Song: Hold On by Good Charlotte (please read author's note at the end).

It amazed me how he knew. I never told a soul that. Ever. Psh. When I first came here and L told me that I couldn't tell anyone about my past, I was pretty damn happy. Me never having to tell anyone about my family? What happened? No problem. No problem until now I guess.

He acted like he didn't know for the most part, which makes me wonder how long he actually did know. But…regardless of it all, I'm actually glad that he knows…ya know? It's cool to have someone that you can tell everything to. All your secrets and shit.

The present of his could of waited though. It was too damn emotional. Brought back too many memories. That church especially. I remember looking for it when I came back from hiding. Pshh. Hiding. Hiding in the woods for God knows how long until I was sure they were gone. It's fucking screwed up. They couldn't just let us be? They had to fucking kill everyone? Burn everything?

I remember my mom getting murdered. Pretty fucked up sight to see as a kid huh? I remember it as clearly as I do only because of those eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes. Mine look like burnt out light bulbs compared to hers. They forced her on her knees, and that's when those beautiful blue eyes looked at me….

And then they shot her in the head.

I wanted to run out to her so bad. As if I could be one of those characters in the fairy tales she told me about. I could be the magical kid that saved her and brought her to life. But who was I kidding? I wasn't that brave. Instead, I stayed there and cried like a little bitch.

I should have run after her. Who cares if I would have died? I prefer dying to living a life without a mother. But she wouldn't have wanted that. I know that for sure.

Anyway, I looked for that church first. That church that meant so much to our town. I did find it eventually. It was only a heap of rubble and trash compacted in a pile. I also found another person….

I found L.

I ended up fucking Matt that night. It's a harsh word I know, but I don't what else to use. Definitely not love. Never that. I think fucking is the perfect word.

To be honest, I actually like Matt. He's one of the people I could actually stand to be around in the Hell hole. And I've been here for 10 years, so that's saying a lot.

It's weird because I'm usually the one that's there for him. I've been there through his cutting, through all the shit Near caused, to him almost beating me. I've always thought of him as weak. Ever since he came here, he's been all "buddy buddy" with me. I figured that he couldn't live without human attention, but now when I think about it, he really doesn't talk to anybody else but me. I've never seen him figure out any other orphans past, or give them a fucking birthday present. Especially when that person hates there birthday.

Maybe we're the same. Maybe Matt new from the start that we were just alike. That we've been through the same things. Maybe he knew that I needed a person like him, and he needed a person like me, just to make it through the day? And, I know it's extreme, but what if this is why my mom wanted me to live? So I can find the one person that won't leave me forever?


AN- Short I know, but I don't really consider this a actual chapter, but more as a present. I knew I wouldn't be updating until after the 2nd of January, so I think this makes up for it. Right? And I tried very hard to bring a decent Mello to you guys. Tell me how I did. Oh and while your waiting for me to update check out the stories Tinted Gold (made me cry so many times) and Tattered (story is so good!). If you don't love these stories, then something is wrong with you (and no, nobody's paying me to advertise, these stories are just awesome). Leave them a review saying I sent you. Ha! ~Kikyo1027