Summary: [AU] Kitsunes are renowned for their illusions, shapeshifting and mischievous nature. Konoha will learn why it is an extremely bad idea to harbor a Kitsune, let alone the God of Kitsune.
Disclaimer: I own many instant ramen cups. They have a lot of Narutos inside of them. By that logic, I own Naruto. Muhahahaha!
Sarutobi pinched the bridge of his nose, hoping to alleviate a pounding headache that he was sure to come. "Why?" He plaintively pleaded.
Uzumaki Naruto had a huge grin on his face, "Why what, old fart?"
Sarutobi felt the beginning of a headache trickling inside his brain. He felt entirely too old at this moment to deal with this… this… cheeky abomination straight out of hell. He closed his eyes and spoke slowly and clearly to stave off any cheeky and/or stupid questions, like the previous one. "Why do you not want to attend the academy in order to become a shinobi?"
"Meh, why do I want to become a shinobi when I'm already awesomer than everyone here?!"
"Naruto, you need to be able to support yourself, and that includes making money. Shinobis make more money than what you're getting now, and it won't be long until you become of age to work and the orphan fund will be cut. You will need to…" Sarutobi stopped pinching the bridge of his nose and looked up, seeing Naruto no longer sitting, but standing near the bookshelf with his back to the Hokage. "Naruto, are you even listening to me?"
"Uhuh, keep talking. Imma just look in this funny orange book…" Naruto, his face hidden from the Hokage, gave a mischievous grin. He moved just enough for the aging Hokage to notice the distinctive cover of Icha Icha Paradise, and slowly opened the book.
Sarutobi noticed the cover of the book, a shocked expression on his face. In a flash, he was beside Naruto, snatched the book and hid it in one of pockets in his robe. "Naruto! You shouldn't read that book!" He squeaked, face flushed.
"Uhuh, okay. Um, what about this one? Or this one? Or that?" Naruto – still grinning – pointed to several books on the shelf. The Hokage looked up at the shelf, horrified. One entire shelf of the Hokage's personal book held the Icha Icha book series, all of their orange cover with a giant warning distinctive even from a distance.
Again, in a flash, the shelf was empty. The books were hurriedly dumped into a secret closet, the door slammed closed and locked. He cast a wild look on all bookshelves in the office, ensuring there were no Icha Icha books visible anywhere. He slowly ambled back to his executive chair, hand to his beating heart.
He had no idea how Naruto had managed to get his hands on one issue of Icha Icha book, let alone an entire series and filled one shelf with the bright orange books in his presence, and he did not want to find out how.
"I'm definitely getting to old for this shit…" He muttered to himself, taking a moment to recover from the shock. Looking up to Naruto's cheeky grin, he said, "Naruto, we will revisit this issue on…" He looked down to his weekly schedule to see when he was free, "Wednesday, three days from now. Good bye, Naruto."
Naruto was now wearing a self-satisfied grin nodded and turned to walk outside. He slowed down a bit as he passed one bookshelf – which Sarutobi immediately noticed. Again, in a flash Sarutobi seized yet another Icha Icha book from Naruto's hand as he was sliding it on the shelf and hurriedly hid it. He then forcibly shooed Naruto out the door in order to prevent more pranks and then slammed the door. "Dear God, Naruto will be the death of me…" The venerable Sandaime muttered while looking up. He nearly had a heart attack when he noticed that his desk was overflowing with Icha Icha book series, some books open to reveal interesting pictures.
He nearly had a second heart attack when he heard his secretary announce through the intercom that the ambassador of Kazekage was now coming up. Moving so fast to put the Yellow Flash to shame, he cleared his desk, stuffed the compromising books in his secret closet, locked it and was back at his desk as the office door opened to reveal the ambassador.
"Ah, hello Taro-san, welcome to Konoha. I trust you had a pleasant journey?" Forcing himself to breath normally, he stood up. "Yes, thank you. My journey was long, but I am glad to here, Hokage-sama." Taro the ambassador bowed before sitting down at the Hokage's request.
"I must apologize, Hokage-sama, for not beating around the bush. Kazekage-sama wished to know about a particular poooooli…cyyyyy…" The ambassador was distracted, looking at one of papers on Sarutobi's desk. The Hokage followed his gaze. To his horror, one of the pages of Icha Icha Paradise books was ripped, showing a rather interesting picture where the ambassador could see it.
Yet again moving so fast to put the late Yondaime to shame, Sarutobi cast a mild genjustu to convince the ambassador that the paper did not exist. While the ambassador was confused, his hands blurred, snatching the offending picture and scouring the desk for more offending items. Thanking the heavens for the fact that the ambassador was a civilian while swearing at the same time to get back at Naruto, he adopted a confused look while subtly stuffing the offending page in the deepest recession of his drawer.
"Are you unwell, Taro-san?" At the ambassador's head shake, he smoothly hit the intercom and asked the secretary to bring refreshment. "You were saying something about a particular policy...?"
Uzumaki Naruto cackled as he put down his telescope and began to dismantle it. "Oooh, that was a good one! Who's next?" He stopped to listen to something that only he could hear. "Nah, those guys are too easy. Give me something harder." He finished dismantling the telescope and put all the pieces in a non-descript briefcase before stuffing that briefcase into a bag which then he stuffed into a hole on the roof of the building he was standing on.
After filling the hole in the ceiling and making it look like it was untouched and undisturbed, he patted himself for a job well done. "Hm? Him? Nah, he's way too easy… huh? Oooh, now that's an idea! But how can I do it without them seeing me?" His face flushed in embarrassment, before laughing nervously. "Okay okay, I get it. I get it! Geez, overblown furball…"
He scrambled down the side of the building, before running off to collect supplies for his latest prank.
Jiraiya giggled as he stared through the peephole, already writing down the visual goodness. A splash and a swarm of laughter drifted to his ears and he drooled, hand moving nearly in a blur. Suddenly he heard the sound of wood creaking. His head spun to the source of the noise, but saw nothing. Dismissing the sound as inconsequential, he went back to his peeping.
He was beginning to bleed through his nostril from the visual overload before he again heard the ominous sound of wood groaning under stress. Suddenly, with a crash, the fence he was leaning on collapsed, making him visible to the gaggle of naked women.
A shocked silence followed the crash, neither party making a move. Slowly but surely the collective women began to get red in the face, killing intent filling up the area. Jiraiya nervously chuckled and offered a lame excuse, "Uhum, erm. I – err – was here – ehehe – to fix the fence!" In hindsight, Jiraiya realized that was probably the wrong thing to say. Killing intent suddenly spiked to bijuu-level, freezing him in place.
Sakamari Ossu was an average merchant selling average clothes at average prices, his shop located in an average area known for its average-ness. He liked the idea of being average so much that it affected his everyday actions. Perhaps this was why he was never caught by Konoha Intelligence Agency for selling classified information to outsiders.
Walking at an average pace to the counter, he looked up to see a customer enter his average shop. His eyes widened at an average pace, noticing that the customer was apparently a well connected woman with rich tastes. His mouth started to drool at an average pace at the incoming flux of money, he bowed at an average speed and spoke in an average speed, "Hello, welcome to my humble shop. My name is Sakamari Ossu and how may I serve you?"
The woman sniffed, nose upturned before becoming scandalized. "Wha-what is this, a flashing shop? I will not deal with this rubbish." She turned and stormed out. Ossu stared at her retreating back incomprehensibly before looking around at an average speed to try to find out what angered the customer. Shrugging in confusion he tried to turn around but stumbled.
His eyes widened in shock when he realized that his pants and underwear was currently on the ground. Lunging at an average speed, he put on his clothes at an average speed before looking suspiciously around at an average speed for the would-be prankster. Seeing no one, he strolled around the shop at an average speed in vain to find the prankster.
Eight more customers and 'flashing' later, he became angry. Putting on his pants at not so average speed, he stormed around the shop at not so average speed to try to find the prankster. Failing that, he stormed outside straight into Morino Ibiki.
"Hello Sakamari Ossu-san, or should I say, Kimori Diasuke, C-class missing-nin of Kumo?"
Hatake Kakashi strolled out of the bookstore, clutching his new precious book. It had cost him a hefty amount of money, but it was worth it. Although the bookstore owner had given him an odd look, but he disregarded it. He lovely stroked the book, almost purring in happiness.
A commotion occurred nearby, causing him to take his eyes off the book. He saw that two genin had gotten into a fight. Shrugging, he went back to his book. His eyes widened as he read and reread the words on his precious book in disbelief; 'he moaned in intense pleasure as Genma's love rod was inserted into him. He huskily said –'
Furiously checking the title of the book, he wailed in despair when he saw the title of the book was: 'Icha Icha Gay Paradise.' Running back to the bookstore, he wailed even more when the bookstore refused to refund the book. He wailed even more than usual when he found out that the bookstore had just run out of the original Icha Icha books during his temporary absence.
"Nihihihi… This is so much fun!" Naruto cackled, dismantling the tripod and stowing the high definition camcorder in yet another nondescript briefcase and stuffing that into yet another stash and covering it. "It was funny when that idiotic merchant happened to be a spy! And I pranked him!" He stopped to listen to something. "Excuse me, we? Nuhuh, if you hadn't noticed, I did all the work, while you did nothing but sit on your ass!"
Jumping down into an alley, he transformed into a high priced prostitute. "Psh, and whose fault was that? Oh wait; it wasn't me who got your ass sealed! Now shhh!" He sashayed out on the street, staying in shadow. He noticed a merchant who refused to sell him fruits strolling on the street with his wife; a mischievous grin filled his face. He called out in a honeyed voice, "Hello Kaoru-kun! Last night was simply wonderful! Can we go again?"
As the shocked couple turned to him, Naruto acted as if he only just noticed the wife, "Oh! I didn't see you! Are you the girlfriend? But you told me you didn't have a girlfriend… Aww…" He hid his widening grin as the red faced wife turned to hapless merchant to yell at him for his apparent infidelity and faked a shocked look, hand covering his mouth.
"Still, you're so lucky to have him! His hands are so dexterous!" He expertly slipped away, transforming back to his original appearance and stifling his laughter when the merchant spluttered out denials while his wife shrieked at him.
Bear yawned. He was tired of watching Uzumaki-brat sleep. Oh, he had nothing against him, and he understood the fact that the demon and the brat were separate. However, the Uzumaki-brat was a sort of legend even in ANBU HQ. There were even rumors going around that the Hunter squads used Uzumaki-brat in their training. He guessed that it had to do something about Uzumaki-brat being uncatchable, since to-date no one had the honor of catching him.
Uzumaki-brat apparently had the uncanny skill to disappear and evade capture from anyone, anywhere, even from elite Hunter squads. Apparently he also had the uncanny skill of being able to locate anyone or object he wished to find, no matter where they were or how many security measures they were behind. There was yet again another rumer going around that Uzumaki-brat had somehow managed to infiltrate the Intelligence HQ, get past so many security measures that even Orochimaru would find excessive, only to vandalize Morino Ibiki's office.
Bear shivered. He remembered that day; Ibiki was so angry that he had been spitting hellfire and brimstone. He had broken forty-nine prisoners and collected their intelligence in little over 36 hours, surpassing the previous record of thirty-two prisoners in 48 hours set by Ibiki's predecessor.
But no. Bear's job for today was to watch Uzumaki-brat and ensure that he came to no harm from civilians or shinobi alike. This was his first time pulling such duty, and he did not wish to fail his task. He shivered again. Sarutobi Sandaime was seriously scary when angry, and he had no wish to invoke the God of Shinobi's anger. The offending shinobi who angered the Professor was now pulling sewer duties to report security holes or risks.
Bear shivered for the third time. Sewer duties were exceedingly unforgiving and disgusting, and it took weeks to get the smell out. That shinobi was stuck with sewer duties for two months. Oh yes, Bear had absolutely no intention whatsoever of failing his duty.
He noticed Uzumaki-brat getting up. The brat went to the kitchen, pulled down three instant ramen packets and put a kettle on the stove. He then went to the bathroom to do his morning duties. Bear was getting hungry, as he hadn't eaten for the past 24 hour. He saw a refreshed brat get out of bathroom and walked to the kitchen.
"Hi ANBU-san! It's time for breakfast, so I brought you food!" Uzumaki-brat popped beside Bear and forced a steaming ramen cup and a pair of chopsticks into Bear's hands. He then waved cheerily and jumped down. Bear stared at the steaming ramen and chopsticks in mute astonishment, before looking up to the brat's apartment, seeing the brat enjoying his instant ramen.
Remembering that the Uzumaki-brat brought out three instant ramen cups, he searched for his partner in this mission, and saw a baffled Wolf on other side of the street staring at his own ramen cup. Getting over his astonishment, Bear began to eat. When he was done, he was startled when Uzumaki-brat again popped beside him, took the empty cup, forced a steaming cup of tea into his hands, waved and jumped off the building.
He again stared at the cup of tea; found the brat washing dishes and saw Wolf staring at his own cup of tea in bewilderment. The tea was surprising good, so it was a satisfied but jumpy Bear who started to follow the brat.
Bear saw Uzumaki-brat enter the local civilian school, figuring that the brat had to attend a school at his age, but was confused as to why. He quickly caught Wolf's attention and began to sign in ANBU language, 'Why civilian? No shinobi academy?'
'No clue. Maybe Hokage order?' Wolf signed back, also confused. Bear pondered the issue before signing, 'Possible. How he find you?' This time Wolf looked bewildered – Bear could tell through Wolf's body language since both ANBU were wearing masks – and signed, 'No clue. I use genjutsu. Low chance to find me. But he find me. How you hide?'
'I lower chakra and use camouflage cloths. Still he find me.' Bear gave a puzzled shrug. 'Possible enemy spy?' Wolf shook his head, signing back, 'No. I switch with Tiger, he guard him 24 hour. Tiger say he came from Intel HQ yesterday. I no think T I boss miss a spy.'
The brat was in the Intelligence headquarter yesterday?! Ibiki could catch any would-be and real spies after taking one look at them, even through a camera. The fact that this brat apparently made it into Intel HQ and came out unscathed meant that he was no spy. Still Bear was uneasy about how easily the brat was able to find him.
Apparently Uzumaki-brat could tell if someone was thinking about him, because he popped near Bear as if summoned. He then cheerily forced a book into Bear's slack hands, "Hi ANBU-san! I'm going to be in this stupid class for three hours, and it's boring! So, I got you your favorite book to read while I'm in class! Have fun ANBU-san!" A wave and the brat was gone.
Bear stared at the book. He was past astonishment. He was pretty sure he couldn't be anymore surprised if Orochimaru jumped out of that school wearing polka dot dress and cackling madly. He located Wolf hiding in a tree, staring at his own book. How did the brat know his favorite book?! Shrugging, he found a comfortable spot (while stretching his stealth to the max, he did not want to be surprised again, brat or no brat.) and began to read.
When three hours were nearly over, Bear stowed the book away, looked up at the school and got the shock of his life – because he saw Orochimaru running out of the school, clad only in a pink speedo and cackling madly. Gathering his wits, Bear prepared to cast an Intruder Alert Jutsu to alert Konoha, only to get traumatized for the rest of his natural life.
After Orochimaru had caught the attention of almost everyone in the street (and the next street over as well, a traumatized Bear noted) he jumped to the tallest building in the street and mooned everyone watching. Bear barely noted the outraged shrieks and vomits, since he was too busy barfing. Rubbing at his mouth, he saw Wolf hunched over a trashcan, mask moved just enough not to impede the vomit.
After mastering his suddenly weak stomach, Bear followed the S-class criminal into an alleyway only to be surprised yet again when Orochimaru transformed into a grinning Uzumaki Naruto. The brat winked at Bear before running away.
"So. Let me get this straight. Uzumaki Naruto, who I might add, does not have shinobi training, managed to find you two despite the fact both of you were extremely well hidden. He then gave you food and books to read – your favorites, I might add – and transformed into Orochimaru, of all people! His skill at transformation was such that both of you, the best of the best, were fooled. He then ran around in one of the busiest streets in Konoha unimpeded and mooned nearly 200 civilians and 19 shinobis, and then manages to evade not only you, but Hatake Kakashi, of all people! Did I miss anything?"
"No sir." Bear sweated heavily as he stood to attention, Wolf beside him. "That's everything, sir." Wolf added, also standing to attention and sweating bullets. The ANBU Commander looked skeptical, before sighing in irritation and signing a document that was in front of him. "Everyday the stories are getting wilder and wilder! The other day I heard that Uzumaki vandalized Ibiki's office, one of the most secure office in the entire goddamn Fire Country, without anyone the wiser. Just what in the bleeding hell is going on here?!"
Bear and Wolf nervously looked at each other, not knowing how to answer. The ANBU Commander angrily shuffled the papers in front of him, stamping a couple more documents with a little more force than neccesary. "I want both of you practicing your stealth – it is an embarrassment if an idiot with no training can find you. Report to Mitarashi tomorrow at 0900."
Bear and Wolf gave each other despairing looks. Training with Anko usually involved lotsand lotsof cutting. They knew from personal experience that they would end up in the hospital after training with Anko, usually to reattach a very important part of their manhood if they failed in any tasks she set for them.
The Commander stuffed some papers into a folder and placed it on the send bin on his desk. He growled, "Dismissed. Get your pay from the usual places. Oh, and for the love of god, don't bring me stories like this!!" Bear and Wolf nervously saluted, before disappearing.
Sarutobi stared at the ANBU Commander in mute shock. The Commander stonily stared back. "Are you serious?" Sarutobi spluttered.
"You think I'm bullshitting? Goddamnit, I have testimonials of over one hundred civilians and nineteen shinobi who actually witnessed this goddamn thing here! This is a goddamn fact, Sarutobi! Do something about that monster!" The Commander growled, obviously incensed. Sarutobi didn't call on him on the slip, knowing that the Commander wasn't referring to the Kyuubi, but rather to the major security holes Naruto usually revealed when he pranked people.
Naruto was the source of nightmares for the ANBU in general, more so for the Commander. It was because the Commander's job was to oversee the security details of everything within Konoha, and the ANBU to enforce the security measures. The fact that Naruto usually slipped past even the tightest security – revealing huge security holes the process as well – with such ease that he had the entire shinobi organization up in uproar, and forced the ANBU to fill up the security hole, which usually meant more work for the Commander.
Sometimes Naruto would cause mayhem on such level that the mere thought of the situation brought headaches to many shinobis, Sarutobi included. This particular mayhem Naruto caused was the source of irritation of the Commander at the moment, because neither he nor the Hokage had received word of the appearance of the S-class criminal inside Konoha until the event had passed.
It revealed the fact that no one responded to the apparent threat within an acceptable timeframe, or even sounded the alarm. The mere thought made Sarutobi shiver. If Iwa or Kumo wanted to invade Konoha, all they had to do was to repeat today's events and they would be inside causing massive damage before anyone even noticed. Goodness, this meant that Sarutobi would have to issue an executive order to all Konoha shinobi to step up their training.
Rubbing his temples, Sarutobi wearily said, "What can I do? Naruto falls under the civilian jurisdiction, and I can't order him to stop doing this. Beside, I doubt he would listen, even if he was a shinobi. Beside, he is revealing security holes; that can only be good for us."
"Only good for you, since you don't deal with them! This is simply a disaster! Just control that idiot before I kill him!" Both men knew that this was an exercise in futilely. Naruto was so good at infiltrating and evading capture it was simply unreal. If they had a class level for evasion and infiltration, then Naruto would be the only person to be S-class, period.
Just at that moment a chuunin burst into the office, out of breath. Both Sarutobi and the Commander tensed at the perceived threat, but relaxed when they saw who it was. "What is it, Raido?" Sarutobi urgently asked. "Hoka-gasp-sama! It's-gasp-a disas-gasp-or! Logasp!" Raido was gibbering, too out of breath and shocked to even say anything meaningful. Finally he pointed at the window, giving up talking as a lost cause.
The Commander was at the window in an instant. "Oh shit. How the hell did the brat manage this?! Shit shit shit shiiit, gotta go! See ya later!" He disappeared. The Sandaime stared wide-eyed at what used to be the Hokage Mountain, too speechless to actually say anything. The previously solemn Hokage Mountain to honor the Kages of Konoha was now decked in bright colors, bringing life to the faces.
Only it wasn't the kind of 'life' Sarutobi, or indeed, any self-respecting shinobi would want on the Hokage Mountain.
Shodaime's face was gazing joyfully at a set of breasts he had somehow obtained. Nidaime was staring jealously at Shodaime's attachment. Sandaime was somehow leering into the women bathhouse, even though the women bathhouse was on the other side of Konoha, and had a bleeding nose. Yondaime was palming his own face, apparently ashamed of his predecessor's actions.
Sarutobi's mouth opened and closed without making any noise, so shocked he was. How-how-how did Naruto do this without having a single shinobi noticing what he was doing?! For god's sake, the colors were so bright that they hurt his eyes, and it wasn't as if the Hokage Mountain was hidden! Anybody with two brain cell and one good eye could see the Hokage Mountain, and they didn't even have to try hard to see it! All they had to do was to simply look toward the mountains!
And the attachments! Did Naruto somehow learn Doton justus, to be able to do this? Why, that particular attachment looks like… Sarutobi squinted suspiciously at the hand that was covering Yondaime's face. Why, that hand looks suspiciously like the Hand of God technique, a famous S-class doton jutsu used to clear entire battlefields. The only known scroll that had the Hand of God jutsu written down along with instructions was in the Forbidden Scroll…
Paling rapidly, Sarutobi rushed to the secret closet, opened the door, went through a series of hand seals to identify himself to the security seals embedded into the room. A door materialized in the closet. Yanking open the door, Sarutobi nearly had a heart attack when he saw Uzumaki Naruto putting the Forbidden Scroll back on the shelf. "Naruto!"
Naruto jumped when he heard his own name and whirled around. He chuckled nervously, hand rubbing back of his head. "Oh, hey gramps. Uuuh, how's it going? How do you like my addition?" Sarutobi lunged at Naruto, grabbing his jacket. Like a snake, Naruto wiggled out of his jacket. "Ack! Gotta go! Smell ya later, gramps!" Naruto bounded out of the room, losing his T-shirt before making it through the door Sarutobi created, and disappeared.
Sarutobi stared in despair at the place Naruto disappeared, before dropping the jacket and T-shirt. He then made sure that the Forbidden Scroll was the real deal. Picking up the discarded clothes, he slowly moved out of the secret closet, locking it. Casting another despairing look at the Hokage Mountain, he hit the intercom and asked for Inuzuka Tsume and her partners.
Oh… Only Naruto could turn an S-class jutsu designed to kill and level entire battlefields into a prank. Sarutobi finally groaned before standing up with the intention of shutting the window drapes. He heard the sound of paper crinkling behind his back, and in a blur a Kage Bushin was created looking at his back. His clone groaned again and plucked the 'Kick Me' sign off the original's back.
This was too much for Sarutobi to handle; he slumped into a dead faint, face hitting the floor with a loud thud.
Uzumaki Naruto cackled as he ejected a video tape from the camcorder and inserted a new one, filming the general chaos and watching the supposedly scary and elite ANBUs running around like headless chickens.
Almost everyone in Konoha cursed Namikaze Minato and Uzumaki Naruto – Minato for sealing the Kyuubi into Naruto and Naruto for creating chaos on unheard of scales.
Kabuto, along with many spies from all over the world cursed Uzumaki Naruto with all of their hearts as they tried to remain undetected in the ensuing chaos as Konoha went into a Code Red lockdown – something that had only occurred four times previously in all of Konoha's history, all of them due to war. The fifth time marked the first time, but certainly not the last time Uzumaki Naruto would trigger the wartime Code Red lockdown by his actions, and the first time the Code Red was activated in a time of peace.
Happily, or unhappily, depending on how you perceive the situation, many spies were captured, and Ibiki had an outlet for his building anger. Some idiot had filled his office walls – and that included the floor and ceiling – with erotic posters of homosexuals despite the new security additions. Removing them had necessitate him to remove all furniture in his supposedly secure office, which had left him in a bad mood and unable to work properly.
In a dark, dank cell, one great red eye opened. Deep, dark chuckles echoed throughout the cell. Oh yes, Konoha will learn why it is a bad idea to harbor any kitsune, let alone the God of Kitsune. Furthermore, Konoha will learn why it is the height of stupidity to seal the mentioned God of Kitsune into an impressionable human baby. Sure, it probably won't be able to destroy Konoha, but being able to indirectly cause unimagined levels of chaos through a proxy…
Deep, evil cackles echoed throughout the cell.
"I've finally managed to get a mic on the brat! Quiet!" The room became quiet as almost every ANBU member strained to listen what Naruto said in hopes to keep up to-date about Naruto's activities.
Naruto's eyes widened in unholy glee when he saw what the ANBU HQ held in their storage rooms. "Ooh! The Ultimate Superglue! Made by an Aburame too!"
So. Another story.
I saw that there isn't enough stories about how Naruto generally causing chaoses on , so I decided to make my own. Do tell me how is it. I like all reviews, but constructive comments the best. Maybe some of you noticed the part about ANBU hand signs were said in broken english? Yeah, I don't think that in military, actual hand signs are going to say every single verbs and nouns, especially when everyone is pressed for time. So they will know only the most important parts, like: Watch. Guard. Three hostiles, two unknowns, one civilian. They're unlikely to say the entire sentence, like: Watch the area, but guard this specific area. I see three hostiles, two unknown persons, and one civilian. It's much simpler and quicker to sign in short bursts. American Sign Language is like that in that regard -- deaf people more often skip over unnecessary words, but say enough that others get the gist.
As I said, Me Want Review. Me Like Good Review Better. Dank you Fer Reeding Dis S'ory!