This one is just for kicks. ;) Enjoy!


Jake and Rose

"So why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?"

"Hmm...let me guess, she didn't want to wake up the sleeping pills?" Rosalie answered flatly.

"Right!" Jacob grinned widely at Rose who was stretched out on the couch, staring at the television in sheer boredom. The others were all out hunting and she was stuck here in the living room with Jacob until they got back; left to endure his countless blonde jokes.

Fun, fun, for everyone.

"Okay, I bet you haven't heard this one." Jake, who was leaning against the wall as far as possible from the growingly annoyed female vampire, smirked smugly and said, "Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?"

Rosalie sighed, "Enlighten me."

"Because she got an F in sex!" Jake leaned over and started to crack up.

Growling softly in annoyance, Rose picked up a pillow and chucked it at him. "Grow up!" she snapped, peeved beyond her fiery imagination. Didn't he have anything better to do than make fun of her? His obnoxious blonde jokes were beginning to get old. And by old she meant old. Ever since he imprinted on Nessie she's had to endure his constant presence for far too long. It was time for a change.

"Listen, Jacob," Rose said calmly, watching humorlessly as Jake hit his head against the wall to avoid the flying inanimate object, "I think that you should leave."

"Leave?" Jake rubbed the back of his head with the palm of his hand and blinked in confusion. 'What for? They said I could wait until they got back."

"I don't think that would be a very wise decision," Rosalie murmured quietly, running her fingernails over the fabric of a pillow that was placed on her lap. By the devious look on her beautiful face one would think she was fantasizing on ways to get revenge for all of Jacob's cruel jokes in the past and present.

"...because unless you stop telling me these stupid blonde jokes, I swear I'm going to go all crazy bitch on you."

He laughed, "Seriously Rose, since when have you not been crazy or a complete bitch? Being a crazy bitch has got to be your forte. You honestly don't think you're soft and dainty as a rose, do you?"

Jacob had to grin after comparing her to...roses. Yeah, Rosalie acting as soft as a rose...that would certainly be the day he, Jacob Black, would feel any affection towards Edward Cullen.

"No, but then again you're not cute and cuddly as a puppy," Rosalie admonished with a clever grin.

"Damnit, I'm not?" Jacob sighed in mock disappointment. "Well, that just blows."

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Tune down the obnoxiousness, if you please."

"Please?" Jacob chuckled, his dark brown eyes flickering with amusement, "When would I ever want to please you?"

"You know that's not what I meant, mutt," Rose growled.

"So, I'm curious..." Jake walked across the room in two swift strides, catching Rose off guard. Curling her lips in a snarl, she gripped the pillow in her lap and lifted it threateningly.

"I'm warning you, dog."

"Just relax for a moment Ice Princess, all I plan to do is ask you a couple of questions. I promise no blonde jokes." Jacob plopped down on the couch, a mischievous grin on his face as he gazed gleefully at the female vampire sitting warily beside him.

"Fine. But if you tell one blonde joke..."

"Only one?"

A feral snarl ripped through her throat, causing the werewolf's hair to stand on end.

He raised his hands in front of his chest in surrender. "Okay, okay, jeez! So touchy."

"Just ask me the questions, dog."

"Do you always have to call me dog?"

"Do you always have to tell me blonde jokes?"

Jake grinned. "Touche."

"Was that one of your questions?" Rose questioned skeptically.


"Then what are you waiting for, the day that I tell you I love you?" Rose narrowed her eyes and frowned at him, annoyed beyond the brink of no return.

Jacob, momentarily stunned at having heard her utter 'love' in a complete sentence, stared at her for a second before letting out a laugh, "You love me, don't you?"

"What?" Rose glared at him, amazed by his competence at making absolutely no sense. "Back off, dog, before I hurt you."

Jacob smirked, "I highly doubt you could do that, princess."

That was it, he had crossed the line. Making fun of her intelligence, well that was something she could stand. But implying that she was weak? Definitely not a smart move.

The werewolf was going down.

Snarling, Rosalie attacked. Cold stone smacked hard against soft, sweltering skin, and the two began to tumble around the room. Screeches and growls could be heard from a three mile radius, along with the crashing and clattering of Esme's beloved furniture. Insults flew from just about every corner as they made their way through the house, destroying just about everything in their path.

Although it was a very close match, Jacob finally won after pinning the female vampire underneath the table with his long, muscular body which rippled with a wolf-like strength. His hands found the luscious curves of Rosalie's sides, and pressed against that part almost possessively as he stared down at her genuinely appalled expression.

Leaning forward, Jacob whispered against her ear, his lips barely brushing her earlobe.


Rosalie glared fiercely up at him, "Let me go, mutt." She wiggled her nose as his strong, wolfy scent filled her nostrils. "Yuck. You smell."

"And you smell..." Jacob moved his head so that his nose caught the whiff of her long, wavy blonde hair. He was surprised. Beyond her distastefully sweet scent of a vampire there lay the soft, desirable aroma of a fresh patch of roses, stretched out on a field of gentle, wind-churned grass...

Stiffening, Jacob pulled away and noticed that she was no longer staring at him with disgust, but with wide-eyed wonder.

Both were unaware as to who made the first move, but before they knew it they were pressing against each other, kissing madly and with a burning passion for the other neither of them knew they had possessed.

In fact, neither of them seemed to be aware of what they were doing as they clung to each other beneath the table, their lips clashing hotly and their hands frantically searching in desperate attempts to get closer to each other. Before either of them knew it their clothes were off and flesh was touching flesh, creating a friction between them that had them both gasping.

Jacob grabbed a fistful of her hair and pulled roughly, causing a hiss to escape Rosalie's parted lips. Jake pressed his mouth hungrily against hers, silencing it. His hands roamed down her slender, dazzling body, and for the first time in his life he found himself lusting after someone other than Bella Swan.

Rosalie fucking Hale.

Pushing all sensible thoughts from his mind, Jacob trailed his lips down the curve of her neck, savoring the taste of her softly scented skin. An impatient hiss passed right next his ear, making him grin.

"You want me to fuck you, Rose?" Jake murmured, his dark, sultry eyes gleaming with lust.

"Just do it, dog." Rosalie encouraged him by grabbing him with her inhumanly cold hands, groping non-too-gently the parts that would make a man weak with just a subtle touch.

Jacob growled, pleasure and pain surging through him instantaneously as she touched him. She wants to play it rough, does she? He thought with a grin. Taking her legs in both of his hands, he separated them widely, her feet knocking against the legs of the table, and slipped two of his fingers inside of her.

Rosalie gasped, letting out a groan as he began to swiftly finger fuck her. "God...Jake," she leaned her head back and moaned, the pleasure he was giving her making her body react in so many different ways. Lust, passion, fury. All of it plummeted through her like never before, and it made her want to fuck Jacob to hell and perhaps farther than that.

"Show me you like it, Rose," Jacob demanded, pumping his fingers deeper inside of her and grinning with satisfaction when he felt her come.

"Show me."

With a startled cry, Rose tore her fingernails down his back, her hips bucking to the rhythm of his fingers that thrusted in and out of her. Jacob barely felt the pain that scorched his back and left long red marks that would most likely scar in a matter of weeks. Groaning, he finally eased her anticipation and in one quick thrust, slipped himself inside of her.

"," Rosalie could hardly contain her over-enthused libido as Jacob's manhood filled her and sent her reeling into space. She grabbed his long, dark hair, yanking it so that his mouth fell on top of hers. He moaned softly, beginning to pound her as hard and as fast as she so wished.

Their pleasure mounted to the top, driving them both crazy with the heat and the impeccable lust that claimed them both. Passion drove them to a point in which neither could sense what they were doing. They could only feel, only touch, as their lust for each other nearly drove them mad.

By the time they were finished with each other, Jake was exhausted. Panting much like a dog, he fell beside Rosalie who was lying, stunned, beneath Esme's favorite table. He turned so that he could better see her face, and a smug grin was placed on his lips as he gazed at her beautiful figure.

"So...what was that about not wanting me to please you?"

Rosalie sighed, annoyed once more. If only he didn't have the ability to speak, then their relationship would go much, much smoother.

"Damn it Jake, if you tell anybody about this..." She didn't need to finish, her sharp gaze was warning enough.

"Aw, not even your beloved Emmett?'

"You better not, dog. Because whether you believe it or not, I do love him."

Jacob snorted. "Sure you do."

Rosalie glowered and shoved him away with her hands. "Get the fuck away from me."


"I said get the fuck away from me!"

Jacob stared at her, stunned. "Just a moment ago you wanted to fuck me!"

"Well then you're an idiot, aren't you?"

"Wha..." He was confused as hell now.

"Go home, Jake."

"You know what?" Jacob slithered out from beneath the table and stood up, snatching his clothes and angrily beginning to slip them on. "I wish I had never fucked you, you cold-hearted bitch."

"Good, because you stink!"

Infuriated, Jake turned around and stormed out of the house, passing Bella, Edward, Emmett, Nessie, Jasper, Esme, and Carlisle on the way out.

Once he had approached the edge of the woods, he phased and ran all the way home in a fit of rage.

The Cullen's walked into the house, looking around in bewilderment. Rosalie was stretched out once more on the couch, not even appearing as if she had moved. Emmett strolled over and sat down next to her, an eyebrow curiously raised.

"Hey Rose. What was with Jake?"

"Oh, Jake?" Rosalie shrugged carelessly, a secretive smile appearing on her face. "Nothing, really. We just had a little spat. You know, the usual."

"Ah." Grinning, Emmett leaned over and kissed her. When he pulled away he questioned playfully, "Hey, why is a blonde like a door knob?"

Rosalie groaned. "Not you too..."

"Come on, guess."

"I don't know...what?"

She did know, however, what the answer was. And it wasn't one she wanted to hear.

Emmett grinned, totally oblivious to her dreadful expression. Taking her hand, he rubbed his thumb affectionately against her palm and exclaimed, "Because everybody gets a turn."

I always appreciate reviews!