifa."

Reno grinned charmingly, before scowling in unfortunate realisation. "But no! I'm sitting here sober on a sofa, eating raw pizza and wasting away with some chick buggin' me..."

Elena rolled her eyes. "You make it sound like torture."

"Yeah, that's the word I was lookin' for! Thanks 'Laney, you gorgeous little..."

All of a sudden, a black and white advertisement appeared on screen, with dramatic music playing in the background.

"Don't they realise how stupidly cliche that looks-and sounds? They make even cliche sound cliche!" Reno snapped, mostly to himself.

Elena sniggered. "Don't you realise that your not making any sense?"

Reno grunted in reply. Once he began to pay any large amount of attention to something, there was little anyone could do to change his focus.

And with that, the 'movie' began.

A middle aged man lay half dead at an operating table.

Janet-Oh doctor, he's not gonna make it.

Lawrence-No, Janet, he's not.

Janet-Oh, doctor, hold me!

Lawrence holds Janet tightly and kisses her passionately.

Lawrence-Oh, Janet, I've always loved you.

Janet-No, I-

Trumpets sound as the door bursts open and falls to the ground, revealing a tall superman-looking guy wearing a baggy green and blue costume, his cape caught in a nail on the door.

Lifestream Man-Never fear! LIFESTREAM MAN is here!!!

Lifestream Man turns his head towards the door frame and mumbles "It is Lifestream Man, right?"

Janet breaks out of Lawrence's grasp and leaps towards Lifestream Man.

Lawrence-But, Janet!

Before Janet reaches him, Lifestream Man dashes towards the half dead man, and force feeds him a can of Lifestream.

The man bolts upright and screams something incomprehensible, before jumping out the nearby window of the 54th floor.

The bold letters on the screen read "Lifestream Energy Drink! It sure as hell puts the life back in ya!" and ended with a mad yell.

By the time the ad had finished, Reno's pizza remnants had fallen onto Elena's perfectly clean sofa, and Elena was so mesmerized in distaste that she hadn't even realised.

"You'd think Cid directed this thing." Elena mumbled. "Such crap..."

"What. The. Hell." Reno said dryly.

Elena snorted. "Well at least you aren't that dumb as to be brainwashed by the-uh...Reno? Where are you going?"

Reno was headed for the door. "I'll be back-That Lifestream has my name written all over it!" He winked.

Elena resisted the urge of hitting her head against the kitchen counter.

"Yep, he'll be back alright." She mumbled, the sarcasm rich within her voice. Sometimes Reno could be so gullible.

Shaking her head in disappointment, she began to pick up the pizza box Reno had rudely left on the couch. And as she did so, she noticed something she wished she hadn't. Pizza. On the sofa. And pizza stains weren't easy to wash out.