Words: 2, 505 words.
By: Sofie MB.
No matter how much I tried to escape my fate, it had come; finally, after so many years, it had come. There was no way out of it, no way to evade it, it was here; not meant to leave.
My arms were long, pale, but tainted. Crimson blood red tickled its way down to my elbow.
Damn it! I can feel my heart beating faster and faster; the only thing I do is laugh, laugh in a way that would scare anyone else, in a way that would terrify anyone, even I. The way I look, when staring at my reflection on the mirror, seems to be mocking me, observing me and laughing at me; reminding me the fact that I am not perfect like I should be.
I was rolling on the white bathroom floor, blood spilling everywhere, my head becoming a mess that resembled that of the one I wear in the mornings. My legs were spread along the floor, my hands now tightly pressing themselves on top of my head, my fingers entangled in between my raven locks. My breathing kept going up, increasing with each passing moment, making me need to gasp loudly for air.
Screams caught my ears, wrapping themselves around me, trying to bring me back; but I just kept laughing until the very last. I screamed; they were around me! I could feel them, though I could not see them. They were mocking me, telling me how lame I was for not being able to do anything right. It was the way I responded what made me aware of my surroundings, aware of the fact I was there in the first place.
The dark shadows were long gone, unmistakably hidden in some corner. I could feel the way they breathed; the way they thought about me. They loved making fun of me; they loved lying to me, deceiving me, torturing me.
If only there was a way out; a way out of this jail. Suddenly, there it was; I had finally found it. It was an escape from my worries; my worries of doom. No longer was I in that white room only I could see and hear; I was out, along with that sweet friend of mine.
The way I walked around like I was such a prince, the way I walked around making me seem like I was so perfect. I was; I was a prince of perfection in their eyes; they were nothing in mine. So people thought; Oh! Did I hate them!
They way they looked at me as if they wanted to be like me, when deep inside they could only think about how much they loathed me and my perfection. If only they knew the way I was going.
No good; no good. I knew it all through its inside out. I knew they way they conspired against me, trying to get to know me better. They wanted to crush me, but I knew better. I could not let them hurt me; I didn't let them near me. I knew their plans, for I had once being there, longing to reach the perfection I now owned.
I walked down the halls of that God forsaken school that brought me nothing good. The way I walked would tell anyone I was so deep in thought, my coolness going afloat. If only they knew, what in my head resides.
It was then that I caught pair of innocent blue eyes, they were looking up at me in such a sweet way; it made me sick. What in the world could he want? I did not know him; he did not know me. Did he?
Lately I had found myself forgetting things, things people don't usually forget.
It didn't matter that much anymore, it was the way he walked up to me and said 'Hi' what made my heart snap; breaking any bond I had with the whole idea of despise. I had no intention in making a bond with said blonde. I thought I was happy enough.
He did not care the insults the people that accompanied me threw at him; he seemed happy even. He sat down besides me, ignoring the complete and utter looks of horror the others gave him and the confused frowns that seemed to assault their faces with no mercy. Why did they do that? Did they think I was going to suddenly snap or something?
Oh, that's right. I probably should snap at him; I didn't. He began talking, just blabbing words I could not completely understand. Something warm took my hand under the table, making my heart stop. What was this feeling? Why wasn't I responding in a rude way? This was a human! I couldn't trust someone like him, with so many flaws and bad thoughts.
Still, the way he used his fingers to entangle them in between mine made my heart stop. He kept asking stuff; I could not understand a single word he said. Who was he again?
"Are you there?"
No I was not –at least not entirely-. My body might have been there, but my mind was somewhere else, lost deeply in those blue orbs. I couldn't breathe, and people seemed to realize that much. It was hard enough to focus on breathing to have them be calling my name and screaming obscenities at the blonde as my world faded to black.
But it was all a lie. It was not true.
All that had been nothing but a hallucination. It wasn't right. How could I imagine such perfection? Surely there had to be someone like him in this world right?
I woke up, startled by my surroundings, and no longer was I with my friends, perfection grabbing my hand. I was now sitting on my bed, my head killing me. I grasped it in pain, trying to make it all go away, but to no avail.
I found the need to close my eyes as sunshine came through my window, blinding me, not allowing me to see anything, making the headache even stronger. Has it all been a dream? No, it was a hallucination, once again.
I remember I was reading a book, by the fire. No, wait; there was no fire.
"I'm loosing it."
Lately I've found myself forgetting a lot of things, including why I am doing things at the moment I am doing them, where I live, where I am. I tried to pay no attention to it, it was probably the stress, but to rummage through my whole brain and thoughts –including memories- to remember things such as that becomes frustrating and scary.
I keep seeing things that are not really there. Sometimes I'm completely normal, but for a few seconds a whole scene seems to appear before me, almost as if I am living it, only to faint or fall asleep in that vision and wake up to the real world; no one notices those changes, not even I do. What was wrong with me anyways?
So I was reading a book, outside, enjoying the cool breeze in this hot summer, when suddenly my world turned black and next thing I knew that whole thing with that blonde guy was happening. "This isn't right" I hit the shower's wall with my fist as hard as I could. What's happening to me? So many thoughts seem to fill my head in such a fast way; so fast I can't even understand them myself.
I grabbed my favorite pair of dark jeans and gray converse and made my way to look for a shirt. I opened the drawer where I had my shirts and began to rummage through it as I thought about the whole situation.
'What's happening to me? Suddenly I start having those weird scenes that seem like dreams and then I wake up in my room; always. What's going on I mean surely it is… No it. Wait… What?' My eyes were unfocused, what was I thinking about again? I shook my head with frustration, glaring at the empty space on that certain spot on the wall.
I went back to looking for a shirt. My hands froze. I couldn't move. My breathing was increasing and my lips were trembling as soft gasps made their way out from my throat. I looked away from what was happening before me, biting my lower lip as hard as I could without drawing blood out of it. I was not rummaging a pile of shirts; it was a drawer full of underwear. My shirts were in my closet, hanging, not in a drawer; they had always been there.
"Shit." It was frustrating.
I held my head in my hands, grasping it as hard as I could, and my knees pulled up to my chest, my back against the closet. Tears managed to make their way down my cheeks. I was loosing it; I was seriously loosing it.
Shit. I stood up as fast as I could and ran to the bathroom. I heard my brother enter the other room. I felt like I was drowning, I couldn't breathe. There were dark figures surrounding me; they were scaring me. They were mocking me, they loathed me. I could feel it; I knew it all.
"You in there?" His voice was so flawless, deep, masculine, and perfect. There was no one who didn't want to be like him at least once in their life, they would all see perfection the moment the stepped on the same room as my brother.
"Y-Yeah." Shit. I need to sound stable, I can't let him be suspicious about anything or he won't leave me alone until I tell him what is going on with me. Damn it, I don't know what is going on with me!
"Come on, hurry up or you'll be late for school."
I could not believe my eyes. There he was, perfection was standing in front of me. He was not looking at me, he wasn't even aware of the fact I existed most likely. He was being pushed around by a bigger guy. As much as I wanted to not move at all and go hide somewhere else. I felt an urge to go and hit him. 'I wonder what would happen if I broke a bone.'
It sounded so tempting; it was not a hallucination this time. The way he moved was intoxicating, it made me want to break his bones; just crush them; and so I did. I walked up to the big guy took his arm and just took it in my hands as I broke it with my knee. The way he screamed, it was so… It pierced me. It made me want more.
Nothing that happened around me seemed to make any sense at all. Everyone was either screaming or gasping or just dead quiet. The blonde whom I dare call my Paragon was looking at me with a shocked face. He wasn't expecting it, that much I knew. I could tell that he was most likely expecting me to just say something witty about it and walk away, or maybe to just push him off, or hit him, or maybe just… What?
The people were looking at me, I could feel their eyes on me, wanting me to show some of my flaws; torturing me, hurting me, and just plainly abusing me. I fell on the floor. Anyone who saw me would see perfection dumped on the floor, a lost look on his face, nothing –not even a small feeling of regret or guilt- clouding his face.
It felt so good; I hate it.
There was a pair of arms carrying me around. They pulled me away from the crowd of people, away from those critical bastards. I hated them! They were always trying to make me see things that were not there; always judging me.
"No! You don't tell me what to do!" The way I squirmed and shook around the seat, trying to get away from the blonde's arms and my friends', it petrified me inside, but it made me want to get away from them even more. I did not want them to touch me, to have them even graze me. I wanted them to get away from me and leave me alone to be myself. I hated them.
"What's his name?" I heard someone ask. It was such an unknown voice. It was most likely the one of the blonde. Oh my dear Paragon.
"Hey Sasuke it's ok. Calm down. I want you to breathe in and out. Just remember that no one here is trying to control you, ok? We are trying to help you because we love you, ok?" What was he talking about? Who the hell was he? Why was my Paragon trying to do this to me?
But his touch felt so good. The way his tanned hands grazed my pale cheeks and caressed them; it was such a loving gesture. It made me feel complete. I was happy. I nodded, indicating that I knew he loved me. "Ok, I'm going to take you somewhere great ok? Tell you what; we go to my place and play some games, ok?"
If only he knew what games I wanted him to play with me. I wanted to play such dirty things he would never be able to forget me. Oh yeah, I was crazy; crazy for him, for no one else. I loved him, I knew it, and he loved me, even if we did not know each other. That did not matter. We loved each other, it was destiny. God had given me the ability to have this visions in which I was able to meet the love of my life.
"Hey, Sasuke right? My name's Naruto, Uzumaki Naruto." I looked at him and smiled, it was actually a grin. It was love.
The grin was soon gone.
I looked around confused. Where was I? What was going on? How did I get there? What was I doing there?
"You're back I see." Neji said from behind me. I frowned, expecting an explanation. He sighed and looked at the others in the car, trying to find some support. I knew I could count on whatever he told me, after all, he was the one studying clinical psychology. Wait, I was studying that too. Right?
"I will be blunt; knowing you it will most likely be the best thing."
My heart was beating fast, my eyes closing slowly. I could not believe my ears. I was falling from my tower of perfection; my flawlessness was killed as his voice pierced my ears, and informing me I was not perfect any longer. What had happened to me? I was not crazy, I was perfect. I was born of perfect parents; I was raised with my perfect brother. I was perfect!
That is until I became, according to Neji, schizophrenic and bipolar.
First part of ten (: You will understand things later on.
Thanks for reading.