Tsubasa Randomness: Gear One

By hitsuzenbutterfly

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles or Desperate Housewives. TRC belongs to CLAMP. DH belongs to ABC and Mary Cherry.

Thanks to GreenAppleIce, ageofaquariusstudios (FINALLY!), and Nims Dias-angelovdarkness for their reviews... Dedicated to you people. XD

File 2: How Fai Became Blond

Dear Reader,

You may believe that Fai D. Fluorite was born blond, but unfortunately, that ISN'T the truth.

"Fai-sama! Please hurry with your shower… Desperate Housewives is coming up next!" cried Chii. The young girl knew that Desperate Housewives was his favorite show, and that they didn't have TiVo anymore to record it, making watching it on time even more important.

"Coming dear!" Fai cried from the shower. Lather, rinse, repeat. Lather, rinse, repeat. "Okay! I'm done.." he cried, as he stroked his black hair.

"Good, you are on time," Chii said, as Fai sat down on their blue couch.

"Last time, on Wisteria Lane…" the TV introduced. After the first eight minutes (full of Gabriella fan service, which Fai had to cover Chii's eyes from), Fai and Chii saw a particular commercial, that changed everything.

"Hey you! Are you a magician?"

Fai stared at the TV. "Uh… Yeah?"

"Are you also created by the wonderful ladies of CLAMP?"

Fai looked at the birth certificate of him framed on the wall.

'Born XXXX, Mothers: CLAMP.'

"Uh… I guess so.."

"Fai-sama, you shouldn't talk to the TV."

"Young girl, haven't you've been taught that interrupting people is RUDE? Honestly, what's up with young girls these days? So REBELLIOUS."

"EEK!" cried Chii, as she ran to the other room.

Gosh, it was only a commercial… Fai thought. He was about to get up before the TV continued speaking.

"Do you live in Celes? Did you make a woman out of feather? Do you have a twin brother, that 'died'? Did you take the name of that brother?"

Fai's eyes widened in surprise. "WHO ARE YOU?! WHY DO YOU KNOW SO MUCH?!" Fai cried, about to blast the TV with his magical powers.

"I know you must be having a hard time, so please, just listen. I know who YOU are. But trust me, I'm a person you can trust."

Fai looked suspiciously at the TV.

"Fai-sama, is the commercial gone already?" Chii asked, peaking through the door at her master.

"Uh.. Not yet.. Why don't you make some popcorn.. ? I'm getting hungry." Fai replied, looking intently at the TV.

"There is only one solution to your problem, young magician."

"What is it?"

"Dye your hair blonde."

"Why? And why blonde of all colors?! Are you pulling my leg?"

"Of course not! I'm a person you can trust, remember?"

"Of course.. But blonde?! I'm not from California, or from any other sunny place! I live in CELES. The country that has an eternal winter! I'll be laughed at by my friends! And I was voted "Hottest Magician in Celes"! My reputation shall be ruined once I change the color!"

"Fine then, Drama Magician Queen. Go ahead. DON'T be original."

"What do you mean by 'Don't be original?' I'm one of the most unique guys you've ever met!" Fai was starting to turn a very dark shade of red.

"Haven't you ever noticed that most of CLAMP guys are brunettes?"

"Syaoran isn't!"

"Ah, but what about Kamui from X? Hideki from Chobits? Toya from Card Captor Sakura? Kurogane from YOUR OWN ANIME?!"

"I… Never thought about that."


"So what do I do?"

"Go to the nearest store to dye your hair blonde."

"But.. There aren't any stores in Celes that sells blonde hair dye. So how--

"Call 1-800-HAIR, and they shall solve all of your problems, god damn it!"

"Chii! Get me the phone!" Fai commanded.

We not only recorded what happened in the magical 'Winter Wonderland' Celes, but the house of the perverted Fei Wang Reed.

"Yes. Everything is going according to the scenario," Fei Wang Reed said.

"What exactly does the dying of Fai's hair to blonde 'according to the scenario?"

"Shut up, Yuko. Hey! I thought you were dead already," Fei Wang Reed replied.

"1-800-CLONES knew you wanted the perfect woman so they made me indestructible, so I guess you wouldn't be able to kill me. And also, since we're living together, don't the slaves follow what I say as well? 'Cause I want some more beer…"


So with all of this information we have collected, we have come to this conclusion..

--Fai D. Fluorite's hair was originally black.

--Fai D. Fluorite and Chii like Desperate Housewives.

--Fai D. Fluorite dying his hair was part of Fei Wang Reed's plan.

--Fei Wang Reed's lover (Clone Yuko) is still alive.

Thank you for reading this second report. This is hitsuzenbutterfly signing out.

Thanks for reading. Please REVIEW! Constructive criticism is welcomed.