After all these years, this story still has so many more fans than I ever expected or deserved. I will not be continuing The Right to Live, but after all these years I'm finally giving you what I believe you deserve - an explanation as to why.
This is how I am finally closing the book on this fic. This is the story of The Right to Live.
I wrote the first chapter of TRtL when I was a fifteen year old high school girl. I stopped writing at about my second year of college. In that intervening time, several things happened to me. I was bullied. I was stalked and harassed. I experienced five different instances of grief and loss in a few-year time span. I was emotionally abused by someone I lived with.
Because of this, I experienced severe, suicidal clinical depression and mental illness. I was delusional and hallucinating for an extended period of time. I lost so much weight that as an adult I was in the 85-pound range; I nearly died from malnutrition.
TRtL was written in that time. For future reference, whenever you read a first chapter that hits you the way this one did, never assume the emotions are completely divorced from the author. While I may not have gone through what Naruto went through, I did put her into a terrible situation and then try to write her bittersweet way out of it. It was therapeutic for me.
Shortly after I gave up TRtL, I was so mentally broken that for a long time I gave up on creativity altogether. I had to take time off from school. I was taken to see doctors, therapists, and psychiatrists; I was put on meds and put through years of therapy.
And you know what? I came out okay.
I went back to school. I finished my degree. I was healthy again. I started being creative again. I wrote out my experiences a lot in other settings before I felt comfortable putting the concise and finished story up here.
Around that time, this account started being active again. If it felt like I wasn't sure what direction to go in... I wasn't. I was still figuring it all out. During that time, I had gone back to college to finish my degree, but I experience crippling anxiety. Some days I woke up nauseous. Some days I couldn't leave my apartment. Some days I couldn't get out of bed at all.
I pushed through those days, but for a while toward the end of my school career I had to stop writing again. I made it - I got my bachelor's degree - and I then took several months off at my parents' house, just resting and slowly coming down off my wave of anxiety. During that time, this account remained silent.
But I'm feeling better. My anxiety is hardly ever present anymore. I feel like I'm finally ready to start this account for real again, as I recover completely and start looking for a permanent nine to five. All my other stories are at least on pause, but I am starting a new project of four interweaving fem stories, one for each of four anime I like - Naruto, Bleach, Fullmetal Alchemist, and Yu-Gi-Oh.
But please don't think this is a sell. It's not. Check out my new stuff when it comes out, or don't; that's not the point of this. I'm sure you're all sick of hearing from me on this story by now, so after this it's radio silence.
But I thought all you faithful readers across the years deserved to know, from the heart, why I won't be completing this story. It will not be adopted. It will sit, as it is, a memorial to a time in my life I often no longer have the courage to look back to. This story holds so many memories for me, but not all of them are good ones. I don't have the guts to go back and reread that first chapter very often. It is time to let old memories lie.
This was incredibly hard to write. It took a lot of courage on my part. The Internet is not a kind place, so please try to treat my little mini story with respect and dignity. That is the story behind The Right to Live and its abrupt end.