A/N: Wow, people voted. I say: Thankie verry moochos grasses, merci boocoop and dankewohl. Sorry.
10 Diaries. 10 Superstars. No Randy Orton and no John Cena.
I'm so happy nobody voted 'How 'bout you finally shut up?'
Disclaimer: NO OWNY OKIDOKI? ...Okidoki...
Inspired by: My thinking hat.
Chapter 1: Matt Hardy.
Hardy har har, it's Matt here. Matt is here, Matt is up. Matt is awesome-o. I bought this diary because Jeff made me. It has puppies on the cover. It's very pretty, but not nearly as pretty as I am myself.
I must eat.
I am eating. Eating a snickers. Eating Jeff's Snickers. Snickers usually make Jeff sick anyway, so it's okay.
I also ate all of his easterlike chocolaty eggs already, before the easterbunny even had a chance to hide them. But it's okay, I'm very close to the easter bunny. We've been best buds ever since pre-school.
Jeff gets sick when eating Snickers. Does that mean they should be called Sickers?
Life is full of hard questions like that.
Jeff is up. He's going out already. I asked him where he was going.
"To the zoo." He said.
"At 7 in the morning?" I asked.
I think Jeff is still asleep. He might be sleepwalking once again.
Have to remember to make a fence in front of his bedroomdoor again. One time he fell down the stairs and broke his nose in 4 different places.
Someone is calling me. I can tell because my phone is ringing.
"Yes, Matt." I said.
"You're Matt." Someone said.
"Indeed. Is that you, Jimmy."
"Indeed." The Asian cowboy said. "I had a dream."
"Yes sirree." Jimmy said. "I dreamt I was moron."
"Are you sure it was just a dream?" I asked.
Jimmy didn't get the nastyness of my comment.
"Yes, Elvis was in it too."
I like Jimmy. He'll make a great pet to someone someday. I'm thinking Batista.
Animals do not have pets, do they? I think not... I should ask Mark sometime, he has like, 3 cats. And Kane.
Kane's a great name for a pet...
Ferret Kane. I like that.
Jeff is asleep on the couch. I don't think he ever woke up. I feel like annoying him a little bit.
But I won't.
I fed Jeff's parrot, Jeff. I want a pet too named Matt. But what to buy?
Jeff's walking around again. I'm very positive he's still asleep. He tried to call someone... With a banana.
Holy sheep, someone picked up the... Banana?
Uh. I wonder who else has a banana.
"I know." Jeff said.
I really wonder what the banana is telling him.
Jeff is now argueing with a banana. I'm videotaping it so I can prove to him he's sleepwalking.
Someone called again, and Jeff finally woke up. I know because the phone woke him up, Jeff made a strange move and tripped over the fruitbowl.
Yes, Jeff was on the table. Poor brother.
At least he's not as bad of a brother as Glen. I read Mark's diary. He has to put up with a lot of weird stuff.
It was Shannon, Shannon wanted to know the date. I told him it was February 30. He believed me.
Shannen is gullible.
I bought a hat with a brain. I mean it looks like a brain. When I put it on I say smart things. It's my thinking hat.
Let's try it out.
Called Ken. Which is odd... Everybody always calls Ken.
"Ken, ask me a smart question."
"But, aren't the answers supposed to be smart, rather than the question?"
I hung up. I think Ken might have a thinking hat aswell.
"Shawn, I have a hat."
"So do I." Shawn said.
Shawn gasped. "You do?" He asked.
"Yes, because my hat's a thinking hat."
"Your hat can think?"
I hung up. Shawn obviously does not have a thinking hat.
Discussed my hat with Jeff. He said: "So now you're a thinking Matt?"
"Indeed I am."
It works well. I can write poetry now.
I'm a Hardy,
my name is Matt.
I'm so smart,
because of my hat.
I feel like being mathematic, or in my case, Mattmatic.
My hat plus Matt equals smartness.
Matt minus hat equals stupidity.
Therefore, if I never take my hat off, I will be smart forever.
Frizzy hair plus hat equals smaller sight of frizzy hair.
Therefore if I never take my hat off, my hair will be invisible.
Therefore I need less haircare products.
Therefore I spend less money.
Therefore I can buy myself a lion.
Am at Shawn's place. Shawn's place is crowded. It houses Shawn, Paul, Glen, Kozlov, Mark and Glen's cats Mr. Humphries, Thor and Bunchlax. And a lot of flees I have just noticed.
This house only has 2 bedrooms. Who sleeps with who? I must ask them...
"I sleep with Paul." Shawn said.
"I sleep with Glen." Kozlov said.
"Meow." Bunchlax said.
I also slept with Paul." Mark said.
Then everybody started beating Mark up, so I left.
I just got an e-mail.
I have secret to tell you. I'm related to your brother. He's my brother too. And he's Finlay's brother too.
I hope you don't mind... This might be hard but I must tell you this:
I am your brother, Matt.
Holy hell, that is unbelievable. You can't be serious... Does this mean...
That I am Irish?!
Acting Irish. I don't know how to, so I am currently looking on the internet for a leprechaun buddy like Finlay has.
Found two. One is wee-man from Jackass. I called him, and Johnny Knoxville answered the phone. Or the banana. I wouldn't be surprised if Johnny Knoxville called with bananas aswell.
"I am Matt." I said.
"I'm Johnny." Johnny said.
"No, you're not." I said.
"Yes I am." He said.
"But you're wee-man." I said.
"No, I am Johnny." He said.
"My thinking hat tells me you're not Johnny." I said.
"You're hat needs a brain-transplantation." Johnny said.
"I will consider that." I said.
We hung up. We sure said a lot, did we not?
I called Johnny,
we said a lot.
did we not?
Am positive my thinking hat is still working.
I called Johnny,
much was said.
All about my thinking-hat.
Johnny said it needs a brain-transplantation,
and I'm not considering that.
Very positive indeed.
I'm getting hungry. What to eat?
Getting hungry, what to eat?
Maybe some of Jeff's birdfeed!
Jeff wil get mad,
the bird will die.
Jeff wil get sad,
he might even cry.
But all is well,
'cause after that is done,
I'll be happy,
'cause the hunger the gone.
I should start a band.
Jeff is playing a pokemon game. He doesn't get it... I told him he should actually yell the attacks too, maybe then his pokemon will listen.
Jeff just yelled "Doduo, do your flamethrower!"
Doduo's have no Flamethrower.
Jeff was playing,
his pokemon died,
and as I said earlier,
Jeff even cried.
Doduo is a bird aswell,
and even though it's not real,
Jeff's agony over his loss,
I too, feel.
DAMN, I RULE!
I'm getting tired. It is because I woke up around... Eh... 6. Six is early.
Six is too early,
for me to be awake,
I set the alarmclock on eight,
but I think it might be fake.
I'm sleepy now,
I must sleep soon,
"Paul." I said. "How are you?"
"Well someone's got PMS..."
Paul hung up, Paul is pissy,
and it's not hard to guess,
it's all because, don't tell anyone,
Paul has PMS.
This thinking hat is the best thing that has ever happened to me, I swear. I'm never ever ever ever letting it out of my sight.
Hmmm I just woke up. I fell asleep on the couch because I was so tired.
But... Where is my thinking hat?!
Jeff threw it away, he said I looked stupid.
"But now I'm not smart anymore!" I yelled.
"You were never meant to be smart anyway." Jeff said.
"Let's go to Disneyland." Jeff said.
Going to Disneyland, have to leave now. BYE!
Whew... Haha. I had so much fun writing this. Rewiews are indeed appreciated greatly.