We were home alone. But that's how these stories always start, don't they? Those 'whoops, it just kinda happened' stories. But it wasn't anything like that. See, Jasper's a killer. Literally. Edward hated leaving me home alone with him but he had no choice - he had to hunt.

That was always it - the need to hunt. He 'hunted' twice as often as anyone else did. He said it was because he spent so much time close to me. He didn't realise that I could read his eyes well enough to know differently. I could read all their eyes - and even Jasper, who struggled with all of their thirst on top of his own, didn't hunt as often as he did.

But there was always the show of hating to leave me - the necessity of it all. It took me two weeks to figure out it was Tanya. I knew it. Jasper knew I knew it - he felt it. Neither of us ever said anything except for when I first realised it - he made the smart ass remark, 'I'm proud of you for picking it up so quickly.' I very nearly hit him.

A week later, while Edward was hunting, I made Jasper give me a ride into town - any excuse to get him alone. I planned it. We were on our way home and I told him I wanted him to be the first. I told him I wanted to have sex with him. He was shocked and confused but then he was angry. He refused to be part of any revenge I was planning for Edward, and he told me not to be cheap. He started the car again and headed back to the house, furious. I didn't want revenge; I wanted to be special - just once. Even if it was only for a moment. If I was going to lose them all - my family - I wanted something to hold on to. I was desperate for something that I could hold on to and say, 'Yes, I was special once, for one moment.' I stared at my hands while I told him that. I was so quiet that I wasn't sure he would hear me even with his advanced hearing.

His eyes flickered over to me and he stared at me, anger not even a word to describe how intense he looked. I gasped as the car stopped suddenly and I was flung forward, the seatbelt knocking my breath out of me. By the time I looked back over at Jasper, he was out of the car and slamming the door as he stalked into the woods by the road. A second later a tree shook violently and I knew that Jasper had hit it. I sat in the car for almost half an hour before Jasper calmed down enough to get back in the car. He didn't say anything; he just drove us back to the house and disappeared.

A week later when Edward was hunting again, Jasper appeared beside me and grabbed my shirt, dragging me out the door and throwing me roughly into the car. He was beside me a second later and we were speeding along the highway. He stopped randomly by the road and just sat glaring out the windshield. Finally he asked, 'Why me?' He didn't look away from the windshield.

I looked down at my hands again. 'I thought that maybe… with you it… it might actually be real. I… I don't know why. I just… thought… maybe.' Then he was looking at me, trying to read my face as if my emotions weren't enough already. He reached out quickly and grabbed my chin, forcing me to look at him as he tried to read my eyes. Then his seat slid back and he pulled me into his arms as tears trickled down my face. He shifted me to his lap and cradled me as I cried. He held me silently, his face buried in my hair.

When I calmed down, Jasper leaned away from me to wipe my tears and his eyes searched mine. 'And what if I kill you?' He didn't try to pretty it up or dance around the subject; he just asked.

I smiled a little and he felt my appreciation for his honesty. 'Then I die, it's my choice.' I didn't think he would kill me, but if he did then it was likely an easy escape. Jasper pulled me to him and buried his face in my hair again. I could tell he was thinking. Eventually he pulled back and helped me to my own seat. He waited until I was belted in, and then kept driving. We ended up in Seattle before I knew it. He drove to the heart of the city and stopped at some posh hotel. He got out and I followed him as he walked up to the reception. He showed them his ID and they handed him a key with a smile. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me to the elevators, and we got out near the top floor. The room was huge with a giant bed in the centre, spa in the bathroom, and a view of the whole city.

I saw it for a whole of two seconds before Jasper grabbed me again and pushed me to sit on the bed, staying a few feet away. I looked up at him and his eyes still held so much anger; there was pain in them too. He waited until I was staring at him and he ripped his shirt off. When he spoke his voice was quiet, reluctantly accepting but without protest. 'Take what you need Bella.'

I frowned and patted the space beside me. Jasper didn't even blink as he sat beside me, waiting for me to use him. It stung that he thought so little of me and I moved away from him so that I wouldn't touch him. My mouth opened and suddenly I was talking.

"You really think I would do that, don't you? That I would just take what I wanted and use you!"

Jasper stared at the empty space in front of him. "That's what you were asking for, wasn't it? A memory of being with Edward."

I was shocked and hurt and suddenly so angry I didn't care how indestructible vampires were. I slapped Jasper as hard as I could. The pain that shot through my hand made Jasper flinch and I bit back a scream. Desperate to cause him some kind of pain, I hit him again as hard as I could with the same hand. He jumped up and grabbed me by my wrists to stop me from hurting myself further. He looked like he was in pain. "What the hell is wrong with you, Bella!"

I screamed back at him, "I thought you understood! Of all people I thought you would understand!"I was sobbing now, but he still held my wrists tight as I struggled to break free.

He frowned and stared at me, suddenly unsure about what was going on. The pain and desperation in his pleading voice burned me. "I'll give you what you want, Bella. I can be him for you. I can give you what you need. Just this once."

I gasped and struggled harder in his iron grasp, glaring into his pained eyes. My fury scorched my throat as I screamed at him, "What! You think this is about him! This has nothing to do with him, you fucking asshole!" My knees gave out and I collapsed at his feet, crying as he held my wrists in shock.

He stood frozen for a moment before he readjusted his grip on my wrists and knelt in front of me, trying to understand. He took both my wrists in one hand to free the other, but then he stopped. I saw him turn my wrist over, one word making its way through his lips. "Shit."

The next thing I knew I was being lifted off the floor, and then I was resting against the pillows. Jasper moved away from me to pace across the floor a little too fast. His eyes suddenly snapped up to look at me, but I ignored him. I couldn't believe he thought I wanted to pretend he was Edward. I was pissed that Edward was cheating on me and I knew it was imminent that he would break up with me, but that wasn't why Jasper was here. I only asked him to be with me because I wanted a happy memory - one where I was special and I mattered. Even if for only a moment. I thought that he was the only person who could be part of that memory and make it real; not just pretend.

Jasper came over and knelt beside me on the bed. He reached out to touch me and I recoiled from him. He looked hurt as he looked down to the blankets and let his hand drop. He sighed and moved to lie beside me, moving us so that I was lying back against his chest. Before I could move or object he whispered in my ear, "Please, Bella. I just want to hold you." I stayed still and he buried his nose in my hair and held me close.

We stayed that way for over an hour before Jasper looked up from my hair and gently picked up my wrist. I pulled it out of his grasp quickly, but he caught it again in a slightly firmer grip and turned it over. He let it rest against the blankets closer to him and let his fingertips run gently up and down my arm. He swallowed hard. "Why didn't anyone say anything?"

I watched his fingertips as they moved so gently, and I felt Jasper's cool breath against my neck as he looked down. "Someone would have to notice before people said anything."

I felt Jasper stiffen behind me. "How could people not notice? How could Edward not notice?" I shrugged. Jasper was tense. "How long?"

I reached out with my other hand and traced the crisscrossing of white lines. "Years." I traced the darker diamonds. "Months." I traced the pink flower. "Weeks." I ran my finger over three long, swirly, angry, red lines. "Days." Jasper was still except for his uneven breathing. He wove his fingers through mine and buried his nose in my hair. I was sure he was searching my emotions, trying to find a 'why'. Eventually he got up and ordered room service for me before coming back to the bed and lying down behind me again.

After I ate, Jasper pulled me onto the bed again and held me against his chest. I could tell he was upset and he was thinking hard about something. After an hour he let me get up to go to the bathroom, where I stood in front of the mirror and stared at myself. I don't know how long I stood there, but eventually Jasper appeared behind me and his arms were around my waist, pulling me against him. We stared in the mirror for almost another hour before my foot went numb and I shifted.

Jasper moved away from me and started running a bath. I watched him, wondering what he was doing. When it was full and the room was hot and steamy he turned back to me. His eyes tried to read mine again. The look in his amber eyes was so intense, and he slowly reached out and started lifting my shirt without touching my skin. When I leaned away, he moved closer to me, lifting my shirt off and then letting his fingers trail down my arms before he turned me around. I watched in the mirror as Jasper stepped up to me, my back almost touching his bare chest as he reached around and unzipped my jeans and slid them down my legs. I shivered in pleasure at his touch. He was entirely focused as his hands skimmed across my body, his eyes taking me in as his breathing became more and more ragged. After I stepped out of my jeans, Jasper stepped back. His eyes never stopped taking me in. He slid his jeans off and stepped back up to me, and he ghosted his fingertips up and down my sides before unclasping my bra and guiding the straps down my arms, letting it fall to the floor. His fingers then traced down my sides again. In the reflection, I could see Jasper's lips hovering over my bare shoulder longingly before he hooked my panties and guided them all the way down to my ankles.

There was no way he didn't notice the heat pooled between my thighs as his hands glided down my legs. I saw him swallow again as he stood to offer his hand for balance while I stepped out of my panties. I didn't dare look away from Jasper's face as he stepped back and led me to the bath before he stepped in and sat down in the steaming water. He leaned back against the wall of the bath and looked up at me. I swallowed and stepped into the water that was a little too hot, my eyes glued to Jasper's. He held his hand up so I could use it for balance and then guided me to sit between his legs and lean back against his chest. His body was still colder than the water and it kept me from burning, but it was much warmer than it normally was. He wrapped his arms around me and rested my head back on his shoulder as I lay my arms over his.

We stayed that way until I relaxed and closed my eyes, and then I slowly noticed that Jasper's hand was moving in small patterns over my stomach. His fingertips traced gently across my stomach and up my sides before moving slowly down each of my arms. Jasper was completely focused on what his fingers were discovering. His breathing was smooth and even as he reached my wrists and each of his hands traced the impossibly complex patterns there before moving on to my palms. When he was done there he lifted my arms above my head and his fingers glided down the inside of my arms, making me moan quietly.

His lips fell to my shoulder as my arms slipped back into the water, and his fingers traced patterns on my hips and moved slowly towards my belly again. It was exquisite torture as Jasper slowly explored my body, his touch gentle but steady. He slowly moved up my centre, across my shoulders, into my hair, and then along my jaw line. By now I was completely relaxed and at his mercy, the occasional moan escaping my control. He tilted my head back further as his fingers traced slowly down my exposed neck; his lips were only centimetres away but his breathing was calm and he was intent on everything his fingers touched. He made his way down my centre again, across each of my ribs, and one of his hands moved up across me to my shoulder, bracing me lightly, as the other moved to my hip and down the outside of my leg. I raised my legs in front of me so that he could touch every part of them, and when his fingers glided over my instep and started tracing slowly up the inside of my leg, I parted my legs willingly. As he traced higher, the pressure gathered low in my stomach and my breathing became slightly shallower. Jasper's arm that was bracing me tightened ever so slightly to keep me lying still against his chest. He slowly swapped his hands and let his fingers explore my other leg.

As his fingers moved higher up the inside of my thigh, the pressure in my stomach increased and my breathing came faster. I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate as he moved inches closer to the building heat between my thighs. His chin rested lightly on my shoulder as he watched his hand's path, and he braced me as he felt my lower muscles begin to tense up. I could smell his sweet breath and knew he had to feel the heat as his fingers brushed lightly closer. I whimpered quietly and arched my back, seeking contact, but Jasper held me gently against him. My breathing quickly became harsh, my eyes widened, and my thoughts scattered as I whimpered, "Jasper." His eyes immediately shot up to look into mine; they were so intense, and my eyes pleaded with his to continue. His eyes stayed glued to my face as his fingers slowly moved upwards to brush against my lips. I gasped, my eyes dilating, and my head fell back against his shoulder as a moan escaped from the back of my throat.

His fingers moved more firmly over my, lips stroking up and down, before gently sliding between them and making my whole body shudder in pleasure as I gasped again. He moved his head to rest against my neck, his lips slightly parted, and his breathing quickened. He moved his fingers gently against me and I whimpered again, unable to find words for what I wanted. He then pressed his fingers harder, focusing his attention, and I moaned, arching my hips into his hand. I couldn't see his face anymore but his breathing was as erratic as mine and I was practically panting as he rubbed firmly against my most sensitive spot. For a moment his fingers disappeared, but before I could react his thumb was there and his fingers were travelling lower, my body instinctively trying to arch further into his hand. Jasper ignored my desperation and held me a little firmer, keeping me leaned back against his chest. Then his fingers stopped and I gasped, my head snapping back as he slid one inside me.

The pleasure that shot through me made my body arch reflexively, and this time Jasper let me and he moaned. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him bite his lip; his eyes were closed. When I calmed down enough to collapse back against his chest, he pressed his lips against my neck and I heard him moan that I was so wet and tight before he dragged his teeth against my skin and started moving his finger inside me. I gasped again, and then he was kissing my neck in a hot open-mouthed kiss as his finger moved inside me. His thumb circled, pressing harder, and the pressure in my stomach tightened. My nails dug into his neck while my other hand clenched around his bicep. It was too much and I gasped, my voice coming out a whimper. "Jazz!" His eyes immediately flicked up to mine again.

I was panting hard and moaning as Jasper pushed me to the point of almost screaming before he lifted his mouth to my ear. I could taste his sweet breath when he said, "Let go, Bella. Let it happen." I whimpered and closed my eyes tight, fighting the overwhelming feelings. "Don't fight it, Bella, breathe." I gasped for air. Jasper pressed just a little harder and my eyes snapped open. "That's it, come for me, Bella." It all clicked into place and suddenly I was screaming his name as white hot pleasure raced through my veins, blinding me in unbelievable bliss. Somewhere far away I heard Jasper moan my name. He pulled my hips back sharply against him, and the hardness that had been pressed into my back since Jasper had started touching me pressed even harder against me. Jasper swore.

When I finally came back to myself enough to be aware of my surroundings, Jasper and I were both panting and trembling slightly. He held me tightly and I could feel his breath on my neck as he pressed his nose into the hair behind my ear. He seemed to know that I had come back to myself and he loosened his arms around me. I pulled myself together enough to find my voice. "Wow." Jasper chuckled quietly and I could feel his smile against my ear - he could feel how much of an understatement my words were.

I shifted slightly, trying to find my balance, and Jasper let me slip out of his arms. I turned around and even after what he had just given me, I blushed. He looked happy but there was something in his eyes that was still reserved. I moved forward, straddling his lap, and I looked into his eyes. Jasper looked at my neck and his fingers traced over the small bruise there before he met my eyes and spoke. "No one has ever done that for me before." I raised my eyebrows and he grinned. "You didn't even touch me and I had one of the best orgasms of my life." I blushed crimson and he grinned again, running the back of his hand across my burning cheek. I could tell that he was reading my emotions as he watched me, his eyes searching mine. I showed him exactly what I was feeling without holding anything back - happiness, contentment, lust, love. Jasper's smile widened, but then he looked away suddenly. I pulled away slightly.

It hurt for me to open up to him and have him turn away like that, but I forced down my pain and bit my lip. I didn't want to lose Jasper over this. "I'm sorry, Jasper. I... please don't be mad."

Jasper sighed and pulled me close against him, burying his nose in my hair. "It's ok, Bella. I'm not mad."

I let him hold me for a moment before I pulled back to look at him. His expression was oddly blank. I looked away, trying to suppress my hurt. "I... I'm sorry. I... I know... I know that you don't feel the same. But please don't... I don't want to lose you."

Jasper stared at me for a heartbeat, and then confusion flickered across his face. His voice was barely a whisper. "What?" I bit my lip; I was hurting. Then something flickered across Jasper's face and suddenly his hands were on my shoulders, holding me tightly. "What, Bella? What don't I feel?"

I blushed, ducking my head, and frowned. He was going to make me say it. "You don't… love... me."

Jasper froze for a long second before he grabbed my chin and lifted it so that I had to look at him. His eyes were darting back and forth, trying desperately to read my eyes. He spoke cautiously. "Bella… do you love me?"

I swallowed back the hurt at my imminent rejection. "Yes." Then suddenly Jasper's lips were on mine and I blinked, surprised. His hand slipped into my hair, pulling me closer, begging me to respond. I let my eyes close and kissed him back. Within moments I was lost in the passion and love as Jasper pulled me against him and put all he had into the kiss. Too soon I was lightheaded, though, and Jasper pulled back. I blinked at the loss of his lips and Jasper grinned. "Breathe, Bella." It was an order, and suddenly I gasped for air and it filled my burning lungs. Jasper used his hand in my hair to tilt my head, and then his lips were on my jaw and neck. As soon as I had enough air I moaned, and Jasper's lips were on mine again, stealing my breath and wiping away all coherent thought. His hand on my back pulled me as close as he could, and I felt my nipples pebble against his cool chest. Jasper noticed and moaned into our kiss. His free hand moved up my side, brushing the side of my breast. He pulled away just enough for his hand to move between us, and then he was drawing moans from me as he rolled my nipple between his fingers.

I felt him hard again under me and I rolled my hips, making Jasper growl as I pulled away to breathe. He pulled my hips against him with his one hand, and his other hand pulled my face forward, pressing his lips to mine. When he pulled back, his eyes were swirling shades of amber and the darkest amethyst. "Bella, I need you. Please. Let me show you how I feel." Jasper was breathing hard and I could see it was a strain for him not to just take me. I nodded and he kissed me again, taking his hand out of my hair and placing it on my hip. He pulled back from me, leaving us breathless. He guided my hips up, and then I could feel him pressing against me. His straining eyes pleaded with me and I sent him a wave of love and lust, causing him to grin. He lowered me gently, watching my reaction and monitoring how I was feeling.

I barely flinched when I gave my innocence to him, and he was soon completely in me. I was so full, stretched around him, but it felt amazing. I couldn't help but wonder how damn big he was to fill me so much, and he chuckled through gritted teeth. He was struggling to stay still for me - his hands on my hips were going to leave bruises, but I didn't care. Then I slowly raised myself and Jasper growled loudly, his head falling back as a stream of curses left his mouth, repeating the words tight and hot. I let myself sink back down and suddenly Jasper grabbed me and crushed his lips to mine. I couldn't think straight except that I had to keep moving. I felt Jasper's hands on me - my breasts, my back, my hips - and he grabbed my bottom and guided my pace as I lost all thoughts and surrendered to the pleasure. At some point Jasper shifted his hips slightly, and he somehow made it even better as shockwaves of pleasure raced through me again and again until I was screaming his name amid senseless babbling and begging. Then Jasper was swearing again. "Fuck, Bella! God, I'm so close… so damn tight, love. Come for me, love. You're so close. God Fucking Damn! I can't..." Jasper lost the ability to talk as his hands tightened on my hips, and I surrendered to the blinding pleasure and bliss as his name tumbled from my lips again and again. I heard Jasper gasp my name and saw him freeze as I felt a shot of cold inside me. I lost all ability to think.

I came back to myself in Jasper's arms. He was still inside me as I straddled his hips and lay against his chest, my heart racing. He gently pushed me back and I whimpered at the loss. "It's ok, love. I'm here." He helped me sit straight and he grinned as he brushed hair away from my face. "Are you ok?" I blushed as I remembered and nodded, and Jasper looked like the cat that got the canary. He leaned in and kissed me softly but passionately.