AUTHOR'S NOTE - I wrote this whilst bored one slow Saturday afternoon. The title comes from a song by The Who (I was listening to the Limp Bizkit cover version at the time of writing) and it helped my muse along, bless him.
BEHIND BLUE EYES.
I gazed out of the window, watching the people walk past in the street, wondering briefly where they were headed, who they were meeting, before deciding that the thought had been too voyeuristic, that I really didn't want to know. Really, other people's business was of no concern of mine, except for when it came time for me to save a few unfortunate souls.
Pity more often than not I didn't get thanks for it, didn't get recognition for the danger I consistently put myself in, and for what? I wondered then if maybe I was just getting too old for this - hunting - although, at 32, I could hardly be described as exactly old. Maybe I was just getting itchy feet in the job. I'd never wanted to do this, hunt things, but felt like I had to follow in my father's footsteps after he'd died at the hands, or rather claws of the werewolf, when no one else was there to do it for him.
Sometimes, there was no justice, just me.
And then along came Castiel, the one light in my life amongst so much darkness. He'd saved me from a car wreck some time ago, only to discover a kindred spirit, a soul mate. Our souls had bonded, a true bond that could never be broken except through death. And if one of us died, then I knew, as well as Castiel did, that the other would die instantly. I'd felt his pain on more than one occasion, as he had felt mine, and we'd known, had shared each other's joys, pleasures. I would not want it any other way.
"You look deep in thought, Jen!" came Castiel's distinct voice, as he suddenly appeared across from me.
I jumped at the sound - I'd been so lost in thought, I'd never felt his arrival like I usually did. I smiled at the ever-patient angel, before saying - "It's nothing. I was just thinking, well, wondering actually, why I was still a hunter. I was thinking of just ... "
"Giving up?" Castiel asked, non-judgmental as ever. " Is that wise?"
"I don't know," I admitted, looking away from those dark blue eyes with some difficulty.
Those eyes always held me in thrall, bewitched me until I wasn't quite sure where I started and Cas ended.
"It is your decision to make, not mine," he said, slowly. "Whatever road you choose to travel, I will not judge you. I never could!"
This last said so quietly, I almost didn't hear it, and a lump formed in my throat at that. Sometimes I thought that Cas was too good for me, and at others I thought myself the luckiest person alive. I didn't deserve to be loved by Cas.
"Good things do happen, Jen!" Cas murmured, as though he'd heard what I'd thought and maybe I had.
We'd often shared emotions through the bond we shared, and sometimes it seemed as though we could even read each other's minds at times. The thought was comforting rather than intrusive, I found.
"I know, Cas, but sometimes, I feel ... " I started to say, but I didn't get the chance to finish my own sentence, for the waitress brought my order - a slice of chocolate pie, and a glass of cola. She set the same snack in front of Castiel, eyes lingering a little too long on the vessel's face for my liking, and I seriously considered stabbing her with my own dessert fork. Not that Cas even noticed the waitress' attention - at which point she glanced at me, and I gave her a smug smile, before reaching out to take Cas' hand. She looked disappointed then moved on.
"What was that all about? Why did you want to stab that woman?" Cas asked, innocently, as he cut off a small chunk of pie, as carefully as he did anything else.
So that proved my theory that sometimes he could read my mind.
I had to laugh at that, before I said - "Oh, I think it was I marking my territory ... "
I shook my head, not knowing how to explain it any better than that without sounding foolish perhaps, but Castiel seemed to know what I meant. A small pleased smile lifted the corners of his mouth, and he looked almost touched at that. I caught the tail end of a runaway thought, which went something along the lines of *Jen would stab another for me ... *
I looked back at my chocolate pie, distracted a little from my earlier maudlin thoughts, which could only be a good thing considering. I placed a small fork full of chocolate pie into my mouth, chewing slowly in pleasure at the taste of chocolate exploding through my mouth, flooding my tongue with chocolate-y goodness. I closed my eyes and groaned slightly, drawing Castiel's eyes to me.
I felt his eyes upon me, and I opened my eyes long enough to smile out my appreciation at him.
"This pie is really good!" I said, still chewing slowly.
"It looks it ... " Castiel remarked, watching me intently as I enjoyed my pie.
It was just something about the way he watched me eat, clearly showing interest, that suddenly turned my thoughts to ... other things ... things that shouldn't be thought about in the middle of a Boston diner.
"Do you want to get out of here?" Castiel asked quietly, as though he'd been thinking along the same lines as I had. "Do they do take-out?"
"I think I can convince them to give us a doggy bag ... " I murmured, trying to flag down the waitress I had been tempted to stab not five minutes ago.
"Doggy bag, Jen?" Castiel asked, doing his irresistible little head tilt of confusion.
I got a fleeting image of a dog shaped bag forming in his mind, and I laughed.
"It means wrapping up your leftovers for later, Cas," I said, gently, reaching out to take his hand tenderly.
Just such moments of such child like innocence made me love him all the more. He rubbed the backs of my fingers gently, before he smiled.
"Thank you, Jen!" he said, with his single nod of acquiescence that all too often of late, I'd picked up from him.
Finally the waitress gave us our check, and given us the requested doggy bag, which Cas eyed dubiously, before we walked from the diner: Cas' arm wrapped carefully around my shoulders. I snuggled into him against the chill in the air, as well as just for the excuse to snuggle.
Neither of us spoke, not really needing the excuse to, as we were comfortable enough in each other's company to just remain silent. I don't think either of us really liked to talk much anyway - at which Dean had quite often called us a pair of Chatty Cathy's.
Soon enough, we'd reached my Mustang, and I got behind the wheel, unlocking the passenger door for Cas, before he got in beside me. He settled down in the seat, looking to me very much like a contented cat right then, and I touched his cheek gently. He turned luminous blue eyes onto me, before he leant forward and kissed me gently. I responded, feeling myself tighten up in response to him, before breaking away and speaking.
"Carry on like that, and we won't make it back to the motel room ... " I said, quietly.
Castiel graced me with an impish smile at that and I got a sense right then that maybe we wouldn't ... I grinned back, before starting the engine, and pulling out into midday traffic, with Castiel's eyes resting on me, my face, travelling down my body, seemingly setting me alight with just the weight of his gaze. I couldn't help but growl a little in frustration when we got locked in traffic, crawling along too slowly for my raging hormones right then.
It didn't help when Cas reached out to run a hand over my leg, stroking up higher, higher, ever higher, and my breath started coming out in excited little pants at the contact. I didn't stop him, especially when he started unzipping my jeans slowly.
"Right, that's it, I'm pulling over as soon as I can ... " I said, my voice sounding strained even to my own ears, as I desperately looked for somewhere to pull over, and preferably hide behind.
Luckily for us both, there was a stand of trees some way down the road, and I idled the Mustang behind the thickest part, before killing the engine and turning to Cas and kissing him urgently, hungrily, tongues entwined, as he cupped a breast and rolled the nipple between careful fingers. My nipples hardened and I moaned into his mouth, before pulling away with some reluctance. Castiel looked on me with such trust in his eyes, my heart went out to him, and I touched his face again.
"Get in the back, Cas!" I said, as he leant his cheek into my hand and kissed my palm, eyes never leaving mine.
"Okay," he said, with such perfect trust yet again, before he climbed out and got in the back.
I took off my coat and unbuttoned my blouse, losing the jeans on the way round to the back, before getting in, laughing softly as I straddled him. He returned my smile, before he closed his eyes, resting his head upon the back of the seat as I ground into him, lips half parted as he said my name.
I ran my hand slowly down his chest, before unzipping his pants, leaning forward on bent knees, as I pushed his pants out the way awkwardly in the close confines of the back seat. Castiel arched up off the seat, helping me with the task at hand, before his boxers followed suit. He licked his lips, looking up at me with soulful eyes, which I always thought of his puppy dog eyes of doom - for the reason that I was doomed when I looked upon them. I could never refuse him a thing whenever he turned that gaze upon me, and I was forever lost in that guileless gaze. In all things, Cas was my one true weakness, when nothing else was - and I would be forever damned if I ever let anything take that away from me. I'd struggled so much on my life before this, and this was the one thing I did not have to fight for. Cas seemed a gift from Heaven ... quite literally considering ...
I closed my eyes and leant my forehead against his, draping my arms gently around my neck, just wanting to be held right then. As if sensing this, Cas wrapped his arms around me, just holding me, soothing me with strokes of a wingtip against my cheek, until I smiled and kissed him again, lips soft against mine. I could taste the remnants of the chocolate pie he'd consumed before we left the diner and something that belonged purely to Castiel and the vessel himself.
He held me between strong hands, steadying me as I lowered myself onto him - both of us inhaling sharply as I did so. I tightened around him, holding him close and threading fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck, as he buried his face into my neck, kissing me softly. I could feel his breath tickling my neck and I shivered at the sensation, which contrasted with the feel of his hands hot on my hips, slightly wet with perspiration.
I began to thrust onto him, eyes half closed, as Cas continued to kiss and nibble at my neck, hands supporting me and wings surrounding us both. For a moment I wondered how the wings fitted in such close confines, as well as the pair of us, but a single stroke from a wing tip drove all thoughts out of my head, as I continued to thrust down onto Cas.
He leant back then, resting his head on the back of the seat again, eyes closed again, as he said something in a language I almost - but not quite - understood. The words seemed vaguely familiar, like I'd heard them before yet I knew I ha not.
I think Cas was actually swearing in some long forgotten language, as his hands tightened their grip upon me. I watched his face, the way the light fell upon it, as he spoke those ancient words again, before crying out as he came deep inside me. I felt his climax pour through me, and it took me with it, pushing me over the edge into my own climax.
Cas lifted his head, breathing heavily as he turned eyes still dark with lust and pleasure onto me and said - "Jen ... Jen, just hold me, okay?"
I nodded at that, before slipping arms gently around his neck, resting my head upon his shoulder, before staring off into the middle distance, as my breathing slowed, my heart slowed, everything slowed. Cas rubbed gentle fingers down my back, followed by a wingtip, and I closed my eyes at the sensations. I loved it when he touched me, both with hands and wing, and I think he knew that. How could he not, when we shared everything, all that we thought and felt, all that we were?
I opened my eyes once again, before looking down into wide blue eyes, and I wondered for a moment what lay behind those blue eyes. I blinked and I knew, I saw, I felt it. Perfect love, perfect trust and infinite protection ... and it all belonged to me ....