Author's Notes: Hello. I'm new to the Kuroshitsuji fandom and taking a sneak peek as a guest writer from the Death Note and Kingdom Hearts fandom. I hope to make myself comfortable here. :-) The archive is teeny tiny and needs some fic, no? Let's cultivate it!
Pairing: SebastianCiel (yes, I went there!)
Rating: M for sexual content involving a minor, but nothing overly explicit and grisly. I tried to keep it tasteful.
Overall warning for this fic: A lot of people in this fandom think that Sebastian and Ciel are evil and sadistic people and while I do agree with that interpretation on principle and may explore such themes in another story, this story is mostly intended to be… well, I hesitate to use the word 'fluff' because I think it and Kuroshitsuji are rather irreconcilable, but, in any case, not overly angsty. Just telling you what to expect when getting into this story.
Some edits were made at the suggestion of LJ user wiltoria. Thank you!
Anyway, on with it!
But a Humble Servant
A Sebastian x Ciel Kuroshitsuji Fanfic
Chapter 1: A Hands-On Project
Consciousness crept in, settling into various pockets of awareness. Ciel mumbled in his state of half-sleep and nuzzled his face into the pillow, unwilling to let acuteness sweep him up just yet and relishing in the feeling of sleepiness sheathing his body into a warm cocoon of comfort.
He made a small noise somewhere between a groan and a dissatisfied moan as his eyes fluttered open, dim light racing into his royal blue eyes. The room was still dark, but the first slivers of dawn crept in through the drawn curtains, dissolving the obliqueness of night. Ciel's eyes swirled to the clock on the wall. 7:02 AM. Irritated at the pressure in his pyjama pants, he felt the demons of restlessness shoo away the last remnants of sleep.
He knew it was time to get up, but Ciel stubbornly clenched his eyes shut again, breathing evenly through his nose, hoping against better hope that if he just pretended it didn't exist, it really would go away. Sadly, unlike the many novels he'd read in which it was preached that whatever you wished to come true inevitably would, he found that the opposite was true when it came to denying the existence of something he'd much rather never have to face.
No, maybe it wasn't so much that he didn't want to deal with it. Maybe it was much more apt to say that he couldn't; because he, Ciel Phantomhive, certainly needed all the advantages adults held but could afford none of their weakness; and as so many of his keen observations had made painfully clear to him, sexual desires ranked at the very top of human weaknesses.
It had started a few months ago, around his 13th birthday. He had known what it meant the first time it had happened, having read about it, even having witnessed it in others too many times. He had known, and at the same time he hadn't known; he had only been aware of it in theory and Ciel didn't think that any knowledge could have prepared him for the horror of these new feelings that were emerging in his body like corpses drifting toward the surface of the water from out of their water graves. The curse of humanity out to get him.
"Good morning, young master."
His eyes flew open with a start, swirling toward the figure standing in front of him.
Ciel's insides curled at the sight.
Sebastian had a placid smile on his face and his palm submissively pressed against the front of his uniform. "It is to my utmost regret that I must disturb your slumber, young master. Unfortunately, it's already past your usual time to get up." A larger smile wound itself around his lips.
Ciel drew in his breath harshly, thoughts spilling forth and bringing the first tendrils of horror right along with them.
"Sebastian, I – uh." He shielded his face as bright light plunged itself into his eyes at his butler drawing the curtains, bathing the room in light that illuminated every corner of Ciel's voluminous bedroom.
His butler turned to him. The light streaming in from the window outside became a halo when it touched him and wreathed his limbs into a brilliant nimbus. "Your breakfast has been prepared."
Ciel fidgeted nervously.
His butler went to open the closet looming in the corner, starting to pile Ciel's clothes on his arm. Once he was satisfied, he went over to the side of his master's bed, peering at him with an expectant look on his finely-featured face. "Young master." Was Ciel reading this wrong or had his voice taken on an amused tone? "It's time to get up."
Ciel swallowed bitterly. "Leave." Upon hearing the almost pleading tone in his voice, a hot scalpel of shame cut through his insides and Ciel cleared his throat, flicking his hand arrogantly. He forced his usual moodiness into his voice as he went on with as much nonchalance as he could muster, "I have something to take care of. You may re-enter in a couple of minutes."
The smile didn't falter and neither did the polite gentleness that laced his voice. "Your schedule is quite full and I see no reason why it should be delayed today." He bowed slightly. "My deepest apologies."
Ciel shifted in his bed, desperately trying to command his unruly erection. "Leave, Sebastian," he insisted in his usual bored drawl.
"Young master." His voice held an apologetic tone, but remained firm. "Is something the matter?"
Sweat broke out on Ciel's body and he chose not to answer that last inquiry. Although it was not the first time he had woken up in such a peculiar situation, the other times his erection had, much like a well-trained dog, obediently trotted away minutes after waking up; the way his current one persistently demanded attention was not only more akin to a bored child but also a novel experience.
The more he internally hissed at it to scurry, the more aware he became of his predicament. Restlessness lodged in his every bone as he writhed on the bed, staring at his butler's face.
He considered using his eye on Sebastian to get him to leave, but after rolling it around in his head for a few seconds, he discarded the idea; after all, even if he did manage to get some alone time, the fact that he resorted to such measures to get it would invariably arouse suspicion. He had never once refused to get dressed before; his astute servant would be swift to draw the connection.
That only left one course of action: acting as though nothing was wrong and hoping that his pyjama pants were so loose that it would escape Sebastian's attention.
His heart was a drum in his ears as he resolutely pulled back the sheets and sat up, the strain in his groin not going unnoticed. The boy's feet touched the floor and he let his eyes moodily trail over his butler's body, from the narrow hips over his long, elegantly-clad torso to his delicate face. Ciel dimly thought that it was of the same shade as the scrimshaw masks he had taken a liking to collecting, and arranged just as finely.
No muscle on this face moved; Sebastian waited patiently.
Ciel's knees felt wobbly when he stood up, as though they were not quite able to support the boy's weight. Ciel kept his eyes firmly trained on Sebastian's, willing, no, ordering his butler not to look away and especially not... down. Ciel took one hesitant step toward his butler, who, upon seeing that his master was at last willing to cooperate, carefully folded the outerwear and suit on Ciel's bed.
Ciel snatched his undergarments from out of Sebastian's grasp. "I can put this on myself." His voice was as moody as ever, but was that a small tremor in his voice? He narrowed his eyes at his butler. "Turn around."
Surprise spread on Sebastian's face, clear and slow like ink spilled on a silk blouse. He did as he was told, however, and twirled around slowly, turning his elegant back to his master.
Breath whistling between Ciel's teeth and gentle heat stinging his cheeks, he pushed down his silk pyjamas, revealing the source of his problem. Shame burned hot shivers down his spine as he saw it that it was still not showing any inclination to curl back up against him. Doing his best to ignore it, Ciel stepped into his undergarments and pulled it up past his calves and -
And Sebastian's voice cut through the tension with the precision of a scalpel. "Could it be that the young master is experiencing... problems?"
Ciel sucked in his breath sharply, freezing his movements. "What are you suggesting?"
"Forgive me for saying so," his butler went on, faint amusement wafting in his voice that didn't fail to prick Ciel's face like little hot needles, "but the young master seems to be displaying quite unusual behavior this morning. It has led me to suspect that he may be facing problems or difficulties. Please do not hesitate to ask me for assistance, whatever your problems may be."
Ciel's heart surged in his chest. "Mind your own business, Sebastian. You are nothing but my servant; it is not for you to decide what problems you may or may not assist me with."
A pause. "You do admit to having problems, then, or am I reading this incorrectly?" Ciel didn't need to look into his face to know he was smiling. The butler didn't even wait for Ciel to give a verbal response before he continued, "Of course I would love to tend to only my own business, but I have to say with utmost regret that if these problems interfere with our schedule, they do, by extension, become my business as well."
Ciel felt like he couldn't breathe, but fortunately he was a remarkable actor for his age. He turned his face to the side and snapped, "I have no problems."
Something seemed to come to Sebastian; his spine stiffened ever so slightly. "Ah." He then relaxed, his voice now drizzled with an emotion Ciel couldn't place. "Could it be that -" he paused. "It is not really my place to suggest this, but..." He turned his head to the side so that Ciel could see his jaw, his smooth cheeks, the profile of his narrow nose. His eyes slitted open and warm amber met royal blue. His eyes was low and intimate, like a caress ghosting over naked flesh. "Could it be that the young master is facing problems of the rather more, shall I say... adult nature?"
Ciel's eyes widened.
It was all the answer Sebastian needed. "I see." He sighed, turning around slowly. "In that case, I suppose there is no option but to relieve you of these problems."
Dark premonition scuttled down Ciel's spine. "What are you saying?"
Sebastian demonstratively dropped his eyes and shame burned through the boy's body like a wildfire through a dry forest as his butler's eyes swept over his crotch. "It appears my suspicions were correct, young master." He sighed, but a tentative and polite smile soon returned. "I expected as much."
It became increasingly difficult for Ciel to keep his cool exterior. "What's that supposed to mean, Sebastian?" His right eye twitched. "Know your place, servant."
"Ah. You are thirteen years old now, young master. It is only natural that your body would start reacting this way. There is neither a need nor a reason to deny it."
Ciel raised his chin haughtily, defiance written all over his pretty face. "Shut up, Sebastian."
Sebastian cocked his head slightly, some of his silky black hair draping itself over his shoulder, amusement dusted over his face. Without warning, he took a step closer and Ciel had to summon his best forces of self-control to prevent himself from yelping and stumbling backward. The butler was still smiling pleasantly. "Whether I seal my lips or not, the fact still remains that this seems to be agitating you greatly, young master."
"I'm not agitated!" he ground out from between gritted teeth.
Sebastian kept coming closer, and closer. The expression on his face was not smug or threatening; instead it was polite and friendly, but that alone did nothing to relax the knot of nervousness that had been building in the bottom of Ciel's stomach. "Do forgive me for saying so, but you are clearly in no state to go about the day's schedule."
A beat. "I know that," Ciel barbed, finally giving in to his impulse to step back. A nervous tremor wormed its way into his voice. "If you'd just... if you had just left me alone for a while like I told you to, this problem would have resolved itself on its own."
Sebastian's voice remained neutral. "Are you positive, young master? It does appear to be a rather persistent problem." With that, he carefully slipped his right hand out of his glove, revealing his elegant fingers.
Heat swept over Ciel's face. "I'm fine."
Sebastian drew closer, bringing the warmth of his body right along with him. It tingled on Ciel's skin like a thousand ants racing up and down every part of exposed skin. Ciel took a step back, then another and another; when his legs collided with the bed, his breath hitched in his throat. Panic started to channel itself into his body, but the butler only took another step toward him and another until the young Phantomhive could feel his demonic aura tingling on Ciel's skin and could smell his elusive scent and he smelled good, of roses and tea and all things nice and -
And he -
Ciel's eyes widened. His heart was on his tongue.
He - !
"Young master," Sebastian said submissively. Through the haze, Ciel saw him bowing slightly.
Was Ciel going to choke on his own heart?
The butler's left hand came to rest on Ciel's hip, steadying the boy and gently lowering him onto the bed. His hand paused near the small of Ciel's back, then skipped lightly over the hard bumps of vertebrae. Ciel shuddered at the feeling of that hand but what the other hand was doing was causing things so much worse.
Ciel was reduced to being able to do nothing other than gape at the sight of his butler's hand sneaking into his undergarments and wrapping itself around his -
"S-Sebastian!" It came out as half a scream, half a groan; high-pitched with desperation but infused with the first forebodings of a new feeling. "Sebastian, w-what...hah...." The hand around his erection tightened, squeezing him. Something precariously close to a whimper managed to crawl out of his throat as the butler moved his hand up slowly, experimentally rolling the foreskin over the head.
A corset of complicated emotions bound itself around Ciel's torso. A haze settled over him and he was only half-aware of the fact that he flinched with every one of Sebastian's pumps as though he was being hit. Every time Sebastian's hand rolled over his erection, glaringly bright lights seemed to bore themselves into his body.
What - what he feeling? What was this? He -
"Does it feel good, young master?" Sebastian whispered, his lips pressed against the crown of Ciel's head. "Do you wish me to stop?"
"I - I!" Ciel raised his hand and clutched at the front of Sebastian's suit, pulling him down to eye-level. The face that looked back at him was distantly cold like it always was, although there was something else there, something -
"I...Seba-Sebastian...I....nng.." He dropped his hand, gnashing his teeth together as the shudders racing down his spine became more and more violent. "..hah...."
He didn't need to see himself to know that his cheeks were stained a gentle pink from the heat that had been dragged up deep within, didn't need a mirror to know his eyes were wide and unseeing and unfocused. He was swept up by his own feelings, feelings he had never felt before in his life, feelings that -
- were so new and intense and...what kind of feelings were they?!
Sebastian continued to pump him with his eyes obediently drawn to the floor. Ciel looked at him, at the way his long, black eyelashes splayed across his buttery cheeks, the way his bones were long and elegant and at his lips, those pink lips.
The young Phantomhive reached his hand to touch Sebastian's face but when another wave of - what was it? Pleasure? - crashed down upon him, he winced and let out an uncharacteristically feminine whimper. Hot shame burned down his spine, both from the noises he was making and the fact that his servant was in front of him, pleasuring him, and because he was - he was -
The thrusts got harder, faster and Ciel could feel his mind descending lower, lower, like strong hands digging sharp nails into it and tearing it down, making it stumble toward -
"Young master," Sebastian murmured, in a voice one might use to explain the concept of numbers to a pre-schooler. His voice slid like honey through Ciel's stomach, pooling golden between his legs. "You are almost there now. Almost there."
Ciel opened his mouth to say something, or maybe it was to scream or to whimper or to mewl, but only hot breath came out. His fingers found the front of Sebastian's uniform and he clenched it in his small fists, and while he writhed on the bed, mouth and eyes open for noises he could not make and things they could not see, his toes curling and uncurling, his fists shaking and knuckles strained and white, his orgasm finally hit.
Ciel's tightly-wired insides were shot through by brilliant shards of pleasure, sending arcs of rapture across the back of his eyes. Ciel couldn't see and he couldn't think; he could only feel, feel the way liquid stardust pumped through his veins in one perfect, weightless moment. He jerked his hips involuntarily and had he been able to see himself, he would have been embarrassed at the way he let out one long moan, the way his arms that supported his weight shook, the way his eyes were closed in sensual bliss, the way a silvery trail of saliva had slipped out of his mouth as he rode out his cascading orgasm.
The most perfect feeling he'd ever had ended much too soon.
The boy opened his eyes. Gasped. Stared at Sebastian.
His butler's eyes were flexed upon his hand on which white fluid was messily plastered. Without raising his eyes, the butler reached into his breast pocket, retrieved a white tissue and wiped every single one of his long, slim fingers until at last his hand was clean of the sticky substance. Then he pulled the glove back over his hand, unreadable expression on his face.
It wasn't very often that Ciel was speechless. This was one of those moments.
Sebastian finally raised his eyes and blue fused with amber out of the depths of which a bonfire shone, bright and ablaze. "I will take the liberty to assume that this was the first time you reached sexual climax. You will find that it is a very effective method to release unwanted tension, young master."
Ciel's eyes narrowed. Anger and shame waged a vicious war inside him and while he was sitting there, torn between two emotions, he did the only thing he could think of that made any kind of sense.
He gave him a resounding slap.
His eyebrows furrowed into a tense frown, Ciel's voice was strained, barely-containable temper quivering underneath. "Don't you ever do that again, Sebastian."
His butler spent a moment pressing the back of his hand against his cheek with his eyes on the floor. "Forgive me, young master." He didn't sound all that apologetic, more neutral. "But you were right about what you said earlier."
Ciel's voice dropped to accommodate the needle it bore. "And what would that be?"
A small smile twitched at the sides of Sebastian's lips, countenance returning to him. "You told me to remember I was your servant. I did."
Ciel sucked in his breath audibly, waiting for his butler to go on.
Sebastian leaned forward; Ciel's spine stiffened at the invasion of his private space, but was rendered unable to pull back as the butler planted a gentle kiss on the boy's cheek. "I am but a humble servant, young master. It is my duty to help you with whichever problems you may face." His voice dropped even lower. "No matter when and no matter what they are."
Sebastian withdrew and the boy released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.
Ciel's voice was raw, scandalized. "You-you harlot."
Sebastian smiled. "I would have to disagree, young master. I am not a harlot; I am tied to no one but you. It is my duty to serve no one but you."
The boy scoffed. "So you're saying..." Ciel licked his lips. "You're saying that you will sexually service me whenever I want you to?"
"Precisely, young master."
Ciel snorted haughtily, throwing his head to the side and closing his eyes in moody arrogance. "Don't make me laugh."
"I fail to see the humour in it, young master."
Ciel slitted his eyes open, letting his eyes trail over Sebastian's features. His thoughts swirled back to what had transpired mere minutes ago and hot shame pulsed through his body at the vivid memory. No, he would not, could not let this happen again; yes, he was not going to be enslaved by this, couldn't allow his own servant to please him that way, because it had been -
Something moved inside Ciel's chest and he crossed his arms over it as though trying to tame whatever it was that was inside. His heart was once again dancing at the back of his throat as he met his butler's eyes. He flinched as Sebastian put his hands gently on Ciel's shoulders and lifted him off the bed.
"In any case," the butler said, pulling the boy to his feet, "we should make you presentable."
Ciel's mind retreated as he felt Sebastian's hands, now clinical and detached, ran over his body as he dressed him in various articles of clothing, his movements a little more hurried than they normally were.
He didn't know why he did it, not really.
Maybe it was because, while Sebastian was dressing him and put his eye patch on him, the memory replayed over and over again in his mind, making Ciel want to flinch as hot red shame shot to his cheeks at the hazy recollection. Maybe it was because he drew in his breath involuntarily when Sebastian's hands smoothed out his clothing over his chest or maybe he felt something move in his chest whenever he caught a glimpse of Sebastian's right hand, saw the slim fingers tangle in the material of his clothes.
The most likely explanation, however, was that Ciel simply didn't know how else to express what he wanted to say.
He raised to his tiptoes, caught Sebastian by his tie and tugged at it, causing his butler's face to fly toward Ciel's with a look of pure surprise sprawled all over it. When Ciel pressed his lips firmly against Sebastian's, he could feel more than see the expression of pure shock that flitted across his butler's face.
Time froze. Their lips were locked, their bodies rigid, every muscle tensed. Then the moment of perfect stillness shattered like brittle glass as Sebastian started to reciprocate, moving his lips against Ciel's in loving caresses. A wet tongue lapped at Ciel's lower lip, whose breath hitched in his windpipe.
Ciel's heart settled in his ears, pumping electrical blood through his veins as his own much smaller tongue slid against Sebastian's, settling by its side like a loyal companion before they started to tentatively rub against each other.
Sebastian tasted of roses and tea and something else that just sort of lingered in his mouth - the taste of Sebastian, faint and unique, like a cross between sweet lemon punch and Oriental spices. His tongue was large and the kiss was wet and when Ciel started to increase the strength and speed of his jabs, growing more impatient in juvenile fervor, the butler's jaw went slack as he both allowed Ciel to explore his mouth as well as take complete control over the kiss. Ciel, in his inexperience, messily jabbed his tongue against Sebastian's, which was moving at a much slower pace. Getting impatient, Ciel pulled Sebastian's mouth down a little lower so that he could push in his tongue as far as it could go.
Ciel moaned quietly into Sebastian's mouth at the increased contact. His butler swallowed the sound, allowing his master to satisfy his curiosity and tolerating his sloppy, wet teenage kissing.
Ciel had never before kissed in his life, although he had, of course, heard many highly romanticized tales about it. On a purely physical level, compared to what had happened earlier, kissing was rather underwhelming: no stardust shot through his veins, no fire engulfed his hips, no lightning bolts of pleasure scissored through his body. But while sexual ecstasy was absent, there was something else, its presence so subtle that it took Ciel a while to notice.
Warmth. In his stomach. In his chest. The knot of nervousness in his stomach had startled to relax into a loose tangle of a few threads, making way for the fluttering feeling that had crept in instead. His heart was beating hard, like it had earlier, but it felt different still, it felt .... sweet. Pure.
Ciel's eyes flew open and tore his lips off of Sebastian's with a start, their lips making a wet sound as they split. They pulled a silver rope of saliva between their mouths for a moment, like the invisible chains their contract bound them with and always would. When the rope snapped, some of the glistening saliva splattered on Ciel's chin and Sebastian silently retrieved another tissue from his breast pocket and patted it dry, his eyes cast to the floor. Ciel made an annoyed sound at the back of his throat and turned his face to the side.
The tension hung above their heads heavily, like a veil of heat shimmering above the city at the height of summer.
Ciel had always thought of love and sexuality as human enslavement.
He may have been young, but he had always had two watchful eyes and he had seen what love and sex did to people around him. The fire in people's loins was what drove apart families, caused children to starve left alone with single parents unable to fend for them; it was love that made those children stay once they'd grown up, surrendering to yet more suffering. Wars were fought over love or sex or both; hearts were broken, discarded and stomped down. People were willing to steal and kill and maim and corrupt for a chance at love and Ciel had always known that he would stay far, far away from both because he, he had a mission, a purpose, and he refused to get enslaved by more things than he already was.
Ciel licked his lips.
But, perhaps if it was with Sebastian -
It was Sebastian who broke the silence this time. "Young master, I regret having to ask, but I will take the liberty to." He studied Ciel with a half-amused, half-curious expression on his face. "What inspired this?"
Sebastian was his. He'd never leave him. He wouldn't kill for sex because he already killed for him anyway; he wouldn't enslave him because he already was enslaved to him. When it came to Sebastian, the damage had already been done.
And thus, he said it, but instead of what he really wanted to say, Ciel Phantomhive settled on communicating with his butler in the same way he always did. Rather than sentimentality, this was the language they both understood best.
"Don't think this meant what you think it did," Ciel drawled haughtily as he pushed past Sebastian and walked toward the door. "All it means is that I, unlike you, am not a harlot. I actually kiss the people I have sexual relations with."
Sebastian perked up, picking up on the underlying message. He raised an interested eyebrow at his master.
Ciel ignored it. Once he was standing in front of the door, he turned around, studying his butler out of bored eyes. "What are you doing, Sebastian?" he barked moodily. "Open the door already. You're lucky I can't fire you for loitering."
Sebastian smiled and it ignited something inside Ciel, causing the boy to turn his head to the side. Sebastian hurried to the door and held it open, bowing with one arm pressed flat against his chest as the young Phantomhive marched out of the door.
"Thanks," Ciel muttered dismissively.
For a moment, Sebastian didn't raise from his bow, amused smile on his face.
"I am but a humble servant after all, young master."
Author's Ramblings: According to my friend, what Ciel said in the end about kissing people he had sexual relations with totally translated to, "Yeah that's right, I expect a good decent hand job every morning. That's an order." And I think she may have been right… Oh, God. xD
It was that same friend (LawlietxRinoa on this site) who suggested I add the kiss at the end of this chapter. My original draft of this fic only had Ciel giving Sebastian a small peck on the lips followed by a slap, so if you enjoyed the kiss, thank her. :-) (Or if you think that was terribly OOC… I wash my hands clean, haha xD; )
This will probably become a multi-chapter because I just had way too much fun writing this not to. I'm thinking I'll have more about Sebastian 'expanding' his services (and we all know what kinda services I'm talking about XD) and Ciel starting to give something back to his butler in the pleasure department. I usually have pages upon pages of outline for my stories because I take fan fiction writing more seriously than I probably should, but for this story, while I have ideas where I want it to go, nothing's set in stone yet. Feel free to leave ideas or suggestions for future chapters.
Thank you and 'till next time!
(And reviews make authors very happy in pants!)