OLD VERSION OF ATR – PLEASE READ CHAPTER ONE NOTES FOR THE EXPLANATION ON WHY.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, they belong to Stephenie Meyer. I am simply borrowing them for my own fan fiction enjoyment.
A/N: This chapter is the same as the last but from Edward's point of view.
All That Remains
Chapter Three – Don't Go
From the moment I fell in love with Bella I have done nothing but make one bad decision after another. I believed through my arrogance that I was the only one out of the two of us, who possessed the higher skills to decide what was best for us. I had no reason to believe otherwise.
Before my human instincts had been awakened, I had always made my choices on logic. I had never felt any confusion, I was confident in everything I did and was never surprised by the result of my actions. Everything was balanced and in control. But once Bella entered my world, my heart, I was making decisions for her. I followed the same principals of logic I had used before we met but I didn't take into account one simple fact. Bella is human and not governed by the same emotions and rules as a vampire.
In my solitude, I recalled every moment I had spent with Bella with vivid detail. It brought me comfort and it brought me unimaginable pain to torment myself this way. In the one hand I felt close to her, to see her in my mind to almost feel my arms around her, to recall her scent as my throat burned but I had no longing in me to drink her blood anymore. But it was those same thoughts that sat in my other hand that had me completely unhinged. Without Bella in my arms, without her scent giving life to me I couldn't find reason to exist. Every hour, every moment that passed was equal to eternity in hell for me.
I saw this as punishment for what I had done to Bella. I had hurt her so much from all the wrong decisions I had made and steadfastly forced upon her. At the beginning of my solitude, I had taken some comfort in believing my last decision was the best one for Bella to have any chance at a normal human life. When the realisation hit me of how I had in actual fact made the worst mistake yet, I felt like the weight of the universe crush me without mercy. Bella is not a normal human in any way and my previous expectations of her being able to recover from our love with the same ease as other humans I knew now would have been grossly miscalculated.
The only thing faltering me from going back to her before now and begging Bella to take me back was the slim chance she had moved on from me. But with each hour passing I was less resolved on this being a possibility and now it was just a matter of time before I had acted upon my doing whatever it took to have Bella back in my life again, loving her, protecting her, being with her and cherishing every single moment of her human life.
That was until Jasper's urgent cryptic phone call to me earlier today which has left me in the worst torment I have ever felt. I have no clue what was happening to Bella except he made it clear she was in grave danger and my whole family had gone back to Forks to save her. I tried to suppress the worst of my theories in order to function while in transit but it was becoming increasingly impossible to do so. The plane trip seemed to be taking forever and I was trapped in my seat with nothing but my fears fuelling the dread consuming me.
I had considered in one of my more insanity filled moments of taking over flying the plane to get us to our destination faster. It was a fleeting thought but for a crazed vampire it was enough time for me to plan out how I would accomplish the task. After landing the plane was another matter. I could not come to any serious conclusion on how to escape unnoticed and eventually, after milliseconds of deliberation I surrendered the thought of flying the plane myself.
I could feel the man's terror sitting next to me rippling through the air. If another seat was free for him to go to he would have fled by now. There was a hush in the aircraft that was out of being normal. The passengers were almost silent as their senses picked up on my mood with alarm. But I couldn't concern myself with their fears. My mind was focused on Bella. My stomach twisted in knots, my muscles grew more taught as the seconds slowly ticked over.
My mind would not let it go; I had to know the price Bella was paying for my last decision. The action I took in leaving her, I thought it had been the most selfless act I was capable of and it had to be right decision for her. At the time I couldn't see how this would harm Bella in the long term. She would be free of vampires and therefore certain early death from being in my world. So now the only unanswered question was what has happened to Bella, what have I done to put her in grave danger?
I recalled in my mind how from the moment I left her alone, there at the edge of the woods, I had felt things that I didn't know where possible. My silent heart had been ripped from my being; I could no longer feel its presence. If I had a soul, it had abandoned me right there, it would not follow me to where I was going. The only thing I did feel was this sorrowful pain, an emptiness that took hold and consumed me that I cannot begin to describe in depth.
The pain I have felt since is unmatched. Even the burning I endured when I transformed into this monster was merely a gentle breeze brushing across the tree tops in comparison. I will never be able to fully recover from the loss I felt, it is embedded into me so deep – branded like a scar into where my soul should be. Without Bella in my arms, without her love feeding me with life, I was nothing.
The Captain announced we were about to come into land, I searched for the familiar minds of my family below me on the ground. I found Esme's, hers was always easy to locate because she was so full of love. It confused me that she was fiercely concentrating on blue prints she had been working on. This was very odd behaviour for her. I left her mind and searched for another family member. Alice! What? She also was blocking me by reciting a Russian Poem. The dread in me took on new heights; it must be a lot worse than I thought. I looked again for the others but they were out of my range.
I felt the wheels touch the runway. I took a firm hold of my seat nearly shredding it in my effort to stop myself from ripping the door off the plane in my haste. No sooner the plane had stopped and I was at the door glaring at the hostess to open it. Sheer terror of my presence compelled her to comply immediately with my obvious silent demand. My pace was faster than what it should have been as I made my way to my family. I knew once I met Esme's eyes, she would not be able to block me out and I would know what has happened to Bella.
As predicted, as soon as our eyes met Esme's defences immediately went down, she was concerned for my appearance and health and it was that which unblocked her mind to me. Reading her thoughts shook me to my core. Now I knew, now I understood why my family had shielded me from this information. Bella had been attacked by Victoria. I began to gasp at hearing Esme's thoughts. I had visions of Victoria throwing Bella around like a rag doll for amusement, the thought sickened me. My legs found it hard to move yet my mind wanted to fly out of airport door and into the car I had seen this in Esme's mind where Alice was waiting for me. I also knew Bella was at the meadow and the drive there would take some time. Would it be faster if I ran or do I go in the car with them? Again with the decisions, which one would get me to Bella faster?
We got through the airport entrance and Alice's mind opened for the briefest moment but it was enough for me to see the flood of horror Bella was in. My legs buckled beneath me rendering me incapable of motion as my previous dread of Bella's fate had been fast tracked into hell on earth multiplied by infinity. I was gasping seeing Alice's vision, my mind tried desperately to reject it. There had to be some other explanation, this could not be happening to Bella.
A portion of my mind acknowledged I was in the car and we were mobile. It was Alice's mind reciting the Russian poem again to block her thoughts from me that pulled me out of the never ending loop of the one vision I had seen of Bella. It was clear there was more to this than what I had seen. How this could be worse I could not comprehend but if it involved Bella I had to know everything.
"Stop blocking me Alice!" I yelled.
"Edward, no..." she begged.
I understood this would cause Alice pain but it's Bella that was in need of protection and to do so I had to know it all and now.
"Tell me everything" I said demandingly as my jaw clenched tight. I steeled myself as best I could in readiness of what was waiting to be shown to me.
I could feel my mind implode in on itself seeing my precious Bella in Alice's mind. Nothing could have prepared me for this... Through my ragged breathing, pained cries erupted from me as I watched so helpless in preventing Victoria's unrelenting sadistic attacks on Bella. I have never seen anything so evil.
My mind screamed for a miracle for Bella to be freed of this horror. I would do anything to take her place. My body twisted violently in response as another vision far beyond what I had seen before in pure evil flashed in Alice's mind. I cried with the full pain and despair of my being as I saw Victoria scrap her nails into Bella's opened wounds. I watched Bella's eyes roll back into her head as she released a bloodcurdling scream that will torment and haunt me forever more.
Alice replayed another vision. I froze with shock seeing Bella's face become so composed; it was if she no longer felt pain. She almost looked serene. It did not fit in with what she was going through but I didn't care, so long as she didn't feel any more pain. Then I heard Bella's voice as she whispered words meant for me I love you Edward. Know I have always loved you. Goodbye, I love you.
Hearing her words as if she were whispering them in my ear, I felt the strangest sensation but what I saw was far beyond words. It was like a blue shimmering bubble emanating from Bella somehow. She threw it around us both like a protective shield. I didn't understand how she could do this but Bella had connected as one. For one single moment we were together in each other's arms. There was no pain or fear; there was nothing negative here. There was only pure love radiating around us. Something in me was different, I was different. It was like an awareness within me that was more than who I was before. I felt whole. Was this my soul? I wondered. Had Bella been the keeper of my soul?
Bella smiled, her loving eyes stared into mine. My hand cupped her beautiful face as my lips kissed hers so softly. All that is heavenly, all that is grace lifted me from the pain I had been in a short moment ago. I felt loved and I loved. My arms wrapped around Bella as I pulled her into my embrace, I felt her sink into my chest as she surrendered herself to me. This is all I ever wanted, right here right now, to spend the rest of eternity in each other's arms.
Suddenly I felt myself being pulled away from her. How can this be so? With all my might I tried to keep hold of Bella in my embrace. I couldn't lose her again, I won't lose her again! Bella lovingly smiled at me – tears flowed down her cheeks as she released me. She was calm. It hit me what was happening, somehow I was in Bella's mind, and all this was her way of saying goodbye to me as her life was leaving hers.
DON'T GO! I desperately cried out to her.
Bella's face was fading from my mind as I heard her one last time and whispered Edward I love you.
Then she was gone.
My head snapped to the heavens as the unleashed sorrow bellowing my soul's rage erupted from deep within me. The car shook from the vibration as it punched through the fragile metal and escaped into the abyss searching for Bella. The heavens above would shake from my cry and they would look down on this earth to see the gaping open wound from where she once was.