In case that you somehow missed it in the summary, this story is CRACK. That's all there is to it. It only spawned onto paper because I just happened to plop the first season disc of Voltron on as background noise until I noticed that the narrator was Peter Cullen which got me thinking about Transformers and then it just snowballed from there. Feel free to pick it apart as long as it's constructive.
Hope you enjoy %D
Disclaimer: I own neither the Transformers nor any part of Voltron.
Cosmos looked about him uninterested as he rocketed through the vacuum of space, swerving around asteroids without as much as a second thought or glance. No, he was all to accustom to dodging the lifeless hunks of rocks to give a care. Even playing the earthling game of 'chicken' with them had surely grown to boring to even consider anymore. And painful. He sometimes forgot that the lifeless hunks of rocks were just lifeless hunks of rocks.
That didn't stop him from trying to alleviate his bored however; no, far from it. At first the green space ship would watch TV shows on mute, making up their dialogue for them. It worked until he remembered that he could read lips, that the game was much more fun played with other mechs, and that on supply runs it would only last until he was to far off to pick up any signals.
Sentence connections using varies radio stations had the same problem with distance as the TV dubbing; the human card game solitaire could only be played so many times on one's view screen without going mad, and the weekly word cross-puzzles downloaded from varies newspaper's websites certainly didn't last long enough despite whatever the humans would say. In some of his most desperate hours, Cosmos even played 'eye-spy' with himself.
Yes, to the extremes one would go to ease the pain of boredom.
It was during one of these long lonely supply runs from Earth to Cybertron and back that had Cosmos desperate enough to play the human game. He would stretch his scanners to their limits, quickly spy some object that caught his attention, and then just as quickly shut off his scanners. He made sure that they reeled a bit to make it more interesting before correcting them and then using a lower setting to hunt down the spied object. It never took long but anything was better than just slowly going out of one's processor.
It was also the reason why he didn't notice at first that he wasn't alone in the quadrant. Busy with correcting his telemetry and searching down the moving target, Cosmos almost missed the robotic lion that briefly passed through his field of scanners and then out again.
Almost, that is.
Diagnosis programs came to life and much too slowly came back with results. He couldn't quite believe that his scanners were at one hundred percent operating capacity with no errors even after a diagnosis program for his diagnosis program came back with all green. The space ship hurriedly sped off in the direction where the anomaly had touched his sensors. Maybe it was only an odd bit of space rock with a weird mineral composite?
But that wasn't the case. As he came upon where the sensor ghost had first appeared on his scanners they immediately drew a lock on it. A blue body supporting an unknown emblem connected with four mechanical legs that ended in sharp claws pawed noiselessly through the void while a tail sporting some kind of laser lazily waved back and forth. Its head was slightly lowered with mouth ajar, yellow optics staring resolutely ahead. Cosmos felt for certain that something in his processor fizzed out.
Dear Primus, I've finally gone insane, Cosmos thought to himself while looking through bare optics just to make sure. One too many lonely trips finally made me lose my processor, I just know it! Giant robotic felines just don't exist! And then he thought of Ravage. OK, giant robotic felines do exist…just not space worthy ones!
Almost certain that he was already halfway to a totally processor meltdown, Cosmos activated his comm. link just to see if the other mechanical being would even respond. To his great surprise, not only did the mechanoid tiger respond, but it was a human who did so.
::This is Sven, the pilot of the blue lion of Voltron. Who is trying to contact me?::
This couldn't be right. Humans didn't have this type of technology and if they did, which they most certainly did not, the Autobots would have definitely known about it. There was no way the humans could have kept space faring giant robotic cats a secret for as long as the Cybertronians had been on Earth. No way in the Pit.
And what was with that horrible accent? Was that even English?
::Hello? Is there anybody there?::
Deciding that he couldn't deal with this strange variance on his normally long, lonely, and, most importantly, boring supply run lest he really did melt his processor, Cosmos immediately turned proverbial tail and rocketed back onto his original course. Engines running as fast as he dared, Cosmos was soon leaving the quadrant, and with it, the bizarre robotic lion behind. The further he managed to get away from the area, the more it seemed like the whole thing hadn't have happened.
And then he realized that the other Autobots would never believe him if he chose to tell anyone.
…he should've gotten pictures.