(Bella Point Of View)
Today I'm feeling lifeless. My heart feels heavy, and I have a headache. It's late morning, almost eight fifty, and I'm still in bed. Charlie left at like six, so I just stayed in bed, the covers up to my nose.
I couldn't get him off my mind; he's like a horrible curse I'm doomed with. My eyes are all cried out and and poofy, so much as someone could say I'm "strung out" (A/N-that's a term for 'high' :D) all the time. I wish I was high, then maybe some of this pain he left me with would go away.
But now, I'm painfully sober, and fully aware of everything. Edward doesn't love me, and he's gone. Where did I go wrong? I love him, and I was pretty sure he felt the same way. I was completely taken by surprise that day in the woods.
I hate thinking about it, him. My thoughts jumble together in my brain. I literally can not from a coherent thought, at least one un-related to Edward.
But it's confusing, like my birthday wasn't that disastrous. Jasper attacked me, so what? It was an accident, and my fault. Edward didn't have to leave me. He's just running from the issue, refusing to resolve it. That's a problem.
The result? A dead, lonely, strung out Bella, and a cowardly Edward.
Charlie seems concerned, he even threatened to send me to Renee', and she send me to a consueler. Consueling is a joke. No amount of un necesary visits with a shrink can cure a broken heart and a shattered life. Too bad Charlie thinks otherwise.
I guess it's my fault Edward left, or I can take at least a little of the blame. I loved too much, too quickly. I convinced myself Edward was perfect in all ways, and that he loved me. My world revolved around Edward, and that ended in my downfall.
But Edward isn't completely innocent, either. There really was not legitamate reason for him to leave. Bloodlust is not a valid reason at all. Or danger, because I'm positive the Cullens wouldn't hurt me.
I feel like I'm growing apart from society. Like, all the world is on side A, and I'm the only one on side B.
My mom has called me like, literally, fifteen times, and alot of other people have too. Jessica, Mike, Angela, Mike, Mike, Mike. Ugh. I don't even want communication with anybody anymore.
There's only one person that I don't mind seeing: Jacob, my best friend, my only friend. He's been there for me, always, ever since Ed-he, left. I practically live in La Push now.
Jake's words repeat in my head. "It's not your fault, Bells. He left you, and he had absolutely no reason to. You did nothing wrong, Bella." I did nothing wrong. Edward's fault, Edward's fault.
I remember smiling at Jake's words of encouragement; it was the first time I smiled since Edward had been there.
Jacob was like my last ray of sunshine. He makes me smile, when I feel like crying. He's loyal. That's funny, because he's a wolf, which diverts from a dog, and dogs are loyal. Well, he's one loyal pup.
I remember I drove down to La Push after Jacob's words kept coming back to me, time and time again. I saw Jake and the Pack, and I felt home.
They all were there. The first one to notice me was Jake, of course. "Hey, Bells! Nice of you to finally show up!" He, my russet toned wolf best friend, smiled his big, toothy grin at me.
Jacob's smile caused me to smile, and forget all about Edward.
I spent all day with Jake, laughing and making jokes.
It seemed like a distant memory now, as I was reminded by my silent house and broken heart.
I couldn't help but think of Edward, and our memories together. How we met, meeting his family, prom, and more came crashing down on me like a ton of bricks.
My head, still throbbing, refused to block out those old, happy images of Edward and I, so they replayed like a black and white movie in my head, and I'm crying again.
My tears are of sadness and rage. I feel like throwing something. I'm sobbing now, all because of Edward Cullen.
Edward Cullen, the one who left me. Edward Cullen, the guy who swore up and down he loved me.
I feel like an idiot for believing the lies. If I wasn't so sure, if Edward wasn't so convincing...
I haven't eaten all day, not since yesterday morning. I wasn't hungry then, even though I ate, and I still have no appetite what so ever.
My sleeping schedule is out of wack too. I only get an hour, if that, of sleep per night. I was so used to having Edward rock me to sleep and sing to me every night I forgot how to fall asleep on my own.
When I do fall asleep, I'm bombarded by Edward. I dream about him, his face as he said those life changing words in the forest, his back facing me as he disepeared in the ever green.
Most of the time I woke up abruptly, sweating and breathing heavily. I look at my rocking chair in the corner, an automatic response to any bad dream or sleeping problem I'd have. Usually Edward would be sitting in it, rocking gently back and forth, smiling in my direction.
This tinem he wasn't;my rocking chair was still and Edward-less, like me.
I wonder what Edward's doing right now. I wonder if he knows how much I'm suffering alone with out him, and if he's suffering as much as I am. He's probably out enjoying himself;it's every guy's dream to be out the country, beautiful, and single. Why wouldn't he be taking advantage of this golden oppurtunity? Any sane male would.
Edward must hate me. Why else woud he leave me, knowing I love him, knowing how much I need him in my life, just to survive? His intention must be to hurt me, physically and emotionally.
I try not to think of it that way; it seems so harsh. But what else can I do?
I jumped at the sound of a ringing phone.
I was about to let it ring, it was probably someone I didn't want to talk to anyway, untill I saw the caller I.D.
"Hello?" A female voice responded. Talking at the speed of light, she said, "Bella, you can't let him do this!" I didn't recognize the speedy talker. "What? Huh? Let who do what?" A big sigh came from the other end of the phone. "You'll know soon enough, if you let him go through with it."
Tne line went dead; my mouth hung open. I didn't bother coming back. Whoever it was said what they had to say, even though I had no idea who it was or why they called.
I let my world come crashing down and me, and the person on the telephone knows it. It's slowly killing me inside, and I have no idea what I'm going to do.
Review please. I already have chapter 2, so if you review, you'll get more sooner...