DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GUNDAM.
Warning: Offensive and disturbing humor.
"HAPPY FUN TIMES MEISTERS VALENTINE SPECIAL!"
ST. MINEVA ZABI HIGH SCHOOL
"Class, don't forget about your homework." Anavel Gato told the class after the bell rang. "You need to write an essay on why the Earth Federation is nothing but a bunch of pigs that pollute the planet Earth and how the Principality of Zeon will stop at nothing-
"Gato-sensei." Kiki Rosita raised her hand. "You teach physics so how is this relevant to the subject?"
The grey-haired Zeon ace gritted his teeth and clenched both his fists. "Because thanks to those bastards, our souls are being held down by Earth's gravity! Gravity is related to Physics, right? We're talking about gravity."
"Anyway, class, the bell has ringed so y'all can go home now. Oh and don't forget tomorrow is Valentine's Day. Remember what Principal Gihren Zabi said during the emergency assembly this morning. Classes will be suspended but everyone must be present at school. The girls then will give the boys chocolate and do all that lovey-dovey crap. Of course the same thing could be expected when White Day hits the scene but Valentine is more popular and overrated so we're focusing on that. You should be thankful because only St. Mineva High will do this kind of thing. Principal Gihren Zabi wants all of you to relish your high school years and make beautiful memories. You don't see this happening on a Federation school. Well all the teachers will be out tomorrow since we're gonna have a basketball match against those blasted Feddie MSV aces. Frigging bastards. So that means the students will have the school all for themselves and of course! We prepared everything in case any of you hormone enraged kiddies decide to have a little secret rendezvous. The infirmary, library, sound-proofed music room, AVR, gym storage and even the janitor's closet are all available." Gato then faced the readers and bowed down. "Of course safe se-
"SENSEI!" Louise Halevy stood up. "This is not a Hentai manga. I mean the gym storage!? That is so clichéd and boring. There is no romance, for fudge's sakes."
"At least scold me for encouraging the students to have an ecchi moment." A sweat drop appeared above Gato's head. "Anyway." He cleared his throat. "Everyone should prepare for tomorrow's lovey-dovey fest. Especially you, Saji-kun!" He pointed to the young man. "You generic harem anime male protagonist that is oh-so full of indecisiveness and all that shit. Prepare because tomorrow you're a marked man."
"Eh!?" He said in surprised and suddenly he could feel the piercing gazes of Christina Sierra, Flay Allster and even his older sister who is spying on him outside the building while hiding in the bushes.
"And that's what my teacher said." Saji sighed while cleaning the beer mugs behind the bar. "Maybe I shouldn't go to school tomorrow."
"Idiot." Lockon Stratos a.k.a Neil Dylandy gave him an epic punch. So epic it could give Bright Noa an epic boner of epic proportions. "You're a man, Saji-kun. Real men will brave this treacherous obstacle and like a real man, you will accept those chocolates and let yourself be surrounded by the nubile bodies of these young girls. Thus, opening the coveted harem route that will lead you to the ultra epic harem ending where you get to fudge all the girls. At the same time." He gave a thumbs-up. "Trust me, kiddo. I'm an adult."
"Boss, you really should stop playing those ero games. It's rotting your brain."
"REAL MEN PLAY EROGE!!!" He punched him again.
"Geez, Lockon." Shinn Asuka said and wiped his mouth after chugging down his beer mug. "Stop punching him like that. You'll give Saji-kun brain damage."
"Holy shit." Both of them gasped at the ZAFT ace pilot.
"You're a guy again, Shinn."
"Oh that." He crossed his arms. "The effects of the GN particles wore off so I'm back to normal."
"So you didn't get space aids or GN cancer or something?" Asked Saji.
"No." He shook his head. "Anyway, enough about me. What are you going to do now, Saji? You just gonna bury your head in the ground like a pussy or you're gonna cowboy the fudge up and face it like a man?"
"Well I guess it can't be helped." He made his decision. "I'll muster my courage and do my best." His voice is now full of confidence and determination.
"Oh Saji-kun." Allelujah Haptism appeared. "Someone told me to give this to you." The Gundam Meister then handed him a pink letter full of glitters and frilly things. Heart shaped paper cut outs are pasted on both sides of the letter.
"Really?" He took the letter and opened it. "Oh no." His face became pale after reading the contents. "I'm doomed. It's from Flay Allster and she said she'll give me chocolates whether I like it or not. Oh and she said she's watching me twenty four seven. Oh Louise is so gonna get pissed if she read this." He lamented. "Oh no."
"Tomorrow is so gonna be epic." Lockon closed his eyes and smiled.
"Cheers." Shinn raised his beer mug.
"Oh c'mon don't be like that." Allelujah smiled nervously. "I'm sure tomorrow will just be fine, Saji." He tried to console the boy.
"I'm coming." Saji said after someone knocked on his door. He opened it and is surprised to see Louise standing on his doorway. "Oh hi." He greeted her.
"I hope I'm not disturbing you." She smiled.
"N-No! Of course not!" He chuckled. "Come in. Please do come in." He invited her and she complied. "So what can I do for you, Louise?" He asked after she sat on his bed. "Is there something you want?"
"Umm…Saji…uh…we're officially a couple, right?"
"Yes! Of course we are." He blushed. "Why are you asking such a silly question?" He sat beside her and held her hand.
"Then it's my obligation to give you chocolates tomorrow."
"You don't need to feel obliged, Louise." A sweat drop appeared on his head. "I don't mind if you give me some, in fact it will be nice if you do." He then realized something. "Wait…if you feel obligated then your chocolates would be nothing but obligation chocolates. Oh I see." He hanged his head and sighed.
"Of course not!" She stood up. "Of course it won't be obligation chocolates. I'll give them to you because you're my boyfriend! I'll make you the best hand-made chocolates and I'll give them to you because Saji Crossroad is my beloved boyfriend!"
"…" The young man was speechless and his face is beet red.
Realizing what she said, Louise also blushed and steam came out of her ears. "I…umm…well…I…you…the…" She mumbled incoherently.
"Cute." Flay Allster came out from Saji's closet. "But unacceptable."
"F-F-Flay!? What are you doing inside my closet?" He peaked inside and discovered several boxes of canned food, oxygen tanks, shoujo mangas and a small futon. "Oh sweet fudge monkeys! You've been living inside my closet!?"
"Yup." She nodded while staring coldly at the blonde-haired Spaniard. "Didn't I say in my letter that I would be watching you twenty four seven? Your closet is the perfect place for me to observe you. Also, it's full of Saji's embarrassing things! Kyaaah! Full of embarrassing things! So embarrassing it makes my heart beat fast."
"What IS wrong with you!?" The young man was deeply horrified.
"What letter?" Louise raised an eyebrow.
"Oooooh." Flay sat beside her and grinned evilly. "Just a declaration of intent."
"So you're going to give Saji-kun chocolates! I knew it! Well I won't let that happen. I know I've been soft on Saji and his would-be suitors but I had it. I had enough of this crap! This time I'm fighting for what is mine!"
"Then bring it on, bovine princess!" Kinue kicked the door down. "Your gigantic boobies won't stop my sisterly love."
"I won't lose!" Christina crashed inside the room through the window. "Saji-kun is my destined lover and I'll take him away from your clutches. That I promise!"
"Eeeeeeeeyaaaaaargh!" Saji screamed in fear and ran outside.
"Well look on the bright side." Louise slapped her forehead in exasperation. "At least Mama had to go back to Spain for business."
ST. MINEVA ZABI HIGH SCHOOL
The place is full of laughter and happiness. Couples walking hand in hand in lovey-dovey mode. Girls giving out chocolates to boys. Boys accepting their sweet milky treat with smiles on their faces. Everything is all pink and bubbly. Indeed, Valentine's Day is in full blossom and you can tell by just feeling the warm and fluffy atmosphere. "And to hell we ride." Saji mumbled to himself while standing in front of the gate. Louise wasn't with him. She was already gone when he woke up that morning so that means she probably went ahead of him. "So tell me why you guys are here too?" He asked Lockon, Klaus, Shinn, Allelujah, Marie, Setsuna, and Tieria. All of them are standing behind him with stupid grins on their faces.
"Because you told us the teachers went to a basketball match, right?" Lockon placed his hand on his shoulder. "As responsible adults, we just can't let a bunch of hormone enraged teenagers go wild in the school."
"Trust us, kiddo." Klaus gave a thumbs-up. "We're adults."
"We're here just to see the love-filled enjoyment of young couples." Both Allelujah and Marie said in unison and they both giggled.
"I'm here for my Lockon-chan." Tieria said happily. "Ne Lockon-chan, did you like the chocolates I gave you this morning? I know they came from a shop since I can't make hand-made chocolates but I'm sure you felt my feelings when I gave them to you. The feelings I have in my heart. The very same feelings that stir me up inside. Ooooooooooh I feel so hot and bothered right now. I can't wait for White Day."
"Seriously, he scares the shit out of me." Klaus whispered to Lockon. "Not even the Gundam Wing boys are like this."
"What about you, Setsuna?" The Japanese-American asked the Krugis boy.
"Oh I know what he's gonna say." Tieria interrupted. "He's just gonna say Gundam. Gundam this and Gundam that. Man, you're getting pretty redundant now, Setsuna."
"So says the big twinkie and his overdone Lockon pairing jokes." Shinn sneered at him. "Tieria, you're the poster boy for redundancy."
"I'm not here for Gundam." Setsuna said in his usual monotone and dead-pan voice. "I heard the curry bread they sell here are pretty good so I came to check."
"Oh yeah." Saji snapped his fingers. "I remember telling you that."
"Well!" Marie said suddenly. "Me and Allelujah are going to that kiosk over there and make-out." The couple then hopped away while holding hands.
"Aren't they the happy couple?" Lockon frowned. "They're so lovey-dovey that it's kinda getting annoying. Really, it's gag-o-riffic on a grand fudging scale."
"Dude, you sound bitter."
"Sorry." He apologized. "It's just that I got a bad ending on the eroge I was playing last night. I was about to trigger an H-scene on these hot twins when I picked the wrong choice. I should have saved, dammit! Instead of getting some hot moe action, I got kicked out of the house." He was nearly in tears. "Bah! Whatever! It's Valentine's Day and I'm in unsupervised high school. There's bound to be some H-scenes around here and I'm gonna find them! Find them I will, dammit!" He raised his hand and ran towards the school. "Yooooosh! Sacred hentai gods, guide me to fortune! Your beloved son, Neil Dylandy, heeds your call!"
"Lockon-chan, wait for me!" The purple-haired Meister ran after him.
"The fudge was that all about?" Shinn scratched his head.
"Well I did warn him that playing too much hentai games will turn a person into a raving maniac." Klaus then puts his arm around Saji's shoulder. "Let's go, kiddo. Since I play the role of a cool adult, I'll make sure you get to your room safely so you can receive Louise-chan's hand-made chocolates."
"Klaus-san." Saji's face went all sparkly with gratitude and happiness.
"Stop that, kid. You're making me sick."
"See? Didn't I tell you I'll safely take you to your class room, Saji?"
"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you so much, Klaus-san." Saji repeatedly bowed his head.
"No biggie, kiddo." He said while doing a cool pose. "I'm one of those really cool adult characters. Heck, I'm the motherfudging Roy Focker of Gundam. Maybe the reason why those girls didn't attack you yet is because they saw me. They felt the sheer badassity of my character and turned tail. I, Klaus Grad, the cool adult character of Gundam 00 will make sure---urk!" His neck suddenly gets hit by a tranquilizer dart. Saji and the others turned their attention to the shooter, it was none other than Flay Allster.
"Oh shit." Shinn gasped. "She shot Klaus-san."
"Guys, it's cool! It's cool! I'm cool! It's only a tranquilizer dart so there's nothing to worry about except for me going unconscious for a few hours. Oh dear…I think I'm feeling the effects now." He stumbled. "Oh sweet loving fudge monkeys of Tomino! My legs are going numb…oh crappity boo da boo! My vision is getting blurry and I feel like I'm going to puke my guts out. Wait…is that Mama? Mama! I'm seeing Mama! Wait…you're with Papa! Oh no! You and Papa are doing embarrassing things again! It was just like that time when I was still a kid, I barged inside your bedroom and both of you are doing embarrassing things. Touching each others' embarrassing parts. It was so embarrassing! Oh Mama and Papa are embarrassing." He then slumped to the ground and snoozed away to dreamland while sucking his thumb.
"Okaaaaaaay, that was very disturbing." Saji said and Setsuna silently nodded in agreement.
"Note to self: never let Klaus-san get shot by a tranquilizer gun again." Shinn said and wrote it on his small notebook.
"My beloved Saji." Flay approached the trembling boy. "I will now give you your Valentine's chocolate." She snapped her fingers and a bathtub full of chocolate appeared out of nowhere like magic. I dunno why but HFTM logic is really bad logic. It's the kind of kind of logic that makes you go all ragey. Wait a minute…ragey is not even a word. Oh for fudge's sakes, let's continue with the story. "I will cover my whole body with chocolate." She stripped off her clothes. Yes, her clothes so that means she's all naked like the day she was born.
"Ten points for the epic fanservice." Shinn pulled out a sign that has the number ten on it. Setsuna also did the same. All of Saji's male classmates started cheering like crazy while the females all looked each other with puzzled and horrified expressions.
"What are you doing, Miss Flay?" Saji gulped. "Put your clothes back on. Aren't you ashamed of what you're doing?"
"If it's for you then I know no shame, my love." She then pointed to the tub full of chocolate. "I'm going to cover my whole body with chocolate and you will lick me clean."
"Do it, you asshole!" His male classmates shouted. "Make us proud, Saji!"
"I can't do that! I have a girlfriend and she will give me chocolates today! So I can't do it. I'm sorry, Miss Flay."
"SAAAAAAJI!!!" The red-haired girl grabbed his head. "I WILL COVER MY WHOLE BODY WITH CHOCOLATE AND YOU WILL LICK ME CLEAN! THEN YOU WILL LOVE ME AND YOU WILL LIKE IT." She screamed with a crazed look on her face. "YOU WILL LOVE ME FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND-
"Not if I can help it!" Shinn pulled Saji away and gave him to Setsuna. "Take him and get the hell out of dodge, Setsuna." He then blocked Flay's path and glanced back at the young Gundam Meister. "Make sure to tell everyone how I valiantly sacrificed my life in order to save Saji-kun. With this heroic and noble act of self sacrifice, I shall redeem myself. No longer will the people remember me as the douche bag protagonist of SEED Destiny. The guy who got his spotlight stolen by a beam spamming crybaby and demoted to being just an over glorified grunt. Can I trust you on that, Setsuna? Will you tell the people about my epic sacrifice to save a friend's life?"
"Gundam." He replied. "Shinn is a…Gundam."
"I'll take that as a yes." He nodded. "Now run, Setsuna! Run like the dickens and take to Saji to safety. Fly, my precious friends! Fly!"
"Well maybe this is a good time to try those curry breads." Setsuna said and dragged Saji out of the classroom.
"Wait, my love! Don't leave me!" Flay called out to them.
"Back away, Gundam yandere. Back away to the abyss and trouble my friend no more, wench."
"Out of the way, you emo freak." She hissed. "Or else I'll rip your eyeballs out of their sockets and replace them with Megaman gashapons!"
"I won't go down that easily, baby." The ZAFT ace pilot smiled and pulled out his pink cellphone. "Say have you seen Zeta Gundam or Gundam Double Zeta? Remember the part where Kamille or Judau activated the bio sensors of their Gundams? Channeling the spirits of their dead friends to power-up their suits. Well lemme just inform you that my pink cellphone has the very same feature."
"You're shitting me."
"Then be amazed by the power of my pink cellphone!" He raised the phone and goes into SEED mode. "Activate bio-sensor! Mayu-chan, give Onii-chan your strength so he can fight off this beast." The phone then started glowing brightly.
"That's impossible!" Flay was surprised. "But you're not a Newtype!"
"Who cares! Mitsuo Fukuda created me so maybe there's a possibility that I'm a Newtype. Just look at Kira Yamato." He said. "Anyway stop questioning logic! I'm about to do something epic here."
"You there!" Shinn pointed to a random male student. "Play something epic for the background music."
"Roger." He answered and pulled out a stereo. The student switches it on and a Yoko Kanno orchestral piece plays in the background.
The classroom disappears and everyone find themselves in a weird ethereal world. The spirits of Shinn's parents appear to help out their son. "Don't worry! We'll lend you our strength, son."
"Get the fudge out, you guys!" Shinn kicked them away. "I want my precious Mayu-chan, not you two."
"Onii-chan!" Mayu popped out and floated towards her brother. "Mayu will give Onii-chan her strength."
"Mayu-chan!" He was in tears. "Give me your strength."
"Dude, this is fudged-up." A male student whispered to his friend.
"No kidding." The friend whispered back.
"Flay Allster, we will show you the power of our love!" Shinn went super saiyan after his sister embraced him.
"It's the wrong kind of love, you son of a bitch!" She retorted.
SOMEWHERE IN THE BAHAMAS
Amuro Ray was sunbathing with Sayla Mass and Beltorchika Irma on the beach when he felt Shinn's tremendous power. He stood up and removed his sunglasses. "Damn it." Blood is coming out of his ears and eyes. "Shinn Asuka, you bastard! I shouldn't have asked Anaheim to install the bio-sensor program in your blasted cellphone! I'm getting weird images! Oh you sick fudge, I knew it! I knew you wanna do that to your sister!"
BACK IN ST. MINEVA HIGH
"Onii-chan, let's do it!" Ghost Mayu held his hand.
"Remember this, Stellar."
"It's Flay, you moron."
"Sorry." He apologized. "Remember this, Flay. Combining is where two doting siblings collide! It's where a big brother's spirit is ablaze! The farthest combination!" He imitated Kamina from Gurren Lagann. "Who the hell do you think we are! Witness our finishing move! GIGA ONII-CHAN BREA-
"Oh shut-up." Flay shot him with the tranquilizer gun and he dropped to the floor without a word.
"I think we're safe for now." Saji stopped to catch his breath. "I wonder if Shinn is going to be fine."
"He was a Gundam."
"…" Saji then cleared his throat. "Anyway, let's go search for Louise. I'm sure she's around here somewhere."
"Yo Saji!" Katz Kobayashi greeted him with a smile. "Watcha doing here? By the way, did you receive your Valentine's chocolate from Louise-chan yet? I already got mine from Sarah a while ago."
"Katz, have you seen Louise? I'm looking for her." He asked, still panting.
"I saw her behind the gym a few minutes ago." He answered.
"Behind the gym?"
"Yup." He nodded.
"What is she doing there?"
"Probably looking for you. Anyway how about we-
"Nena Trinity!" The female Gundam Throne pilot suddenly bashed Katz's head with a steel bat from behind. The young AEUG member went down to the floor like a heavy sack of potatoes. "Nena Trinity!" She said again and made a V sign.
"N-N-N-N-N-Nena!?" Saji gasped in horror while Setsuna just grunted. "Why…why did you hit Katz? Oh God! Red liquid is coming out his mouth and he's twitching like crazy. Hurry! Let's take him to the infirmary for medical attention!"
"Don't sweat it." Nena giggled. "I mean its Katz. Nobody likes him anyway."
Saji thinks for a moment. "I guess you're right."
"So…uh…okay…it's Valentine's Day, right? So…uh…in Japan, girls give gifts to boys, right? Is that right?"
"So since I like Setsuna, I should give him a gift."
"That's the basic gist of it. Uh, Nena, you don't know about Valentine's Day?"
"Nena was raised in a lab so I don't know anything about Valentine's Day."
"A lab?" Setsuna raised an eyebrow.
"Read the Gundam 00 official novels by Tooru Kimura. According to the books, we're designer babies created by Ribbons Almark a.k.a girly Amuro Ray. He used few parts of his DNA to give us Innovator-like traits and that's the reason why I can interface with VEDA and use Quantum Brainwaves. Well according to the books anyway."
"Are the books even canon?" Saji was skeptical. "I mean…uh…they're not like the Hathaway's Flash novels are they? Those books were like semi-canon or something. Love the Xi Gundam's design though."
"Well the books said Ribbons was the pilot of 0 Gundam before the broadcast of episode fourteen of Gundam 00 second season. That's canon enough for me."
"Here's my Valentine's gift." Nena handed Setsuna a bloody heart.
"They say during Valentine's Day, you should give people hearts. So I killed a deer and took out its heart. Happy Valentine's Day, Se-chan."
"Okay, you don't like the heart then." She grabbed it back and tossed the bloody organ away. The heart bounces on the floor and hits a passing female student right on the face. "Here are some chocolates." She pulled out a small red box and opened it, revealing little chocolate bars shaped like the Gundam Exia's head." I kidnapped someone and forced her to make me these since I don't know how to bake." She handed Setsuna the box and the young Meister took it.
Setsuna picked one and nibbled it. He closed his eyes for one whole minute, relishing the taste. "It's good." He said and gobbled it all up.
"Really?" Nena was happy and started jumping up and down. "Now that I gave you some Valentine chocolates, how about you give me a quick peck on the cheek." She said and leaned a bit closer to the young man.
"Now come on. Just a quick kiss."
"C'mon! Kiss Nena on the cheek, Se-chan."
"A little kiss wouldn't hurt so hurry up and do it."
"Or is it chocolate is…Gundam?" He gobbled another chocolate bar.
"Se-chan, I only want one kiss."
"Chocolate…Gundam. I should write a letter to Bandai and capitalize on it."
"One kiss! One kiss!"
"RX-78 Gundam…with caramel." He continued to ignore her.
"Just one kiss, that's all I'm asking for." She continued to beg him.
"Then after making chocolate versions of all of the Gundam units…we move to the MSV department. A Zollidia Desert Type figure from Victory Gundam and when you open the cockpit hatch, little chocolate bits come out. Obscure but delightful."
"KISS ME, GODDAMMIT!!!" Nena slapped Setsuna so hard that he was sent crashing outside through the school windows. "Oh no! I didn't mean to hit him that hard." She said and quickly jumped out to check on him.
"Huh?" A sweat drop appeared on Saji's head. Suddenly, two gloved hands grabbed him from the shadows, covering his mouth and waist. "Mmmmppph!" The young man began to violently thrash around his captor's grip.
"Saji, it's me." The young Japanese-American's eyes were wide open after hearing the voice of his captor.
"Shhhh!" Bernard Wiseman gestured to him to keep his voice down. "Quiet, kiddo, or else one of your fans might hear and attack us."
"O-Okay." He nodded.
"Don't worry, I got all the details, no need to explain the situation to me." The former member of the Cyclops squad said and put his hands inside the pockets of his bomber jacket.
"It's been tough, Bernie-san. I mean Flay wants to cover her whole body with chocolate and asking me to lick her clean."
"That bad, huh?" Bernie asked, understanding the situation.
"Yeah." He nodded. "Also I'm looking for Louise. I heard from a classmate of mine that she's near the school gym."
"Are you going to help me, Bernie-san?"
"Of course." He answered proudly. "It's not like I have anything good to do."
"Oh thank goodness." Saji sighed with relief. "Thanks, Bernie-san."
A noise startled the two, Bernie drew out a silenced Sig SP2022 from the shoulder holster, concealed by his jacket. It was only the gravely injured Katz Kobayashi, crawling towards them as he hangs on to dear life. "Oh it's just the annoying kid from Zeta Gundam." He relaxed and hid his pistol again. "Don't worry, I'll help you find Louise so you can receive your chocolates."
"Help me…help…" Katz pleaded.
"Then let's hurry and go to the gym." Saji said.
"Roger." Bernie saluted and zipped up his jacket.
"I'm glad you're here, Bernie-san." Saji smiled at him.
Bernie handed an empty cardboard box to Saji. "You'll need this."
Saji was confused when he got the box. "What's this for?"
"When it all comes down to it, you'll thank me that you're able to use this box to save your life."
"Now let us make haste." The two quickly exited the building to find Louise, leaving poor Katz.
"I hope…you guys…burn…in hell." Katz groaned and loses consciousness again.
Kinue wiped the sweat off her forehead after she and Christina finished tying up Louise. They tricked her into going to the back of the gym by making a fake letter. "Silly girl, I didn't know you were that easy to trick." She mocked. "You easily believed the letter was written by Saji. Lovers meeting behind the gym is really quite the clichés especially in romantic animes. Well I bet you didn't expect me teaming up with Christina here."
"The enemy of my enemy is my friend." Christina giggled. "I can't wait to give Saji-kun my homemade chocolates."
"Yup." Kinue knocked Chris unconscious by zapping her with a taser. "The enemy of my enemy is my enemy indeed." She grabbed the two and dragged them to the gym storage room. "Don't worry I'm not that heartless, girls. I'll let you two go once I'm done with Saji."
Before she could turn the doorknob of the storage room, she suddenly heard voices coming from inside the room. "Please be gentle with me." It was Marie Parfacy's voice.
"I love you." It was now Allelujah's voice she heard.
"Wait up, what's going on inside?" Kinue started blushing and strange ideas are now forming inside her head.
"Is this alright?"
"Don't worry. We'll start slow."
"Oh dear." Steam is now coming out of Kinue's ears as her face becomes even redder than before.
"Oh…don't touch me there."
"I'm sorry…I just couldn't control myself."
"I…Marie…it's so soft."
"Wait my head…my head! It's throbbing!"
"You're gonna give me head! How daring!"
"No! I said my head is throbbing like crazy!"
"My Quantum Brainwaves! No!"
"MARIE!!! Could it be? Is it the effect of the GN particles? I know I parked the Arios Gundam beside the gym and set it on stand-by mode. Maybe because we're near the solar reactor or something. It's emitting GN particles and we're being affected! Oh what was I thinking! Oh…no…this time it's me. My head! MY HEAD!"
"SAY MY NAME, YOU DEFECT! SAY MY MOTHERFUDGING NAME, SUBJECT E-0057! SAY MY NAME!"
"Know your place, woman!"
"An H-scene at last!" Lockon popped out of nowhere along with Tieria.
"Iyaaah!" The purple-haired Meister clung to the Irishman. "Let's make our own H-scene instead of finding one."
"Like hell!" He kicked down the door of the gym storage room and barged inside, surprising the couple. "My clicking finger is itching and I'm picking A, B or C! H-scene all the way, baby! The hell you two staring at? Make with the lovey-lovey so I can save the CGI and complete the game." He laughed like a maniac.
"Lockon, I think you played too much Hentai games." Allelujah tried to reason with him. "Stop this at once. You're embarrassing Marie."
"I pick C! Put it in! Put it in!" Lockon has finally snapped and is now cackling non-stop.
"Lockon-chan…" Tieria moaned.
"I think this is partly your fault why he became like this." Kinue told him. "Anyway, I really don't care."
"I'm sorry, Onee-chan!" Saji appeared and used the box to cover her face. She grabbed Louise and pushed her sister away. "You're right, Bernie-san! The box was useful…though it didn't really save my life but it was useful."
"Uh…" A sweat drop appeared on Bernie's head. "Saji, you're supposed to use the box as a disguise so you can sneak inside."
"Oh." He chuckled nervously. "Sorry."
"Anyway, let's untie your girlfriend."
"Right." Both of them then removed Louise's restraints.
"Darn that Kinue!" The blonde European was mighty pissed. "How could I be so stupid? I can't believe I fell into her trap. Where is she? I'm gonna murder that bitch."
"Now, now." Saji tried to calm her down. "Everything is fine now. Forgive and forget, Louise."
"Oh alright." She surrendered. "I guess you're right."
"That's better." He patted her on the head. "I'm just glad you're safe."
"Oh…and…uh…here's your chocolates." She handed him a small box filled with cute decorations. "It's not much but…please take it." She said while blushing.
"T-T-Thank you." He also blushed. He opened the box and it was filled with yummy looking chocolates. He picked one and ate it.
"I know I promised to give you some handmade chocolates but-
"It's delicious!" He smiled. "If it's from you then it's definitely something good."
"Happy Valentines, Louise." He said and gave her a peck on the cheek.
"Happy Valentines, Saji."
"Don't worry, I'll give you something good on White Day. Please look forward to it." He promised.
"I will." She hugged him tightly. "I definitely will."
"Oh by the way, I got these from Char-san this morning." He produced two movie tickets. "He gave them to me while he was being chased by Haman Karn."
"S-Saji! Those are the tickets of the movie I wanted to see."
"Yup." He nodded. "So how about skipping school and see this movie. I'll also treat you to some lunch."
"Saji!" Louise hugged him again. "I love you, Saji."
"Uh…uh…yeah." The boy blushed again and hugged her back.
"Feh." Kinue removed the box off her head. "Well if they're that happy then I guess I can't interrupt them. I have my limits too."
"Same here." Flay appeared along with Klaus and Shinn. The three of them are covered in chocolate for some reason. The ghost of Mayu is also flying above her big brother, giggling. "I guess we'll leave Saji alone today. But tomorrow it's back to business."
"Finally…made it…help…need help." Katz crawled inside the gym, still bleeding like a broken bottle of ketchup. "Help…me…I need---urk!" Both Nena and Setsuna stepped on him as they enter the gym.
"Nena likes good endings!"
"Good endings are…Gundam." Setsuna nodded his head happily.
"Real smooth, kiddo." Lockon came out of the gym storage room. "It looks like Saji-kun picked the right choice and if he can play his cards right then an epic H-scene would be inevitable."
"Lockon, buddy." Klaus approached him. "You need help."
"Yeah, yeah, I know." He sighed. "I need help big time and why the hell are you covered in chocolate?"
"It's a long story." He grinned sheepishly.
"Huh." Someone tugged Lockon's shirt and he turned around to see who it is. "Feldt? What are you doing here?" He asked the pink-haired girl.
"This." She blushed and handed him a box of chocolates.
"T-T-T-Thank you." He said. "I don't know what to say."
"Well I have something to say." Tieria marched angrily towards them. "How dare you-
"Geez. He's really troublesome, that guy." Kinue said after zapping Tieria with her taser.
"Well Louise, shall we?" Saji offered his hand.
"We shall." She smiled and took it. The young couple ran outside to enjoy the rest of the love-filled day.
"Maybe…we should…uh…go on a date too, Lockon." Feldt invited him.
"Why the hell not?" He grabbed her hand. "There's a new game out in Akiba today and I really wanna get it."
"I guess I should head home now." Kinue said and dragged the unconscious Christina out of the building.
"Wait a minute!" Lichty appeared out of nowhere. "Wait up, my beloved Christina." He ran after the two. "What about my chocolates?"
"Let's go home too." Shinn said and took the hand of Ghost Mayu. "I'm sure Luna-chan wants to see you." Suddenly, the GNY-001F2 Gundam Astraea Type F2 crashed inside the building, spreading GN particles everywhere. Shinn started glowing and changes to a girl again. "Well shit." Female Shinn cursed.
"Howdy!" Fon Sparks came out of the Astraea's cockpit.
"Huh." Klaus scratched his chin. "Shinn turned into a really hot chick with humongous boobs due to the effects of the GN particles."
Flay glanced at him and smiled evilly. She snapped her fingers and chocolate-filled bathtub appeared again. "Do it, Klaus." She goaded. "Rip out her clothes and dunk her in the tub." The Katharon member glanced at Setsuna. The Krugis boy smiled and gave his approval by doing a thumbs-up.
"Klaus is…GUNDAM!" He shouted.
Hmmm…this is probably the longest one-shot I did. Probably. Anyway, let's give a special Happy Fun Times thanks to Ominae, Cielo and High Lady Solaris for their epic contributions. Once again, you guys gave out some awesome ideas though I'm sorry I didn't used most of them. I tried my best and mixed them up all together. I hope the story came out right.
Kiki Rosita is a character from Gundam MS8th Team. She's the daughter of the leader of the guerilla forces. In case some of you forgot, eroge means erotic games a.k.a hentai games. Neil Dylandy in the HFTM universe is quite obsessed with these types of games. Roy Focker is a character from the original Macross series. The bio-sensor is from Zeta and Double Zeta Gundam. I'm sure some of you know Yoko Kanno. She composed music for a number of animes and I'm a big fan of her. Shinn also did a Gurren Lagann reference here. Hathaway's Flash is the novel sequel of the novelized version of Char's Counter Attack. It stars an older Hathaway Noa and the Xi Gundam is one of the main Gundams of the series. It's considered semi-canon by most UC fans. Zollidia Desert Type is from Victory Gundam MSV. Like Setsuna said, it's quite obscure and not a lot of people know it. I think the Zollidia is one of the underrated mobile suits of the UC universe. The Gundam Astraea Type F2 and Fon Sparks are of course from Gundam 00F, a Gundam 00 side story manga.
Well that's pretty much it. Reviews and criticism are very much appreciated. I hope everyone enjoys their Valentine's Day. See ya!