Title: Those Aren't Sock Puppets!

Rating: T

Summary: Bella has some plans for Edward for one of her favorite holidays, but she has to keep them secret. She enlists Jacob and Carlisle for some boobalicious fun with Edward. What's going on here?

Type: AU; OOC; Canon; Cullens are Vampires, Jacob is werewolf.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. They all belong to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer. I just grabbed them and drove them crazy for my own entertainment.

A/N: Happy Valentine's Day everybody! Or for those that are single and hate the holiday, Happy Singles Awareness Day lol. Anyway. Don't ask how I come up with these hella random story ideas. Seriously, they just pop up lol. Yes, I know I should be writing my other stories, but my laptop died on me the other night and since I couldn't remember where I had left off, I started this instead. It was born within the hour. Hope you enjoy my craziness lmao. I promise I'll work on my real stories next. Enjoy. :D



There is one thing I love about vampires. Having all the time in the world, makes them not care what day it is.

Today is April first and I know exactly what I'm going to do.

I'm getting a boob job...or at least that's what I'm going to tell Edward I did.


One week ago...

"So, Edward, do these seem small?" I asked him, pushing up my chest from underneath, while I stood sideways, looking into my floor-length mirror.

"E-excuse me?" he stuttered out, trying to look anywhere but at my chest.

"Well...it just seems like if we're going to spend eternity together that you would, you know, want more to play with." I said, as calmly as I could handle.

"B-but, I—uh, well, what I mean is...Bella, um, you see..." he spluttered out incoherently, looking all cute and bothered with his furrowed brow and frowning at the mention of my inevitable change.

I decided to help put him out of his misery for the moment.

"It's okay. I know exactly what you're trying to say. You love me for me, right?" I said, turning to look at him, avoiding his gaze so that I would not mess up my mission.

His lips formed a tight line and he was scrutinizing my face for answers he could not pull from my head.

I tried to smile reassuringly at him and he finally nodded in agreement with my question.

"Okay. Then I'll just think about. I probably won't do it, but it doesn't hurt to at least think about the option." I said, turning away from and to walk towards my door and avoid any further protests.

I had to face away to avoid him seeing my smile and making me laugh. It would have given my plan away. I quickly left to get ready for bed, leaving him dumbfounded and probably worried about my sanity.


Back to present day...

So here I was, stuffing socks in an over-sized bra I had borrowed from Angela. Thankfully, she had help me put this together, without actually knowing the plan. I didn't want Edward to cheat and ruin the surprise.

I had made it look fairly realistic. My plan would've been ruined if I had lumpy boobs.

The only Cullen that was in on my scheme, was Carlisle. He had hidden his thoughts until yesterday.

Yesterday, he made up a fake memory of me coming into the hospital and talking about some kind of enhancement surgery on Friday, but nothing passed that.

I had made sure to tell him to think about it when Edward was planning to come over that night and I had made up some fake plans to have a daddy/daughter weekend with Charlie to keep him from coming over. I had also told him we would be out of town in Seattle or Port Angeles, so that he wouldn't even go to the house.

To avoid ruining my plan and having Edward catch me at home, I had convinced Charlie to have both of us spend the weekend at the Black residence. It helped me that Alice wasn't able to see my future when I was around Jacob. Jake didn't mind having the chance to rile up Edward, though he didn't like that he would be getting riled up over my breasts.

Charlie, of course, had no clue what was going on and was just happy to have beer, pizza, and television with Billy and that I was hanging out with Jake again.

In order to keep up Alice's inability to check on me and so that he could warn me if Edward was already there to ruin my plans, I had had Jacob take me home and stay there with me while I got ready. Charlie had his cruiser to drive home when he wanted to.

I turned sideways to check out my, "new boobs." They were huge on my tiny frame, but looked like I really had just gotten implants from my average Bs to large Ds. I smiled at my handiwork and pulled on my once loose t-shirt, that now fit snugly around my curvier frame. I threw on some old jeans and Chucks to complete the outfit. I grabbed my rain jacket and ran downstairs to show Jacob before I left.

"Hey Jake. Do they look real enough?" I asked, turning sideways to show them off.

Even from his spot on the couch, I could see how his eyes practically bugged out of their sockets.

"W-wow, Bells. Jesus. I-I'm not even sure what to think." he stuttered, as he got up and walked toward me, seemingly transfixed by my new, "enhancements."

"Jake. Just remember. Socks. Not real." I said, winking at him before sliding my jacket on, zipping it up and grabbing my truck keys off the counter.

He chuckled nervously and scratched the back of his head, as he followed me outside. It wasn't raining yet, surprisingly, but you could tell it was gonna start soon.

"Alright, I'll see you later! I'll tell you how it went, tomorrow!" I shouted to him before I hopped in my truck, while he stood next to his Rabbit.

He just nodded a goodbye and we both headed in opposite directions.

I pulled up to the Cullen residence, despite the drizzle turned downpour, and tried getting ready for what I was about to do. Most sane people wouldn't try to trick vampires. Then again, most sane people didn't date vampires, either.

I threw my hood up and got out of the truck, running carefully up to the door, so that I didn't throw my new assets out of whack.

Before I could even knock on the door, Edward was opening it and he looked angry.

"Bella." he said in a curt tone, before letting me into the house.

I walked in and followed Edward, as he walked straight up to his room. Obviously, he was trying to avoid the scene he was gong to make from getting more people than necessary involved. I just hoped Carlisle helped me out with the rest.

As soon as the door shut behind me, he turned his fiery eyes on me and the questions exploded out.

"What is the meaning of this? Why did you go see Carlisle on Friday? Were you really with Charlie or on bed rest in a hospital for an 'enhancement' surgery?" he spat out the word, "enhancement," as if it actually pained him to say it.

"Edward, I'm sorry for hiding everything. I just, I wanted to surprise you. I knew you would never say it out loud, but I know you wanted me to get these." I said, facing away from him looking down while I gathered my courage.

I was secretly smiling and so very thankful he could not see my traitorous face. I slowly started to unzip my jacket.

"I wanted what? What are you talking about? You know I mean it when I say I love you the way you are." he almost sounded sad as he finished speaking.

I almost felt bad for doing this. Almost.

"These." I said, before spinning around quickly to reveal, "them."

He froze on the spot, mouth stuck open in mid-word. It was like he wasn't sure what to do. I could see the light in his eyes. The light of a true pervy teenage boy, who dreamed of grabbing the monstrosities attached to the front of me, but the audible snap of his mouth closing rid him of that light.

Here came angry, protective, parental Edward. Ugh.

"Bella. You know I love you, so you must know how ridiculous I think those are." he said, though I could see the internal battle flaring up inside him.

I smiled to myself and took a step closer. It seemed hormonal Edward was taking the lead, as he stepped closer, as well.

"I just wanted to do this for you. For us. For our future." I said, trying to look as serious as possible, taking another step closer to him.

Serious Edward was losing his battle ground and sat on the edge of the bed.

Perfect. Now I could kick my plan into full gear.

It helped that everyone else had hopefully been told to go on a hunting trip with Carlisle soon after I had arrived. That kept us from getting interrupted or Alice ruining my plan.

Edward put his head in his hands, obviously trying to figure out what to do with me and my unwelcome decision.

"Edward. It's okay. I know you want this." I said, now standing directly in front of him.

He was afraid to look up. I could tell by the audible gulp I heard.

He sighed and looked up, but whatever he had been about to say, was now caught in his throat as he stared down my monsters.

"What was it you were going to say?" I asked sweetly, smirking from my new found confidence.

I leaned forward, and he leaned back toward the bed to avoid contact with my body. I leaned forward more so that I could place my hands on either side of his body. He was now practically laying on the bed, only propped up by his elbows.

I started to crawl onto the bed and his topaz eyes widened noticeably. He could easily stop me, but he did nothing. I knew he would write it off as not wanting to hurt me, but I could see it in his eyes that he liked where this was going. A lot.

"Edward? What's wrong? Don't you want me still?" I asked, pouting a little.

"I-I still want y-you. O-of course." he stuttered out, still trying to crawl backwards from my advancements.

I kept crawling until he was stuck against the headboard.

"Got you now." I whispered, licking my lips.

I could've sworn I heard him whimper. I saw something twitch below me and I looked down from instinct. I saw that he was not obviously, if not painfully, straining against his pants, thanks to my actions.

Blushing Bella made a comeback in that moment. I tried carefully to remember my plan and put on my game face.

"I-I couldn't help it. You w-were crawling, an-and they're huge now, and there, an-and..." he said, looking ashamed, but I silenced him with a finger to his lips.

"Shh. Who said I minded?" I replied to his babbling, pulling my finger away to run it across the front of his pants, trying to keep up my seductress routine.

His eyes immediately darkened and he gave me his smirk. He placed his hands on my waist just forcefully enough to make me plop down on his lap. I could now feel him against me. What was it I was doing again?

"I, um, yeah. They're, you know, what?" I mumbled out incoherently, now totally lost from my earlier mission.

I couldn't stop myself from leaning forward to kiss him. He eagerly accepted and his cold tongue tentatively traced my lips before I let it tangle with my overheated tongue. I let out a moan from the new sensation and we both seemed to snap out of whatever was happening.

He broke the kiss and chuckled a little at how things had escalated, while my cheeks were a permanent shade of rosy pink.

"Well, I guess I should tell you now." I said, knowing that trying to continue my mission was useless.

He gave me a confused look as I reached into my shirt and dug around. He looked almost horrified as I scrunched up my face in my effort to start pulling out the sucks that I had completely wedged into the bra.

When I finally got a hold of a pair, I yanked it out for him to see.

He let out a gasp, but then it quickly turned to laughter. It grew into an uncontrollable fit and actually shook me off his lap.

"Wow...I can't...believe...you actually...fooled me." he got out between chuckles.

I started to giggle, as I quickly pulled out the rest of the socks.

"That's kind of the point." I said, still smiling at him.

"What do you mean?" he asked, calmed down but still smiling, as he pulled me to lay by his side.

"Happy April Fool's Day." I said, giving him a kiss on the cheek.


A/N: So there you have it, folks. My crazy demented mind would not let this go and so I wrote it. Yeah it's not great, but if it made you laugh at all, I did my job. R&R please. :D