"After all this, what's the point? I try so hard and when we slip up it hurts us more than we can say."
These were the words Jasper said to me when he killed his fifth human. No one expected him to be perfect, but he didn't feel he deserved to be here. And it was these very same words I wanted to tell Jasper.
We had just moved to this small town of Forks in Washington. So far I liked it. It was quaint, and there weren't many people. So far as I could tell, from seeing some of the problems the local police were dealing with, death by animal wasn't uncommon around here. This meant that, should it happen which I was positive it wouldn't, we would be able to cover tracks, should they need covering.
So it was funny, more ironic really, that I found myself walking in a parking lot at the school after sundown. It was still summer holidays, so I hadn't expected anyone to be there. Mind you, our family had actually split ways before this, and Jasper and I had chosen someplace quiet, with no humans around. It had been a while for me. Probably why Jasper had opted to stay home.
So here I found myself, a vampire who hadn't eaten in two and a half weeks, alone with two humans in a vacant parking lot in a town who was currently dealing with multiple animal attacks. My mind instantly went into its hunting mode without my permission.
I've found out that, unlike Edward and Emmett and Rosalie, my mind, once in hunting mode (as I called it) could not come out until my throat was feeling substantially better. I found out that day that even after I feel substantially better I'd still crave more, were it the correct kind of blood. I was almost as bad as a new born.
Somehow sensing there was no more food to be had, or that I was finally alone, in the physical sense, I was my usual cheery, happy self. I was about to skip off, but I took my time to look at the lifeless bodies at my feet. They couldn't have been more than seventeen or eighteen years old. They were native to this part of the country, I could tell. Their skin was pale, almost translucent. That's what made me think this, the translucent ness of it. Being dead made them pale. But the translucent skin told me they hadn't seen much sun in their short lives. I bent down over the girl.
She had side bangs that, when situated correctly, covered one of her eyes. These were surrounded by black eyeliner, with very little mascara. Her nose was narrow. Her lips were red still, they were also swollen. Her hair, I now noticed, was ruffled, as if she hadn't had time to fix it that morning. The boy beside her was almost the same. His hair was trimmed short though. His face was void of any makeup, and his nose was not quite so narrow. They both had dark brown hair. The girl's was dyed. The boy's lips were swollen as well, though not so much. I looked around, expecting an angry father or a concerned mother somewhere near.
The boy's shirt was wrinkled and the girl's shirt was much looser than it should have been, suggesting that she had to put it back on after having it off. It was then that I realized that the two teenagers before me had just had a moment of intimacy. Jasper and I had had many of those moments, and knowing that these humans were almost exactly like us made me truly realize what I had just done. I turned the boy over after noticing the girl's grown out nails and looked at his back.
There was one scratch down the right side of his back, and there were a few splotches of blood along that scratch. I now understood fully why I couldn't help myself. I was positive now that, if his skin had not been broken, I would have been absolutely fine. But since this girl, this seemingly innocent, unsuspecting seemed to take after Rosalie while in the act, I had lost control.
I turned from the two teenage lovers and went to the new house we called home. I walked through the downstairs to the stairs up to the room I was currently making my own. With splashes of Jasper added in artistically. I wasn't near completion, and this might have been a good time to get closer to finishing it. I was looking around, wondering if the room would have a better look if I moved the bed to the other side of the room when Jasper came in. I didn't look at him for some time.
"Alice," he said after what I thought to be an hour. I raised my hand dismissively. I returned my arms back to being crossed over my chest. My back was facing him. I heard the rustle of clothing as he walked over to me. "Alice," he said again, softly. "What is the matter?" he asked. I didn't turn around.
"Nothing," I said just as softly. I looked at the bed again and thought about switching the dresser and the bed. I asked Jasper. "Honey, do you think we should change the positioning of the dresser and bed?" I asked in my soft voice again. I turned and looked up at him quickly, forgetting about what I had done. My furniture was demanding my attention right now. I turned back to the furniture in question and his hands found their way to my shoulders.
His hands trailed down my arms to my hands. His right hand threaded his fingers to mine and his left hand snaked around my waist. I felt his head come down to my ear, and when he was close enough I could feel his breath running down my neck. I almost lost all feeling and control in my legs.
"What happened?" he asked, his breathing coming unevenly now that he had spoken. It was back to even now that he had said his part and wasn't planning on saying anymore. I shook my head and I could feel his head arch back to avoid my hair.
"Nothing. Just a little accident," I said dismissively. I walked over to the dresser and moved it to the corner, then moved the bed to the place the dresser had been in. Jasper watched silently from the spot he hadn't moved from. His arms were crossed, but instead of looking disappointed or angry he looked sad. I stopped worrying about my furniture.
"It's alright, you know," he said softly. I knew that our conversation would only be soft today. I nodded my head to his statement. "Everyone makes mistakes. We've all had our time of shame," he said, quietly again.
"Not Rosalie," I said. I was looking at the ground steadily until his hand was under my chin, pulling my face up to look at him.
"Rosalie," he said even more softly than he had been speaking all night, "is psychotic. I love her as a sister, but she is psychotic," he said, a small smile on his face. I couldn't help the smile that crossed my own face. That smile led to laughter and after I came over my fit I took a deep breath.
"Have I told you I love you today?" I asked him, a smile still on my face. I had covered the mirrors in my room so I didn't have to look at my eyes.
"There is no need to, but I love hearing it all the same," he said. He took my hands in his and started to lead me to the mirror. Once we got there he took the towel off the mirror and held my face so I would look at myself. I had to admit, that the eyes captivated my attention fully.
"You see those eyes?" he asked in my ear, looking at me through the mirror. While he waited for my response he took my ear in his mouth and sucked lightly. I only nodded in reply. "Those are usually mine," he said, almost growled. This time he nipped my ear. He never stopped looking at me through the mirror.
"Do you want them back?" I asked him. It was meant as a sarcastic question, or one not meant to be answered, but he took a breath, getting ready to answer.
"I want them to be the same as mine," he said suddenly intensely serious. I looked away from my eyes to look at him through the mirror. It was no secret that I had helped him come back many times from slipping up over the years. He knew how hard it was for me, to see the person I loved so much, struggle with this. I never thought about what he had gone through the one other time I had slipped up. Had he felt the same? And had I completely ignored it?
"Jasper – "I started. He turned me suddenly in his arms so that I was no longer looking at him through a mirror. My lips were still parted, having been interrupted by a sudden movement in the middle of a statement.
"You've helped me too much in the past," he said, looking in my eyes. I felt like he was trying to find some sliver of doubt of my love for him and his love for me. Of course that sliver of doubt wasn't there, so he'd be looking for forever. That's what it truly felt like. Like he would never stop looking so deep into my eyes. I loved it. His face had gotten closer while I had been reminiscing. "It's my turn to help you," he said in the softest voice this evening. As soon as he finished saying that he lightly pressed his lips to mine. He put his lips to my ear again.
"Have I told you I love you yet today?"