On a plot of plain grassy land out in the middle of nowhere sat a collection of plain rectangular and square buildings. On the outskirts of this plot of buildings was a square billboard reading plainly 'Pixies Inc.'; and inside one of these plain square buildings a square-headed pixie was bursting suddenly into his boss' plain square office.
"H.P." Sanderson said with as much excitement as he could muster, which was almost not at all.
H.P. looked up from his desk, where he wasn't doing much but floating and admiring his neatly rowed pens.
"Sanderson, what is the meaning of this?" he questioned, surprised.
"Forgive me sir, but I've just discovered something of great interest." Sanderson replied.
"Oh? What is it?" H.P. inquired, raising a curious brow.
Sanderson floated over to his boss' desk, producing from inside his jacket a newspaper.
"Well sir," he explained, "I was just sorting through all our past plans to take over Fairy World, you know, re-alphabetizing, dusting, that sort of thing…"
"And I found this old newspaper," Sanderson went on. He handed it to H.P. for him to read. The headline read 'PIXIES BUY OUT FAIRIES AND TAKE OVER FAIRY WORLD'.
"Oh yes," recalled H.P., "I remember that one. But what does that have to do with anything?"
"Don't you see sir?" Sanderson asked, pointing to the headline, "It says 'Buy Out Fairies'…meaning we bought Fairy World fair and square, and Turner had no right to kick us out."
"Gasp." went H.P.
"Exactly," nodded Sanderson, "I checked our sales records and found out that we did in fact, buy Fairy World, which means we still technically own it. I even found a copy of the contract used for the transaction." He produced this also from the depths of his jacket.
H.P. floated up and grabbed it, reading it over.
"My word, you're right," he announced, "Why, with this we could sue Turner good for grand theft of our property."
"More than that sir," Sanderson told him, "We could turn both Fairy World and the town of Dimmsdale into branches of Pixies Incorporated."
H.P. patted Sanderson's shoulder, smiling slyly. "You've done a good job Sanderson," he said, "A very, good job."
Sanderson smirked pridefully to himself.
"Go get it, boy!" yelled Timmy Turner, sending a yellow Frisbee sailing over his back lawn.
The green dog panted and barked excitedly before running after the flying disk. Smiling, the dog leapt for it, missed, and plowed his face into the dirt.
Timmy and the pink daisy next to him laughed.
The dog pulled his head from the soil, barked happily, and then retrieved the Frisbee and brought it back to Timmy.
"Good Cosmo, good Fairy Godfather..!" Timmy cooed as the disk was placed in his hand. He scratched the dog's ear, and then his belly as he flipped over. "You wanna try again boy? You almost had it that time." Cosmo yipped and bounced excitedly.
"Ok, here ya go..!" Timmy smiled, and launched the disk again.
Cosmo ran, eyes trained on the Frisbee. As a result, he slammed headfirst into a suddenly appearing very solid leg. Timmy and Wanda gasped and ran over.
"Cosmo, are you ok?" Wanda fretted.
Cosmo reverted back to fairy form and whimpered, "Owie…"
Timmy was looking up at the intruder, who was none other than…
"Jorgen von Strangle?" Timmy questioned, sounding somewhat irritated, "What're you doing here? Did I break some sort of Frisbee throwing rule?"
Jorgen looked down at the little boy. "No, it is nothing like that." he said, sounding slightly panicked, "It is that Fairy World is in great danger, and we need the help of silly pink-hatted Earth boy and his bumbling idiot godparents."
"Hey, who're you calling a bumbling idiot?" Cosmo demanded from his bruised position by Wanda.
"Oh right," Jorgen returned, "This from the one who cannot even catch a flying disk in his mouth."
"Um, excuse me..!" Timmy cut in, waving to get the giant fairy's attention, "But why do you need our help? What's wrong with Fairy World?"
"Oh right," Jorgen remembered, "It is pixies! They have returned! And puny pink-hatted Earth child seems to be the only one who can defeat them. Please, help us!"
"Pixies?!" Timmy exclaimed, "Them again? I thought they learned their lesson the last time!"
"No, you don't understand; they have-" Jorgen started, but suddenly-
H.P. and Sanderson were floating beside Jorgen and the others, smiling evilly.
"We have a juicy little piece of paper that claims Fairy World quite solidly as the rightful property of the pixies." H.P. announced with a smirk.
"What? No you don't!" Cosmo challenged, leaping up, cured, from the ground, "Timmy got rid of every contract you ever made one of us sign!"
"While he may have found loopholes in every other one of our contracts, I think you'll find this one to be quite clear." H.P. said, producing the document and shoving it under Cosmo's nose. As Cosmo read, H.P. summarized, "It says that Fairy World was rightly bought in a business transaction between fairy and pixie. The fairy agreed to the terms and signed the document, giving the land over to the pixies. That means we own you."
"But how is that even possible?" Jorgen flustered, "Fairy World isn't even owned by anyone!"
"Well it is now." H.P. told him.
"Ha ha, good burn H.P." Sanderson congratulated.
"Now hold on a minute!" Wanda scolded, "You can't just waltz in here and tell us you've got a new contract on us! Everyone in Fairy World hates you, and would never sign anything you gave them. Where would you possibly find someone so stupid?"
"We have our ways." assured Sanderson.
"And besides," H.P. added, "This contract is old. Fairy World's never actually been out of pixie possession."
"But I thought I wished Fairy World was owned by fairies again!" Timmy put in.
"Wishes have no place in business." H.P. directed to him, "You may have moved us pixies out of Fairy World, but we still technically owned it via contract. That means we can sue you now, and take complete control of both Fairy World and you're pathetic little town of Dimmsdale."
"I was the one who thought of that." Sanderson said, raising his eyebrows like that was impressive.
Wanda opened her mouth, closed it, 'hmm'ed, and then realized she was stumped. So she floated, radiating low-key hostility.
"Ok," Timmy tried, "Then I wish you guys didn't have the contract!"
Brightening, Wanda raised her wand to grant the wish, but the wand sputtered and went 'pthhht'.
Timmy's face turned sour. "Oh great, another wand 'pthht'. Why does this always happen when we need magic the most?!"
"I don't know sport," Wanda sympathized, "But my guess is we can't wish anything that cancels major or important legal documents without evidence or a loophole."
"That's correct." informed H.P.
"Then, that is it!" Jorgen lamented, "Fairy World is doomed to an eternity of boring gray suits and stupid pointy hats!" He sobbed loudly.
"That is also correct." H.P. smiled victoriously.
No, it, isn't!" argued Timmy, "I refuse to let pixies turn Fairy World into a dumb place with no color and no fun. H.P., Sanderson, I'm taking you guys to court!"
The two exhibited mild surprise.
"What?" Sanderson reacted.
"On what grounds?" H.P. demanded.
"Anyone can have their contract reviewed by a judge, right?" Timmy reasoned, "We'll let him decide who the real owner of Fairy World is."
"Drat. He makes a good point." Sanderson relented, "Oh well, we know we're going to win. We've got the legally binding and legitimate contract. So bring it on, losers."
H.P. looked at him. "Sanderson, leave the trash-talking to me."
"Very well then," Jorgen declared, poofing his giant wand into existence, "To Fairy Court!"
Law and Order!
The group appeared in front of a pinkish white marble building with pillars out front floating on top of the clouds. Outside, a sign spelled in cursive 'Fairy Court'.
"Well, here we are, Fairy Court." Jorgen announced, "Let us go inside and battle with laws." He and the pixies headed inside.
Wanda grabbed Cosmo's arm and shook him to get his attention. He was still reading the contract.
"Cosmo, are you coming?" Wanda asked.
"Huh? Wha?" Cosmo looked around. He spotted Wanda. "Oh, I'm sorry." he chuckled, "There's a lot of needless confusing legal mumbo jumbo in here. I think it might've been easier to just listen to H.P.'s summary."
"Well forget about reading it, we're about to go fight over it." Wanda told him.
"We are?" Cosmo looked around again. "Heeey, we're at Fairy Court! When'd we get here?"
"Never mind that," Timmy chipped in, "Let's just get in there before they start without us."
The Fairy Court room was filled with fairies and pixies; excited colorful fairies on the left, and calm block-headed pixies on the right. Timmy, Cosmo, Wanda, Jorgen, H.P. and Sanderson were up front.
"Ok, so who's going to be our lawyer?" Jorgen asked, "I can be if you want. I'm good at lawyering." He jabbed his wand into Timmy and shouted, "Where were you at three in the morning last Wednesday?!" He then gripped his wand and bobbed expectantly, asking, "See? See? I can be lawyer. Can I do it? Can I huh huh?"
Timmy gasped from his spot on the floor, a nervous wreck, "Uh, please no..."
Wanda turned to Jorgen. "I think Timmy means we need someone a little less…violent, and who can ask tricky questions." she offered.
"But I can be tricky..!" Jorgen whined.
"Sorry Jorgen, but it looks like Timmy's our winner." Cosmo said airily, poofing Timmy into a suit version of his normal outfit.
"What?" Timmy exclaimed, "But I don't want to be a lawyer..!"
The Judges gavel banged.
"Have both sides chosen a representative?" he polled.
"Yep!" Cosmo saluted.
"We have." H.P. and Sanderson said in unison.
"Then let the prosecutor plead his case." The Judge ruled, "Mr. Turner?"
Timmy looked desperately between the judge and his teammates. He shook nervously and sweated. He didn't know what to say! He coughed.
"I, um…don't think pixies should have control of…Fairy World?" he tried, "Because, their, contract was, unfair and, um, voided by my wish?"
He gained some confidence. "Yeah, unfair!" he reiterated, "In fact, I call Head Pixie to the stand!"
H.P. was in the witness box.
"So, H.P.," Timmy said casually as he strolled to the box, "You never did tell us just how you acquired that contract in the first place. How do we know you didn't forge it or something?"
H.P. blinked boredly at Timmy, and then sighed. "Alright," he replied, "If you must know…"
The scene rippled into H.P.'s memory. In the memory, he and Sanderson were floating amongst the bustling fairies of Fairy World, wearing sandwich boards that read 'Not Pixies'. H.P. carried a contract and a pen; Sanderson carried a large black briefcase.
"Um, hello, we'd like to buy Fairy World," H.P. was attempting to address the crowd, "Hello, anyone? We have a good offer…" He stopped a fairy with short black hair. "Excuse me, but would you be interested in selling Fairy World for a big pile of cash?" He glanced to Sanderson, who opened the briefcase to reveal the cash.
The fairy's eyes bugged and he started to drool. "Sure!" he said instantly, "Where do I sign?!"
"On this line," H.P. indicated with the pen. The fairy grabbed the pen and scribbled his name down, snatched the suitcase and dashed off, beaming wildly.
H.P. blinked and looked at his empty hand. "Hey, he stole my pen." he noted.
The scene rippled back to the courtroom.
"And that's exactly how it happened." H.P. finished.
"Aha!" Timmy shouted, pointing an accusing finger at the pixie, "You had that fairy sign the contract without them knowing you were pixies! That's not only underhanded, it's lying!"
Half of the crowd gasped dramatically, and the other half said 'gasp' rather dully.
"It may be true that we didn't tell the fairy who signed the contract that we were pixies," H.P. admitted, "But why would we tell people who hate pixies we were pixies? And anyway, had he actually read the document he would have known we were pixies, and that we were buying Fairy World so we could turn it into a branch of our corporation. We gave him a chance to read it."
"Umm, ooo-k…" Timmy faltered. "Uh, but what about my wish?"
"We already told you that wishes have no place in the business world." H.P. reminded him, "Don't you punks ever listen?"
Timmy hunched angrily. "Where were you at three in the morning last Wednesday?!" he shouted, pointing at H.P. accusingly.
"Aww, I wanted to say that..!" Jorgen moped from the prosecutor table.
H.P. quirked a brow at Timmy. "Sleeping." he answered simply.
Timmy was blushing. "Yeah, I, don't know why I said that…" He tugged at his collar. "Um, the prosecutor rests..!"
H.P. smirked before pinging back to his table, where he shared a thumbs-up with Sanderson.
The judge banged his gavel. "The defendant may now…er, defend." he proclaimed.
H.P. floated off of his chair and in front of the judge's stand.
"I would like to call just one witness to the stand," he said, "The fairy who signed the contract in the first place, Mr. B. Utch Hartman."
The fairy with the short black hair was suddenly seated in the witness box, looking around in confusion. He looked rather sloppy in a yellow shirt with a red circle on it, split horizontally by another red line, rolled up blue jeans and sandals.
"Mr. Hartman," H.P. droned, "Did you, or did you not, sign this document a few years back and receive a large cash sum for the ownership of Fairy World?"
The fairy blinked at the paper floating in front of him.
"Oh yeah, I remember that thing." he snapped his fingers in recollection, "Some guy in a stupid pointy hat told me to sign it, and then he gave me a lotta money and a real nice pen..!" He pulled the pen out for all to see.
H.P. snatched it. "That's mine." he said bitterly, and stowed it in his jacket.
"Hey, you're the guy!" the fairy noticed, unfazed by the pen snatching.
"Yes," confirmed H.P., "Now, would you say we had a fair transaction?"
"An autograph for a ton of money? Heck yeah..!" answered the fairy, "I spent it all on comic books within the next ten minutes though…"
H.P. turned to the audience. "There you have it," he broadcast, "He signed the contract, he got the money, and Fairy World is rightfully ours. Timmy Turner had no right to kick us out. Thank you Mr. Hartman." With another 'ping!' the fairy was gone.
"The defense rests." H.P. finished, and floated back to his chair.
From the prosecutor's table Cosmo said lightly, "Well, we're doomed." His companions didn't look like they thought much better.
The Judge banged his gavel and called for silence.
"I declare from the evidence brought before me that yes, the pixies did acquire Fairy World in a fair and just manner…" he gave verdict.
"Yay." the pixies cheered blandly.
"Noooo!" wailed the fairies and Timmy.
"However..!" continued the judge, "Sheesh, don't you people let each other finish speaking anymore?" He cleared his throat. "However, Mr. Hartman was not an official owner of Fairy World, so it really seems you pixies did nothing more than give some dweeb a wad of cash."
"Wha?" questioned the pixies.
"Yaaaaayy!" cheered the fairies.
"Hr-HRMMM!" The Judge cleared his throat again. "I'm not done yet!"
The crowd settled down to listen to him.
"Thank you," he said sharply, "Now, all this in consideration it is my verdict that the land is owned by neither the fairies nor the pixies, and that the land is up for grabs. Therefore I declare a good old fashioned land rush! First one to Fairy World from Earth gets complete ownership!"
"Zuuuh?" went the entire audience.
"You heard me," said the judge, "The race starts in five minutes. Be there or don't, see if I care." He banged his gavel one last time. A 'Court Adjourned!' poof rang throughout the room and The Judge was gone.
The audience mumbled amongst themselves, and then zipped to Earth as fast as they could go.
All of Fairy World and all of Pixies Inc. had shown up for the big race. The starting line was set up in a barren land wayyyy out in the middle of nowhere where nobody would find it. Timmy, Cosmo, Wanda, H.P. and Sanderson were standing ready at the front of the pack.
"You're goin' down, Turner." H.P. taunted, thought the effect was somewhat killed by his monotone.
"No way, Jose," Wanda shot back, "We're gonna win this race..!"
"Who's Jose?" asked Cosmo suspiciously, "Is he another one of your boyfriends I don't know about?"
The Judge poofed in front of the crowd just then, cutting off whatever Wanda was going to say.
"Alright people, this race only has one rule." he told them, "No poofing, or pinging, to Fairy World. Other than that, have at each other. Ready set go." He zipped off into the sky in a flash of fairy.
After a second of being stunned, the fairies and pixies launched themselves after him like the world's largest bee swarm.
Timmy stood on the ground and watched them all soar off.
"Um, helloooo!" he called, irritated, "Cosmo..! Wanda..! I can't fly, remember?"
Cosmo and Wanda screeched to a halt in midair, and then turned around and returned to him.
"Sorry sport," said Wanda, "We kinda forgot."
"Not me," said Cosmo, "I just didn't wanna share Fairy World with anyone. Buuut, since you remembered…"
He and Wanda each grabbed an arm and then blasted off at top speed.
"Wish on the go, sweetie..!" Wanda called to him over the rushing air.
Timmy smiled. "I wish I had a super cool, really fast jetpack!" he requested. The wish was granted and Timmy blasted off ahead of them.
"Go get 'em, Timmy..!" cheered Wanda.
"Hmph, now there's a Timmy is there?" huffed Cosmo, "How may other boyfriends have you had, huh? Huh?"
Wanda's face flattened.
Meanwhile, Timmy weaved in between the varying bodies of gray and not gray, loving the whoosh of air over his face. Pixies shot magic at fairies and vice versa, but Timmy didn't bother picking any fights; he was set on reaching Fairy World first and giving it to the fairies. So intent, even, that he didn't notice Sanderson emerge from the swarm of bodies and come up behind him, cell phone in hand.
Sanderson punched the buttons on his phone. The screen flashed 'Paperweight!' and suddenly Timmy had a large square gray rock strapped to his back instead of a jetpack. Sanderson smiled and flew on.
Timmy plummeted, screaming. He called out, "Coosmooooo! Waanndaaaaa! Heeeeeeelp!"
From another part of the sky, Wanda perked. "Oh no!" she fretted, "My Timmy's in Danger Again Sense is tingling!" She poofed away.
"Tell me who Jose is!" shouted Cosmo, and followed her.
They appeared at Timmy's side. Wanda whipped out her wand. "Quick, sport, what do you need?" she asked frantically.
"I wish this rock was a rocket powered parachute!" Timmy yelled.
"If you don't tell me who this Jose is, I'll-oh hi, Timmy!" noticed Cosmo. Wanda grabbed his wand arm to activate his magic and the wish was granted. Timmy sported a white parachute with small rockets dotting the hem.
Timmy swerved away yelling, "Thaaaank yoouuuu..!"
"No problem Timmy!" Wanda yelled back.
Cosmo glared at the hand on his arm. "Ohh no, don't you try holding hands with me! Not until I get some answers!"
Wanda rolled her eyes.
Timmy flew higher and higher now, and was nearing the head of the pack. The tussles were more vigorous here, and more than once he had to dodge magic obstacles or a pixie being used as a javelin.
And this time Timmy noticed when Sanderson approached him, but that may have been because he coasted up next to him and kept pace.
"Hello, Turner." greeted Sanderson.
"Sanderson." acknowledged Timmy.
"Why don't you give up now? I'll just keep sabotaging your flight equipment." Sanderson mocked, "H.P. is going to win this race, and no flightless Earth boy is going to stop that." He brandished his cell phone as if in emphasis.
"I'll never drop out," Timmy returned, "I'm kicking your gray seated pixie butts out of Fairy World once and for all!"
"Then I'm sorry it had to be this way." replied Sanderson, not sounding terribly sorry at all; or much else for that matter. He punched away at his phone. The screen flashed 'Flightless!' and Timmy's ankle was suddenly chained to a giant square block. He blinked in midair for a second, and then fell screaming again.
"Cosmo! Wanda! I need you guys again!" Timmy cried out, and almost instantly they were there.
"You cried out in horror, Timmy?" Cosmo greeted with a smile.
"Yes! Please! I wish this big block was…I dunno, something, anything that could fly!" wished Timmy desperately.
"Yoouu got it!" Cosmo grinned, and one 'Anything!' poof later, Timmy was holding the handles of a magnificent striped propeller beanie as he hovered in place. He looked at his gear.
"This is it?" Timmy asked, then angrily, "How the heck is this supposed to help me win the race?!"
"Well, sorry Timmy," apologized Wanda, "But you did say anything, and hey! It was the first thing we could think of..!"
"Pretty stylish though, if I do say so myself." input Cosmo.
Timmy sighed, turned, and slowly began to putt-putt his way to the finish line. Fairy World was in view now, but all around him he was being passed. Cosmo and Wanda even passed him because they got bored.
"Man, I wish this thing had a hyper drive or something…" Timmy said to himself. Then he realized what he just said. He called ahead to the pink and green specks ahead of him, "Heeey, that was a wish! Do you hear me? I wish this thing had hyper drive!"
There was a brief sparkle, and then he had a rocket booster on his back that attached to his beanie.
"Alright!" cheered Timmy, and he immediately engaged the booster.
VOOSH! Off he went, faster than ever. He blasted past everyone until he was neck and neck with H.P. himself. H.P. tossed him a glance and flapped his boxy wings harder. Timmy strained to keep up.
And then there was Sanderson, flying towards him with an obvious intent to collide and veer him off course. Timmy cried out, and, with his eyes glued shut, felt himself spin wildly.
His flying evened out. He wasn't dead. He opened his eyes. The way ahead was clear! He glanced behind him and saw Sanderson's pointy hat lodged in Cupid's hair. Neither of them looked happy about it, and they were struggling desperately to separate. Timmy had executed a perfect corkscrew maneuver around Sanderson!
Timmy smiled. He was home free now. Or so he thought.
"Not bad Turner." H.P. complimented, "But you still have to beat me, and my naturally cone shaped head gives me the upper hand. Ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha ha."
Timmy and H.P. jockeyed for first over the Rainbow Bridge; first H.P., then Timmy, then H.P.! Both faces held intense focus. The finish line was closer, closer…
"I did it! I win! I get the deed Fairy World! Hooray!"
Timmy and H.P. ground to a halt, blinking. Who had said that?
Everyone in the area looked around, not seeing anything, but then Timmy looked down.
"Binky?" he questioned, astonished.
The little fairy was indeed dancing over a broken finish line, the clear victor of the race. Everyone who made it to the end gathered slowly around him, muttering in amazement. Sanderson, his hat still tangled with Cupid's hair, floated over, both he and Cupid now quietly staring. Jorgen came forward, gaping in disbelief. Cosmo and Wanda were absolutely speechless.
"At last, all those years of fleeing in terror have finally paid off!" squeaked the miniscule Binky.
The Judge came forward with a slight cough.
"Well, um," he said, scratching his head, "The winner…is…Binky..!" He sounded as though he couldn't believe it himself. "And, as winner, he gets a deed to Fairy World. And pixies, sorry, but better luck next time." He didn't sound at all sorry about the pixies, and poofed into existence a deed to Fairy Land, which he presented to a gushing Binky.
"Oh, there will be a next time." H.P. assured, "You can count on that. Come, Sanderson. Other generic pixies."
In a collective 'Ping!' H.P. and the other pixies all disappeared, along with the still-attached-to-Sanderson Cupid, who didn't get a chance to get his protest out.
Timmy blinked dumbfoundedly. "Huh." he said, "I really did not see that coming. But, I guess this is a happy ending, right?"
"Well, pixies aren't going to take over Fairy World." agreed Wanda, "So I guess so."
"Yeah," concluded Timmy, "So let's get back to playing Frisbee at my house. I don't think they need us anymore."
"Right-o champ!" smiled Wanda, and obliged to poof him and her back to Earth.
Cosmo hunched his shoulders angrily and balled his fists. "Why won't you tell me who Jose is?!" he demanded, and poofed after them.