Just breathe in….and out….and in ….and out… He's not looking at you; He's not looking at you. I just had to keep telling myself this, because it was the only way to not fool myself into thinking that another guy might possibly be interested. Every time I'd get my hopes up, they'd immediately be crushed, he'd be waving at another girl, or a possibly a guy friend, or just looking at something behind me…never was it me that caught a guy's attention.
I went through all the phases….first was "I'll find a guy, I just have to wait…."
Then it turned to "is there something wrong with me?......"
Then finally, "no guy will ever really be interested in me, because I am me."
Sounds silly, huh? To me, it was the past few years of my life. I'm in college now, and I still haven't met a guy who has looked at me, asked me out, or even tried to be anything more than an acquaintance. Just adds to my reason for thinking that that really cute guy with the ruffled hair, bold and sensual expression, and that slight smirk to his lips across the room of this club (that my traitorous friends had dragged me to) was DEFINITELY not looking at me.
And as usual, I just sipped my virgin drink (I'd never really had much of a taste for alcohol) trying to ignore the fact that my heart beat sped up at the thought of someone of the opposite sex actually looking at me. It just wouldn't leave my mind, those blue piercing eyes, that just seemed to draw me in…aw what I'm kidding, I'm a sucker for men with bright colored eyes, but something about those eyes seemed a little different than other shades of blue… I took a small gasp of breath and looked up again to see if that guy who I couldn't stop thinking about was still staring at me. Shame. Just like the rest, this one was gone, just an empty glass sitting on the table with a few dollar bills lying next to it.
I sighed for the fifteenth time that night, or was it sixteenth? I lost count after my friends had ditched me to dance with a group of guys hanging out near us. Funny how that group of guys had only four members compared to our group of five girls. Once again I let my "oh no, go right ahead and have fun, I'm not much a dancer, anyway" excuse leave me behind with a non-alcoholic drink (I was the designated driver for each of these outings) and an empty table all to myself. Great, what fun I get to have.
"Usagi, are you seriously just going to sit here every time we come here? C'mon you need to find a man!"
Two of my traitorous friends that just loved dragging me to these outings…Rei and Makoto were just dying to drag me out on the dance floor and get crazy, though I could tell by their sluggish movements and slight giggles that both girls were completely trashed….as usual.
"I'm fine; I just don't really feel up to dancing; besides it's getting late anyway."
That was my usual excuse to every time I was asked that question. It was like a skit being performed by me and my friends. Same question, same answer, though them being drunk helped my situation for the fact that they really didn't argue with it. With last goodbyes from my group of friends to the guys, I smacked a few dollars on the table, shrugged on my jacket and headed for the car with my four very drunk and very giggling friends. Oh what a night.