A.N: Hey guys!! So here's my new story!! It's my own version of the 4th book (the 'real' one will be released in August) of the Vampire Academy Series. If you want you can check the play list i created for this story ( it will be updated while i write) it will put you in the mood. You can also check the opening credits for this story as i did a video on youtube on how i "picture" the characters.

Anyways this story will be full of spoilers for the series so... I really hope you are going to enjoy it!! And don't forget the more reviews i get the sooner i'll update.

I would like to thank my beta Kelly to take the time to read my chapters since i'm sure she has way better to do. Thanks girly =)

Well without further ado...here is chapter 1.

Chapter 1.

Here I was in this crappy motel room somewhere in Coeur d'Alene suburb. I finally managed to cross from Montana to Idaho in the late afternoon and hoped I would make it to Spokane tomorrow.

It wasn't easy to travel in this horrible little car I bought at the dumpster a little over a week ago.

"1 Week…" I huffed dropping in the old armchair smelling both dust and Naphtali.

It had been a week now since I had crossed the Doors of St Vladimir…Seeing my best friend Lissa, probably for the last time in my life and it felt like a life time ago.

I quickly put my hands over my eyes to stop the tears from running and took a deep breath to try and dislodge the lump that had formed in my throat causing actual physical pain when I thought about everything I abandoned behind me… all the promises I broke to run after a big unknown, based on the hints by a ghost.

A ghost… I shook my head. "Way to go Rosemarie!!" I added out loud standing up in order to take a shower.

I looked in the bag containing all the clothes I owned, which was actually limited to 2 pairs of jeans, 3 sweaters and some cotton underwear.

I had a lot of money. LOTS!! Adrian made really good on his promise. When I went to the bank to sign the papers I couldn't believe how much money he had put in the account he opened for me … 300,000 dollars!! Well I guess it's not much when your surname is Ivashkov but boy! It didn't feel right, I couldn't exploit his feelings for me (or for my body I didn't know for sure). I promised him I would come back after dealing with my ghosts (both figuratively and physically) and to give him an honest chance to conquer my heart, but I knew at the exact instant that I made that promise that I couldn't keep it.

Firstly, how could he conquer something that didn't exist anymore? Half my heart died the instant I saw Dimitri being taken by our worse enemies….The Strigoi.

The other half died the moment I left St Vladimir breaking every promise I had ever made, letting down the only other person who meant something to me.

Secondly, I promised to come back, but a small…a tiny but powerful part of me, wished that I would fall the same time when I kill Dimitri. This part knew perfectly that it would be almost unbearable to have tomorrows after killing my soul mate and this part didn't even want to try.

So I decided not to touch the money he put in the account for me because I also knew that using the card or the money would give them my location and if I had to die I would go alone this time. I decided to only use the money he had handed me in his room. It was already a lot of money…. Well at least for someone like me. 20,000 dollars, but I didn't know how long I would be gone for…How long I would be tracking Dimitri so I needed to save as much as I could.

I took a quick look outside the windows at the little green Honda parked in front of my motel room. It looked terrible, but ran well… at least if you didn't try to get over 45mph. But it was better than I expected of a car that only cost me 500 dollars!

I nibbled on my bottom lip as my stomach started growling. I needed some food, but I didn't feel like leaving this room, I looked in my bag and found a box of cookies and a bottle of water…it would have to do.

Right now I needed a hot shower to ease my painful muscles. I spent the whole day in caves, but there were no traces of Strigoi…That's why I decided to go to Spokane….

Where it all started… I thought feeling a shooting pain in the middle of my chest…. In the empty space where my heart used to be.

Once I was done with my shower, which actually didn't help unfortunately. I wrapped a towel around me and stood in front of the mirror, my eyes locked on my own reflection.

I was still Rose…I was still the 18 year old dhampire that I have always been, but there were some slight differences… differences that made me a totally different person…Someone who lived too much… saw too many things…I could feel the Molnija marks on my neck tickling.

I let my eyes wander in the bathroom and they stopped on the little Orthodox silver cross pendant attached to a leather strip. I took it and looked at the back where the word Сила, which meant Strength in Russian was engraved.

I put it back around my neck while holding the cross tightly in my hand.

I closed my eyes and let the tears stream quietly down my face.

"You were the full symbol of strength…. You were my strength. How am I even suppose to continue without you?" I asked rhetorically to a Dimitri that was no more.

I tightened my hand around the cross and into a fist… it was so tight the cross was pinching my skin. It was my most precious possession, the only thing that was his… the only thing I had that was tangible….that proved he was real... And that this man, this beautiful being did love me as much as I loved him.

I closed my eyes again remembering the day I got this cross.

Dimitri and the others had been declared dead for two days, I couldn't grieve as I wanted to because nobody knew what we were sharing, this beautiful, intense, overwhelming love.

I was rolled up on my bed crying quietly when I heard a sharp knock at my door.

I ignored it, I knew it wasn't Lissa and I didn't care about anyone else anymore.

It could be my mother… the great Guardian Hathaway… and I surely couldn't deal with all her Zen lessons on how he was a mentor and that I had to deal with it like a grown up…. I pictured myself punching her SO many times. No… I was defiantly not strong enough to face her tonight.

There was a knock again "Damn it Hathaway…Open the freaking door! I don't have all night!" She said in a hush tone with some annoyance in her voice.

I shot my head up in surprise. Alberta? Oh my… That was odd. She was a guardian and I was far from being her favorite person. I looked at my alarm clock which said it was 11.48 pm at this time?

I ran to open the door.

"It took you long enough" she hissed looking around.

It took all my will power not to tell her to screw herself and close the door on her face.

I inhaled deeply. "What can I do for you?" I asked as detached as I could.

She looked at me for a couple of seconds surely assessing my blood shot eyes due to my heavy crying.

She sighed, "Come with me." She said mysteriously scanning the corridor again.

Her eyes silently pleaded me to follow her, my curiosity getting the better of me as I wrapped myself in my robe, put my sneakers on and tried to follow her quick steps outside the dorm.

I was lost in my thoughts as I tried to figure out why she came to me that I didn't realize where we were going until we stood in front of a wooden door in the guardian dorm.

I froze as pain was creeping to the surface…. I had tried so much to be brave in public, but I just couldn't breathe anymore. It was like something was ripping up my chest.

We were standing in front of Dimitri's room, the only place in the world I didn't want to be. I would rather be face to face with ravenous Strigoi but… but this was just too much… I was not strong enough. Tears started to fall down my cheeks as I knew it would be futile to try to hold them in.

"Why…Why are you doing this to me?" I whispered my voice shivering as my eyes locked on the door.

I felt Alberta's unsure hand on my shoulder. "They are going to pack up all his personal belongings tomorrow and ship them to his mother in Russia." She squeezed my shoulder. "I know you don't feel like this now, but you will thank me one day. You need to be here…You have to go in there… You were…." She stopped.

Her emotions surprised me so much that I finally looked at her and saw that her eyes were full of tears.

"You were everything to him… the only person he really loved." She said nicely. "And I know he was… and still his everything to you."

"I…No…" I tried to deny.

Alberta softly put a finger on my lips. "Your secret is safe with me..." She said with a soothing tone. "Even if I'm surprised it is still a secret. I'm not that observant, but when you two were locking eyes it was like the whole world could have disappeared without you two noticing…. People were blind not to notice True love just in front of them." She added opening the door. "I'll keep an eye out for you. Take your time….take what you want… I know he would have wanted you to have everything." She added with a sad smile.

As I walked into the room I saw his lame music from the 80's, his western novels and couldn't help but smile. Gosh I loved every part of him. I went to his bed that was undone and laid on his pillow, inhaling the faint odor of his cologne. I closed my eyes and inhaled more deeply and it was like lying against him in the cabin all over again.

I jumped up quickly, it was a terrible memory to revisit, I was scared to sink and not resurface.

My eyes wandered to his night stand where the cross was resting beside his cologne.

I read the inscription behind the cross and read the Russian version of the word 'Strength' and remembered Dimitri's words as if he was standing beside me.

«You're strong - you're so, so strong. It's why I love you.» he said to me in the cabin.

I put the cross in my pocket and took the bottle of the cologne before almost running out of his room, before the building pain could cripple me.

I opened my eyes, I was back in my crappy motel room, and looked at my hand grasping the cross, my knuckles were white as I used my all strength.

I shook my head, quickly nibbling two cookies before going to bed.

I liked to sleep because it made the time go faster. It didn't drag like my waking hours during which I organized and plotted the murder of my soulmate….the murder of my heart.

As I fell asleep I felt something different… Like my dream was wrong, like it wasn't mine. I was in a room full of sun, with a black sofa. I rolled my eyes and sighed as I realized what was happening. I didn't even have the time to fully realize that my dream was controlled until I heard a voice coming from the sofa.

"Hello my little dhampire…." Said Adrian finally looking at me with a smile.

In next chapter: Rose and Adrian talk about St Vladimir and everything she left behind.