um hey im justin morgan im just a regular high school student in scotland but i just thought id write down my story of depression and releif so life really. well i cant really remember my life before i was ten not that it was intresting for anything well it started off with my brother winning a art competition thing i was like woopty fucking do cause all it made was us go to a gathering with all the people that enterd the conpitition so utter shit pretty much but hey. on the way there my mum and dad did there usual fighting over what way to get to places but it had more of a edge to it then usual but we eventully got there before they started giving out prizes and i found out it was hearts they drew so i was in a room with full of bright pink hearts....man the time i spent there i swear i died a little inside. when we got home it was just the usual lazying around but my mum decided to go for a drink with her mates so nothing special really until my dad got him self pissed drunk and phoneing my mum and shouting down the phone to get home cause it was dark it was his way of making sure she was safe why we even let him near a phone that night i dont know. so she eventully got home and then the screaming and shouting broke out about anything that they could think off to fight about so i eventully gave up and went to bed but 5minutes later i heard a scream and a smash so i had to run down my stairs and see what happend.
turned out my dad hit my mum but i didnt know if he did cause i wasnt there but i couldnt take side cause well you know picking between my mum and dad so...yea. then my mum phoned up the police and got my dad put in a cell for the night amazingly i was able to sleep after all that so i woke up the next morning churning stomach from greif and a dry throught so i slowly walked down the stairs to find my dad sitting in the kitchen smoking like a usual morning he just asked if i was hungry not mentioning last night i just sayed no im ok to not give him hassel but when he stood up suddenly my first reaction was to jump back.......the hurt in his eyes when i did that makes me feel awful to this very day but at that time my mum came in and said she was leaving my knees almost gave way and i wanted to burst into tears but i was just trying to stay strong and gave her a hug and sayed bye at that time i wanted out of the house just go anywhere just away from there so i went for all my friends they were out. the only time i needed a mate was the day they were all out so i just sulked in the park for a while then went home when i walked in i saw my mum and dad talking i was surprised to see her here but it turned out she decided to stay to keep the family together at that moment i was happy but still feeling pretty shit so things just went on as usual it felt like ages past until one day my mum just packed up and left to live with her boy friend who we didnt even know about she was 2 timing my dad i was on the computer at the time talking to my friends when my mum came through to tell me. when she said it i wasnt even surprised about it so i just sayed bye and she left and i went to my conversation like nothing had happend i thought that would be it we would visit her every second sunday for the rest of my youth.
fuck was i wrong about a week later we got a letter coming through the post about her trying to sell the house and everything inside it and split it i was about to go fucking mental i was so pissed off she couldnt leave it she had a nice house and money with her new dick of a boyfriend but she just had to cause trouble for us after that i never looked at her the same and i still dont so my dad was sposed to get a lawyer but he sayed fuck it and left it at that for a week till she came to the house to get her stuff from her room and her passport i just stayed out of the way i never even wanted to talk to her i know she was just doing what most people would do get the money they put into the house and leave but she had already hurt me enough so i was fed up with it. so after all that she eventully wasnt able to do anything till me and my brother were still in school so i was glad and i was just starting high school now so i was kinda tense but the first half of the day was fine and then i saw her she was called amy aw man she was what i thought was the most perfect girl at that time. she was a bit of a cluts and a idiot but i loved her anyway so we started talking and i had to hide what i thought of her cause she was a complete random it seems a bit weird now that i think about it. so one day i just built up the courage to ask her to the chrismas dance cause i wasnt ready to ask her out and when i asked she just well blanked me so i sayed it again and nothing so i gave up then the next day i found out she asked a guy in my glass called sam to the dance and that moment i felt like dirt if not lower and then i got really pissed off at sam even though it wasnt his fault just cause she wanted him and not me so i eventully said fuck it and gave up on her and then she started going out with my mate and i didnt give a flying fuck anymore i was becoming stupid and reckliss me and my mates were playing with fire alcohal and fireworks.
i just gave up all hope in life till me and my mates got added to this big fuck off convo on msn with like 50 people so i just left but then someone added me from the convo called sammy and they just started talking with me and acting normal and we had talked for like 30 minutes? and she said will you go out with me i was in shock and confused i didnt have a clue of what to say so i said but i dont know you and she sayed but i love you so after like a week i gave in cause i kinda liked her to even though we had never met so one day i went to meet her. all we really said was hey and that was it i wasnt that botherd i mean meeting a total random thats your boyfriend jesus youd feel like an idiot so we just talked on msn really. now it was close to halloween so me and my mates were planning houses to egg. but before we went out i was on msn talking to sammy like usual but her mate naomi was there and she was taking the piss outta me and sammy was laughing with her so i just unplugged my pc kinda hurt and angry and went out. so we went and egged the crap outta the village and retreated back to are homes so i went on msn to see if sammy was on and in the first five minutes we were talking she dumped me i saw it coming but that didnt mean it didnt hurt me a little so i was tired angry and giving up on life all together and my sis mates were all pissed on alcohal and i decided to join in with a what the what the hell attatude well id tell you what i did but i dont remember i was that pissed all i knew was that i sayed some things to my ex to really piss her off and start to hate me.
thats when i sayed no more im gonna straighten my life out but i was wrong i just got more and more depressed cause amy was going out with my other best mate now and sammy had found the guy of her dreams so i resorted to the only releif i had left...cutting.i dunno how it works but it just releives stress and by the end of the week end my right wrist was all torn up and i didnt want to start a fuss over me being suicidal so i started wearing a arm glove thing to cover it but one day i got bored in life i guess and decided to not wear it anymore and just show it off it took a week for someone to notice and damn the fuss they made about it i was surprised i didnt get send to the school shrink but luckily i didnt. then all my mates found out half of them started hating me and calling me emo except my true mate cameron millar but il call him millar cause he likes that better he threatend to kill me when i said cameron once in a joke way though. yet after him always being by my side when my other "mates" started liking me again cause i wasnt emo i guess i kinda ditched him to be more populer. what a fucking idiot i was to do that to him (yea im a total cunt i get it and im self centerd). so things went on normal well as normal as they were gonna get me and sammt started talking in real life cause me and millar started hanging out more and she was there most of the time and i started to like her again but i couldnt tell her cause she had "the dream guy of her life" and they were going out but then one day they stopped going out so she was pretty depressed and i was there to help her through it (i really did want to help her but i have to say i mostly did it to show her how much of a nice guy i was which i wasnt so she would go out with me) but they got back together again so i was a bit pissed off but i would wait for her. so one night i was staying at my mates everything was alright but he asked me if i wanted to go down the down (to the shops) to muck about and that day i said i would be somewhere else so i said to him no sorry i have a doctors apointment so he was like ok and this was a sunday when the docters arent even open. so i got caught out and he was really pissed off with me so i said what can i do to make up for it and when ever i said that he blanked it and eventully went to well normal but he wasnt the same he didnt trust me as much and made smug remarks like so when you going to the docter? sunday?
served me right but with a smug ass smile on his face i could barly hold back i mean fucking hell i wanted to punch him across the face and tell him to fuck off but if i didnt i would be alone with no friends expect millar and he wouldnt want me around all the time cause i get annoying after awhile so i bared it until he gave up and went back to normal. so everything was back to normal no girlfriend and steady grades in school so i was semi happy i guess. but one night i got called all i could hear was someone crying and saying my name i was eventully able to understand the bubbling of words and it turned out it was sammy her "perfect guy in the world" had dumped her again so i made her feel a bit better so she wasnt crying like making silly threats saying im gonna rip his balls off lets see how he is after that and i got a small laugh out of her so i guess we started flirting after that for awhile but i didnt want to ask her out and ruin are friendship like last time so i went for a month and everything was normal. i was just sitting reading a book and then a saying came up "dont regret what you have done regret what you didnt dare to do" and that very moment i was phoneing up sammy and i asked her out i never knew a saying from a book had so much power in it and after a few minutes of silence she sayed yes i was like yes what? cause i wanted to make sure i knew what she was saying yes to and she sayed yes il go out with you and she was blushing well i couldnt see it obviously but you just had one of those phisich moments where you can see what the person on the other end of the phone looked like as weird as it seemed. so weve been going out for about a week now and we are pretty happy just got her a red rose for valentines day and she got me a card so in the end i have one true mate millar a beatiful nice girlfriend sammy and a bunch of "friends" that are dicks. o yea and i forgot to mention shes gonna kill me for forgetting it and putting it down here me and amy became really good mates and usual have alot of phone calls sorry amy dont kill me for forgetting it .