Irony

By Serena

Setting: AU Clone Wars

Summary: An accident causes Asajj Ventress to have memory loss. And consequently, she falls madly in love with the first man she sets eyes on. Needless to say, the results are humorous. AU.

A/N: This chapter was extremely difficult to write because my muse decided to take a vaca. Blame her.

Disclaimer: Me no own. You no sue.


"I'll Be Back!"


"You know, Obi my man," Anakin said, slinging an arm around Obi-Wan's shoulder. "I've been thinking."

"Uh-oh," everyone else said simultaneously.

Anakin scowled back at them. "ANYWAYS... I was thinking - yes, I CAN think, Snips! Don't you shake your head at me, young lady!" He whirled around and stormed up to his padawan, who was stubbornly shaking her head in disagreement. "Cut it out! Or I'll make you clean out my whole speeder!"

Ahsoka paled and started to shake. "No, not your speeder!"

"Yes, my speeder."

"DEATHTRAP!" Ahsoka suddenly shrieked, and ran up to Padme and Aayla. "SAVE ME!" she wailed, holding onto both of them.

Anakin glowered at her. "It's not that bad..."

"IT REEKS OF DEEEAAATH!" Ahsoka screamed, sobbing out frightened tears.

"Does not!" Anakin said, insulted.

Padme shot him a look. "It does, Anakin. Seriously, I can smell it coming in from a mile away. You need to lay off the bantha-burgers."

"But - but - they're my COMFORT food!" Anakin squeaked, turning red. "I need my comfort food!"

Padme sighed and walked up to him, patting him on the arm. "You need help, Anakin."

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow. "That's what I've been saying for years, Padme."

Anakin threw up his hands and growled: "What is this, 'Pick on Anakin Day'?"

"Chya," Ahsoka said, wiping her eyes.

"Then I can't WAIT for tomorrow!" Anakin seethed, glaring evilly at her.

"Oh, but didn't you hear?" she replied innocently. "It's a year-round event. It goes on every day."

Anakin dashed after her, but when Rex pulled a gun on him, he skidding to a stop and glared at his captain. "Hey, what gives?" he demanded.

"I won't let you hurt her," Rex hissed, fingering his gun.

Insanely annoyed with the overprotective and more than a little creepy clone Captain, Ahsoka popped out from behind Obi-Wan and yelled: "CUT IT OUT! I DON'T NEED YOUR STINKING HELP!"

The clone, abashed, put his gun down and looked at her. Anakin shot him a dark look and strode up to Obi-Wan, who was, at this point, rather annoyed at the entire group. "So, Obs Kenobs. Whaddaya say we get some chow someplace else? We all know how disgusting the cafeteria food is - I mean, c'mon - it makes me want to switch to the Dark side," he chuckled.

"The Dark Side has cookies!" Asajj piped up.

Everyone stared at her. Obi-Wan swallowed. Uh-oh. Did this mean that she was regaining her memory? "My dear," he said carefully, "how do you know that?"

Asajj opened her mouth to reply, but then frowned in confusion. "I don't know." She suddenly smiled. "Hey, maybe it means I'm getting my memory back! Isn't that great?"

"Peachy," Anakin muttered before he was elbowed again in the gut by his wife. Wheeling on her, he ground out: "Geez! I swear I'm gonna strangle you if you keep doing that to me!"

Padme just waved it off nonchalantly. "Not my fault you're an idiot."

"Hey, you MARRIED that idiot!"

Obi-Wan turned on him. "You what?!"

Padme glared up at her husband and folded her arms over her chest. "Yes, Anakin. I what?"

"You, uh... carried that idiot," Anakin fumbled nervously. "You know... when I was unconscious on that mission we were on... And that thing... with the thing... when... that stuff happened... you know..." He let out a short, uneven laugh. "Remember?"

"Remember? Oh," Padme said with a grin on her face, "you mean that time where you fainted during battle? The time where I saved your life, and, even though I was injured, I had to carry you off the battlefield?"

Everyone looked expectantly at Anakin. The Jedi Knight was red in the face, and his eyes almost looked yellow from rage. But Padme wasn't fazed, just gazed up at him innocently.

"Yeah," Anakin gritted out painfully. "That time."

Padme beamed and flounced back to Aayla's side. "Thought so."

Rex holstered his gun and shook his head. "Thought better of you than that, sir."

Anakin, by now, was purple. "Lies, lies, lies, lies," he was hissing under his breath. In an attempt to calm himself down, he cleared his throat, let out a sigh, and said, "But as I was saying... before we got so horribly off-track..." He glowered at Padme, Rex, and Ahsoka. "I was going to say that the caf food rots and we should go to Dex's."

Obi-Wan scratched his beard thoughtfully. "Not a half-bad idea, Anakin. I'm surprised."

"Impressive," Padme agreed. "Most impressive."

Obi-Wan glanced at Asajj, suddenly noticing how sleek and shiny her hair was. No, no, no Kenobi!! Stop it! He blushed and cleared his throat. "So, Asajj... what do you think?"

Asajj shrugged and smiled at him. "If you think it's a good idea," she said cheerfully, squeezing his arm lightly.

Obi-Wan's face turned beet red, and he stammered: "Ah, well... yes, I do."

"Gag-fest," Anakin coughed into his hand. Obi-Wan shot him a glare and decided to be the more mature one in the group (probably the ONLY mature one in the group) and not acknowledge Anakin with a reply. Instead, the Jedi also known by many other titles, some of which are unknown even to him, decided to lead Asajj towards the hangar bay.


Siri watched the party leave for the hangar bay, fuming. How dare that (formerly) bald little twit steal her handsome Jedi Knight? She and Obi-Wan were meant to be together. It was fated. It was destiny. They'd grown up together, gone through so much together... Although relationships were strictly forbidden, she knew that Obi-Wan would defy the rules just to be with her.

At least, she figured as much.

But now! This stupid Sith chick was getting in the way! How could anyone trust her? The hairless horror gazed up longingly at Obi-Wan with big blue eyes, and poor Kenobi could never resist big blue eyes. Unfortunately, Siri's were greyish green. She'd tried to have contacts put in, then her eye color changes, but nothing worked. So, batting eyelashes and giving Obi-Wan puppy eyes didn't work.

Blast that Ventress! What was she going to do now?!

She had to talk to a Master... get him to tell the Council it wasn't right, that Ventress was a threat. That was it!

"This is not over," she growled, storming away down the hall. "I'll be back!"


TBC...


Don't mind me.

I owe you guys... like a million updates. I'm SO sorry.

- Serena