This is another ONESHOT, part of Totality and Lost, more extrapolation of Jbl's motives and his eventual freak out. Corrode will also be written from Shawn's point of view somewhere down the line.
I hit him with everything that I could think of. I said he was broke down, I called him an old man. I made myself an ass like never before but he just kept looking at me that way. I poked him, I shoved him, I slapped him in the face anything to make that damn look go away.
I did everything I could to make him want to hit me, everything I could to turn this love to hate. I did everything to let him know that he did not matter, and I even tried to make him think I wanted someone else, someone very close to him.
In the end, I can still see it there, that spark, the thing that says please just don't in his eyes. He still looks like he did that night when he made me gay and so ashamed I have to run away and hide. I still think people can tell when they see me. I'm wearing a sign that says Jbl kisses other men. I make a beeline getting away from the locker room in case someone finally tells me to my face that I am queer.
By the time I stop, I am a pitiful, crying sight of a man, leaning on the side of an arena bawling like a child in the night.
I want more than anything to call this damn thing off, to go back in there get on my knees and beg for a kiss, beg him to make everything all right.
This will never be right. I am married, so is he. I have no right to feel this way, one of us has got to think inside this damn mess, but right now it can't be me, all I can do is cry here in the dark, close my eyes and hope this feeling goes away.
I do not do not do not love him. I keep saying that with my fists pressed against my eyes. I keep on saying it until someone takes my hands down and I find Shawn Michaels looking me in the eye.
no no no no no.
I pushed him away and ran like a scalded animal, he took me down from behind in the middle of the street. We rolled around in the dark while I yelled at him and flailed.
What the hell did you do to me I hate myself You made me gay l love you
I don't know how long we lay there on the ground, or when I stopped fighting and screaming somewhere down the line we ended up just lying there while I cried and he held on to me.