Matt's Valentines

Valentines Day, one of the great commercial opportunities in history. Those of us in relationships will frantically try and purchase the best and most cost-effective present to keep said boyfriend or girlfriend. What store clerk has not seen a rush of young men dashing towards card/gift shops on the 13th of February?

Big businesses know what suckers we lowly mortals are. Those of us in relationships are buying into their twisted game of candy hearts and teddy bears with stupid messages written on them. Those of us despairing into single hood are buying everything else to compensate for our terrible sense of loneliness. I mean, who wants to be single on Valentines Day, be honest?

My own personal, and shall I call them foul experiences, of Valentines Day entail having the creepy nerd from down the street send me a Valentine's card, along with creepy presents for about two years.

Not to mention the stalker who followed me around for three years, staring bedazzled into my eyes as I told her for the millionth time to stop following me home.

So, as you can imagine, I'm not too keen on it.

Unusually I'm in a relationship now. But Mello's smart. He, like me, isn't going to care if I don't get him anything. Right?

Of course I arrived home to find a very distraught boyfriend enquiring to why he hadn't received any chocolate. There was a distinct word dancing through my mind at the time, I believe it was 'shit'.

Frantically, I run down to the local Thorntones, wondering what would be the best way to make it up to Mello. You can't simply claim his present was great sex alone, because he'd laugh and say, 'Right, Matty, now where's my chocolate?'

Unfortunately, I find my ex-stalker at the counter, glowering at me. I suppose shouting I'm gay at her continually was not the best way to ditch her.

After practically begging my money into her hands, and then running off with the chocolate (I promised her some), I reached the apartment.

Mello jumped for joy and pigged out on that for a while on the sofa. I flopped onto the sofa, praying to God I wasn't followed home. After a few minutes, Mello pats the seat next to him. Jesus Christ, I'm becoming more and more like his dog as the days roll by.

"Good chocolate?"

He nodded, licking his lower-lip suggestively. I roll my eyes, wrapping an arm around his skinny waist (why is he so thin with the amount of chocolate he eats per hour, let alone per day?)

"Hey, Mel?"

"What is it?" He seems to find his fingernails pretty interesting right now… Bizarre.

"What do I get from you for Valentines Day?"

"Great sex," he looked up at me and winked.