Twisted Around, But I Don't Mind
I paced around the white room, ripping my hands through my hair, cursing God and what he had done. This was not how life was supposed to turn out for Bella and I. We were supposed to be married right now—we were supposed to be building our life together.
Then the accident happened, that fucking accident that ended everything. Any prospect of a happy future had been taken away from us in the blink of an eye.
I contemplated the reason for that accident nearly everyday. What could we have possibly done to deserve such a fate? Was it karma?
I went over all the mistakes I had made in my life, and the mistakes Bella had made in hers. However, I always came up empty handed. All of the trivial wrong doings we had done would never add up to a punishment of this extent.
Eventually I was going to have to stop dwelling on the past. It had happened and there was nothing anyone could do to take it back. There was no time turner to return us back to the night it happened. I would never get that second chance to choose staying home instead of going out.
I would also never wake up one morning to find it had all been a dream—a nightmare to be exact.
There was only one thing I accepted about the accident—that it was I who died, and not Bella. If there was one thing I could be thankful for it was the fact that she continued living. The fact that I didn't take her with me that night was fate. Proof, that she must continue living her life.
If I had taken her that night and she didn't survive I don't think I could have continued on living like Bella did. She was always so much stronger than me, though she would never consider herself a strong person.
I bet she would have considered her death inevitable, claiming that she had cheated it too many times and it finally came back and bit her in the ass. She was a danger magnet there was no use in denying something so obvious. But each time she came anywhere close to dying she always escaped, her luck is better than she thinks.
I closed my eyes and groaned. This had to be happening to us for a reason. I was a huge believer in fate—this wasn't the end for us, I wouldn't let this be the end for us. I would find a reason why this was happening—if we weren't meant to be together than I wouldn't be able to communicate with her from the afterlife.
Before that first night of contact I never believed there was a reason for what had happened. However, that night we spent together changed things. Something in the universe shifted, I could feel it.
I was no longer just wandering the world that I no longer belonged to. I was breaking the barrier between the living and the dead.
I needed to figure out what was happening, my poor Bella was probably going crazy right now. I would if I were her I was supposed to be dead for fuck's sake. This wasn't healthy for her—I was trapping her in a relationship that could never be possible unless I found out what was happening.
When I opened my eyes I saw her, standing before me with a calming smile on her face. It was the smile that always put me at ease when I was stressed, worried, or sad.
That smile was calling me home right now, but I didn't know how to answer. I still had no clue how to come and go as I pleased. Maybe tonight would be the night—it had been long enough already and all I wanted to do was hold her in my arms again, even if it was only for the night. I needed her comfort, her warmth, anything she could give me.
I let out a strangled cry, pounding my hands against the walls, screaming at the top of my lungs, "Please, please God, just let me see her!
My eyes closed on their own accord and tears poured from my eyes, leaving a trail of saltiness down cheeks and neck. I leaned my forehead against the wall and continued to cry—it was all I could do. Eventually my knees gave out and I slumped to ground, my fingers groping the wall trying to get out.
It felt like an eternity had passed when I finally opened my eyes again, I wasn't blinded by the bleached whiteness of the room I was previously in. Instead I was greeted by the warm hues of Bella's and my living room. I choked out a breath of relief and once again rested my head against the wall while reverently whispering thanks.
"God, thank you, thank you, oh God…I…thank you," I repeated it like a mantra, afraid that if I stopped I would disappear once again into nothingness.
I wish I knew what to say. That was very short but it has been sitting in my document folder for a very long time. I'm still trying to decide whether or not to finish this story but I hope you enjoyed that little bit.