Lost- A Twilight one shot
A/N- so this is set at the end of New Moon and is in Bella's POV.
Have you ever felt lost?
I've felt so disconnected from everything and everyone. There were times when I felt down and lost and there were times when all I really wanted to do was just give up and move on. But there was always something to stop me from giving up, or at least someone.
I've had a lot of rough experiences in my life, some you might even call unbelievable. None of them really can compare to the pure and utter disconnection that I felt when he left me. It's hard to explain in words or even describe what it feels like to have that moment of clicking with a person but I am going to try. Maybe then you will understand.
Have you ever met someone and talked, not just talked but listened to the point where it is almost as if they were a part of you or something in your life. Something inside of you moves and you want to cry and scream and laugh all at the same time.
Maybe you haven't. Maybe you have barriers that keep people at bay. After everything in my life, I know how hard it is to break down the barriers people form. I've all but become an expert at forming them myself. After all when you've moved as often as I have you have to have something to keep you from getting hurt.
But that was before I moved in with Charlie, before I moved into Forks, and before I met him. It was also before I felt disconnected, before I needed someone else to live; before I needed him to live.
I've learned a lot about handling things on my own, about putting on a good face for others, and about being alone. It didn't take much for me to learn those. I learned to take care of myself, to hold myself together, and how to not throw in the towel.
After everything was said and done, and I stood alone, utterly alone in the woods, did I truly realize how much I needed him and how much he meant to me. It wasn't until I lost him that I truly understood I was changed.
The thought was terrifying.
But the months moved on and I stayed stagnant. Stuck in my memories and ideas of what should have been. I made new friends, one in particular, who helped to mend the wound as best he could. He showed me new things, exciting and terrifying, but new.
He opened up a part of me that I needed to get out in some way. I knew how hopeless I was, I knew I would always feel this way. It was like my world was crumbling before my eyes and I could do little to stop it and neither could he.
And then I jumped.
I wasn't trying to kill myself; I just wanted to feel the rush of falling. I couldn't even do that right, and he had to jump in and save me. I guess that was really the beginning of the end or of a new beginning.
It's hard to explain the events that happened afterwards, and even if I did I think you would probably doubt what I am telling you. One very important thing happened though.
He came back.
It was hard for me to believe at the time, but he was there and he was real.
Edward still loved me.
And I was whole again.
I wanted to laugh and scream and cry. I felt connected to life, to him, to myself. I was no longer lost, I was me again.
I'm sharing this with you because I want you to know how it's felt for me these past months. I have felt lost, I have felt like no matter what the dark was going to win, and I have (on more than one occasion)
felt that my life had gotten too hard and I was just going to throw in the towel on a lot of things. But there was always the thought that no matter what I was "not alone" that stopped me from doing so.
But yet to put those things in words was amazingly difficult for me. I lost someone I loved and cared about in a way that is difficult to describe. It took that time alone to realize that no matter what I did in my life there would always be times when I felt lost and confused. There would always be times where I felt disconnected and alone.
And in those times all I needed to remember was that I was not alone and to hang on.
A/N- hopefully you liked this little ditty as much as I did! It was inspired by Michael Bublé's song 'Lost' and Stephenie Meyer's 'New Moon'. I really think Bella grew up quite a bit in New Moon and learned a lot about herself and her love for Edward.