A/N: Ok readers, this is my first story. I hope you like it. Enjoy ! :)

Chapter 1: Fearless Flashbacks, Need To Breathe.

Beginning of Flashback:

I was with Edward, we were in Port Angeles in the Park. It was just the two of us, no one around. We were swinging on the swings. I loved our time, just us, together without anyone else around. I didn't know why before, I thought it was just because we were best friends. Now I know it was because I was in love with him. I knew I had to tell him, but I didn't want to make things weird and awkward between us. What if he didn't feel the same way, I was pretty sure he didn't. But I needed to tell him. Here goes nothing.


He was on the swing next to me. He looked at me, into my eyes. It instantly made me melt. "Yeah, Bella?", he replied.

"Um", was all I could manage to get out. Come on, just say it. "What movie are we watching tonight?". NICE ONE.

He smiled, "It doesn't matter, I'll let you choose, no matter what they say."


God, why is it I can never manage to get this out. It's the third time this week. Apparently the third times not the charm.

"Are the others still up for it?", he asked getting off his swing. He walked around until he was behind me pushing me. Mental Sigh.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure. They haven't texted me to cancel. But I should be asking you, Alice and Emmett are your siblings."Secretly I was hoping they wouldn't show, not that I don't like them, I love my friends. I just love Edward more.

"True, but Alice is closer to you" he stated matter-of-factly. "And Emmett is just an idiot sometimes". I could imagine the smile on his face.

"The first part may be true, but the last part made no sense. It had nothing to do with our conversation".

"No one said it had to". I could almost hear him grinning.

All of a sudden, before I had a chance to say anything, I felt the swing pull back. Then as I went forward I saw him run under. I was laughing so hard, I hadn't had an under-duck in so long. it was fun.

I looked at him, he was laughing along with me. I was high up in the air, I loved it. I had always loved that feeling, it was exhilarating. Like being 5 years old again. As I got closer to the ground, I dragged my feet along the cold damp sand to slow myself down.

I eventually came to a full stop and got up off the swing. "Wanna go get some ice cream?", I asked Edward.

"Cookie Dough?" he asked which meant he was paying.

"Oh, HELL YEAH!!" I shouted. I loved cookie dough, it was my favorite.

I walked over towards Edward and put on my flip flops. "Shall we?"

"We shall", he draped his arm around my shoulders. If only this hold had meant something more than a friendly, buddy-buddy hold.

We went and got ice cream, both cookie dough, and now we were in his Silver Volvo driving back to Forks. We were just driving out of Port Angeles now. I was the only one allowed to eat in his car, which was really surprising since I was the clumsy one out of the bunch.

I was getting nervous, I had to tell Edward soon, really soon. Maybe now would be a good time to tell him, no because then we'd have that awkward car ride home if he didn't feel the same way. I'll tell him when we get closer to my house. Yeah, that'll work. Hopefully.

Nervously, I looked at Edward from the corner of my eye. He was looking at me, smirking. He noticed me looking and looked back towards the road. He looked back at me again, still smirking. WHAT THE HELL? I though to myself.

"What?!" I asked, did I do something stupid without knowing it, or what?

He chuckled. "Bella, you have ice cream on your nose".

My hand immediately flew to my nose. How the hell did I manage to get my nose covered in ice cream without knowing it. I MUST be out of it.

"Oh Shit", I took my napkin and wiped my nose. I realized I'd just swore in front of Edward."Oops", I said shrugging. Edward hated it when I swore, I don't know why, he does it all the time, Hypocritical Much.

"Bella, how many times have I told you not to swear", he said with disappointment in his voice.

"Oh, come on Edward. You always swear, and I'm not aloud to?" I questioned him.

"No, your not", he stated.

"Hypocrite", I muttered under my breath.

"I heard that"

"Then ignore it".

Edward chuckled and shook his head.

"What now?", I may love the guy, but he gets annoying at times.

"Nothing, your just silly Bella", he gave my that crooked grin I loved so much. "My silly Bella".

I liked the way he said My silly Bella.

"My crazy Edward", I said putting emphasise on the word my, I hope he didn't notice. I stuck my tongue out at him, acting childish once again. Hey it's fun.

He stuck his tongue out at my. At that moment, it was like old times again. When I could just act crazy and silly without him constantly. When I didn't think before I did something for fear of looking stupid and getting embarrassed. I missed those days, it's different now.

I looked out the window, clutching the napkin in one hand, ice cream cone in the other.

"Bella," he said startling me, taking me away from my thoughts. "You better eat that ice cream before it drips on my seat." Yes, this car was his baby, he couldn't let anything happen to it.

"Oh right", I'd actually forgotten I still had to eat my ice cream. He'd finished his before we got to the car. My ice cream was starting to drip down the cone. I licked it up and ate my ice cream until there was nothing left.

We had just entered Forks, and then it dawned on me, I had to think of how I was going to tell him. Edward I'm in love with you, do you love me back? Sure it seemed simple enough, in my head. The words just didn't want to leave my mouth. I couldn't form them.

"Why are you so quiet?", Edward asked catching me off guard.

"What do you mean?" What the fuck, 'What do you mean', God Bella your such an idiot.

"Are you mad at me?" He asked, a little worried, he always hated it when we fought.

"No", I said. "I'm just thinking about stuff", About You, I mentally added.

"Of What?" He asked. He sure likes questions. "You wanna tell me?"

The perfect opportunity. "Um, Edward...", I started, and trailed off. The words wouldn't leave my mouth.

"Yeah, what is it?"

Come on Bella, just tell him. You can do it, he's asking you to tell him.

"There's something really important I need to tell you", I paused. He waited for me to continue. "I'm not sure how you'll react though".

We were pulling up to the house now. I didn't even realize we were on my street.

Then Edward got the most horrified look on his face. "OH NO" He practically shouted in panic.

Oh God, he knows. This was the reaction I feared.

"Your not sick are you? Your not dieing. Please tell me your not dieing." He shouted in my ear, OW! Wait he thinks I'm dieing?!

I raised my eyebrows. "No Edward, I'm not dieing, your not even close. I'm perfectly healthy", well almost anyway, I'm love sick.

Relief washed over his face. He sighed. "Ok good, you scared the shit out of me for a minute there." He took a second to look normal again. "So if your not dieing, then what's so important and might make me freak?"

"Well", Come On Bella, You Can Do This! "I'm, um......I, uh".

"Your what?"

"I'm, um, inlove" I forced the last part out.

He had an unreadable expression on his face.

"You don't have a boyfriend though." I looked away from him. "You have a boyfriend?!" he asked. "SINCE WHEN? WHY HAVEN'T YOU TOLD ME?" He was getting a little angry.

"I don't have a boyfriend Edward." He sighed, of relief?

He didn't speak, he waited for me to. "But", I started. How do I say this? I was shaking, I was nervous. I was about to reveal my true feeling to my bestest friend, that I was in love with him. "I do, um, uh", I paused again. "ButIdohaveabestfriend." I shot it out quickly, I wondered if he understood.

He was silent. I guess he had understood.

I couldn't look at him. I was still shaking, fear of his reaction. He was still silent, this made me even more nervous. It made me feel stupid and embarrassed. I felt the blood rush to my face.

"Bella", I suddenly heard his velvety voice speak. I couldn't look at him though. I kept head down, looking at my toenails. They were painted blue.

"Bella", he spoke again. "Look at me", his voice was calm and soothing. I wouldn't look at him.

"Please Bella, look at me." I felt his fingers touch my cheek. They lightly turned my face towards his. I couldn't look in his eyes, I was looking out the windshield at the corner of my eye.

"Please Bella", it sounded like he was begging. "Look me in the eyes."

My eyes slowly looked towards him then they reached his. I was afraid of what they would reveal, but they were soft, he smiled softly at me.

"Oh Bella", here it comes. "I didn't know you felt that way. I was so stupid. The truth is..." he trailed off, kissing my nose. "I'm in love too, with my best friend." Then he smiled, his hand still pressed against my cheek.

I smiled back, my hand reached up to hold his on my face. "Really?" I asked, just realizing now how stupid I sounded. I felt my face heat up, I'd blushed.

"Really", then he leaned forward. His lips pressed against my forehead, then my nose, and finally my lips. He pulled back. "I was afraid to ruin our friendship, afraid of what you might think." He smiled, dazzling me. "I love you Bella Swan. My Bella."

I couldn't help but to smile, this made me so happy. "I love you Edward Cullen. My Edward."

He leaned in and kissed my lips again. Then I heard the rain hitting the windshield. It was picking up fast.

"Shit", Edward muttered.

"Make a run for it?" I suggested.

He nodded. "On the count of 3."

I nodded.

"1, 2, 3"

We dashed out of the car, I ran as fast as I could to the door, trying not to trip. But then I felt a hand wrap around my arm, I was halfway to the door when Edward stopped me, turned me around and pressed his lips to mine. It was nice, I forgot all about the rain. His lips were gentle as they pressed against mine molding to the perfect fit. I felt his tongue slide along my bottom lip, asking for entrance. I let his tongue slide into my mouth. Our tongues danced together in perfect harmony. This was my first real kiss, and it was flawless. He kissed by the books, it was perfect. He was perfect. We pulled back for air. He leaned in again and kissed my nose, grabbed my hand, and walked with me towards the door. My first real kiss, in the rain, with Edward Cullen, the love of my life.

End of Flashback

That was 2 years ago, when my life was perfect. For a little while at least. Before my life went into the shit hole. I'm 17 years old now, in my senior year in high school. All that happened when I was 15 years old, in my sophomore year, while I was still in Forks. I moved to Phoenix the same year. It was the hardest part of my life, leaving Edward. I was sure we'd be together forever. Life is really fucked up, or mine is anyway.

I spent 8 and a half months dating Edward, then my parents got divorced and she took me with her. I didn't have a choice, I resented her for it, I'm still not over it. My mother took me away from my first boyfriend, my first love. It hurt so much. The day I left is still burned into my memory. The hurt and pain on Edwards face, I remember Rosalie and Alice sobbing as I drove away, Jasper and Emmett had the saddest look on there face, they waved as I drove away. I cried for days.

Beginning of Flashback

My mother, Renee, was shouting at my father, Charlie. They did that a lot lately. I never expected what was about to happen next though. My mother raced up the stairs into my room where I was listening to music and doing homework.

"Come on Bella", she said in a soothing voice

"What?" I asked confused.

Renee was in my closet, she grabbed my 4 suitcases. She started emptying my drawers and closet.

"Bella get up now." Her voice was now stern.

"Where are we going?" I was still sitting down.

She was still throwing things into the suitcases.

"Bella, get off you fucking ass right now, were leaving" She yelled. My closet and drawers were empty. I felt my eyes widen in shock. I stood up as she left my room.

I heard her emptying her drawers and closet. She spent 5 minutes in there. When she re-entered my room, she grabbed 2 suitcase. She had 4-2 in each hand-of her own. Mine made 3 in each hand. This woman had strength when she was angry.

"Bella grab the suitcases and meet me downstairs", and she left my room. I heard footsteps on the stairs , and a door opening and slamming. I walked over to my window. Renee was loading them into the trunk and the backseat of her car. I walked over to my suitcases, picked them up, and slowly walked out of my room, still in shock. I walked down the stair to find Charlie at the screen door, arms crossed, looking out. He turned as I approached him.

"Bella", he said, pain in his voice. "You don't have to leave."

Renee burst through the doorway. "OH YES SHE DOES", she shouted. "My baby is coming with me Charlie, she is not staying here."

"Stop it Renee, let her decide. Let her stay if she wants."

"SHE'S COMING WITH ME!" Renee shouted at Charlie again. She grabbed the suitcase out of my right hand, grabbed my wrist and practically dragged me out of the front door, to her car. She through my suitcases in the backseat.

"Bella, get in the car and wait for me." I didn't move.

"But mom, I-", she cut me off.

"I said get in the car", she shouted. I saw people looking through there curtains and blinds


"Let her stay", Charlie said coming out of the house. "She's my daughter, too. She has a life here, let her stay."

"She'll make a new life", Renee shot at him. "Bella baby, get in the car. I'll be back in a minute." She ran into the house.

I looked at Charlie. His face was covered with hurt and pain. I hugged him tight. He hugged me back. "Goodbye Bells", he said still holding me tight."I Love you." I started to tear. Charlie had never been one to express his emotions, so it surprised me when I looked up to see his eyes watering.

"Goodbye dad, I love you too" I said back to him. He pulled back, I kissed his cheeks, he kissed mine, then we hugged once more.

Renee walked out of the house with two more suitcases. She through them into the backseat. She then got into the car. I walked over to the passenger side. "Bye dad, I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too, Bells." I got into the car, buckled my seat belt and Renee pulled out of the driveway.

We were driving down the road towards the Cullen's house. "Bella," Renee suddenly spoke. "I'm sorry, your probably mad at me. I know, but it's for the best." I wouldn't look at her. "Were leaving to Phoenix Bella."

My head shot up towards hers. That caught my attention. "WHAT?!" I yelled.

"Were moving to Phoenix", she repeated. "I already made arrangements with your aunt, were staying there until we can get a place of our own."

WHY PHOENIX? WHAT ABOUT MY FRIENDS? WHAT ABOUT EDWARD? I wanted to shout at her, but didn't have the guts to.

"I'm gonna take you to say goodbye to your friends", she said as if she read my mind. "You won't have much time, our flight leaves soon."

We pulled up in front of the Cullen's house. I was supposed to come over today, we'd all spend the day here, the six of us together. They'd all be here.

I got out of the car and so did Renee. We both walked up to the door. I knocked. It felt like I was going to cry again.

The door opened, it was Alice.

"Hey Bella, Hello Renee," Alice greeted us. She was smiling, obviously happy. That was about to change.

"Alice, are Carlisle and Esme here?" Renee asked, not even saying hi.

"Yeah, there in the living room, go ahead and see them." She was still smiling. "Come on Bella, everyone is upstairs already." Alice practically ran up the stairs to tell the others I was here.

"Make it quick Bella. I'm going to let Esme and Carlisle know what's going on. When I'm done, I'll be waiting in the car." I nodded."Quick," she repeated the word.

We walked our separate ways. I made my way up the stairs and heard Alice's voice. I walked toward her room.

"Hey Bella," everyone greeted me. They noticed the look on my face. Edward got up and came to my side at once. I felt a tear roll down my cheek.

"What's wrong Bella?" Edward asked in is velvety voice, concerned, worried. I'd miss the sound of his voice.

"I'm leaving." Another tear.

Their eyes widened, it was silent. Edward looked like he'd been punched in the gut.

"What?!" Alice broke the silence.

"I'm moving to Phoenix. Renee and Charlie are splitting up. She's taking me with her." I added, "by force." I was crying.

Everyone immediatly ran towards me and hugged me. I leaned into Edwards chest, staining his shirt with my tears.

"When are you leaving?" Emmett asked.

"In a few minutes," I said able to speak now. The crying had slowed down. "I have to do this quickly, say goodbye. Renee's probably waiting in the car as we speak."

"But you can't leave," Rosalie shouted at me.

"I have to, it's not my choice."

"That's not fair, we need you here," Jasper said.

"I'm sorry, I have to leave. I wish I didn't have to." I started crying again.

Alice walked up to me and hugged me tight. She was strong for someone as small as she was. "Keep in touch ok, call every day, every minute, every second."

I nodded."I'll try", I hugged her once more.

Rosalie hugged me, not as tight as Alice had. "Come visit. Promise?"

"I promise," I wasn't sure if I'd be able to keep that promise. I hugged her again.

Emmett walked up to me, he gave me a big bear hug, picking me up off the floor. He set me back down. "It's not fair, it won't be the same around here with out you." Emmett frowned. "I'll miss you Bella."

I nodded. "I'll miss you too, Emmett." I hugged him once again.

Jasper walked up and hugged me. "Bye Bella, I'll miss you a lot. Like they said, call, and visit. HELL, even pen pal us." He slightly smiled, but then it faded as soon as it appeared.

I tried to smile back, "miss you too, Jasper. Definitely, I'll pen pal you." I hugged him again.

I turned to Edward. He hadn't said much of anything. He held out his arms and I hugged him tightly, never wanting to let go.

"Let's leave them alone." I heard Rosalie say to them. They exited the room.

I was still holding onto Edward. "Please come with me," I said with no hope at all.

"I wish I could." He turned my face towards his, and kissed me. I wrapped my arms around his neck, his wrapped around my waist. He kissed me so passionatly. We'd never kissed like this, this was a goodbye kiss, knowing we most likely wouldn't see each other again.

We broke apart. "Don't leave," he spoke softly to me, looking into my eyes, I could see the tears building up in his eyes. I started crying again.

"I have to, but I don't want to." My voice was so low, it was almost inaudible. "It's not fair, I want to, no need to be hear with you. I can't live without you." My tears were staining his shirt once again.

"As I need you, your my life Bella." I could hear a crack in his voice. He cried into my hair.

We stood there for a few minuted when I heard the car honk. I suddenly felt angry. I felt hate towards my own mother.

"I have to leave," I said to Edward. He was still holding me tightly, as if it could keep me in this spot with him forever.

He then let go,but held my hand tightly. We walked out of the room and down the stairs. Everyone was waiting by the doorway. Even Carlisle and Esme.

I squeezed Edward hand, he squeezed it back. Then we let go,

I quickly said my last good byes to everyone, and gave them one last hug.

I turned back to Edward. I hugged him tightly, burying my face into his chest and sobbed, him into my hair.

I pulled back, he lifted his hand. He held my face and wiped my tears with his fingers. Then he pulled the ring off his finger, he reached behind my neck and took off my necklace. It was just a plain silver chain. Edward slid the ring onto the chain and put my necklace back on me. "Always remember," he whispered into my ear. Then kissed my forehead, nose then, lips gently.

"Always," I whispered back into his ear.

The car honked again.

"Bye," I said to everyone. To Edward, "I love you."

"I love you," he said back. I could tell he was pushing back the tears.

I turned around and walked out the door. I walked towards the car and heard them all walk outside. I reached the car, turned my head in there direction, waved, then got in. I slammed the door.

"I told you to be quick," Renee snapped.

"I tried to," I snapped back at her. I looked out the window as Renee slowly drove away. Alice and Rosalie were hugging each other, crying. Jasper and Emmett were waving goodbye. Carlisle and Esme waving goodbye. Edward, waving goodbye, and tearing. He had the look of pain, hurt, sadness washed over his face the whole goodbye. It hurt me to have to do that, I cried the whole way to the airport.

End of Flashback

I felt like crying as I remembered my last day with them. That was my last day. I never did visit Edward, Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper. For the first year we kept in touch, with phone calls, but then they eventually stopped. I haven't talked to them in a year. I haven't seen them in 2 years. I was finally going to see my friends again. I was moving back to Forks, Washington for my senior year. I was excited and nervous. I couldn't sleep the whole plane ride.

I was wondering what they thought of me. What they would think of me. I mean, I have changed. I kind of had a little breakdown, when I moved to Pheniox. My hair is no longer brown. It's black, red streaks, layered, with a fringe. The kids at my school called me emo. I'd also gotten into some trouble in Phoenix, they weren't sure what to do with me. That's part of the reason I'm moving back to Forks. I wonder how they've changed, I never thought of that part.

I got nervous again.

The plane ride was extremely long, but then I heard the voice over the intercom. We were landing. We were here. I was home.

A/N: Thanks for reading and giving it a chance. If you liked me story please review, if you didn't like it, well don't be mean, or I may be mean back. If you liked my chapter and I get enough reviews I'll post the next chapter. I've already started writing the next one and I'm almost done :D. So please review, please.

Tanya !