Author's Note/Warning: This is my second Homestar Runner fic. And…believe it or not, my first slash fic. That's right; I'm actually trying to write romance…something I never thought I'd be doing. So, if you think this fic is horrible, that's why. Also, this fic contains Homestar/Strong Bad scenes, and some OOC moments, so if that's not your thing, turn back now. But if it is your thing, then happy reading! ;)-AMX
Edit: I noticed some big, glaring errors in the story, so I fixed them. I also toned down Homestar's impediment a bit. I hope it's better.
What's Baseball got to do with Love?
I didn't want to admit I missed her, but I missed her.
If you haven't figured it out yet, the "her" in question is Marzipan. But of course it is, right? She is the only girl.
Let me get you up to speed. You see, a few days ago, Marzipan and I broke up.
I know; big surprise, right? But it's different this time. A few days ago, we decided that it was better for us, and everyone else, if we just stayed friends.
Come on, I knew we had problems. I'm not that ignorant…at least, I think I'm not.
But that wasn't really the surprising part of the whole thing. The part that caught me off guard was what Marzipan asked me after we got done making our decision.
"Homestar…do you like Strong Bad?"
It felt like I swallowed my tongue. "Uh…uh…of course I wike Stwong Bad!" I sputtered. "Why do you ask, Mawzipan?"
Marzipan sighed. "No, I mean…do you like Strong Bad?"
My face blanched (not that you could tell). "Oh…you mean wike…?"
My former girlfriend gave a small nod. "…Yeah."
"Well, uh…" This was throwing me for a loop. Did I like Strong Bad? Sure, I thought he was super-cool, even though he picked on me a lot, and I always got excited when I heard his voice, but… "I…I really don't know."
But Marzipan didn't seem convinced. But then, to my relief, she smiled. "Well, no matter what you do, I want you to know that I'm here for you."
"Uh…okay," I said. But all that really did was make me even more confused. Did Marzipan know something I didn't?
Well, as it turns out, she did. I wasn't really surprised, 'cause Marzipan usually does catch onto things a lot faster than I do. Case in point…I didn't really figure out how I really felt for Strong Bad until earlier today.
"Here ya go, Homestar," said Bubs, handing me the ice cream I asked for. "One ice cream cone with the works."
"Thanks, Bubs," I said, taking my frozen treat. There was a lot of other stuff piled on top of it; just the way I like it.
"Hey Homestar, you feelin' okay?" Bubs suddenly asked. "You've been mopin' around for a couple days."
I was surprised. Was I really moping around? "Uh…I guess I have," I said. "I guess…I haven't been fee'win' good the past few days."
"Well, I hope you feel better," said Bubs. "I was actually wonderin' if you were worried about gettin' hurt, the way you've been avoidin' Strong Bad."
I had been walking away from Bubs' stand while he was saying this, but that last part made me stop in my tracks. Avoiding Strong Bad? I hadn't been avoiding Strong Bad…had I?
I tried to think back to the past few days. That's when it hit me. Ever since Marzipan had asked me that question, I couldn't seem to handle being around Strong Bad. If I even caught sight of him, I found myself getting all red and flustered, and then running the other way. Now that I thought of it, I was kinda feeling the same way when I first met Marzipan…
But then…did that really mean…?
I was interrupted by someone slapping my back, making me nearly drop my ice cream.
"AH!" I stumbled, then regained my footing. I turned to see who had snuck up on me. "Oh…hi, Coach Z. How you doin'?"
"Well, I couldn't help but overherr about yer perdurciment back there, so I thought I'd give ya some Coach Z adverce!"
Oh, no. Even I know that any advice from Coach Z isn't very good.
"So, let me guess…you havin' relationship troubles?"
Once again, I was surprised. Was I really being that obvious?
"Uh…sorta," I said. "Just hittin' a few…wough spots, I guess."
"I see…so what happerned? You asked to get to first base, and you got rejected?" Coach Z paused. "Now that I thurnk of it…if ya don't mind me askin', Homestar…have you an' Marzi-pan ever gearten to first base?"
But I was just confused. "What?" I asked. "Coach Z, Mawzipan hates basebawl. Why would she wanna go to fiwst base with me?"
Coach Z seemed surprised. Then, of all things, he started laughing!
This didn't sit well with me. "Coach Z, I don't think I said anything funny."
The coach finally calmed down. "Oh…whoo…sorry there, Homestar. But I shoulda known you wouldn't know what I was talkin' abert."
"Wait…so…we're not tawkin' about basebawl?" I asked.
This earned another laugh from Coach Z. "Ah, I guess that's why I like ya so much, Homestar. Yer a terrific airthlete with all the innersence of a kid."
A kid? What was that supposed to mean? But before I could ask, Coach Z was already walking away.
"H-hey! Wait!" I said. "Awen't you gonna tell me what fiwst base means?"
"Eh, it's better if ya didn't know yet," Coach Z called back to me. "Wouldn't wanna be ruinin' that child-lork innersence, right?"
However, that wasn't enough for me. Normally, I didn't care when people talked about me like that, but for some reason…this wasn't sitting well with me.
I continued to slowly walk back to my house, trying to make sense out of…well, everything. Sure, I tended to act like a kid most of the time, but that didn't mean I was a kid. And Coach Z didn't wanna tell anything just because he didn't want to ruin my innocence? What's up with that?
Well, whatever the case, I guess I'll never get to "first base" with Marzipan now. Maybe if I got enough courage to talk to Strong Bad again, I could ask him what it was…
I flinched. There I was, thinking about Strong Bad again! I sighed. When was this going to end…?
Maybe if I had been paying more attention to where I was walking, I would have noticed the leg sticking out in front of me. Unfortunately, I didn't.
The next thing I knew, I was lying facedown on the ground. There was ice cream all over my face, and I was spitting cut grass out of my mouth.
'Ugh…what happened?' I thought. However, my questions were answered when I heard this loud, all-too-familiar laughing above me.
"HA! I finally gotcha!" Strong Bad began to gloat. "Avoiding me all these days wasn't going to help you forever, Homestar. And now, I finally made you fall on your face like the clumsy kid you are!"
Now, at this point, Strong Bad's many insults didn't usually bother me. However, this time, I found myself fuming. So not only did Coach Z think I was a kid, but Strong Bad too? And here I am, trying to figure out if I like him or not, and he's mocking me?!
What happened next is a little sketchy, but here's what I remember: when I stood up, Strong Bad was walking away, still laughing his big, stupid head off. I remember growling, running up behind Strong Bad, reeling my right foot back, and…
That's when things got clear again. Now it was Strong Bad lying facedown on the ground. That's when the shock of what I just did hit me.
Oh. My. God. I just kicked Strong Bad's butt…literally.
I didn't even wait for a response from him. I tore out of the area, running the fastest I think I've ever run before.
So now, here I am, lying on my couch, in my house. I have just finished cleaning off all the ice cream on my person, and there's nothing left to do but sit here and face the painful truth…
I like Strong Bad. Not just as a friend. I like him the way I thought I liked Marzipan. But now all he's probably interested in is kicking my butt all over my house. And I still didn't know what baseball has to do with love!
Ohh…my head hurts more than usual.
Well…this doesn't have to be a bad thing. If I just lay low for a while…maybe Strong Bad will forget about the whole thing.
Is…someone knocking on my door?
Oh, crap! Something tells me I haven't laid low long enough!
Gotta hide…gotta hide…behind the lamp! It's perfect!
I run behind the lamp in the corner of my living room. Strong Bad will never see me here! I close my eyes for good measure; if I can't see him, he can't see me, right?
I hear footsteps walking into the room. Then, they stop.
"Oh my," I hear Strong Bad say. "I wonder where Homestar is? I can clearly see that he is not in the living room."
Yes! It's working!
"I guess I'll just check upstairs, since he's clearly not in the living room…right now…say, hiding behind that lamp."
I then hear the footsteps going upstairs. Now's my chance to make a break for it! I slowly open my eyes and, seeing that the room is indeed clear, come out from my ingenious hiding place, and begin to sneak toward my front door. Now I just need to figure out where to go when I get outside, and…
Just then, something hard connects with my backside, and I fly a few inches into the air. When I land back on the ground, I land on my left ankle funny; at the same time, I hear this CRACK noise. Then, I find myself facedown on the ground again.
Then, I hear the laughing again.
"Man, you're an even bigger idiot than I thought, Homestar!" Strong Bad says. "Did you really think I couldn't see you behind that stupid lamp? You may be a good athlete, but you're still enough of a stupid kid that I can tell you anything and you believe it!"
I feel my whole body heating up again. I'm so mad, I don't even hear Strong Bad anymore. I roll over so I'm sitting down on the ground. Then, I say something I thought I'd never say to Strong Bad.
This stops Strong Bad right in the middle of saying a word. He looks shocked. I don't think I've ever seen Strong Bad shocked before.
"Did…did you just tell me to shut up?" he asks. Then, it looks like he's mad again. "How dare you tell me to…"
"You heard me, Stwong Bad!" I suddenly hear myself saying, shooting up to my feet. "Just 'cause you don't have any visible ears, that doesn't mean you can't hear when someone's actually tewwin' you off!"
He opens his mouth to say something, but I keep on going.
"I've put up with your insults fo' this long, but I've had it! You may just care about bein' a jerk to evewyone who even makes eye contact with you, but I have too much on my mind wight now to put up with your cwap! I want you and your stupid over-infwated head out of my house now! AND IF YOU DID ANYTHING TO MY DOOR, YOU'D BETTEW EXPECT A BIG, FAT BIWL IN YOUR MAILBOX!! YOU GOT THAT?!"
But Strong Bad just stands there. Now, he really looks shocked. He's obviously not used to anyone fighting back before. But right now…I don't care! I just want to sit down and watch TV!
I whirl around on my right foot, back toward my couch.
"Homestar…" I hear Strong Bad say.
At the same time, I step down with my left foot.
YOW! My leg's on fire!
Then, without warning, my body gives out and crumples to the ground.
"Oh, crap!" I hear Strong Bad talking again. "I didn't think I kicked you that hard!"
"Ugh…I don't need your hewp!" I wince. "Just go away!"
But before I can protest, I suddenly find myself in Strong Bad's arms, bridal style.
"H-HEY!" I protest.
"Look man, I'm no doctor, but if it looks like you got a loaf of bread attached to your ankle, it means you need help," Strong Bad says.
When I finally realize how we must look, I can't help myself; I feel my face get hotter. Strong Bad places me on my couch; he's being surprisingly gentle. He even puts a pillow under my hurt foot. I can see what he meant now; my left foot and ankle are about twice the size of my other ankle and foot.
"Don't move," Strong Bad orders. I watch as he leaves the room. A minute later, he comes back in with two ice cream bars and an ice pack.
He hands me one of the ice cream bars, puts the ice pack on my foot, and then sits down on my couch.
"Uh…what are you doing?" I finally ask. "I told you to weave!"
"If I leave, you'll probably just break something else," says Strong Bad. "I figure I'll just stay long enough for you to call your little girlfriend for help."
"Giwlfriend?" I ask. "Oh, you mean Mawzipan. Well, I guess I can call her, but she's not my giwlfriend anymore."
Strong Bad looks at me. "Oh right," he says. "It's that time of the month again. Listen, can you guys get back together by Monday? I got a lot of money riding on you this month."
I take a bite out of my ice cream, then give Strong Bad a funny look. "Uh…I don't know what that means, but…we're not getting' back together, Stwong Bad."
"What, you mean this week?" Strong Bad asks. "Aw, man! Pom-Pom always wins this thing! I was so close!"
I sigh. "No, I mean we're not gettin' back together. We bwoke up for good this time."
Strong Bad stops, then looks at me in disbelief for the second time that day. "I must have brain freeze," he says. "What was that?"
"What, are your invisible ears not workin' wight again?" I ask in annoyance. "You heard me."
I guess I just made history: Strong Bad is speechless.
"But…but…" he's finally able to sputter. "Why?"
"Well, we just sat down and decided that it would be better for evweyone if we just stayed fwiends," I say. I smile. "I bet Coach Z'll be happy to hear the news…"
To my surprise…Strong Bad smiles back at me. "Yeah, I bet," he says. "The guy's a stalker, isn't he? I think I saw him try and break into Marzipan's house one time."
"Oh, yeah!" I say. "I think Mawzipan told me about that. She wasn't too happy about it."
Surprisingly, we both started to laugh.
We don't talk for a while after that. We just sit there, watching TV. Then, I remember something. I look back over to Strong Bad. He's finished his ice cream, and is now just sitting there.
"Hey…Stwong Bad?" I ask cautiously.
"Yes?" he asks.
"You…you know a wot about girls, wight?"
"Let me think about that…yes. Yes, I know a lot about girls, Homestar."
"Oh, good!" I say. "Then maybe you can answer my question."
"Maybe I can, if it's not completely stupid," says Strong Bad.
Suddenly, I get nervous. "Well…uh…"
"Homestar, just spit it out already! I don't have all day!"
"Okay, okay!" I snap back at him. I take a deep breath. "Stwong Bad…what does basebawl have to do with love?"
Strong Bad just stares at me. "Okay, you totally just ruined the moment. I'm outta here…"
"No, wait!" I say. "Coach Z was talkin' to me earwier, and he started talkin' about me an' Mawzipan. He asked if we had gotten to "fiwst base" yet. But when I asked him what basebawl had to do with anything, he just laughed and called me a kid! I figuwed if anyone knew what he meant, it would be you!"
Strong Bad just stares. "Oh…that first base," he says. "Look, uh…Homestar…maybe it's better if you didn't know. It's just that you're sorta…"
"NO!" I blurt out. "Do NOT say I can't know because I act wike a kid! I may not act wike an adult most of the time, but that doesn't mean I'm not an adult, darn it! I have as much a wight to know as anyone else that wives in Fwee Countwy, USA! Now just tell me!"
Strong Bad gives me a weird look. Then, he sighs. "So, you really wanna know what first base is, huh?"
"Yes!" I say. "Tell me now or I'm gonna…"
I don't get a chance to finish. The next thing I know, Strong Bad is literally on top of me. His hands are positioned on each side of my head, and the rest of his body is splayed out over mine (thankfully, nothing's touching my bad ankle).
But the craziest thing of all is…Strong Bad is kissing me. Straight on the lips. No warning. Nothing. He's just…doing it.
Oh. My. God.
I just lay there like an idiot for what seems like forever, until Strong Bad finally breaks the kiss.
I inhale for a few seconds so I can catch my breath.
"S-Stwong Bad…" I gasp out. "What…?"
"That was first base, you idiot," Strong Bad interrupts me. "You wanted to know, so I showed you. At least it stopped you from whining…"
"So…fiwst base is…kissing?" I ask. "Well, why didn't Coach Z say that? Mawzipan and I have kissed befowe."
Strong Bad's eyes narrow. "Are you telling me you still love Marzipan?"
"N-no!" I say. "I mean, I wike her, it's just…I guess I never wiked her wike that…you know? It's…it's hard to move on…"
"Is that so?" Strong Bad asks. I can't help but notice that he's still lying on top of me. "Well then, would you mind if I helped you move on?"
Uh…okay, it's official. Strong Bad's completely lost it.
"Uh, Stwong Bad…awe you feelin' okay?"
"I am now. But I could say the same thing about you."
"Uh…I'm not sure I wike you actin' wike this. What happened to reguwar Stwong Bad?"
"Well…" Strong Bad rubs his chin. "I guess I could act like my old self…" He leans closer into my face. "…But that wouldn't really do you or your little crush any good, would it?"
I freeze. "Uh…uh…"
"Don't play dumb," he says. "You're not exactly Mr. Inconspicuous, Homestar."
Oh no. Oh. No. Now I'm really in trouble.
"Do you know how long I've been waiting for you and Marzipan to finally come to your senses?"
"I…I don't know what you mean," I say.
"Come on, man. It was obvious you two weren't completely right for each other. And it killed me. But now that you two are finally off for good…"
"S-Stwong Bad, wait," I say. "I…I don't understand."
"Then at least answer this: do you like me, Homestar?"
I swallow the very large lump in my throat. "Y-yes…I…I wike you Stwong Bad. I wike you…a lot. But…you like me?"
"You may be an idiot…" Strong Bad says, "…but you're also pretty cute without even trying." He shrugs.
"Then…why awe you always so mean to me?"
"Hey man, I got a reputation to uphold. I can't just have people thinkin' I'm some big softie, can I?"
"That still doesn't seem wight somehow…"
"Okay, look. Let's just see where this goes, and then if it's all good, we'll figure out some way to break it to the others, okay?"
I'm not sure how to respond. I just admitted that I like Strong Bad, and he just admitted he likes me. So…now what?
I take a deep breath, and exhale.
"Well…" I begin. "This is a lot for me to take in, but…" I pause. "Stwong Bad, if you really do wike me…I wanna see if this can work."
Strong Bad smirks. "I knew you'd see it my way," he says.
He leans in for another kiss. This time, I kiss back.
After we break it again, we're quiet for a while. Then, Strong Bad speaks up again.
"Say, Homestar…did you know that you can make it to second and third base, too?"
"Really?" I ask. "Well…what happens at those bases?"
"Now now…" Strong Bad answers. "Let's not rush into things. I'll tell you eventually." He lowers his voice. "And if you're really good, I might just tell you what happens when you score a home run."
"A home wun?" I ask. "Those awe usually spectacuwar…is scoring a home wun spectacuwar, Stwong Bad?"
Strong Bad's eyes narrow, and he smirks once again.
"Oh, it'll be spectacular. Trust me."