Valentine's Day sucks.
That's what I used to think, anyway. Just another day, just like any other of the equally sucky days in February or pretty much any other month. Just those Hallmark and Chanel and Tiffany and Godiva- or more likely, Wal-Mart- people trying to guilt everyone into buying their wife or girlfriend- or girl they're cheating on their wife or girlfriend with, more likely- some shit they probably don't' even want when they don't want to give it to them to show the love that doesn't exist they have for them. Basically trying to get money off saps who don't' have any and trying to pass it off as love and romance. Whatever, like I buy any of that.
Of course I never did any of that. My Valentine's Days were drinking, dancing, and fucking, not always in that exact order. Simple, no strings, get some, get gone. The way it should be- no big thing, no different from any other day. No different from what anyone else wanted- I was just more honest is all, not trying to bullshit myself into believing some fairy tale holiday that was about as realistic and meaningful as the Easter bunny.
But then came B. And like just about everything else, she kinda picked at the whole hating-Valentine's-Day thing until it fell apart. Well, okay, more like she attacked it with a sledgehammer or something, 'cause the whole thinking is basically totally destroyed now.
I mean, I /told/ her I didn't want to do Valentine's Day. I told her how they're just trying to rip you off and yank on guilt strings and all and how it doesn't mean nothing. But then she got all quiet and hurt and funny, asking me if I didn't /love/ her for god's sake, so I had to give in on that. I hate seeing her all upset and insecure like that. I mean, you'd think by now she'd just /know/ I love her and I wouldn't have to tell her all the time, but that's B for you… well, okay, I wouldn't tell her this or anyone else either, but I guess I kinda like when she tells me too. Like, it's just nice to be sure, to hear it so you don't forget, or to know she hasn't forgotten or changed her mind or something…
Okay, so I'm a pussy… shuddup!
Now that I think about it… she probably did all that on purpose, just to make me go along with her. Dammit… suckered again…
Honestly though, can't say I mind.
I didn't know what to get her, so I went with the traditional route of taking her out for dinner and dancing and giving her this necklace that was a pretty wicked cross. I kinda felt weird, like I didn't know if she'd like it, but she got all teary and huggy, so I guess she did. And then she had stuff for ME- and this was totally weird for me, trust me- but it was flowers. She got me roses-ROSES- and candy, these little chocolate hearts, and this card that went on for like a paragraph about how much she loves me… yeah. LOVES me.
Usually that would make me either gag or go running off as fast as I could- if it ever even happened. Which it wouldn't. No way. But with this… with B… I actually wanted to cry. Well I definitely didn't /want/ to but it was touch and go there for a sec. Can you believe that?! Me, FAITH, sitting there with roses and chocolate and this sappy card, and I'm about to cry?!
Totally. Fuckin'. Crazy.
I figured the dinner would be almost painful to get through since it was one of those places with cloth napkins where you actually have to dress up and have good table manners. But actually it wasn't bad at all…and then there came the dancing. We did all the usual moves at first, the fast grinding that comes natural to me, but then there were slow songs too, courtesy of the Big V Day and all I guess. That would usually be my cue to go get a drink, but B wanted me to dance with her…so I did.
It was way awkward like I figured at first. Never did it before, slow dancing, so I didn't know how to lead or follow- it's totally different from my usual mode. But B took one of my hands and put the other around my back, and she kind of held me close to her, turning me around in these slow circles… I could smell her hair, feel her heartbeat, and I gotta admit… I really liked it.
Then there was the sex… and that was just…way more than I can talk about and do justice for. Just gonna say… and this one I have no shame over- only time I ever found anyone who could keep up with me…
All that, that was crazy enough that I wanted it, and that I didn't feel like a total ass the whole time, or like running off… but here's the weirdest thing of all. All that was totally wicked...but it wasn't the best part. Even the sex wasn't the best thing- yeah, I know, drop your mouth in shock. But it really wasn't.
What's best is right now… just laying here with B in my arms, her head against my chest and her arms around me.
I know, you're probably all looking at me like 'who the hell are you and what did you do to Faith?' But I'm serious… I never would have thought it, but this… B's breath on my neck, her hair kinda tickling my arm, her heart like right next to mine… even her bony elbow against my ribs… it's probably the best feeling I've ever had. Usually I hate being still, being all touchy with people… and I NEVER stay after sex. Faith Lehane doesn't do that cuddling lovey-dovey shit, and she doesn't want it.
But you're probably starting to see the general theme here… 'cause with B I do. With B…god, she makes me everything I always said I wasn't, and she makes me not mind. She made me join the cupid crowd, and I like it…
I love her. And if that makes me a pussy well then fuck if being a badass is so great.