There isn't a loss in the world that could make me cry
I used to truly believe that. There wasn't anything that was worse than the losses I'd already suffered, so nothing else could make me cry. I truly and honestly believed that. It seemed like so long ago that I said that. After that, everything changed.
"Princess, run! You and Mokona get somewhere safe!"
"We'll be fine, Princess,"
A carefree smile contrasting with sad blue eyes. Pale skin and blonde hair. Everything about him just seemed to stand out to me. He assured the Princess that we'd be okay. After all, what were a few mere monsters to us? We'd faced so many horrors and creatures …
"Okay, if you say so…,"
"You ready, Kuro-myu?"
"Only if you stop calling me that, wizard,"
I knew that he lying the entire time—about who he was and how he felt. I could see right through it. And I hated it. I hated it so much—I hated him even more. I hated how he ran away from his past and how he lied to everyone, saying that he was okay. I knew otherwise. I knew how miserable he was. I wasn't the only one who could see it, too. I know Mokona saw it too, but I'm sure about the kid and his girlfriend.
"This is turning out to be a little harder than expected. You okay there, Syaoran?"
"I'm fine. How about you?"
"I'm holding up. And I'm sure Kuro-baloo is fine too, isn't that right?"
I never even gave him a second thought. He was an annoying, immature coward who ran away from his problems and fought other people's battles. What point was there in thinking about it? If he wanted to live such a lie, I'd let him. I wasn't about to stand in his way.
"What the hell is with these things? They come out of nowhere and just attack us!"
"They're definitely not weak…,"
"Hang in there kid, I'm sure the three of us can take them,"
Why?! Why hadn't I paid more attention to him?! He cared about all of us so much, and I was completely blind! I don't understand. Maybe he wasn't as cowardly as I had first thought…But why did he have to go and be such an idiot. He should've listened to others more. He may have seen his fair share of fights, but his fighting style was accustomed to using magic. He should've gone with the Princess and the fluff ball to find somewhere safe … But I guess it's too late now.
"We only have a few left now,"
"You ready for this kid? This could use up the last of your strength,"
"I have someone I'm fighting to protect. I'm not about to give up that easily,"
"You never change, do you?"
The next few minutes are so vivid in my mind I feel like I'm still there. If I could go back I'd change what happened. I can't stand to think about it.
"What the—it's like their power just doubled!"
"Kurogane, maybe we should fall back?"
"We can still fight them!"
My stupid pride. I wish I could've just discarded it for a moment. I should've listened to Syaoran, and we should've retreated. But…I didn't. My stupid, dumb pride. His scream still haunts my mind.
I should've retreated. I should've protected him. Why? Why did it have to happen? I feel so weak and pathetic…I can't even protect one person, what kind of warrior am I? I'm so weak…
"Fai! Fai!! Wake up, dammit!"
Of course, that damn mage just smiled at me. I could tell by the look in his eyes and the way he was looking at me that he couldn't see my very well. The bright crimson clashed with the paleness of his skin.
"What's wrong, Kuro-puu?"
"Just hold on, okay?"
"I'm going to be okay, right, Kuro-pii?"
"Yes, yes, you're going to be okay, alright?"
"…Why…are you crying?"
I still don't know the answer to that question. I couldn't understand my reaction at all. I'd never felt that way about anyone or anything. And I didn't expect to react like that because of him…I still don't understand.
"Just hold still, you're bleeding badly,"
"Stop crying, Kurogane…,"
Stupid mage…I don't even know what I feel toward him anymore. Is it hatred? I don't think so anymore. I guess I consider him a friend …
"Remember what you said, Kurogane?"
It's strange … the way he said my name. I always get ticked off at the lame nicknames he gives me, and yet … when he called me by my name, I just … I can't stand it …
"There isn't a loss in the world…,"
His eyes became distant and they started to close. His smile slowly faded and he began to fall limp in my arms. It's such a nightmare, just thinking about it. I can't stand it … Why hadn't I been able to protect him? Why did it have to happen …?
"…that could make you cry,"
That was the last thing he said. His eyes closed and his expression became blank. His hand fell to the ground and he became unresponsive. I hadn't been able to protect him. And while I probably wouldn't admit it out loud, he was the most important person to me. I realised it much too late.
There isn't a loss in the world that could make me cry.
That's what I said.
That's what I believed.
I couldn't have been more wrong.