All Manner of Horror

By: Dirty Reid

Public Service Announcement

Greetings, my adoring fans.

Undoubtedly, you have all been thinking 'Why the hell isn't this asswipe updating his stories?!' Well, I'll tell you why:

I'm currently in my first year of college, and I don't want to blow it because I spent too much time writing stories (not that I don't enjoy that);

My computer was recently infected with a virus, and I had to delete absolutely EVERYTHING from it.

Rest assured though, NONE of my stories have been abandoned or discontinued, and I will resume working on them sooner or later.

Sincerely yours,

Dirty Reid

Omake (What, you thought I wasn't going to give you something entertaining to read?):

It had all come down to this.

On one end of the battlefield that was littered with bodies, including those of his teammates, and had been burned away to naught but glass, stood Naruto. His jet black cloak/robe had been ripped and shredded from the heat of battle, and was intermittently stained with blood. Torn as his appearance was, his expression let nothing but determination and anger show through. His baleful expression was only augmented by his nearly snow-white face and his golden yellow eyes that almost appeared to be glowing in the fading light of sunset and the shadows cast by the clouds of smoke and little fires.

Opposing him stood the Uchihas Madara and Sasuke, Hozuki Suigetsu, Jugo and Zetsu. They too looked tattered and were covered in blood, but they were no less ready to quit than Naruto was.

For a long moment, the only sounds were the snapping of wood, the crackle of fire and the weak moans of those not quite dead yet.

"Still aching for some more, I see." Naruto observed aloud, his voice no longer upbeat, but low and apathetic.

"You cannot win this, Jinchuriki." Madara crowed "Your powers are useless against the Sharingan, and even with that toy of yours, you cannot hope to defeat all of us." Madara's posse seemed to gain some confidence at his words. Naruto clenched his fist, the Hand of God letting off a crackle of electricity.

"Oh, but I can," Naruto replied airily, still managing to speak down to them.

"Why? Because you all possess a common weakness. That weakness is fear. A poison that seeps through your veins and corrodes your mind, leaving naught but ash and a delicious little subject to manipulate." Naruto explained creepily.

"I can smell it already, welling up from the blackness in your hearts, clutching at your wills with icy fingers… and ensuring my victory." Naruto broke off to chuckle.

"And people think I'm twisted," Sasuke remarked. Naruto blinked hard.

"Oh, I'm not twisted Sasuke," he began as he bit his right hand, flipped through a couple seals and slammed his hand into the ground "I'm just amused that you will finally come face to face with the greatest terror of all time."

And indeed, when the smoke cleared, the remaining Akatsuki felt what courage they had drain from them instantly as they laid eyes upon the monstrous being before them.

Its body was shaped like a foot tall gem, pale pink in colour with a swirling band inside of it. Articulating with its lower half was a tube of some sorts, with six pincers ringing an opening.

While the Akatsuki and 'Akatsuki-Lite' looked utterly terrified, Naruto was left rather clueless.

"Oink, oink." The strange object said. That set off Naruto's foes.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH! SWINE FLUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" They screamed collectively before turning tail and running like the pansy-ass little bitches Naruto knew they were.

Silence met the flight of the nukenin.

"… Pbbt, germophobic douche bags." Naruto grunted, dismissing the odd Boss of Fear and wandering off through the wreckage that was once his fortress.

'I need a drink…'