A/N: Greetings from the future. I am sorry this exists. Enjoy anyway?
Cloud and Zack: HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, AERITH!
Aerith: ! Oh, you two are so sweet, thank you! ^_^
Zack: You TWO?
They both stare at each other.
Cloud: Hey, I gave her my present first.
Zack: She's MY girlfriend!
Cloud: I don't see your NAME on her!
Aerith: H-hey guys, don't fight-
Zack: Who CARES? What, you want me to TATTOO my name on her?
Cloud: How DARE you even SUGGEST that! I'll kill you! *runs at Zack with a bloodcurdling roar*
Aerith: T_T Please, stop fighting...
Tifa: Oh, don't worry, Cloud will end it fast.
Aerith: I don't know... Zack's pretty strong... He might hurt Cloud!
Cloud: AHHH! That's my HAIR!
Zack: Well, it's not MY fault it's just waiting for me to rip it out of your scalp, Chocobo-Butt!
Cloud: Yours is even crazier than mine, Porcupine-face!
Tifa and Aerith: Ooh, harsh.
Tifa: I wish that Cloud would fight like that for ME...
Reno: *extremely drunk* Heeey, I'd fight like that for ya, yo...
Tifa: Oh, save it you childish, womanizing drunk.
Reno: Aww, don't say thaaat... I've alwaysh lik'dja the mosht.
Tifa: O/O R-really? They say people spill secrets when they're drunk...
Tseng: Reno, stop fraternizing with women while on duty.
Reno: Come ooon, liven up a lil bit! *hic*
Tseng: I'm perfectly alive right now, thank you.
Elena: Um, Tseng? Can I ask you something?
Tseng: What is it, Elena?
Elena: Well, it's Valentine's Day, and we've been working together for a long time...
Tseng: Yes, we have. Three years to be exact.
Elena: O/O Yeah! We have. Um, well, I was just wondering if, if you, if you would be m-my-
Reno: Juss spit it out, Elena! *hic*
Elena: I want you to be my valentine! _
Tseng: O_O ... Uh, What do you mean by "be my valentine" ...?
Elena: I want you to, uh, be my partner...
Tseng: Aren't we already partners?
Elena: I mean LIFE-PARTNERS! Not just on duty!
Tseng: O/O Um...
Elena: *thrusts a box of chocolates at him* Happy Valentine's Day! *she runs off*
Tseng: O_O *looks at the box in his hands* I don't eat candy... But I may compromise for this occasion. *eats one*
Rude: *happy tears* Elena, I'm so proud. I wish I were as brave as you... *stares at Tifa*
Rufus: Why don't you ask her?
Rude: ! *startled* Mr. President!
Rufus: Cut the formalities, please. Now, I order you to go propose to your love.
Rude: Ah, I-
Rufus: What is it? Or are you in love with your work?
Rude: I can't, Mr. President.
Rufus: You may not get another chance. Go now.
Rude: ... Very well, Mr. President. *he walks off towards Tifa, very unsteadily*
Rufus: I wonder how it will turn out...
Cid: Well, if it ain't the great president of ShinRa Inc.! And what about you? Do YOU have a valentine this year, sonny?
Shera: Don't taunt people, dear. Come on, let's go...
Cid: Aww, I'm just curious. No harm in that, right?
Rufus: Cid Highwind,It's been a while. As for my personal life it is none of your concern.
Cid: Oh, don't tell me the # $%!&$ President of ShinRa couldn't get a valentine!
Rufus: ... If you must know, I don't have time for consumer holidays.
Cid: Huh?! Is that all you think Valentine's Day is, a # $%!&$ consumer holiday?!
Shera: Honey, please-
Cid: That & $# %&! I should kick his $$!
Denzel: Uh, Marlene?
Marlene: Hmm? Denzel! *hugs*
Denzel: ! O/O
Marlene: What are you doing here? Did you find a valentine?
Denzel: O/O Uh, not exactly...
Marlene: Oh, that's too bad! Keep looking, okay?
Denzel: W-wait! I, uh...
Denzel: I... Happy Valentine's Day! *gives her a flower*
Marlene: *gasp* Denzel! It's so pretty! Thank you so much! *hugs again*
Denzel: Yes, YES I did it!
Barret: Hey hey, what's goin' on here?
Marlene: Denzel got me a flower for Valentine's Day, Daddy! Look how pretty it is!
Denzel: O/O Heh...
Barret: Oh really? Hey Denzel, could I talk to you for a bit?
Denzel: Uh, sure... *Marlene's admiring her flower*
Barret: *gets right up in Denzel's face* I don't wanna see you getting so close to Marlene, alright? I don't want you tainting her perfect little mind, you hear?
Denzel: O_O; Yessir!
Good. If I catch you doin' anyth-
Marlene: Denzel, let's go to Tifa's bar together! I bet they're having a party! *grabs his hand*
Marlene: Let's go! *they run off*
Barret: ... She's already too far gone T_T
Yuffie: VINNIE! Happy Valentine's Day! Teehee, I said "Valentine's" day.
Vincent: Why do you always come after ME?
Yuffie: Because you're the cutest, most handsome man I've ever seen!
Vincent: ... Thank you. Yuffie, there are things you don't know about me-
Yuffie: Like what? Your full name? Middle name? Age? Blood type? Bitrthplace? Birthdate? Parents? Coworkers? Sexual affiliation?
Vincent: N-no, just stop there! Ugh...
Yuffie: Then WHAAAT?
Vincent: *sigh* There's someone I love... well, LOVED...
Yuffie: Loved? Then you don't love them anymore? Then it's okay, right?
Vincent: No! I'm not fully over what happened...
Hojo's voice in Vincent's head: Muahahaha, I totally won, Valentine!
Vincent: ! O_O
Hojo: Lucrecia, she's so pretty and strong, isn't she? And I have her! Muahahaha!
Vincent: What the # $%?
Yuffie: Vinnie, what's wrong? You're scaring me!
Vincent: No, no, no... T_T *starts walking away, sulking* The memories... they burn..
Yuffie: *follows* Vincent! Please, answer me! VINCENT! I'm SORRY! T_T
Sephiroth: I've been waiting for this moment for a long time, mother.
Jenova: Really? How long exactly?
Sephiroth: Time matters not anymore mother, for I've finally found you..
Sephiroth: Happy Valentine's Day, my sweet, sweet mother. *hugs the bloody Jenova head*
Jenova: Oh, thank you so much ^_^ You're such a sweet son.
Kadaj: Brother, why does he always hog mother?
Yazoo: Don't cry, Loz. We'll beat him one day, then take mother for ourselves!
Kadaj: No, mother wouldn't want that! She would hate us for it!
Loz: Well, does that mean we have to wait our turn? *puppy eyes*
Sephiroth just stands there hugging his mommy's head.
Kadaj, Loz, and Yazoo: ... *sigh*
Kadaj: That &!#$% is going down one day.
Rufus: *scoffs at them* What are you three still doing here? Still after Jenova's neck?
Kadaj: How dare you! Don't talk about mother that way!
Yazoo: I won't forgive you!
Rufus: Heh, still easy as ever to rile up.
Rude: *walks back, sulking*
Rufus: How did it go?
Rude: I was, rejected... T_T
Rufus: Huh... Did she say why?
Rude: She, she still loves someone else...
Rufus: Strife, correct?
Rude: Yes T_T
Rufus: Ah. Well, no matter. I'm sure you'll find someone sooner or later.
Rude: Thank you, Mr. President.
Jessie: Wow, Denzel and Marlene. Totally didn't see that coming.
Biggs: Are you serious?
Jessie: Of course not! They're perfect for each other!
Biggs: If you say so...
Jessie: Happy Valentine's Day ^_^
Biggs: Heh, I was waiting for you to say that. Here. *hands her a bomb-making kit*
Jessie: Oh, you shouldn't have! *hugs*
Wedge: *teary eyed* This is the best Valentine's Day ever. *hugs his bag of chocolate from Jessie and Biggs*
The End. Or something...