Paperwork, Tardiness and Hokage-sama
"Hokage-sama, it's time to get up."
Kakashi groaned and rolled over. At any other time he would have been more than happy to be woken from his slumber by a beautiful woman. However, it was 6:30 AM on a Monday morning and the woman in question was Sakura. For a moment he contemplated simply tugging her into bed beside him then thought better of it. She'd been very, very clear about what sort of conduct she expected of him. He either kept his hands off… or she'd take them off for him – at the wrists.
"Hokage-sama…" she was tapping one foot against the floor and even with his eyes closed he could imagine what she looked like, those gorgeous emerald eyes of her glittering with aggravation. Maybe he should just yank her into bed…
"Hokage-sama!" she growled. "I know you're awake! Get up."
He gulped. He knew that tone. It was something she'd picked up from the Godaime and failure to comply was usually accompanied by a chakra-enhanced blow. "You know, Sakura," he drawled. "There are nicer ways to wake me up."
She raised one delicate pink eyebrow. "Oh?"
"Yes." He gave her a cheerful wink and he knew, he really, really knew that he should stop there but there was just something about his lovely former student that made appropriate behaviour almost impossible. "Why there was this scene in Icha Icha…"
And that was as far as he got before she sent him flying into the wall with one petite fist. He hit the wall with a thump, noting with something akin to amusement that her aim had improved. Not only had she managed to avoid sending him into any furniture, she'd embedded him into the only bare space on the wall.
"You have fifteen minutes, Hokage-sama. If you aren't out there reviewing today's paper work, so help me…" She cracked her knuckles and stomped over to glare down at him as he slid off the wall. "I will not be responsible for what happens to you."
"You know, it's treason to threaten the Hokage." From his angle he could almost see under the hem of that wonderful pencil skirt of hers. Hmmm… now how could he turn his head without making it too obvious?
Her eyes narrowed as she turned giving him exactly the view that he was looking for. Ah, black lace. Wonderful. When she turned back to him, she had a heavy book in her hands. "Read page 200, Hokage-sama." And with that she turned, nearly decapitating him as she dropped the book beside his head and stalked out of the room.
"Page 200, eh?" He rolled over and flipped the book open. A moment later his eye twitched as he read the relevant passage aloud. "And the Hokage's assistant shall be given full authority to do whatever is necessary to ensure the Hokage's utmost productivity." He dropped the book. "Sakura," he shouted. "Tell me this is some kind of joke?"
"Joke?" Sakura shouted back, her voice echoing in through the door. "I'm afraid not. Shizune had it passed a few weeks after Tsunade-sama took over as Godaime."
Shizune… he should have known. Trust her to spoil the fun of near absolute power. Then again, given Tsunade's predilection towards booze and gambling it had probably been necessary. He was just lucky they hadn't outlawed porn.
"Hokage-sama." Sakura's voice was a cheerful singsong. "I don't hear you getting ready."
"I'm up, I'm up," he grumbled.
Still, he took his time getting ready. Just the thought of all the paperwork on his desk made him want to run screaming out of the tower. Of course, he wouldn't get far. In fact the last time he'd tried Sakura had dragged him back inside of an hour. It was at once oddly comforting and utterly disturbing that she knew him so well. Her reaction had surprised him even more. Rather than yell, she'd simply given him a wry smile and leaned over his shoulder to supervise him as he trawled through all the paperwork that he'd missed.
A good man would have been happy to still have all their limbs attached after running away. Kakashi was not a good man. He'd completed the paperwork in a daze, his mind lost in the warmth of her presence and the subtle scent that seemed to be uniquely Sakura. It was a miracle his mouth hadn't run away with him – he'd had more than one Icha Icha inspired fantasy involving her and his office table – or else the village would have been down another Hokage.
"Hokage-sama," Sakura called in a tone that brooked no disobedience. "Hurry up."
How had it come to this? He, the great copy ninja reduced to a glorified bureaucrat. If he were lucky he'd get to die in battle like most of the other Hokage's. Take the Yondaime, for instance. Not only had his sensei died defending the village, he'd died holding off a creature that most people considered utterly invincible. And what about the Sandaime? The old man had died absolutely covered in glory, defending his village against Orochimaru.
But where did that leave him? If the stress of the job didn't kill him then his lovely assistant probably would. One day he'd be a little too slow looking away, or perhaps his glance would be a little too obvious then… WHACK. He could see the headlines now: Rokudaime beaten to death by enraged assistant: perverted behaviour thought to be the cause.
"Honestly, Kakashi, are you dragging your feet again?"
He blinked and looked up to find Sakura looking at him from the door. She'd used his name, something she hadn't done in a while.
She stepped forward and he had to stop himself from following the sway of her hips. He really was pathetic. "Well I've been calling 'Hokage-sama' for the past few minutes and you weren't replying so I thought I'd try your name."
"Oh." He could think a few other scenarios in which she'd be calling 'Hokage-sama'… "I was just thinking."
"Really?" Her eyes twinkled with amusement and he idly wondered where his angry Sakura had gone… not that he minded playful Sakura. "About what?"
"Stuff." He mentally slapped himself. Stuff? Was that honestly the best he could do? There went his chance to say something deep, meaningful and profound. "You know, Hokage stuff." And that… that wasn't much better.
"Hokage stuff, huh?" Sakura bit her lip and he had to struggle to keep eye contact. "Somehow I doubt that."
"Well what else would I be…" he trailed off as Sakura walked slowly towards him. "Thinking about?"
"Lots of things." She was right next to him now, so close he could smell the strawberry shampoo that she used. Her voice dropped to a husky whisper. "Perverted things."
He was so dead. She must have seen him trying to look under her skirt earlier. Any minute now she was going to pummel him and then they'd find his corpse and… "I…"
She placed one finger on his lips. "Don't try and deny it Ka-ka-shi." She let the syllables of his name roll off her tongue and he had to force himself to stay still. Sucking her finger would probably get him killed at this point.
She laughed. "Oops?" Sakura managed between bouts of laughter. "Oops? That's all you've got to say, oh master of a thousand lame excuses. Oops?"
All right, now he was truly and utterly confused.
"Oh, Kakashi," she said as she managed to regain control of herself. "I know you don't like this job and I know that I can be tough on you, but you are doing a good job."
"Really?" He chuckled weakly. "You could have fooled me."
She nodded. "All things considered." Then she was serious Sakura again, her eyes twin pools of green ice. "Still… that doesn't mean I can continue to tolerate your tardiness." She was so close to him now that if he just leaned forward… "Now there are two ways that I can try and change your behaviour."
"I could try punishing you," Sakura's smile turned malevolent. "You know, take away your Icha Icha if you don't work, that sort of thing." He blanched. "Or," and here her expression changed yet again, became, almost… seductive… "I could try some positive reinforcement."
"Positive reinforcement?" Like all ninja he was familiar with the basics of psychology, but he couldn't really see what it had to do with the current situation unless... something that might have been hope flared inside him. "What sort of positive reinforcement?"
She smiled slowly and leaned in to whisper in his ear. "I know that you saw what colour my panties are." He stopped breathing. "So tell me, do you like black?"
"Yes…" That was it. His mind had officially shut down. This had to be some sort of dream. Either that or he was dead and in his version of paradise. "I like black very much."
"And what about red?" She wrapped her arms around his neck and he felt her lips touch his ear. "Like the ones I was wearing yesterday."
"You… you saw me looking yesterday?"
She chuckled softly. "Look underneath the underneath, isn't that what you always say? I happen to know for a fact that you sneak a look at me whenever you think I'm not looking."
"Oh." Once again she'd caught him off guard and he had to wonder just what else she was keeping from him.
"So… about your positive reinforcement…" Sakura shifted so that they were pressed body to body. "You finish all of your paper work today and maybe you'll find out if my bra matches my panties."
He blinked. "What?" She couldn't be serious. But she was, oh if the small smirk on her face was anything to go by, she was. How had he missed this?
"You heard me." She eased away and sashayed over to the door, turning to look over her shoulder at first him then the clock behind him. "Hmmm… you're already running an hour late. You'd better hurry then, if you want to finish your paperwork that is."
For several long moments Kakashi simply stood there not quite able to believe what had occurred. Had his sweet, innocent Sakura just propositioned him? It was enough to make the mind boggle… in very pleasant ways. Where had been the fist to the face he'd been expecting?
"Hokage-sama," Sakura sang from outside the door. "You're wasting time."
Oh. Paperwork. Sakura. Time. Bra.
If Kakashi was a good man he'd march right up to her and tell her that the deal was off, that she didn't need to bribe him to get his paperwork done. But Kakashi was not a good man. He was Hokage and right now he had a hell of a lot of paperwork to get through.
X X X X
Okay… this is basically something that just popped into my head yesterday and I thought I'd put pen to paper… or rather, finger to keyboard. While this is theoretically a one-shot, I do have some vague notions of extending it, possibly with excerpts from the lives of the other Hokage's. Naruto in particular seems like he'd be quite humorous to write about, particularly when it comes to Hokage/Clan relations with a certain lavender-eyed future clan leader. If you thought Kakashi was dense, he's got nothing on Naruto.
As always, I appreciate your feedback.