A/N: Combination of a (late) Valentine's Day and (even later) birthday present. Happy really late birthday galatea!
The surroundings were a far cry from the usual pizza joint the two devil hunters were regulars at. Out was the pool table and in was a water fountain centerpiece. The clientele had a bit more class – and more clothing to be precise. There was even a rule that went beyond the 'No shirt, no shoes, no service' motto: formal attire only. As if forcing Dante to put on a shirt wasn't hard enough. A black tie restaurant is the last place you'd expect him to take his business when it comes to food.
"Will it kill you to pretend that you are enjoying this? You're taking me to a nice place to eat for once!"
"If I said 'yes' does that mean we don't have to do this again?" Dante whined.
"…You will enjoy this."
"Why does this sound more like a threat than a date?"
"Whatever. Just sit down and wait for the waiter to come by."
He did everything you shouldn't do at a 3 star restaurant. As they waited for their waiter to come, Dante just had the need to pick his teeth with his legs propped up on the table, rocking the hind legs of his chair back and forth as he continued to make unnecessary sighs…all at the same time. More people began to stare as the comments of 'Man this is some crappy service! I told you we should've went to the strip club for a bite instead of this stuck up place.' flew out of the silver haired man's big trap. A few moments later, the waiter came to their table.
"Good evening. I will be serving you two for the evening." the man greeted as he poured water into their glasses. "Have you decided what you will be ordering today?"
"Well let's see what are my choices of comestibles today…" Dante scoffed. He grabbed the frilly menu off of the table and yanked in it open as he searched for his selection. Filet mignon, balsamic chicken, steak tartare, pâté de foie gras…all these words were alien to the demon hunter. The only edible substances he knows of are pizza, beer and tomato sauce. "What the hell is steak tartare? Last time I checked my dentist said I had a horrible build up of the tartare stuff. Now you want me to eat it?!"
"That's tartar. Steak tartare is a dish made up of raw ground beef, raw egg, onion and sometimes other seasonings."
"People eat raw garbage? Is this your idea of high end cuisine?"
Lady didn't even want to retort to that statement. "Look Dante. There is more to life than fast Italian food. This place actually has some class; therefore there is going to be some food of class."
"And whenever I hear the word 'class', the only thing that comes to mind is 'it's going to cost a crapload of money'. Women. All they want to do is spend money, I tell ya. All for the sake of being classy. Am I right or am I right?" he asked the waiter, who gave him a subtle nod in agreement.
"You have some nerve to say that when I'm the one who is always lending you money!"
"I told you I'd pay you back!"
"And that will be when…?"
"Go open up the Inferno so we can have an excuse for some devil extermination. We've been having a drought of demons. I bet you've been holding jobs for me."
"Oh now it's my fault that you don't have the money?!" Lady barked. If they weren't in such nice surroundings she would've already kicked his ass to the curb. Before she could open her mouth to interject another point, the waiter cut the argument short. "May I suggest the house special?"
"Depends. Is it actually cooked and plaque free?" Dante's voice rose in suspicion. "Because there is no way in hell I am eating any sexual organs, fetuses of any kind or anything that shouldn't be eaten. Let alone bacteria that comes from your mouth."
"The house special is a three course meal including endless breadsticks, a salad course, your main course, which is scampi for this evening, and dessert. And we do not serve any of the items you have just mentioned. Well, not in that context anyway." The waiter's patience began to wear thin.
"Now we're talking. Normal people food. I'll take the house special." Dante closed the menu shut and threw it at the waiter. And that was when he got an idea. "In fact…make it four. Four house specials for me. I'm kinda hungry."
"Alright. And I assume the lady will have one as well?" the man asked as he placed the order.
"Nah, she'll take four as well. Beneath that shapely exterior is a glutton, lemme tell ya."
The waiter scribbled down the rest of the order in his notepad and read it back for clarification before he made his way to the kitchen. "Okay, I have you two down for eight house specials. And if you need anything, just ask for me. You can call me 'waiter'."
"Cute." Dante rolled his eyes as he raised the glass and chugged his water like a shot.
"And how do you plan on paying for that?" Lady said coyly. She knew that there was no way he had enough money to pay for his own half of the tab. Let alone eight orders, assuming that he were to pay for the whole meal for the both of them. Dante took his arm off the table where he propped his head and flashed a smug smile. "I say we have a bet. Whoever finishes all their food last has to pay the whole tab plus the tip. And I thought you paying for six extra meals would be a good laugh."
Surprisingly Lady wasn't mad about his childish game. Heck, she accepted the challenge. "Just letting you know I haven't eaten all day. So I've worked up quite an appetite." She chuckled and added, "Like you said. Deep down I'm a glutton."
"Pffft, that's nothing." the demon hunter scoffed. "I haven't eaten in three days! Mainly because I'm broke and the pizza guy won't let me order until I pay off the rest of my debt."
Each course came right after another. The waiter placed three baskets of bread on the table, leaving the other five to sit on a serving tray right next to Dante and Lady since the table couldn't accommodate all the baskets. Before the last basket was served, Dante already scarfed down the first serving. Crumbs were flying from his end of the table while Lady maintained her table etiquette as she consumed her servings.
The salad course. It was a gruesome sight for any vegan to watch as the demon hunter tore his way into the salad bowls like someone is going to take them away from him if he didn't pry his fork into each glob of greens every split second.
"Have you no shame?"
"That's kind of a stupid question to ask right now." Dante chomped into another big bite of vinaigrette soaked lettuce, much of it dribbling down his chin as he kept on shoveling bowl after bowl down his windpipe.
The same happened with the main course. Not much conversation took place as they focused on cleaning each plate filled with scampi flavored with garlic butter, orzo and ratatouille. Whoever said seafood wasn't filling should be force-fed four servings without breathing and shot because damn, after the third plate Dante began to slow his pace.
The last course consisted of numerous plates of chocolate filled cannolis. And if you knew what a cannoli was, you would know how heavy those damn fillings were. One was enough to bring you a step closer to diabetes. As the two of them slowly nibbled on each pastry, Lady began to slump over in her chair, exhausted from the binge eating.
"Heh, what happened to your so called appetite?" Dante forced a laugh out as he winced in pain. Seems like indigestion is kicking in. Someone needs to learn how to chew and breath while eating.
"Shut up. You're not doing so hot either…" she had a hard time lifting the cannoli to her mouth.
"Well I'm winning! By two plates. I'm ahead…winner is me! Augh damn it…!" his spoon fell on the floor as he leaned towards to table to cradle his now grumbling stomach.
"Can we just call it a tie before one of us throws up?"
"Hell no! That means I'll have to pay."
"Not if we eat and run…" Lady suggested, looking around the premises to make sure Sir Waiter wasn't anywhere near.
"That sounds like something I would suggest. I'm glad to be a positive influence!" Dante boasted as Lady pulled him out of his seat. Before the waiter could come back to give them their check they were long gone. As they ran for it, Dante couldn't help but make a suggestive remark. "Let's go to my place. We can split a bottle of antacids while we take turns using the bathroom."