A/N: Hey girls! So.....this was supposed to just be a sneak peek and well...okay I got carried away.
Mostly, because I have slight writer's block on "Fall for You" at the moment and I didn't want to leave you hanging with NOTHING to read.
I LOVE writing Jacob's POV and I certainly hope I captued him well.
"Sometimes I wish I could save you
And there's so many things that I want you to know
I wont give up till it's over
If it takes you forever I want you to know
That if you fall, stumble down
I'll pick you up off the ground
If you lose faith in you
I'll give you strength to pull through
Tell me you won't give up cause I'll be waiting if you fall
Oh you know I'll be there for you
If only I could find the answer
To take it all away."
-Save You by Simple Plan
I was running. Fast. I was running as fast as my stupid human legs would allow me, that is. I usually preferred all fours, but that wasn't currently an option. Not when Bella was close by. I had my eyes fixed on her—the target--determination was driving me to move even quicker. I had to stop her from throwing herself off that stupid cliff. What the hell was she thinking?
"Bella!" I yelled, desperation masking my voice.
Nothing. It was almost as if she were in a trance, her arms wrapped firmly around her, preparing to be eaten alive by the savage water below.
"Bella!" I yelled again, almost reaching her.
I watched as my voice startled her, nearly causing her to fall. I held in my breath and cursed myself for being such an idiot. She turned around to face me; her chocolate eyes were wide and her chest viciously fought to take in the oxygen for which it had been deprived. She never looked more fragile than she did in that moment.
"Bella, what are you doing? What are you thinking?" I yelled, unable to control my temper. I was terrified I was going to lose her. If I were only one second too late, the only meaningful thing in my life could have be gone.
"Jake, calm down. I was just going to get started without you," she said, slightly irritated, acting as if jumping off a cliff was an everyday occurrence for her. And, Really? She was going to tell me to calm down? Had she no idea just how close she was to killing me right along with herself?
I knew she wouldn't like my next move, but I didn't care. I threw my arms around her and pulled her tight against my chest, breathing in her floral scent.
"I-I thought," I started to say, sounding like a complete moron because I couldn't seem to find my voice. "Oh Bella, please don't ever do that to me again."
I pulled back from her slightly so I could study her face and look into the beautiful eyes that made it impossible for me to see anyone else the way I saw her.
"Jacob, I was not trying to commit suicide if that's what you're thinking!" She suddenly yelled. Of course that's what I was thinking. Why else would she be up on the highest cliff in La Push preparing to throw herself off? The fact that she was still mourning over her ex-boyfriend just added fuel to the fire.
"Well you could have killed yourself if you would have jumped. Did you not notice the storm coming in and how rough the water is? Would you try to be a little more responsible?" I was yelling at her again. I was frustrated that she could be this stupid. Even if she were only trying to cliff dive, it didn't take a freakin' rocket scientist to see that the weather conditions weren't exactly favorable.
I watched as her expression immediately shifted from concern to irritation; she wasted no time pushing away from my embrace. Of course, I was used to that by now. I obviously pissed her off again, something I seemed to be excellent at lately. She indignantly crossed her arms in front of her chest, bit down on her bottom lip, and stared me down fiercely through narrow eyes. I had to hold back a laugh at how ridiculous she looked when she tried to be angry with me—ridiculously cute. A gust of wind blew between us coupled with the sharp relentless rain , plastering some of Bella's now tousled hair across her forehead, somewhat shielding her tightened eyes. I knew her next move long before she planned it, but I decided to go along with her, let her pout a little. Just as expected, she turned on her heels and started walking back down the cliff toward her old beaten down truck. I chuckled at her child-like temper and watched in amusement as she turned her head slightly over her shoulder to yell back to me.
"Since when do you like to do things responsibly?" Eh, she had a point there, though she couldn't even scare a fly with her fury.
As much as I was enjoying her attempts at intimidation, I decided it was time to make her forgive me. I caught up with her easily, placing my hand on her tiny shoulder and gently turning her around so I could see her face--she was already caving before I even spoke.
"Since I thought you were going to die. You know my life would really suck without my partner in crime," I said softly, smiling the smile I knew she loved.
She rolled her eyes at me, dropping her arms and smiling in acceptance of my apology. She was always so predictable. Always so wonderful. Always so….Bella.
"I'm sorry I scared you," she said, looking so cute biting that damn bottom lip of hers again. I had to fight with every ounce of control I had not to reach out and touch her.
"It's alright Bells, I guess I will forgive you," I said, losing my inner battle—reaching out to gently brush the wet strands of hair out of her eyes. She was looking back at me, her eyes slightly widened; I couldn't help but to stare. She always had this effect on me, regardless of how much I tried to stop it. Even in the darkness of the night I could see the faint pink flood to the peeks of her pale cheeks. She diverted her gaze from mine to look down toward my chest, her eyes growing even wider.
"Holy crow Jake, its freezing out. Let's get you back to the house to get you some clothes."
I just rolled my eyes, because she would never understand just how high my body temperature ran. I didn't need to wear shirts, even in the dead of winter. I didn't argue with her, though because I wanted to get her out of the rain before she got sick.
Once we arrived at my house, Bella couldn't seem to stop her body from shivering inside her soaking wet clothes.
"Hold on, let me go get you some dry clothes," I offered, already heading toward my bedroom.
I quickly rummaged through my closet and drawers trying to find the smallest things that I owned. Unfortunately, even my smallest items would still be ten times too big on Bella, but I knew they would have to do. When I walked back into the living room, her face lit up like it always did when she saw me. Those were some of the moments that made being just friends with her that much more difficult for me. I knew she liked me more than she wanted to admit to herself, but I also knew that if I wasn't patient—if I pressured her—then I risked the possibility of losing her completely. That was a risk I was not willing to take.
She took the clothes from me and stared at me, somewhat uncomfortable. She obviously thought I was planning on standing there to watch her change. That was something I would definitely not object to, however, I reluctantly walked back to my room to discard my wet jeans and give her some privacy.
Just as my mind was starting to get caught up around fantasies of Bella half-naked in my living room, I decided I had given her plenty of time to get dressed. When I walked back out into the living room, she was sitting contently on the couch, her head leaning back—her eyes closed. I couldn't help but to smirk at how adorable she looked in my monstrous clothes. They practically swallowed her whole—her tiny curves getting lost in their depths. I sat down beside her, unable to stop myself from putting my arm around her shoulders, and pulling her closer against me—but not close enough—never close enough. Instead of tensing up or pulling away like she usual did, she snuggled in closer to me, placing her head in the crook of my neck. My breath caught in my throat. God, I wanted her.
I felt her shift against me; she was tilting her head up to look into my eyes. I was trying to look calm and collected—I didn't want to freak her out. She scrunched her face ever-so-slightly into a soft frown. "No offense, but you look terrible."
"The soaking wet--rat look doesn't do anything for you either." I teased her, and of course it was the biggest lie I have ever told because there was nothing that could make her look anything less than beautiful. She made me laugh because she was always so concerned about me not getting enough sleep. As tired and exhausted as I was, I would rather be sleep deprived than allow for her to go unprotected from the bloodsucker that was out to kill her.
"I'm being serious," she said nudging me playfully. "Maybe I should go; you need to get some sleep."
I could feel her start to get up, so I tightened my arm around her, not willing to let her go just yet. "No, Please stay," I said practically begging. "I don't get to spend nearly as much time with you anymore as I'd like, you know with all of the patrolling necessary lately."
She stared at me for a moment as I tried to give her my best "puppy" dog eyes stare-down. My secret weapon. It seemed to be working, because she settled back against me, absentmindedly resting her hand against my bare chest. She was completely oblivious to what she was doing to me.
I sucked in a deep breath and closed my eyes, trying not to think about her touching me, and let my exhaustion consume me. With Bella in my arms—safe and warm—there was nowhere else I would rather be. I wanted to freeze this moment in time and never let her go again. My mind started to wander. I imagined telling her I loved her and her smiling at me—maybe shedding a few tears of joy at my declaration—and telling me she loved me too. I imagined her feeling for me all of the feelings she felt for the stupid bloodsucker that took her heart and broke her spirit. I imagined her looking at me the way I used to watch her looking at him. It made me so angry to even think about him ever having his hands on her—undeserving of ever being loved by her—so selfish and uncaring about her own life just so he could satisfy his own needs. I was glad that he was gone—glad that he left her—but not glad that she was still hurting. Even months later, she was still hurting.
I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I felt was a faint touch against my cheek. I knew that hand anywhere. Bella. Slowly, I opened my eyes to find-- to my complete shock--her leaning over me, gently stoking my cheek. The way she was looking at me was making my heart soar embarrassingly in my chest. I examined her expression, wondering where her forwardness was stemming from, and gently closed my eyes—placing my hand against hers. I wanted to take in this moment—savor it for all that it was. When, I opened my eyes again, she looked worried. I knew that the moment was about to end. I also knew that I was going to do everything in my power to stop it from coming to that end.
"Jake I…" her voice broke as she started to speak, already backing away from me.
"Shh," I whispered, interrupting her. My eyes diverted down to her lips now. Pink. Pouted, Perfect. I couldn't stop my hand from reaching out and silencing her with my index finger. I just wanted an excuse to touch her.
I could hear her heart rate spike up a notch underneath my touch and I watched as her cheeks lightly flushed. Her innocent, brown eyes were staring back into mine—wide and unsure. I heard her say something again, though I was no longer conscious of anything else besides the feel of her warm lips beneath my fingertip. My mind was starting to cloud over and my body was reflexively responding to the new intimacy between us—an intimacy that Bella was always so careful to avoid so many times before. I could feel her breathing go unsteady as I slowly traced the lining of her mouth.
Very carefully, I brought my hands up and placed them on each side of her flushed cheeks. I knew this was it; the moment I've been waiting for. This was my chance with her. I questioned her with my eyes, giving her one last moment to back away. She didn't.
I crossed the distance between us, never taking my eyes off hers until finally—after months and months of holding back—I let go. When my lips touched hers, a shock of electricity flooded through my system. I had to hold myself together—stop myself from completely losing it with her. I kissed her slowly, gently at first. I felt her shift slightly toward me, her hand sliding down my chest and resting on my thigh. That pushed me over my threshold, and before I knew what was happening, Bella was on my lap and I was kissing her forcefully, pulling her face—her everything—as close to me as possible. I was completely surrounded by her. Intoxicated by her smell, her hair, her heavy breathing—the feel of her body pressed against mine.
That's when I felt it--wetness creeping down between our faces, tasting the salty tears on my lips. It immediately broke me out of my frenzy. She was crying? I froze, and quickly pulled away, examining her face, trying to hide my frustration with her hot/cold behaviors toward me. She looked to be in agony, her eyes red--her lips swollen. What have I done? She wasn't ready for this. I am such an idiot.
"Bella…" I whispered, gently wiping away the tears from her cheeks. It killed me to see her cry. "You're not ready for this?"
I asked her the question, even though I already knew the answer. I watched her as she nodded and glanced down away from my gaze, trying to hide her shame. But, I knew that look in her eyes. She was thinking about him again.
"It's still him, isn't it?" I asked, unable to mask the frustration in my voice. I hated him with everything I had.
"It will always be him…" she choked, and she still couldn't look at me.
I felt my body start to shake against my will. My intense hatred for him was consuming me and I knew if I didn't gain control over myself soon, I would phase right here and now—putting Bella in serious danger. I closed my eyes and concentrated on my breathing--In and out, in and out. Eventually, my body relaxed and my anger diminished. Bella was still studying her lap, so I reached out and lifted her chin so she would look at me. I needed her to know how much she meant to me.
"I love you, Bella," the words rolled off my tongue smoothly, as if I were born to speak them.
"Jacob…" she started to object, but I was prepared. I was expecting this reaction from her.
""Listen," I quickly interrupted her. "I don't expect you to say anything in return. I know you don't feel the same way about me. I just wanted you to know that I really do love you and I am willing to wait for you, no matter how long that wait might be. Believe it or not, someday it will get better for you Bells, I see it happening more and more every day, your eyes are changing and your smile gets brighter. Someday you will realize that he is not worth your pain and you will be ready to move on. Just so you know I will be here for you, helping you get to that day."
I said it. I finally told her everything I have been holding inside for the last few months. She was silent, seemingly allowing my words to sink into her mind. Her eyes changed and for the first time I saw a glint of hope inside of them. Was she finally able to see that there was a light at the end of her tunnel? She smiled softly and took both of my hands in hers—something that was very unexpected because she rarely initiated contact. She brought my hands up to her mouth, kissing them softly.
"I love you too, Jacob," she said, pausing. "Just not in the same way you love me."
And, that was enough for me. My heart—my mind—my body was rejoicing because she did love me after all. I knew she would eventually realize that I was right for her. Someday she would want me the way that I wanted her. Until that day, this would have to be enough. She would be enough.
A/N: This chapter is now complete.
I'm not sure how often I will updating this story until "Fall For You" is complete.
Jacob LOVES getting his chance to speak and would LOVE to know what you think.