Mr. Funny

Disclaimer: I'm just playing here, no own. And I couldn't help myself. Zack is too cute in Crisis Core and I like messing with Angeal for some odd reason.

000

"Hey Angeal."

Angeal Hewley sighed and turned toward his apprentice. "What is it, Zack?" he asked. He and the young SOLDIER 3rd were sitting in his office after a meeting with Scarlet of all people.

"I didn't like being in Scarlet's office," the teen announced.

"Why?"

"It reeks of evil."

"What?"

"Either that or it's sausage." Zack looked so concentrated that he looked constipated. "Nope, I'm pretty sure it was evil."

Angeal didn't know whether to laugh or to be horrified.

000

"I had a ghost poopie today," Zack proclaimed.

"A what?" Angeal's gray eyes were wide in disbelief. He didn't just hear that, right?

"You know, a ghost poopie."

"Zack, what in the hell are you taking about?"

"I took a crap," Zack said slowly, as if explaining to a child. "But it was a ghost crap."

"Zack, seriously what are you talking about?"

"There are different kinds of poopie. A ghost poopie is when you feel the poopie come out but there's no poopie in the toilet."

"Zack, are you doing drugs?"

000

Zack sighed and shook his head. "Man, you must be a proctologist, Angeal," he said.

Angeal looked up from his paperwork. "Why do you say that?" He braced himself for another piece of Zack's weirdness.

"Because you work with assholes!"

The SOLDIER First couldn't find it in himself to disagree.

000

"That was idiotic, Zack," Angeal said in exasperation. He was referring to another incident caused by his apprentice's inability to shut up.

"I'm not a complete idiot," Zack replied sincerely. "Some important parts are just missing."

Angeal had no comment.

000

Angeal and Zack were approaching the elevators when a few Turks joined them. The older SOLDIER politely pressed the button for them as well as for the SOLDIER floor. All of them were going down from the conference rooms. Angeal had a bad feeling as the doors closed.

"CHUTES AWAY!!" Zack hollered as the elevator descended.

It was a tribute to the Turks when they didn't even blink.

000

Angeal didn't know if it was a good idea to let Zack wander into the candy aisle in the grocery store. Hopefully the boy didn't buy any. The younger SOLDIER was hyper enough as it is. He let out a sigh of relief when Zack came back empty handed. The two proceeded to the checkout to pay for the ingredients for tonight's supper.

"Hey Angeal?"

"What?"

"Why do they call the smaller sized candy bars 'fun-sized'?

"I don't know."

"I mean, wouldn't it be more fun to eat a big one?"

The clerk giggled at them.

000

"My butt hurts."

"What?" Angeal, out of morbid curiosity, asked.

Zack gingerly sat on the couch next to his mentor. "I had a spinal tap poopie," he said.

"What does that mean?" the older man couldn't help but blurt out.

"A poopie that hurts so much that I swear it came out sideways."

Angeal silently swore never to ask about Zack's bowel movements ever again.

000

Angeal was in a panic. He had lost Zack in the twenty-four hours Super Mal-Store. He had looked in the food half of the store and was currently checking the general merchandise half. The last time this had happened he had found the younger brunet challenging other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap. He skidded to a halt in front of the toys.

Zack looked up and grinned like the madman that he was. "Hiya Angeal!" he crowed. The three little boys with him waved at the big SOLDIER.

The SOLDIER First slapped a palm to his face at the scene.

Leave it to Zack to use an entire aisle to set up a full-scale battlefield with G.I. Mikes versus Z-Men.

000

"Zack!"

Zack fumbled with the empty container of orange juice and attempted to hide it behind his back. "Oh! Hi Angeal!"

"Zack, why is there a trail of orange juice leading to the men's room on the SOLDIER floor?" Angeal waved at said juice and the group of SOLDIERs eyeing the bathroom door.

"You sure that's orange juice?" The teen just smiled at Angeal's glare.

000

End... or is it? Lol, it's two thirty in the morning here! Night, night!