It's a Romantic Conquest True Love Story, Haruhi-Chan!


Prologue:
The Boredom of Haruhi Suzumiya


"Urgh, I'm so bored!"

A sudden crunch split the inane babble of thirty students, and a sea of curious heads turned in perfect unison to the source of commotion.

Haruhi Suzumiya.

Then again, this wasn't really a surprise. Haruhi's head was on pretty good terms with that desk; it was the third time the two objects had collided that morning, although this noise was significantly louder and more painful than the previous two.

Within five seconds the classroom was filled with chatter once more, nobody even bothering to go "hey, are you okay?" Haruhi's eccentricities were pretty much known by now. Known, and ignored. It was less hassle that way.

The only person who showed even a smidge of concern was Haruhi's short time boyfriend/full time punch bag, Kyon.

"Hey, you shouldn't that. It'll dent the desk."

And he wasn't even concerned about her.

Haruhi sighed, not even bothering to lift her head. "But I am bored! I thought everything would be great once I made my own club, but it's been four months and we've barely done anything. Nobody comes to ask us for help, and I haven't heard any interesting stories. Why couldn't our school be built on some super-cool Indian burial ground, where restless spirits lurk the corridors turning people into zombies? Heh, that would be so cool…"

"Well, Haruhi," Kyon replied, voice filled with that deadpan well-duhhh-ism he mainly reversed for his sulky girlfriend, "I hate to tell you this, but we're in Japan. There are no Indian burial grounds here. If you want to fight the forces of evil why don't you buy one of those plotless shooting games like everyone else?"

"Because I don't wanna be like everyone else! I don't want to waste my life playing video games, Kyon."

"So you'd rather waste your life being bored, lamenting about said boredom and inflicting said laments about said boredom on the general student body?"

There was a long pause.

Kyon allowed himself a few scant seconds of inner peace, knowing he had momentarily outwitted Haruhi.

"You're stupid."

Needless to say, they passed very quickly.


"Check."

"Darn, you're good," Kyon frowned, watching as Yuki Nagato (self proclaimed alien) expertly manoeuvred her queen into Kyon's shaky, falling-apart-at-the-seams defences. "Then I guess I'll move this castle…"

"Move it there," Itsuki Koizumi (self proclaimed esper boy and all round weirdo) suggested, making round-about motions with one hand above the board.

Foolishly, Kyon obliged.

"Checkmate."

The boy glared viciously at Koizumi, who didn't even have the decency to stop smiling.

"Oops. I guess I'm not as good at chess as I thought."

Damn right you're not, thought Kyon. If I'd gone with my gut instinct instead of your advice the score probably wouldn't be 6-0 by now.

On the other hand, the fact that Nagato had even allowed Kyon (and Koizumi) to lose against her six times was sort of incredible. The girl was usually inseparable from her sci-fi books, although she had been getting a few sneaky paragraphs read whilst Kyon spent several minutes debating his next turn, chewing his lower lip and attempting to ignore Koizumi.

Although…

The atmosphere in the SOS brigade club room was tense that afternoon, even though Mikuru Asahina (self proclaimed time traveller and delightfully resplendent in her mandatory maid outfit) was attempting to dispel the negative vibes with some heart-warming smiles and tea all round. Koizumi's smile seemed a tad forced, and all that chess was probably Nagato's way of controlling any restless energy she may have.

And the reason behind all of this – the plastic smiles, the games of chess and the overly-industrious Mikuru?

You have three guesses.

"ARRGHHH! What's the POINT in LIFE if it's always gonna be this BORING?!"

And two don't count.

"Um… Suzumiya-san?" Mikuru stuttered, wringing her hands against her apron. "Do you, um… Want some more tea? I have a new recipe-"

"No. It's okay, Mikuru," the brigade leader assured her 'subject' in a very un-okay voice, leaning against her chair, head titled ceiling-wards. "I don't want tea. I want someone to post a comment on our website – a UFO sighting, a sparkly vampire, a sudden disappearance, anything, I don't care! I'm just so bored!"

Okay, thought Kyon, packing away the chess set with Koizumi, who seemed to be bumping their hands together in the most un-accidental and un-convincing way possible.

The apologies were obviously transparent, especially with that stupid smile.

Okay, let's play a game. Let's count how many times Haruhi says any variant of the word 'boring' in the next five minutes…

"But, Suzumiya-san, tea is good for… For relaxing nerves, and… and stress…"

"No. No tea," Haruhi said dully, sounding more of an android than Yuki, which was quite troubling. "I'm sure your tea doesn't cure boredom, and I've been sooooOoOooOOOoOo bored allllllll dayyy…" She didn't so much like an android now. Maybe something helium-filled on steroids?

A sigh, another irritable mutter of "so bored…" and Haruhi was up one more point on the 'boredom scale'.

"Hell, at this point I'd settle for a life like a romantic drama," the brunette continued, still leant back in her chair. "Sure, I hate watching those things, but it must be pretty interesting to have a steamy, sordid love affair with a few pairing triangles thrown in. Yeah, I want a life like that. A life of… A life of…"

"Sin?" Kyon inquired sweetly, mindful of the fact that he was meant to be her boyfriend. Maybe it was his job to take care of this… Emotional stuff?

Look, she was making Mikuru blush…

There was a long pause, much like the one from that morning. Silent, save for Mikuru's clink-clinking as she collected teacups and the dull sound of chessmen hitting the bottom of their box none too carefully.

Haruhi was trying not to smile.

"… I… I'm going home. It's boring here, anyways."

Kyon sighed.

Did his girlfriend really have to hide all her good points? Sure, they were sparse, but if she didn't try to choke them with loudness and bored-ness and bossy-ness all the time she'd be slightly more endearing.

Haruhi eccentricity number thirty-two, was it?

I guess I'll add it to the list later.


a/n: hee x3 i'm uber-excited about this story, because it's a kyon/itsuki and not many people write them. yayyy~ oh, & haruhi & kyon are very fun to write atm.

this prologue is kinda short, but i'm guessing all the chapters will be pretty short so i can get them out quicker xD I'm a lazy writer. gomen D: but i WILL get this done. i swear. -crosses heart-

& the title is sort of meant to be ridiculous and stupid xD it's how episodes of most Japanese anime look, especially hayate the combat butler xD

xoxox renahh chen