Words:3, 101 words.
By: Sofie MB.
I was loosing it wasn't I?
I tried to understand it all; only to realize I had lost it a while back. The words that were thrown at me only barely explained who the blonde guy was, what was wrong with me, and what had happened the last month. People kept saying that I had lost it; they kept explaining I just suddenly began acting differently in a way that was not sane anymore.
The blonde –Naruto- explained he had been following me around for a while now –it made me shudder and almost choke- because my so called friends thought I was struggling with some kind of mental problem that needed to be observed so I would not cause something terrible. He had graduated in clinical psychology, the exact same career both Neji and I were studying.
By the looks of it I suddenly would start acting distant; by the looks of it those were the times I would see all those scenes in my head. Those would be the moments when I would thing such crazy and not normal things; the moments when I would feel anxious and would hate the world.
My Paragon had met me before, when I was in that state. I knew him; I now knew I had known him for a while. It seemed like destiny had somehow brought us together at some point.
So I was taken to a mental hospital. I hate it. There are people always telling you what to do, trying to "make you improve". This was wrong. I was perfect; I had to be perfect, like my brother, my father, my mother, and the beautiful blonde who was trying to save me.
I have been here for over a week. Why hasn't he visited yet?
I need to see him; I need to touch him.
It wasn't until a few days later that he finally came to see me. So not taking the meds they gave me worked, huh? The way he swiftly made his way towards me, that kind smile placed upon his lips made my heart flutter. It was so fulfilling, so completing. It was probably the first time in my whole not crazy life when I had been so happy.
In that white room I slept I would loose hope with each passing minute. No one visited me but my brother and rarely my friends. It ached. I hoped badly for anyone to come in and tell me that I was still perfect, that I still deserved to be an Uchiha; still, none of that came. The only things I received were the ones someone like me gets.
"You will be ok."
"We love you."
"It's ok to be afraid; there's no reason for it though."
This people were the crazy ones, not me. I had nothing wrong. I was perfect. If not, then, why would Naruto have come to visit me? There was no reason for someone as perfect as him to want to even think about me if I was not perfect enough for him. I needed to reach perfection once again, but I was not letting those stupid pills kill me. I wouldn't let them; they were bad, poisonous even.
"Hey there." He smiled, "I'm sorry I didn't come before, but I've been kinda busy." I could only stare at his lips and bit my own. Could he feel how badly I wanted to kiss him? I mean, could he see it at least?
"I- It's ok." My voice was so fragile. I wanted to kill myself on the spot. I mean, how could I be so weak?! I needed to be strong and beautiful for him, if not, he probably wouldn't even get to ever like me. Wait, did he like me? I mean, did he care about the way I felt? Did he feel the same way I felt for him? What did he think about me?! I needed to know, I needed to know if he loved me like I loved him. Then again, we barely knew each other. Oh, nonsense, I believe in love at first sight. This is love.
We spent the whole afternoon just talking about ourselves. He became even more perfect than he already was for me. He became my complete perfection; I knew that without him I would be absolutely nothing. I needed him to be perfect. I knew he needed me too to some extent. It was the way he looked at me. It was the way he seemed to get lost in my eyes. The way he gave me no pity and instead he would only smile at me, almost as if he was proud that I was stepping closer to perfection with each passing minute.
He loves me. I can prove it because of the fact he just grabbed my hand and squeezed it hard; he was comforting me. No friend, not even my brother, did that to me. He loved me like I loved him. I smiled.
"He, what are you smiling about?" He was grinning. I smiled even bigger and bit my lower lip, trying to control the growing feeling at the bottom of my stomach. This is love, I told myself.
"I…" I could barely mutter a word. I was going to tell him how much I loved him; he had to answer in a lovely way. I knew he did. In these last months he has been visiting every single day. He just comes in and talks to me, giving me those sweet looks I so love to receive.
"I love you."
Just the way he came to me, as easily as that, as easy as it was not, his grin faded, the glitter in his eyes that were always surrounding me when he came was gone, leaving me behind. He dropped my hand, a nervous look on his face. He walked out. He left me alone. He just walked away and I threw myself on the floor.
Naruto's point of view.
I walked out of the room, barely able to hold myself up, using the walls as support. He had just… confessed his love for me? A schizophrenic that had only heard me talk for months but had shared nothing with me but some rare smiles and kept making me feel warm inside and happy with myself for making him happy had just told me he loved me.
It wasn't right. It wasn't supposed to be like that.
He was a great young boy who deserved better than what he was receiving. I was already taking care of proving that the environment he had been living in had been the cause for his mental problems –something quiet easy to prove with the family he had-. The only one who seemed to support him in his family was his brother, a freak just like him. Don't take me wrong, I actually came to adore Sasuke, but that didn't keep him from being scary looking.
I first met him half a year ago.
It was a dark summer night when his case was delivered to me. A friend of his who was studying psychology himself thought he needed some help to help his friend, so he called me. I didn't hesitate at all. I was glad to help. With the permission of the principal I infiltrated the school and began to follow him everywhere he went, observing every single thing he did.
We only talked once before he snapped.
It took him three months to snap; three months to actually act violent. I could tell he had been forgetting things because of the way he had been acting recently, still, I didn't think he would just come up to the dude –whom I had provoked myself to see how Sasuke would react- and just plainly break his bone in a half. Boy was this guy strong and athletic.
I was actually hoping badly to end up realizing that he had nothing serious so he wouldn't be sent to that infernal hospital I detest so much. If only he hadn't snapped, he probably wouldn't be there. Then again, I rather help him get fixed than have him hurt someone else.
I couldn't visit him for over three days, as badly as I wanted to do so. I was so busy fixing his case that I barely had any sleep at all. Why was I so fixated with this guy? Maybe it was because he seemed like one of those innocent lost souls I had met before. I wanted to save him; it seemed like the only right thing to do.
We talked – I talked- about so many things. It was a nice way to relax to be honest. It was one of those types of relationships that even if no one talks it feels comforting. To feel like that with a schizo, what have I turned myself into?
What really threw me off was the way he would sometimes look at me. The moments he was in a schizo-state he would look at me with such a dreamy face, as if he was in love with me or something. It felt weird. I didn't like that side of him that much; thank God, he did not realize that.
There were those other times when he would look at me in such a lost way, so innocent looking-like, it made my heart flutter and beat faster. I was not into guys so I knew that it was not something romantic, still, it felt so good. There was a moment I came to think about him as if he were my best friend, even my brother. But he was my patient, I could not do this.
Then again, just now, he just told me that he loved me. I felt sick, almost repulsed. Why did that side of him bother me so much? I knew perfectly well that walking out of the room the way I did with such look on my face was probably one of the worst things to do, if not the worst one.
That side of him made me feel scared, unsafe.
I just walked away from the room and tried to act as normal as I could as I pulled my dark SideKick out of my pocket and rapidly texted Sasuke's friend. I could barely breathe. Truth was, I was scared.
I was not someone to get scared easily, in fact, last time I was afraid was when I had my first case; that was a scary one.
My phone vibrated in my hand, announcing a new message. I stumbled upon my way to open the phone and look for the message.
'What do you mean by that?'
I growled, what the hell did he mean by that?
'I mean. Why didn't you tell me he's into guys?! I told you I needed to know everything about him, including that!' I was angry. Not only had I been scarred and scared for life but also this guy, who was a bastard to me and at some point obliged me to help his friend, had dared to cut out important information and lie to me!
'What the fuck are you talking about? He's straight and homophobic! He's too conceited with the whole 'I need to be perfect' thing to let his so called reputation be ruined by the whole homosexual things. Dude, he is not into guys. I don't know about this other him though.'
I stopped. What?
I couldn't help but to frown and feel bad for him. He was paranoid schizophrenic, bipolar, and homophobic? I knew that at some point he had developed another personality which was the one that scared me, but I didn't think he would have a new personality that would loose certain phobias and gain others; he showed no symptoms.
"Shit." I muttered as I walked back to the room where Sasuke was.
Sasuke's point of view.
"I'm sorry I walked out like that. I just didn't expect that. I'm really sorry. I've been kind of tense lately."
Who does he think he is? He really thinks he's so great isn't he? I don't give a damn if my other side –which I hate and despise and wish would die- loves him; I detest this blonde. He's always treating me like I'm some kind of idiot. I am not schizophrenic!
I glared at him. "Fuck you."
He actually dared to look bothered by it. He began to say things about how sorry he felt for walking away like that; his apologies made me rather sick and made me want to slit my throat on the place. I frowned, completely ignoring what he was saying. Why did I suddenly have this sudden urge to hurt myself? Yeah, I had dreams about it before, and yeah, I had considered it before, but I never did it. Why do I feel like this now?
"Sasuke… I don't want to loose you as my friend. You are a great guy, ok? It's…" He stumbled on his words. He sounded so confident at first, like he knew exactly what he was going to say. I bet he did; he most likely lost his words when he realized I wouldn't react the best way.
His blue eyes kept making my heart stop, making me look away to hide the tender blush that filled my cheeks. He really did look sorry; it really seemed like he regretted saying what he was saying in the first place. But I didn't care. I wanted to know what it was he didn't like.
"It's the other you I don't like." I stopped breathing and I was forced to look up at him when he took my face in within his hands, my breathing stopping short behind. I felt a pang of disgust surround me, then again, I could not help but to feel happy with the touch.
"Don't touch me." It was such a soft mutter, not even I could convey its meaning.
I wanted him to leave, and I'm sure he was completely aware of it. Still, he did not leave; he didn't even move. I wanted him out. His presence made me uncomfortable and I wanted him to just leave me alone to be myself; alone with my thoughts.
He didn't move, he just stood there, his hands still around my face, barely grazing me now. If he didn't move I would hit him. Those blue eyes were still staring at me, but they weren't mocking me. I could tell that they were staring at me with some compassion probably even love deep hidden in them.
It made me feel alive. "You said you wanted to talk, yesterday. What do you want to talk about?" I looked up at him, expecting an answer. I knew that would make him move at least a little. He was shocked and didn't move for a few seconds until he realized he was in the world of the living and decided to join in.
He was sitting by my side, close to me, so close I could actually feel my hear beating faster. I felt such an urge to just hug him; it was crazy.
"Tell you what. I ask you something and you answer, ok? And then you ask me something and I answer. No lying, no avoiding. I'll be honest with you, completely, if you are with me, ok?" He was grinning, like a little boy with a new toy, completely lost.
I would have had complained, but I was tired and just wanted to get it over with. "Whatever." I personally like this side better, not that freak that dares to call himself Uchiha Sasuke and comes out of my body now and then. He makes me angry and bothers me and… I hate him. It. Whatever it might be.
"So… Tell me, how old are you?"
"Eighteen. I'm turning nineteenth in July." I answered dully, staring at my bare right foot. The floor was cold, but I wasn't exactly allowed to complain. I would still have my shoes if only I hadn't had tried once to kill someone with them. "How about you?"
He brushed s strand of blonde hair away from his face with one of his strong tanned hands. "I'm Twenty-two. I just finished my career; my intelligence let me skip a year." He said with a half grin-half smile.
"I skipped one in High School."
He smiled. "Ok then, my turn. Hum… Say we're both guys so, have you ever been laid? Or at least touched yourself or something?" I could feel this turning into a psychological type of questioning. I frowned and stared at him as I let a small smirk claim my face, "Those are two questions."
He rolled his eyes and let his smirk turn into a scowl. "Let me rephrase that. Have you… No, no wait. Are you a virgin?" He seemed to be having so much fun, an amused look on his face whenever it was my time to answer or ask. I stared at him, expecting him to start laughing like he usually does and just say he's kidding and ask something different.
I received none. He really did want an answer. I rolled my eyes in an annoyed way, let out a frustrated sigh and bit my lower lip after licking it. "I guess I am."
"What do you mean?" He asked with a shocked face. "You mean, you mister good looking pants is a virgin? Like, entirely virgin?" I frowned and pushed him lightly, a blush grazing me. "It's my turn, you idiot."
"Are you into guys?"
I looked at him with curiosity. He paled for a few seconds, almost confused as for what I had said, as if he was trying to decipher what I had just said. "I… I guess I don't really mind. I mean. If I liked the guy or something, like as if in love or something, I probably wouldn't give a shit about whether if he has a dick or tits or not." I would have had frowned at his foul and ridiculously unsophisticated language, but I was too captivated with his words.
"What about you?" He interrupted my going thoughts. I looked up and stared at him, not sure of what to say. I was rather homophobic, I had to admit, but I had to just straight agree with him. It was the exact same way I thought a lot of times.
"I don't know." I muttered.
Here's the next chapter. I apologize for them being so incredibly unbelievably short. I just felt like I wanted to post this right now and felt rather inspired so wrote this whole chapter today. I hope you people are starting to understand a little –in case you guys were a bit lost-. Thank you very much for those who have taken their time to read, review, alert and favorite. :) I appreciate it.
Any suggestions feel free to both PM or leave a review. Please leave constructive criticism (:.