Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my college debt and my hubby is no edward's heart.
Stephenie Meyer owns this world-- she created it and I'm just borrowing it.
Feel free to listen to "Beautiful" by Lifehouse while reading this if you want to get the full effect or if you just wanna hear an awesome song!
"Finally here, won't stay too late.
I want to feel you, I need to hear you.
You are the light that's leading me to the place where I find peace,
You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light, to my soul.
You are my purpose, you're everything.
And how can I stand here with you, and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me 'How could it be any better than this?'
You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now.
And how can I stand here with you, and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me 'How could it be any better than this?'
'Cause you're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything, everything."
--Beautiful by Lifehouse
Chapter 2: So Beautiful
I was so caught up in Bella that I didn't even hear my dad approaching the house. My new senses were always so sensitive to surrounding noises, so when he entered the front door without my knowledge, I reflexively jumped up off of the couch preparing to attack. Anytime Bella was around, it was hard for me not to be defensive—her safety was the most important thing to me. I glanced down at her, realizing that I accidentally threw her on the floor in the midst of my edginess. I looked at her apologetically, helping her stand to her feet. She wasn't looking at me, though; her eyes were focused on my dad--her face full of concern. I felt my heart swell inside my chest even further—her genuine kindness forcing me to love her more and more each day.
"Bella," I thought I heard my dad say to her as he nodded in our direction. I could see that he was trying to mask his sadness from Harry Clearwater's death—typical him—always trying to be strong for everybody else. "Jacob, you can relax now, it's just me."
I smiled at him and glanced back over at Bella now, this time her eyes met mine. "Sorry for throwing you off the couch, Bells. I guess I got kind of startled. I'm a little edgy these days."
"Clearly," she replied, laughing lightly. And, God did I love to hear her laugh. Anything that represented even a hint of happiness from her made me ecstatic.
I watched her walk away from me and over to my dad's wheelchair. I couldn't stop my eyes from roaming down her body appreciating the way she moved. Typical teenage hormones—and mine were constantly on overdrive thanks to my sudden…er…maturation.
"I'm so sorry, Billy…"
She was speaking to my dad, but I wasn't paying much attention. Instead, my mind was drifting back to our kiss—her full lips meeting mine—her breath surrounding my entire being. I felt my heart rate spike up a notch just thinking about it. I impulsively turned around and scanned over the couch which moments ago, was the very site where all of my dreams came true.
I love you too, Jacob. Her very words resounded in my mind and I swear if it were possible, I would burst with happiness. I knew she still loved the leech, but our intimacy tonight gave me hope that maybe she was starting to finally see me in a different kind of light.
"I better head home so he doesn't get lonely," I heard Bella say to my dad, as I snapped out of my daydreams. I walked over to where she was standing and had to resist the urge to put my arm around her.
"Yeah, it's getting pretty late," I said. "I'll drive you." I knew that Victoria wouldn't stop at trying to kill Bella, so I vowed that I wouldn't let her out of my sight—or at least without protection. I half expected her to argue with me like she always did. Jacob, I'll be fine. Jacob, I'm not a child. Jacob, I don't need a babysitter. However, she never ceased to surprise me as she accepted my offer and simply said her goodbyes to Billy before walking over to the front door to grab her shoes and wet clothes. I gave my dad a quick nod, before joining her.
Once we were inside her truck and heading to her house, my mind once again starting reflecting upon the events of the past evening. My fear of almost losing Bella to her stupidity to go cliff-diving in the midst of a storm entered my thoughts first, but it wasn't long before I couldn't concentrate on anything else except the euphoric feeling of her lips against mine. How could she not feel that they belonged there—that we fit perfectly together? Why couldn't she see that she was "it" for me—that we were meant to be together? I knew I wasn't going to give up until she did—no matter what.
The guys tormented me constantly—always hearing my "sappy" thoughts and fantasies about her—and it pissed me off. They would never understand how much she meant to me. They couldn't possibly grasp the way she made me feel. Whether I wanted it or not—she was everything to me. Sam was the only one that could relate. I could hear his thoughts of Emily—could feel the intense love that he felt for her. At first, it was a little overbearing, but it didn't take me long to realize that I felt the same way about Bella. And I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me smug that I didn't need some weird imprinting phenomenon to make me feel that way.
"I'm sorry if I hurt you, Jacob," Bella suddenly blurted, bringing me out of my contemplations. I couldn't stop my lips from curling up in the grin that I saved only for her. Hurt me? Seriously, it was so typical of her to be apologizing to me right now when she had no idea how happy she made me tonight.
Instead of replying, I glanced over at her and took her hand in mind, squeezing it slightly before looking back at the road. Sometimes I felt that driving with her in the car was a severe liability because she was always such a distraction.
"I mean, that was never my intention," she continued nervously, and I had to hold back a laugh that was begging to escape my hold. "I really care about you. Your happiness is very important to me."
I decided to remain silent, you know, give her a little taste of mystery.
"Hello? I am talking to you, you know," she said, trying to sound fierce. She had no idea how cute she was when she was angry.
"I know," I replied, my grin growing even wider.
"A response would be nice, then. That is usually how conversations work," she huffed.
I chuckled, unable to hold it back any longer.
"This is hardly funny," she said, and I thought I felt her try to pull her hand out of my grasp. Yeah right. Good luck with that one.
"Okay, okay. I'm sorry," I eventually said, deciding it was time to give in. I glanced over at her and smiled, earning a particularly endearing scowl in return. I let go of her hand and touched her chin instead. "Hey c'mon, Bells, lighten up. I was just lost in thought. You know, reliving the events of the night. Best night of my life by a long shot."
"How on earth could you consider this a good night?" she asked, raising her eyebrows. I had to fight with my instincts to keep my eyes from diverting to her mouth. Suddenly, I wanted to kiss her again more than anything.
"It's not every day I get to kiss the love of my life," I replied, more serious now. I knew if I didn't stop looking at her I'd either wreck her truck into a tree or force myself on her, so I returned my focus to the road and concentrated on driving.
I listened to her carefully as she sat in silence and let my words sink in. I heard her sigh softly before turning to look out the window—clearly lost in thought.
The longer we sat in silence, the more my mind started to drift again. This time, I was thinking about Edward and imagining the relationship that they once had together. If he was a bloodsucker, how was it possible for him to be around her without wanting to kill her? It never made much sense to me. I couldn't bring myself to understand what she could have possibly seen in him. I mean, sure, I'm comfortable enough with my sexuality to admit that the guy was good-looking. And, I guess he clearly had a lot of money—something I could never offer Bella, but what the hell else was there? He seemed to have the personality of a rock—and believe me, that's an insult to the rock. I knew that he couldn't possibly be there…physically for her, though I could tell she wasn't the type of girl to rank that number one on her importance scale. But, c'mon, that had to be somewhere in the back of her mind. I knew that if she felt even remotely as strong about him as I did about her, there was no way she could possibly want to keep her hands to herself. I shuddered at the thought of her touching him—of him ever touching her—and instantly decided that I wasn't going to think about that anymore. That's when I realized we were pulling into her driveway. I cut the engine and turned in my seat to look at her. Her weary eyes met mine and I had a quick internal conflict with myself trying to decide whether or not to bring him up again.
"Can I ask you something?" I eventually asked, the "bringing him up" part of my conflict prevailing.
I watched her carefully as her brow slightly furrowed causing me to want to reach out and smooth her worries away. "That depends on what it is," she replied, her voice cautious and guarded.
"Well, it might have something to do with—you know—the person you don't like to talk about," I replied, cautiously. I waited for her to slump down again at the mere mention of him like she usually did.
"Well, in that case…no you may not," she said, and though there wasn't any slumping, there was definitely some serious tension and her arms were slowly wrapping around herself—her typical protective mechanism.
I sighed in frustration. "Okay, I'm sorry for bringing it up; there are just so many things I will never understand."
"What don't you understand?" she asked quietly, her eyes diverting down to her lap.
"You said I couldn't ask," I reminded her, never taking my eyes off of her—and yeah, I was being a smart ass. I swallowed hard as I had yet another internal battle with myself on whether or not I should reach out and hug her. It was difficult for me to see her so uncomfortable.
"I changed my mind, I want to know. What is it?" she asked, glancing up to meet my gaze again.
"Well…" I began, but paused because I needed to think of the right words to say. I didn't want to upset her further. "I just want to know what he has that I don't," I eventually replied.
I studied her as several different emotions flashed across her expressive face. She was always an open-book to me—so easy for me to know exactly what she was thinking—to know exactly what she was feeling. The distant pain in her eyes was proof that she was thinking about the leech, possibly pondering their relationship.
"I don't know the answer to that," she said after a minute. She paused again and I could tell she wanted to say something else, so I sat and waited. "He has my entire heart," she whispered, and her words nearly broke mine.
"Bella, how can you be so desperately in love with someone who ripped your heart out and tore it to shreds without looking back once to make sure you would be okay? How can you not be angry with him?" I couldn't control the increased volume in my voice, my frustration getting the best of me. He didn't deserve to have anything from her—let alone her heart.
"I am angry with him, but I love him too much to let that change anything," she shouted, her eyes instantly filling with tears.
I felt my heart ache with the familiar agony of seeing her hurting. "Aw please don't cry, Bells. I can't stand it."
I instinctively wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into my chest. My body instantly responded to her touch, as she curled into me and rested her head on my chest. I brought my fingers to her hair, running them through the tangles as I tried to comfort her the only way I knew how. It killed me that I couldn't take all of her pain away. "I'm sorry; we won't talk about it anymore."
"I don't want to love him anymore. I want to love you," she managed to choke through her sobs. She was clinging to me in desperation and her actions were completely tearing my heart apart—watching her suffer was nearly crushing me to pieces. I have never hated anyone more than I hated Edward in that moment. I knew without a doubt that if he were here I would have wasted no time wringing his pathetic neck.
"Please Jacob…" I heard her tiny voice mummer.
"Please what?" I asked, knowing that I would do anything she wanted. Anything.
"Please don't give up on me. I need you," she replied, so quietly I wouldn't have heard her if I didn't have heightened senses. I felt her shift against my chest; she was turning her head to look up at me. Her eyes were wet with tears and pleading with mine--on the verge of desperation. I could see that she needed me in her life—and it really never occurred to me more than it did at that exact moment just how true that was. As much as it killed me to see her this way, I couldn't help but to feel comfort in knowing that I was the one she wanted to help her.
"Oh Bella," I breathed, while expelling a gasp of air. "I will never give up on you. You don't have to worry about that."
We both grew quiet as I held her in my arms and slowly wiped away the tears that didn't belong on her perfect face. Once I felt her breathing return to normal and the moisture dried, I knew that I helped her through her breakdown. I brought my lips to her forehead, kissing it gently to let her know how much I loved her. I was craving to see her face again, so I gently pushed her away from me and smiled at her once her eyes met mine. Her hair was a tangled mess, sticking up in certain places while planted flat to her head in others. Her eyes were red and swollen—her lips slightly pouted. Even though she was a complete mess, she was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I couldn't stop myself from chuckling--shaking my head back and forth in disbelief. How on earth did she always manage to be so irresistible?
"What is it?" she asked, suddenly concerned about the cause of my amusement.
"Nothing, It's just you," I said matter-of-factly, because I rarely felt the need to hide my feelings from her. "You're so beautiful Isabella Swan, even when you are a complete train wreck you take my breath away."
Her cheeks flushed in response to my words and I felt myself relax when I saw a genuine smile spread across her face. I lived for that smile.
"Thanks, I think?" she replied.
I grinned back and stared at her for a moment, and as lame as it sounds, I practically got lost in her eyes. Before I allowed myself to get too caught up in her, I somehow managed to pull my eyes away. She needed to get inside before Charlie came out here looking for her.
"Well, Charlie is surely going to wonder what is taking you so long if he saw the truck pull up," I told her, already opening the door.
I held my hand out to her, and assisted her out of the truck—slowly guiding her to the front door. "I'm going to head straight home to prepare for my patrolling. Sam is probably getting tired at this point and might want to check up on the Clearwaters," I said once we reached her porch.
"Okay, thank you for putting up with all of my crying tonight. I promise the next time I see you I won't shed a single tear," she said.
"Anytime. It's a dirty job but someone has to do it," I teased her, pleased when I saw her smile at me again. And, I couldn't stop the possessive feeling from overcoming me, cursing anyone that dared to take the job of "putting up with her" away from me.
I leaned in and kissed her cheek, though everything inside of me was screaming at me to kiss her lips instead. I knew better than that, though. Patience was a virtue. That sure as hell didn't make it any easier, though. I let my lips linger on her cheek a second longer than necessary, before pulling away and smiling softly. "C-ya, Bells."
"Bye," she replied, seemingly not at all bothered by my display of affection.
I let the memory of the feel of her lips play over and over again in my mind as I walked into the woods beside her house before transforming. The guys were going to have a long night of Bella ahead of them. They would have every arch and curve of her face memorized by morning.
A/N: SURPIRSE! Jacob's POV *raise the roof*.
Yeah, so I apologize I needed a break from Fall for You after writing that emotionally draining Ch 32.
I hope you enjoy Jacob's thoughts because he makes my heart melt!
Please review and let me know what you think—whether you would like more of this or not?
Thanks bb-- my hubby is no Edward—"Take care of my heart, I left it with you."
Finally, please keep my puppy, Shelby, in your thoughts--she is severely ill and needed a blood transfusion yesterday!
We're hoping she'll pull through! :-( *fingers crossed*