A/N: Written because of my complete frustration with my HPTwilight crossover. Don't you just hate it when stories don't go the way you want them to go? Also written because JasperEdward is my Twilight OTP and I was in the mood for some hot guy on guy action. Which turned into this because MY STORIES HAVE STOPPED GOING THE WAY I WANT THEM TO GO.

::cries::

Disclaimer: Haha.

Warnings: Kinkiness and potentially terrifying pairings. Slash and femmeslash, as well as half a lemon XD.

Pairings: Um. Everything under the sun, really. The main ones are EdwardBella, JasperEdward, AliceBella, and JasperAlice. Mentions of CarlisileEdward, CarlisleAlice, JasperBella, EdwardAlice, EdwardEmmett, EdwardRosalie, and RosalieAlice. Please don't hurt me!

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Vampires, Bella decided, have a lot of time on their hands.

She was sitting in the living room watching TV. Alice was right next to her, perched on the back of the couch with her legs crossed Indian style, demonstrating her perfect balance. To Alice's left sat Jasper, long legs stretched out to rest on the table in front of them. And though there was plenty of room on the enormous couch, Edward had chosen to watch TV from a comfortable perch on the floor. He was lying flat on his back, hands behind his head.

They were watching a rather boring horror movie. Plenty of blood and guts spraying around, followed by plenty of loud, girly shrieking, but not much plot, and definitely not as interesting as their hunting sessions. Emmett, Rosalie, Esme, and Carlisle were probably getting more blood and gore action than they were at the moment.

Bella was just wondering what they could do to liven the night up (perhaps some arm-wrestling? She hadn't tried Jasper yet) when she felt a strange flash of heat in her lower abdomen. Suppressing a groan, she ignored the sudden mental image of a very naked Edward that flickered in her mind and sank deeper into the cushions of the couch.

If I could still blush, I'd be redder than a tomato. I can't believe I'm thinking about that at such a random time.

The heat came again, stronger this time, and in her mind she could see Edward sitting on the bed, an inviting and utterly teasing smile on his face. Just as she was thinking what's wrong with me, there was a loud bang as Alice crashed backwards off the couch and to the floor.

"Jasper!" she roared. "Cut it out!"

Bella glanced at Jasper, only to notice with a strange twist in her stomach that he was slouching gracefully on the couch with a carnal grin on his face, eyelids narrowed mischievously. Her unbeating heart flipped as she thought that he looked incredibly hot at that moment.

Thank God Edward can't hear my thoughts.

"I'm sorry Alice," he said. "I wasn't aiming that at you."

Well that's a comfort, Bella thought sarcastically. It's okay that he's sending waves of lust throughout the room as long as he wasn't aiming them at her.

Wait. If he's not aiming them at Alice, then… who – me?

The idea was horrifying, and Bella immediately looked at Edward to see if he sensed Jasper's thoughts and was getting ready to pound the nonliving daylight out of him for trying to get his wife horny. Oddly enough, Bella noticed with a soft keen, Edward didn't seem very angry. In fact, he seemed to be in a very happy place.

Edward, still flat on his back, had swung an arm over his eyes. He was breathing hard, lips open slightly. His t-shirt had hiked up his chest a bit, as though it was summertime and he was very hot. Which was impossible, since vampires weren't affected by the outside temperature.

Oh. Jasper isn't targeting me either. He's targeting Edward. That seemed just a bit odd, and she chose to ignore the possible implications of that.

What mattered at that point was how hot Edward looked. Bella suddenly wondered how badly she might freak Alice and Jasper out is she straddled Edward and had her way with him right then and there.

Unfortunately, Bella was in no position to freak any of them out that night. And again, unfortunately, it wasn't Bella that Edward was panting over at that point.

"Jasper, you son of a bitch," he gasped, biting his lower lip.

"My mother's your mother, little brother," Jasper answered smoothly. He alone seemed to be unaffected by the stifling atmosphere he'd created. Alice, who'd finally managed to climb back onto the couch was swallowing thickly and licking her lips as though they were dry.

"Bella," Edward groaned, and Bella's felt the heat coil in her stomach again as he said her name. I'm thinking of you too, Edward, she thought, but couldn't seem to get her tongue to say the words.

"She'll have to get used to the idea some time," Jasper said.

"Wait. Let me explain it to her first," Edward panted, rolling onto his stomach and looking at Jasper beseechingly.

"Alice will explain, won't you dear?" Japer smiled at his wife. It was a heart-melting smile, that once again had Bella chastising herself for thinking of someone other than her husband at a time like this.

Alice nodded, and choked out: "Just go already. I can't breathe. Not that I have to, but it's the principle of the idea."

And suddenly, Jasper had sprung up from the couch, and Edward from the floor. Their hands were all over each other as the made their way to Carlisle's and Esme's room, which was closest. Right before they went through the doorway, Bella saw her husband grabbing Jasper around the neck and kissing him viciously, pressing his body close to his adopted brother's.

The lust in the air immediately let up once Jasper was out of the room, and Bella had more room in the way of coherent thought. Unfortunately, her mouth wouldn't work properly.

"Wha – Alice!" she yelled, pointing after the boys indignantly. "What the – did you see that?"

"Of course I saw that," Alice said briskly, lying back on the couch. There as a loud slam from the now occupied room. "I would join them too, but I was designated to explain things to you."

Bella glared at her sister, silently ordering her to explain why her husband was making out with another man not 20 feet away from her.

"See, when you live forever, with the same people in the same house, and married to the same person, you get a little eager for change. That's not to say we get tired of our – ah – spouses, but a little variety is very fun."

"But Edward – he's not – he's not –"

"Gay?" Alice supplied. "Well, you can't exactly live as long as he has and not wonder what it's like to have sex with another man."

Again, if Bella could blush…

"I mean seriously, how closed-minded would you have to be to not wonder after centuries of experience? And once you get past the original hesitancy, it's really not that bad. Actually, it's amazing."

Bella swallowed. "So – what, you've all – made out – with each other?"

Alice glanced at her with a look that clearly said oh, you poor, innocent girl. "Most of us have had sex with each other at one point. Esme can't bring herself to sleep with anyone but Carlisle though. To her, we really are her children. But she doesn't mind when Carlisle sleeps around."

Bella covered her eyes. "You mean – you slept with Carlisle? And with Edward?" Horrified, Bella finished her thought. "And Carlisle with Edward?"

"Yup. And Emmett with Edward, though that always nearly destroys the house, and me with Rosalie – she stops being so annoying when the only things coming out of her mouth are curses and moans."

Bella moved her hands from her eyes to her ears. "And Edward with Rosalie?" she squeaked. Somehow, the idea of Edward sleeping with Rosalie was worse than what was going on in Carlisle's room at that moment.

The corner of Alice's mouth twitched. "Yes. It's almost as destructive as Emmett and Edward."

"Oh dear. And – I'm afraid I'm going to regret asking this – but what exactly did you mean by 'I'd join them too'?"

Alice smiled toothily. "Threesomes are my favorite."

Bella groaned and buried her head in the pillow she was clutching tightly in her arms. "I didn't need to hear that."

Alice laughed and grabbed her sleeve. "Come on!" she said eagerly. "Let's go see them! I promise you'll like it."

Bella stumbled along with Alice several steps before screeching to a halt, a panicky look on her face. "Alice, I can't! I – I can't just go from monogamy to a foursome in one night flat! I mean – even as a vampire who can do pretty much anything, that's too – too much!"

"Don't be silly," Alice said, dragging her along. "I know that! I said 'see them' not 'join them'. We can watch."

"But – but sex is a private thing!"

"Not in this house it isn't. Besides, he's your husband. You have a right to make sure nothing more than sex is going on in there."

Oh dear.

Apparently Bella wasn't as averse to watching as she claimed, otherwise Alice would have had a much tougher time getting her to the door.

The room was dark, the only light coming from the hallway when they opened the door. And though things were going a little fast for her, she couldn't help it when her jaw dropped and her legs gave away at the sight in front of her.

Jasper's mouth hovered over Edward's flat stomach, occasionally pressing to pale white skin. His hands gripped Edward's hips hard enough to bruise if he had been human. The slick mouth traveled lower, and Bella had to cover her mouth to repress a whimper when a tongue ran along places Bella thought only she had been before.

The sounds coming from her husband's mouth were utterly delicious and Bella felt her own stomach twist as his eyes found hers in the dark. They were dark and smoldering, only half open, but he smiled her favorite crooked smile before his eyes widened and a choked gasp escaped from his mouth. Jasper's hands were roaming in places Bella's had never even gone.

Edward cursed before grabbing Jasper by the hair and dragging him up. Their mouths met hungrily, moving against each other, hot and searching. Edward wrapped his legs around Jasper's waist, and his arms around the blonde's neck.

"Jazz," he said in a husky voice against the blonde's mouth. "Stop. Fuckin'. Teasing." The kiss was broken when Jasper laughed and pressed himself against Edward. The copper-haired vampire threw his head back against the pillows.

Completely mystified by what was going on, Bella steadily became aware that Alice was a lot closer to her than she'd ever been. The hands wrapped around her waist from behind and the gently nipping at her ear were utterly distracting.

"Alice," she whispered. "What – what are you doing?"

"Initiating you in Cullen kinkiness," she breathed with light amusement.

"I – I can't do this – stop!"

"Why?"

Bella was sure there was a reason. She struggled to remember what it was. Oh yes, there it was. "I'm married and straight."

"Well the married part doesn't really matter here," – Jasper's muffled groan reinforced her statement. "And as for the straight part… I can fix that."

The sensations coursing through Bella were suddenly too strong, too stifling, and she couldn't breathe. Even though she didn't need air, it seemed to make her lungs burn. She panicked, and shoved Alice back forcefully.

"I can't do this!" she gasped, before running out of the room.

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Sulking in your room is such a childish thing to do, Bella thought as she sat motionlessly at her desk.

There was a knock on the door and Alice trooped in, looking sheepish, followed by Edward and Jasper. Edward sat on the floor next to her and dragged her out of her chair until she sat comfortably in his lap. Alice and Jasper sat similarly in front of them.

"I'm so sorry, love," Edward whispered against her cheek. "I should have explained things before going off with Jasper. Just know that you are the only one I truly love, and if you want me to stop, I will."

"What, you don't love me, Edward?" Alice pouted.

Edward rolled his eyes. "You know what I meant. Bella is the only one I love just the way that Jasper is the only one you love. Two halves of a whole. The whole sibling love and – sexy love – is different."

"I don't want you to stop," Bella said abruptly. "I mean, you've been living like this for almost a century, from what I understand. I don't want to change that. I just wish you'd warned me, or something," she muttered.

"In that case, I owe you an apology, Bella," Jasper said. "I admit I didn't really think when I started playing with the level of lust in the air earlier on." He grinned wickedly, and Alice slapped him lightly on the shoulder.

"And I probably shouldn't have made a move on you."

"What?" Edward shrieked, as Jasper roared with laughter. "You WHAT?" He turned to Bella. "She WHAT?"

"Hey, if you're allowed to have sex with her husband, I can have sex with your wife," Bella said defensively.

"Yea, but not so suddenly!"

"Didn't you see that in Alice's mind?"

"No! The little freak avoided thinking of it by putting images of me and Jasper in her head!"

"Anyway," Bella said hastily. "I am keeping an open mind, but I think I need more time to get used to the idea. Of all… this."

"Of course, love. Alice, Jasper, keep your hands off her."

"Aye, sir," they coursed.

Edward's eyebrow twitched. "I heard that Jasper. I'm serious."

Jasper grinned, and was saved Edward's wrath as the hunting party finally came home.

"Your turn, guys," Carlisle said, and even though he didn't shout, they all heard him perfectly.

"Brilliant, I'm starving," Alice said, and pranced out the door, Jasper right behind her. Edward helped Bella up.

"So, ready for dinner?" he grinned.

The thought of blood made the back of her throat burn. "Absolutely."

At the doorway, she paused and turned to look at Edward, a wicked smile of her own on her face.

"I didn't know you bottomed," she said, before running out the door and laughing at Edward's enraged yell.

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A/N: I think they'd take turns, don't you? XD

Lemons are definitely not my thing. Please forgive the pathetic sexy descriptions.

Review?