Disclaimer: Gilmore Girls and all it's characters and situations are property of Amy Sherman-Palladino and The WB/The CW. I do not own anything and will not make any profit from this story.
A/N: This is a short oneshot about what would happen if Jess died. It's sad, I know, but I wanted to explore that. Rory and Jess are married and have a daughter named Gracie. That's all you need to know.
A/N: ITALICS are FLASHBACKS.
She was sad.
Scratch, that. She wasn't sad.
She wasn't angry. She wasn't in denial. She hadn't accepted it.
She felt numb. That's what she felt.
She had been feeling like this for days. Eight days, to be exact. Eight days, five hours, twenty-three minutes and sixteen-seventeen-eighteen-nineteen seconds.
She kept on counting. Each tick added a new number to the growing number of time Jess had been gone. She swallowed hard, not being able to even think his name.
She was a bad mother, wallowing in her own grief when her daughter so obviously needed her. That's why she had sent Gracie to Lorelai. She knew Luke was a mess too, but at least Lorelai had managed to keep herself together for the time being. Lorelai was a good mother, and a good grandmother. Gracie would be okay. She was only five. She realized daddy was gone. She knew it better than Rory did. Or maybe she was just more able to accept it than Rory was.
She knew it eight days ago when Rory told her,
"Did you ask daddy to wake up?"
"Yes, sweetie, I did."
"Did you yell at him to wake up?"
"Yes, I did."
"And he still didn't wake up?"
"He didn't, honey."
and she knew it yesterday when she had watched her father being lowered into the ground.
Rory swallowed again. Hard. She tried to force down the growing lump in her throat. It was something she had been doing for the past eight days. She knew it well, it had taken up residence in her throat. It was the one thing that prevented her from speaking. She knew if she did she would end up in tears.
"Rory, I get that you're sad, but you have to talk about this."
Rory just stared at her mother blankly.
"Maybe not to me, but to Luke. Or even Gracie," Lorelai tried in vain.
The phone started ringing and Lorelai made a move to answer it.
"No!" Rory cried out, making Lorelai jump back as if burned. The voicemail came on.
"Hi, you've reached the Marianos, we're, uh, we're not here right now, but we'll call you back if you leave a message. Maybe. Jess! What? You said, be polite, that was poli-."
Lorelai looked at her daughter sympathetically. "Oh, honey," she said, striding over to Rory and engulfing her in a hug that Rory didn't reciprocate. She just continued staring at the phone.
Eight days, five hours, twenty-five minutes, sixteen-seventeen-eighteen-ninteen seconds.
"It is what it is. You. Me." She heard his voice all the time. Smelled his cologne all the time. Saw his brown eyes everyday. Felt his brown hair everday.
She felt numb.
Scratch that, she didn't feel numb.
She had accepted it. She was in denial. She was angry.
She was sad.
The conversation between Rory and Gracie is a real conversation a mother told a magazine about in an interview. I read it and found it so touching and just really strong in showing that Gracie does get what happened to Jess.