"I know a little song, a little song, a little song, I know a little song and this is how it goes: coffee coffee coffee coffee coffeeeeee, Ja-coffee coffee coffee coffee coffeeeeee this is all I live for." No, scrap that Ianto, its shit. "I'm a little coffee pot, short and stout-."

"What the fuck are you doing, Ianto?" Jack asked, and Ianto's ears turned red.

"How long have you been standing there?"

"Since you started singing this Coffee is Wild by The Killers." Jack would be smiling.

"Oh. Shit."

"It was rather cute actually," This made Ianto's ears even redder.

"Oh. Um, thanks."

"You're welcome." He put his hands on Ianto's hips.

"How many fucking times, Jack? Not. At. Work."

"It's not like you didn't enjoy it last time we were at work."

"Yeah, and then Gwen walked in."


"And then Owen walked in."

"He did?" This was news to Jack.

"Yeah. You were, um, in another world."

"Oh, that time."

"Stop smiling Jack." Ianto didn't even have to turn around to know that he was grinning like a psychopath. He just knew.

"But you're enjoying it." Ianto hadn't realized that Jack's hands were creeping like weevils to his chest. Gwen walked in. Gwen walked out.

"Shut up." He paused. "And stop it."

"You are enjoying it." He kissed the back of Ianto's neck.

"Jack… I'm warning you."

"About what? Am I being a naughty boy?"

"Fuck it, Jack, stop it." He did not want a repeat of what happened last time. When they walked in, he meant. That was one hell of a way to ruin an amazing shag.

"Why? I thought you liked it."

"Well, I do-." Jack swept the coffee machine on to the floor and slammed Ianto on the counter. Boiling water poured onto the floor and Jack's shoes. Coffee beans flew across the room. "I'm not going to enjoy it now." He managed to choke out in-between kisses.
"So you were? And why not?"

"You broke the coffee machine Jack. End of story."


"How was it an accident?" Jack didn't reply. "Jack…? Stop that…" Jack let go of his trouser leg, which he had been trying to remove.


"You look like a pissed off teenager."

"I'm standing in a pool of coffee, how do you think I feel? Not to mention your little refusely to did it here."

"A) It was your own fault you broke the machine and spilt it everywhere. And B) with your face like that I don't think I want to stop."

"Then why did you say stop?"

"Erm, well… I… don't want to get walked in on again."

"So…? Who cares?"

"I do!"

"Why?" Owen conveniently walked in at that point. He raised an eyebrow.

"What the fuck? Oh god, not again."

"It's not what it looks like!" Ianto tried to explain. Jack grabbed his thigh to tell him to shut up, and kissed him as an added precaution.

"Yeah, right. Why is there coffee on the floor?" Ianto pulled away,

"Jack," was all he managed to say before said man kissed him again. Owen pretty much worked the rest out for himself.

"I'm going to leave now, have…fun…" He left quickly. Why did you have to say that? It was so … pathetic.

"We will!" Jack yelled after him, "And if you want to join in, you-." Ianto kissed him this time.

"I think I'll pass." Came the muffled cry of Owen through the door.

"Let me guess," Gwen asked, "You walked in on them as well?"

"It's kind of hard not to. I was hoping that I wouldn't this time." He paused, "Where's Tosh?"

"At her desk. CCTV."

"Oh." Pause. "Oh. Why?" Gwen shrugged. "Do you reckon she'll save it this time?"

"If we asked her to, probably. Wait. Why do you want it saved?" Owen blushed temporarily, then recovered himself, thinking fast.


"That's not the real reason is it?"


"Then what's the-." There was a loud thump. "Oh, fuck what's he done now?" Someone screamed. Ianto, to be precise. "Do I even want to know?"

"No, I doubt it." In his head: you might not Gwen, but I most certainly do. Why the fuck didn't I take up Jack's offer? Is it too late? Another scream. Poor Ianto. In Owen's head: Lucky bastard.

At her desk, Tosh tilted her head to the side.

"Wow." She tilted it further. "How flexible is he?" Further tilting. "Bloody hell." Owen walked up behind her.

"Can you save this?"

"Yep." She didn't even ask why. "DVD?"

"Yes please- What the fuck? How …?"

"Flexible is he? Very, it would seem."

"Riiight." They just stayed there, watching it.

Meanwhile, back in the room where Ianto and Jack were… fucking… Ianto was screaming. Again. It was all Jack ever seemed to make him do. So much for the whole 'no sex at work' thing. In Ianto's mind, Jack was doing this to spite him. Come on! He broke he coffee machine!