Random Tsubasa: Gear One
Disclaimer: I do NOT own the wonderful series, Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles. They belong to the wonderful CLAMP.
I'm sure you are familiar with the Tsubasa series, am I correct? Well, let's just say, what you're reading are lies. And in this, I shall reveal to you the Truth Behind the Wings.
What you are about to read is the truth. The cold (but humorous) truth.
File One: How Fei Wang Reed Makes His Clones.
Fei Wang Reed. The most powerful man in the Tsubasa series, with power only matched by Yuko Ichihara, the Space-Time Witch. However, this man has a secret. A very terrible (not to mention embarrassing) secret.
Here is our evidence found on this recorded phone call:
" Hello. This is 1-800-CLONES. How may I help you?"
"Oh. It's you. Did you even BOTHER to pay for the other two clones you ordered?"
"I will, once I rule the world."
"Of COURSE you will."
Reader, please notice that agitation in her voice.
"Yes.. But I would like one more… You see, there's someone I like.."
"Oh, so what do we have here? The famous Fei Wang Reed is in LOVE with another. Let me guess, is it a man? We know you have been staring intently at Syaoran's butt, you pedo."
"Of course not!"
"Fine then, who is it?"
"It is…" The man took a deep breath and continued, "Yuko Ichihara, the Space-Time Witch."
The woman then had a fit of uncontrollable laughter. "HA, HA, HA! You crack me UP! Seriously, tell me butt-chin, who is it?"
"I'm serious.. She took my heart away…"
"So.. What do you expect for us to do? Make you a clone of one of the most powerful women CLAMP has ever made? Honestly, that's like making a clone of a god."
"PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Fine. Fine. Your order shall come in two weeks. We expect 500,000,000 dollars by that time."
After that shocking revelation that the man did NOT make his own clone, we decided to follow what happens in two weeks.
"It's finally here!!" Fei Wang Reed jumped in the air. "Go get me a crow bar, slave."
The slave then scurried away, and came back in about two minutes with a bloody crow bar.
"Slave, why is that crow bar have blood on it?"
"Why sir, do you not remember? You used this the last time Girl Scouts came to sell their cookies."
The man smiled, "Ah… Good times… That'll teach them not to bring their delicious Mint Chocolate Chip Cookies...Anyway, go back to making sure all the souls I have collected are in order. I need to be alone."
The slave bowed. "Of course, Fei Wang Reed-sama." The slave then dashed away, going back to the "Soul Room."
"Finally, we're alone, my love." Then at once the man used the bloody crow bar to open the wooden crate in front of him.
When he finally opened the box, he found the love of his life–Yuko Ichihara.
"Now then… Where is the ON button…" He searched everywhere, and found out it was between her "goodies."
Man, those people at 1-800-CLONES really know how to turn me on…
He then pressed the button, and the Yuko clone opened it's eyes.
"Who are you?" the Yuko clone asked, as it brushed of the dust of her velvet dress.
"I am your lover," the man replied, with a smile on his face. "Shall we have 'fun' now?" He then asked, with a smirk on his face.
"Give me beer." the Yuko clone then droned.
"Wait.. What did you say?"
"Give me beer."
"No. We follow what I say. Let's have FUN."
"Give me beer."
"Give me beer. Give me beer. Give me beer. Give me beer. Give me beer. Give me beer. Give me beer. Give me beer. Give me beer. Give me beer. Give me beer. Give me beer. Give me beer. Give me beer. Give me beer. Give me beer. Give me beer. Give me beer. Give me beer. Give me beer. Give me--"
"Fine!" Fei Wang Reed then went to his 'Evil Refridgerator' and took out a six-pack.
He gave the clone the six-pack, and she quickly drank all of it.
"Now can we have sex?"
"Give me more beer. Give me more beer. Give me more beer. Give me more beer. Give me more beer. Give me more beer. Give me more beer. Give me more beer. Give me more beer. Give me more beer. Give me more beer. Give me more beer. Give me more beer. Give me more beer. Give me more beer. Give me more beer--"
"Okay! That's it!" He then lunged for the crow bar and started repeatedly bashing it against the clone, Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni-style. The clone still droned on about beer, but then finally stopped. "There." He said, tired from murdering the clone. "And I thought they would get it RIGHT this time."
The man then quickly got up, took out is AK-47, and shot the woman five times in the head. "There. That shall keep you quiet."
Finally, after all of this information we come to this conclusion:
--Fei Wang Reed does not make his OWN clones.
--Fei Wang Reed loves Yuko Ichihara.
--Fei Wang Reed looks at Syaoran's butt intently.
--Fei Wang Reed is a pervert.
Thank you, for reading this report. This is hitsuzenbutterfly signing out.
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