I got this idea after I saw a few sad youtube videos of Dean dealing with Sam's death and letting go, so I was thinking of doing the same thing with a fanfic lol. I wanted to do a really really long one shot but I'm gonna split it into three parts. Maybe two. And this weekend I'm REALLY going to try and update my fics! It's just I got depressed watching a few sad SPN videos and so writing this is kind of theraputic for me lol!
Dean couldn't believe it. He was burying his brother. In a robotic motion he dug the hole. Bobby was standing by his side. He had made the mistake of suggesting the burn and torch routine. Dean made it clear that he wasn't about to burn his own brother. He was half drunk when he put Sam's casket into the ground. This was the only way he could deal with it. He stared at the ground bitterly. His father was in hell, and now his baby brother was dead.
"Pelase," he gasped out loud suddenly as Bobby placed his hand onto Dean's shoulder. "Leave...I need to be alone. Please..."
Bobby nodded as he tried to control his own shaking. He turned and left. Dean colapsed in front of the bomstone that Bobby had made for him.
Beloved son and beloved brother
May He Rest in Peace
"I'm so sorry, Sammy," he sobbed. "I'm so sorry." And he sat there and rocked back and forth and let out a howl that could be heard half a mile away.
A month had passed. Devil's gate had been broken lose. He had managed to kill Yellow Eyes with the help of his father who had climbed out of hell. After the kill, which happened after Azazel mocked Sam's death; calling him weak, Dean knelt before the demon.
"That was for our mother, you sonofabitch," he whispered. He than shot Jake behind in the back only a few seconds later. "And that was for Sam."
Momentary relief of accomplished filled him briefly but the victory was hollow. Sam deserved to be there to celebrate Yellow Eyes death as much as Dean and yet he couldn't.
Aftwards Ellen offered him a place to stay but Dean refused, saying if he was going to stay with anyone it was going to be with Bobby. Jo had appeared shortly after, though, unsure of what to say but wishing to help him. Dean stayed in Bobby's sparebedroom most of the time, using Sam's books and laptop for research. The relief he had gotten from killing the demon quickly faded and replaced it with anger and despair. Self loathing consumed most of his feelings as well as a sense of determination to kill as many sonsofbitches as possible.
Every day he visited Sam's grave Tears flowed down his cheeks as he stared at the tombstone.
"I'm so sorry, Sammy," he whispered, his voice shaking. "So sorry." the thought of his baby brother rotting underground made him physically ill. He had lost track of how many times he would vomit in the bushes by the grave each time he visited there.
It startled him, though, when he found Jo in front of the grave as he pulled up to it. He walked over to her.
"What are you doing here?" His voice wasn't mean, but soft and honestly confused/
"I realized I hadn't come to Sam's grave yet," she said softly. "I felt guilty."
"I'm sorry that the last time you saw him was when he was possessed," he said quietly. "That's not what he was like."
"I know," Jo said softly. 'I saw what he was like before that."
Dean nodded, relieved that his brother's memory wasn't tained.
"I'm so sorry, Dean," she whispered. "So sorry."
He stiffened at the apology.
"Thanks," he finally mumbled back.
She looked at him sadly.
"How often do you visit his grave?" Was all she could think of asking. He caughed and cleared his throat.
"Everyday," he said softly and she nodded and both stood there in silence and continued to stare at the tombstone into the night.
Even though this is like my hundreth SPN fic should I still continue? And what do you guys feel about Jo being there? I'm thinking of making her a romantic interest, of her helping getting over Sam that way. While I didn't care for her on the show I kind of like readinag about her and Dean in fics, does that make sense?
But yeah if you guys HATE that idea than I won't do it lol!
Oh and I'm not sure if I got the right dates on the tombstone lol.