Title: All's fair in love and war
Author: Pippin's Socks.
Pairing(s): Implied SoulMaka, SoulMakaKid, BlackStarKid. Yeah. How about I just say everything and let you guys get on with it?
Note: ...erm...yeah. We're having a go at 100 pairings/themes/moments...so yeah. Be afraid!
Death the Kid had a sixth sense for asymmetry, it was an inbred intelligence (paranoia) that dominated his whole life, so – naturally – when he felt his 'symmetry sense' tingling he went with the will of the force (and a tape measure) to go see if he could correct the abomination.
He did not expect, however, to find his two male teammates cowering under a couch at the Albarn residence, identical looks of sheer terror on their faces, not even bothering to make a move to greet him despite the fact he just entered through a window.
"What on earth-"
"Sssh!" both boys hissed, casting petrified glances at the door furthest from them – the one labelled 'Maka's room' - only room was scribbled out with a red crayon and just above the former annotation was a hastily scrawled 'cave'.
"Is Maka ill?" Black Star gulped heavily, opting not to make a sound. That in itself was a sure sign as to how dire the situation was. Soul just stared blankly into the distance, mouthing nonsensical gibberish under his breath.
"You are starting to freak me out you two…" Kid muttered, failing to see the humour in the situation as Black Star started sniggering.
"You don't know man…you weren't here!" he spat, slapping his hands to his mouth as soon as he spoke the words, eyes nearly falling out their sockets in horror.
"What? Did she show you the baby birthing video again?" he went on, absentmindedly straightening out the curtains in a helpless display of obsession.
"Worse. Far worse" Kid kicked up an eyebrow, then the other one because he wouldn't want to be asymmetrical.
"Don't go in there!" Soul suddenly half shouted as Kid made his way across the lounge, hand on the door handle.
With frantic self preservation in mind Black Star tackled the unsuspecting death god to the floor, simultaneously trying not to make a single sound as they both went sprawling.
"Black Star what the-"
"Shut him up!" Soul yelped from his safe position behind the couch, Kid began to wonder where on earth they bought their drugs.
"No one can defeat me!" Black Star goaded, albeit quietly.
Not one to be taken lightly the Shinigami attempted to throw the other boy off him, only succeeding in sending them both sailing into the bookshelf, a storm of hardbacks pummelling them from all angles.
Soul had decided the cupboard would be a far safer place to be in at this point.
He of course forgot that was also the one place that Blair liked to cat nap.
"Not cool!" the poor scythe barked as he was promptly smothered by a naked feline, who merely giggled as Black Star, absorbed by the action, picked up a lamp and threw it at the newly escaped Kid, who dodged the missile easily, shrieking in terror as it shattered into a million pieces on the floor.
"The symmetry!" he began but was promptly silenced as another piece of furniture was hurled his way, Soul had taken to just bleeding quietly on the carpet – surrendering to his fate.
The newly arrived Liz and Patti took one look at the destruction, grabbed the fretting Tsubaki by the arm and dragged the other girl to a safe location.
(AKA a shopping mall.)
A feral roar of sheer fury echoed through the house, Black Star dropped the stack of DVD's he'd been using as shuriken in terror, Kid peeked out from behind the armchair, blowing feathers from the ruined cushions out his hair.
Soul remained unconscious…from lack of blood or oxygen it was hard to tell.
"What…" Kid muttered "was that?"
"Yes" Black Star muttered dramatically "way."
"How long has she been like this?" Kid went on, eyeing the assassin warily from his pillow fort, not trusting the other boy with the un-hurled pieces of decor if his life depended on it.
"Since this morning" Black Star responded, quietly now, giving the still unconscious scythe a quick kick in the ribs.
"Ah…I think I know the problem" the Shinigami muttered, trying to look dignified as he crawled amongst the feathers in a bid to get to safety, looking like a deranged (and very fluffy) penguin.
Black Star had a hard time choosing whether or not he wanted to gape in awe of burst out laughing and hack up a lung.
"I have two female partners…this is a regular occurrence" spat the dark haired boy, fixing his tie as he approached the door.
He paused when his hand was inches above the handle.
"What is it?" Black Star queried, noting the serious expression on the other boys face.
"If I don't come out in 15 minutes…tell Liz to check the candles for me" Black Star nodded, patting the other boy on the shoulder before bursting into a grin of relief and fleeing round the back of the couch.
Kid swore he could have heard the word 'sucker' as he fled.
It had been precisely 14 minutes, 38 seconds and one uncomfortable awakening since Kid had entered the lair of the beast.
Black Star decided to set his watch back a minute, like the loyal friend he was.
It wasn't that he didn't like Kid, which he didn't, or that he was a coward, which he wasn't, but he really didn't want to mess with the girl who, this morning, had managed to cleave a 500 page novel in two with her bare hands because Soul drunk milk from the carton…
Hence the cowering behind the couch.
"Do you think he's ok?" Soul hissed, considerably paler than usual and sporting a couple of blood stains on his jacket but none-the-less awake.
As if in response to that the door flung open, Kid stumbled out, looking far more windswept than should be possible, missing a shoe and sporting a matching set of bruises on either cheek.
"…erck…" was all Black Star managed to spit out; Soul just repeatedly opened and closed his mouth, doing a very good impression of a cod-fish.
"She wants some chocolate..." the exhausted Shinigami muttered, before face planting rather spectacularly onto the carpet, the lone ornament that managed to remain standing crashing to the floor.
The other two snuck glances at each other.
"Wanna search his pockets?"
"I thought you said she wanted chocolate?!"
"Well she hasn't calmed down at all!"
"Hey it normally works on Patti…"
"A piece of foil would work on Patti."
"Well…what does she want?"
The door flung open, pieces of plaster rained down from the ceiling as a fuming Maka, flames of fury erupting from a unknown source, glared at the now jelloid group of boys on her living room carpet.
"If you're going to talk about me – do it where I can't hear you!" she roared before slamming her door once more.
"…I think she's still mad…"
"Shut up Black Star."
Women, Soul had discovered, were pains in the asses.
Men however…were hopeless pushovers.
"She wants…'a ladies night'" Kid spat in defeat after his second expedition into the 2nd hell known as Maka's room – this time exiting with only one black eye and a rather large amount of glitter.
No one really wanted to know.
"Oh well we'll call Liz and Patti and-"
"No, she wants it…now."
There was a brief pause as the information sunk in.
Black Star abruptly punched Kid in the face, sending the poor boy sprawling to the floor. In response to Soul's questioning glance he merely shrugged.
"I was helping...he was asymmetrical."
"You're an asshole."
"Aw thanks so much for doing this you guys!" Maka cooed, nestling herself into the bathrobe clad Soul, inhaling the wild berry shampoo she'd forced upon the unsuspecting boy.
"Sssh!" Kid hissed, staring intently at the screen as the overly clichéd romance film reached the climax of the plot, the lead female was sobbing hysterically as her one true love disappeared from her life…again.
Kid sniffed loudly, trying not to bite his newly done nails in the tension of the moment.
"Pansy! Only I would not fall to such a pathetic plot device!"
"Why are you're eyes all red then!"
"I'm allergic to this face mask!"
The boys promptly began to argue on the floor, popcorn crunching underneath them as the bashed each other with pillows.
"I love girl's nights in!" Maka squealed "so what's next? The Notebook or Titanic?!"
All boys turned pale at the thought.
"Can we watch Transformers?"
There was a sickening cracking sound and Black Star's crumpled form lay eerily still in the corner of the room.
"Whatever you want Maka!"
"I love boats and office equipment! Either one is good!"
Maka smiled with joy, skipping off into the next room to grab some more scented candles. The towel wrapped around Soul's hair slipped off to the side slightly.
"This…" began the abused weapon "this never leaves this room. Agreed?"
"Hey guys" Black Star mumbled, staring at himself in the mirror "does this bathrobe make me look fat?"
Up next is Fiercy!