A/N: Greetings from the future. I am sorry this exists. Enjoy anyway?


Aerith: ! Oh, you two are so sweet, thank you! ^_^

Cloud: Huh?

Zack: You TWO?

They both stare at each other.

Cloud: Hey, I gave her my present first.

Zack: She's MY girlfriend!

Cloud: I don't see your NAME on her!

Aerith: H-hey guys, don't fight-

Zack: Who CARES? What, you want me to TATTOO my name on her?

Cloud: How DARE you even SUGGEST that! I'll kill you! *runs at Zack with a bloodcurdling roar*

Aerith: T_T Please, stop fighting...

Tifa: Oh, don't worry, Cloud will end it fast.

Aerith: I don't know... Zack's pretty strong... He might hurt Cloud!

Cloud: AHHH! That's my HAIR!

Zack: Well, it's not MY fault it's just waiting for me to rip it out of your scalp, Chocobo-Butt!

Cloud: Yours is even crazier than mine, Porcupine-face!

Tifa and Aerith: Ooh, harsh.

Tifa: I wish that Cloud would fight like that for ME...

Reno: *extremely drunk* Heeey, I'd fight like that for ya, yo...

Tifa: Oh, save it you childish, womanizing drunk.

Reno: Aww, don't say thaaat... I've alwaysh lik'dja the mosht.

Tifa: O/O R-really? They say people spill secrets when they're drunk...

Tseng: Reno, stop fraternizing with women while on duty.

Reno: Come ooon, liven up a lil bit! *hic*

Tseng: I'm perfectly alive right now, thank you.

Elena: Um, Tseng? Can I ask you something?

Tseng: What is it, Elena?

Elena: Well, it's Valentine's Day, and we've been working together for a long time...

Tseng: Yes, we have. Three years to be exact.

Elena: O/O Yeah! We have. Um, well, I was just wondering if, if you, if you would be m-my-

Reno: Juss spit it out, Elena! *hic*

Elena: I want you to be my valentine! _

Tseng: O_O ... Uh, What do you mean by "be my valentine" ...?

Elena: I want you to, uh, be my partner...

Tseng: Aren't we already partners?

Elena: I mean LIFE-PARTNERS! Not just on duty!

Tseng: O/O Um...

Elena: *thrusts a box of chocolates at him* Happy Valentine's Day! *she runs off*

Tseng: O_O *looks at the box in his hands* I don't eat candy... But I may compromise for this occasion. *eats one*

Rude: *happy tears* Elena, I'm so proud. I wish I were as brave as you... *stares at Tifa*

Rufus: Why don't you ask her?

Rude: ! *startled* Mr. President!

Rufus: Cut the formalities, please. Now, I order you to go propose to your love.

Rude: Ah, I-

Rufus: What is it? Or are you in love with your work?

Rude: I can't, Mr. President.

Rufus: You may not get another chance. Go now.

Rude: ... Very well, Mr. President. *he walks off towards Tifa, very unsteadily*

Rufus: I wonder how it will turn out...

Cid: Well, if it ain't the great president of ShinRa Inc.! And what about you? Do YOU have a valentine this year, sonny?

Shera: Don't taunt people, dear. Come on, let's go...

Cid: Aww, I'm just curious. No harm in that, right?

Rufus: Cid Highwind,It's been a while. As for my personal life it is none of your concern.

Cid: Oh, don't tell me the # $%!&$ President of ShinRa couldn't get a valentine!

Rufus: ... If you must know, I don't have time for consumer holidays.

Cid: Huh?! Is that all you think Valentine's Day is, a # $%!&$ consumer holiday?!

Shera: Honey, please-

Cid: That & $# %&! I should kick his $$!

Shera: Cid!

Cid: Fine...

Denzel: Uh, Marlene?

Marlene: Hmm? Denzel! *hugs*

Denzel: ! O/O

Marlene: What are you doing here? Did you find a valentine?

Denzel: O/O Uh, not exactly...

Marlene: Oh, that's too bad! Keep looking, okay?

Denzel: W-wait! I, uh...

Marlene: Hmm?

Denzel: I... Happy Valentine's Day! *gives her a flower*

Marlene: *gasp* Denzel! It's so pretty! Thank you so much! *hugs again*

Denzel: Yes, YES I did it!

Barret: Hey hey, what's goin' on here?

Marlene: Denzel got me a flower for Valentine's Day, Daddy! Look how pretty it is!

Denzel: O/O Heh...

Barret: Oh really? Hey Denzel, could I talk to you for a bit?

Denzel: Uh, sure... *Marlene's admiring her flower*

Barret: *gets right up in Denzel's face* I don't wanna see you getting so close to Marlene, alright? I don't want you tainting her perfect little mind, you hear?

Denzel: O_O; Yessir!

Good. If I catch you doin' anyth-

Marlene: Denzel, let's go to Tifa's bar together! I bet they're having a party! *grabs his hand*

Denzel: H-huh?

Marlene: Let's go! *they run off*

Barret: ... She's already too far gone T_T

Yuffie: VINNIE! Happy Valentine's Day! Teehee, I said "Valentine's" day.

Vincent: Why do you always come after ME?

Yuffie: Because you're the cutest, most handsome man I've ever seen!

Vincent: ... Thank you. Yuffie, there are things you don't know about me-

Yuffie: Like what? Your full name? Middle name? Age? Blood type? Bitrthplace? Birthdate? Parents? Coworkers? Sexual affiliation?

Vincent: N-no, just stop there! Ugh...

Yuffie: Then WHAAAT?

Vincent: *sigh* There's someone I love... well, LOVED...

Yuffie: Loved? Then you don't love them anymore? Then it's okay, right?

Vincent: No! I'm not fully over what happened...

Hojo's voice in Vincent's head: Muahahaha, I totally won, Valentine!

Vincent: ! O_O

Yuffie: Vinnie?

Hojo: Lucrecia, she's so pretty and strong, isn't she? And I have her! Muahahaha!

Vincent: What the # $%?

Yuffie: Vinnie, what's wrong? You're scaring me!

Vincent: No, no, no... T_T *starts walking away, sulking* The memories... they burn..

Yuffie: *follows* Vincent! Please, answer me! VINCENT! I'm SORRY! T_T

Sephiroth: I've been waiting for this moment for a long time, mother.

Jenova: Really? How long exactly?

Sephiroth: Time matters not anymore mother, for I've finally found you..

Jenova: ?

Sephiroth: Happy Valentine's Day, my sweet, sweet mother. *hugs the bloody Jenova head*

Jenova: Oh, thank you so much ^_^ You're such a sweet son.

Kadaj: Brother, why does he always hog mother?

Loz: *sniff*

Yazoo: Don't cry, Loz. We'll beat him one day, then take mother for ourselves!

Kadaj: No, mother wouldn't want that! She would hate us for it!

Loz: Well, does that mean we have to wait our turn? *puppy eyes*

Sephiroth just stands there hugging his mommy's head.

Kadaj, Loz, and Yazoo: ... *sigh*

Kadaj: That &!#$% is going down one day.

Rufus: *scoffs at them* What are you three still doing here? Still after Jenova's neck?

Kadaj: How dare you! Don't talk about mother that way!

Yazoo: I won't forgive you!

Rufus: Heh, still easy as ever to rile up.

Rude: *walks back, sulking*

Rufus: How did it go?

Rude: I was, rejected... T_T

Rufus: Huh... Did she say why?

Rude: She, she still loves someone else...

Rufus: Strife, correct?

Rude: Yes T_T

Rufus: Ah. Well, no matter. I'm sure you'll find someone sooner or later.

Rude: Thank you, Mr. President.

Jessie: Wow, Denzel and Marlene. Totally didn't see that coming.

Biggs: Are you serious?

Jessie: Of course not! They're perfect for each other!

Biggs: If you say so...

Jessie: Hey...

Biggs: Yeah?

Jessie: Happy Valentine's Day ^_^

Biggs: Heh, I was waiting for you to say that. Here. *hands her a bomb-making kit*

Jessie: Oh, you shouldn't have! *hugs*

Wedge: *teary eyed* This is the best Valentine's Day ever. *hugs his bag of chocolate from Jessie and Biggs*

The End. Or something...