"I ran. Faster and more blindly than I ever had. I escaped. Escaped auickly from the one whom hurt me. I cried.. I cried so softly no one heard me.. I waited.. I waited and still he never came"
I let out a long sigh, my fist resting against my chin as I stared out over the lake. I let out a sigh, my throat aching weakly. I pressed my hand to the base of my neck, my eyes shutting smoothly. I pushed myself to hard. Yelled to loudly. Now my throat would be sore for the next few hours.
It didn't matter though, it was evident as I sat here alone.
All the yelling, screaming and cursing meant nothing. None of it made a difference. None of it changed things.
I glanced back over my shoulder, seeing nothing but the dark sky and the wet grass.
He wasn't even chasing after me.. I should expect it though. Why would he chase me?
I was just a demon slayer he traveled with. A fighting comrade equal to Inuyasha or Kagome. I meant nothing to him. I wasn't even worth the effort to chase after. How pathetic yet true.
He'd be here if he wanted to be. He'd comfort me if he truly cared. And he wasn't.. That screamed the truth violently into my mind.
Dont know if I can yell any louder
how many time have I kicked you outta here?
Or said something insulting?
I can be so mean when I wanna be.
If I wasn't so weak I'd attack him, just as my father would have wanted. If I wasn't so weak I would have never let him get so close. I'd keep him far away, far from my fragile heart.
I growled softly, my fists clenching loosely at my sides.
I wanted to hit him. Anyone. I just wanted to release all of these emotions and let them evaporate from inside me. I wanted to be free of my self pity and doubt. I wanted to be strong and cold. Confident and independent. I wanted so much to be free, just free of loving that man.
His smooth voice echoed in my ears. 'Sango'.
The way he said my name made my heart flutter wildly. I was truly just a stupid girl. What should it matter if he says my name differently, even so minutely than he does the others? It's not as if that difference meantanything. I still was not worthly enough to love. Not pretty enough to court. I was just Sango.. Plain, old,unfeminine Sango.
I am capable of really anything,
I can cut you into pieces.
But my heart is....broken.
I stole a fleeting glance over my shoulder once more, still nothing had changed.
What should I do now?
I can't very well go back there. Should I wait here? Wait for Kagome or Inuyasha to seek me out? No. Kagome would have questions, and Inuyasha.. Well his silence was just confrimation that he knew everything. Far more than I would have ever liked.
Perhaps I should wait. Wait for Miroku to take the girl as his wife, maybe then my heart can be free of him.
I shook my head lightly, my hair brushing across my eyes.
No.. That'd make no difference. I'd still love him. As sickening as that is, I'd still love a monk who hurt me so terribly.
Please don't leave me.
Please don't leave me.
I always say how I don't need you,
But it's always gonna come right back to this.
Please, don't leave me..
Father would be so disappointed in my weakness.
I felt Kirara's nose brush my hand, her wide eyes turned up to me innocently. But not innocently enough. She knew everything and just wanted to show me understanding in her own feline way. Kirara.. I rubbed my hand over the top of her head, her fur tickling my fingers. This wasn't me. This jealous, vindictive, angry woman scorned. The real me was reflected in Kirara's eyes. Weak, vulnerable, loving, innocent, timid.. That was the real me, the me I would never let that man see again.
The factor to my change in personality attributes to one, infuriating monk. A monk with a boyish face and captivating smile. Soft hair, rough hands, broad chest.
I shook my head roughly, my eyes opening toward the lake surface. Dammit! I had to stop doing that! I couldn't keep thinking of that man! No.. I needed a cure to whip away the plague he had inflicted upon my mind and heart. Anything.. Anything to make my heart stop fluttering and make my eyes stop wandering over his body. How did I become so obnoxious?
What is it with you that makes me act like this?
I've never been this nasty,
Can't you tell that this is all just a contest?
The one that wins will be the one that hits the hardest.
I saw Kirara's eyes flick up to the sky, her skin pricking tensely. I followed her gaze toward the dark blanket of sky, my eyes dancing over the lake god.
I jumped to my feet, my hand clenching tightly to the hiraikutsu. Adrenaline pulsed through me once more, awakening my sleeping muscles and finally taking my mind off of that damn monk.
"You will be mine! No matter what I will make you my wife"! He screamed at the wriggling Shima under his arm.
"No!" She squealed loudly, her head twisting to face him. "I told you! I have already promised myself to Miroku-sama"!
There it goes.. Concentration blown.. Dammit.
I felt myself lowering the hiraikutsu, brushing it down my shoulder until it touched the glass. The vindictive Sango should probably leave Shima to die. Or at least get rescued by her precious Miroku-sama.
Kirara let out a meow, obviously sensing that I was contemplating letting the girl die.
"I'll forgive you! I will forgive you for what happened in the past"! The lake god yelled as Shima screeched loudly.
Forgivness.. How funny that word is. It is truly difficult to forgive one so stupid..
I shook my head again, clearing my thoughts of anything that related to Miroku. I was not the vindictive Sango, I -unfortunately- was the forgiving one. And I would forgive Shima for loving Miroku, even if it took him from me.
"Kirara"! I yelled as she transformed, her eyes on the center of the pond where the lake god disappeared. I jumped swiftly onto her back, swinging the hiraikutsu over my head as we flew into the air.
We dove beneath the black water, the hiraikutsu thundering ahead of us at the lake god's head. As it collided into it's skull, I reached out as far as I could for Shima's hand. I pulled down on Kiara's neck, directing her upwards as I pulled Shima behind me. Dammit.. I should be a saint for saving this hopeless girl!
We launched through the surface of the water, the cool wind whipping across my face as I pulled Shima onto Kiara's hind.
"You're"? She gaped, staring at me awestruck. "You're Miroku's companion."
I should just drop her here for bringing him up again. But I decided against it, pulling her into a sitting position behind me as I turned my head away.
My heart dropped as the devil's voice echoed through the air.
"Sango"! He called loudly, trying to draw my attention to him.
"Miroku sama"! Shima yelled in my ear.
I stole a quick glance backward, watching him running in front of Kagome and Inuyasha far below.
Well.. It's not as if he's chasing after me.. I turned away, trying to force down the tears that were threatening to pour over my lashes.